Pinkie's Guide to Greater Equestria

by GrangeDisplay

Ch 6: Dodge Junction War

The first thing Pinkie noticed when she exited Town Hall was the unnatural quiet that consumed the small town. The hinges of the front doors creaked as the mayor threw them open, shocking Pinkie due to how drastically Drudgery’s demeanor had changed. He lacked his usual dry sternness as he boiled over with rage.

Pinkie struggled to keep up as he marched down the streets, drawing the attention of everypony who passed. Pinkie noticed that for the first time since she'd arrived, Drudgery’s movements weren’t trailed by insults and jeers. Onlookers shrank and withered under his glare, moving out of his way without a word. He walked directly towards the large gathering of ponies who murmured and gossiped among themselves.

Upon first sight of him, they parted straight down the middle, allowing the mayor to continue his warpath. As the onlookers lined both sides of the street, Pinkie was plucked away from Drudgery by an incredibly nervous Cranky.

“Kid, where have yo- woah what happened?” he asked in a hushed shout.

Pinkie looked up at him briefly in confusion before remembering that her nose had been bleeding. She wiped at it with her hoof, trying to clean what remained of it before asking.

“What’s going on?”

“Somepony named Shorty came in, and everypony started making a fuss. From what I can guess, he’s not supposed to be here,” Cranky answered, casting a weary gaze toward the end of the street.

Following his gaze, Pinkie spotted a short, ivory-colored earthpony stallion, presumably Shorty, with an entourage of creatures behind him. They all donned similar black clothing, a combination of cowpony hats and vests. Ferrous was carrying out an animated conversation with them as Drudgery grew closer.

“Shorty, you’ve returned,” Drudgery stated with a scowl.

“You bet your biscuit that Ah’ve returned,” Shorty confirmed with a toothy grin. “And Ah brought my own welcoming committee.”

“I figure that's a reasonable decision since you're definitely not welcome here. You’ve had time to catch up now take your buddies and scram,” Drudgery ordered, impatiently.

“Woah, woah now,” Shorty soothed in exaggerated shock, “No need to be rude to the newcomers. At least learn their names before you throw us out. Who knows, maybe y’all can be friends.”

Shorty gestured to three ponies flanking his right.

“This fella here is Chuck Basket, and next to him is Wired Harp and Wild Pendulum.”

He turned to his left and pointed at the three beside him.

“Here we’ve got Treesap. The stallion with the crossbow is Crossbowjohn, and my batpony friend with the bat is none other than Batsy. I know, we’re very original.”

He then gestured behind him to the remaining two of his entourage.

“And behind me, we got my favorite colorful pair. The donkey is Vermillion Jack and the mare is Joyous Green.”

Drudgery’s eye twitched as he studied the cavalry that Shorty had built. They all wore the same arrogant smirk, but their eyes almost appeared predatory. Each of them brandished some form of poorly concealed weapon.

“Alright, y’all have had your fun. It's time to go,” Drudgery insisted.

“But Ah just got here, and Ah’m ready to play by your rules Drudgery,” Shorty replied with mock innocence.

Drudgery shook his head. “You’re not fooling anypony. You don’t play by the rules, the law, or common decency.”

"Well, it’s hard to follow when the goal keeps moving. You used the law against me to throw me out. Guess what Drudgey,” Shorty dramatically reached in his vest to retrieve a metal medallion, the crowd gasped as he showed off his newly issued deputies badge, “I am the law now, and so are my friends!”

Another round of gasps was heard as the rest of Shorty’s gang pulled out their deputies' badges. The sun reflected off of the badges, producing a blinding light. Mayor Drudgery looked on in a mix of disgust and astonishment.

Shorty winked at the mayor and pretended to polish his badge with a hoof. “Representative Hardlick sends his regards, Drudgey. Hope you don’t mind me bringing some extra reinforcements. Ah just want to ensure that we patch up this here conflict nice and civil like.”

Drudgery muttered as he brushed back his mane. He spoke gravely, “Now you listen here, you slimy, two-faced, empty-headed, useless, vapid, yellow-bellowed, troglodyte. I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but that’s enough! Hardlick would have informed me of this!”

Shorty chuckled as he reached into his vest and retrieved a scroll. He tossed it haphazardly at Drudgery as he wiped a tear from his eye.

“Well, Drudgey, consider me the informer. Hardlick ain’t too happy to see his replacement drum up so much trouble. Passing crazy laws, banishing hard-working folk, closing down businesses, and shutting down the railroad! He appointed me to investigate and institute a little bit of order.”

Drudgery shook with anger as he picked up the scroll, unfurrowing and growing still as he read its contents. Wanting everypony to be in on the joke, Shorty decided to recite the words written.

“‘Due to growing concerns with the ongoing affairs of the newly established Dodge Junction, I, G. Hardlick, have petitioned the Equestrian Marshals Service to deputize the following individuals to ensure the prolonged success of our home. Best Regards, Rep. G. Hardlick,’” Shorty proclaimed.

Drudgery’s jaw tightened as his brow furrowed. There were no words for him to utter, he was completely flabbergasted. Nopony in the crowd even knew how to respond to the news. Cranky felt small hooves wrapping around one of his forehooves as the atmosphere grew tenser by the minute. He looked down at Pinkie, seeing a mix of worry and confusion in her eyes.

Shorty laughed and took a few steps forward. “Looks like this really caught you off guard. I gotta ask, how does it feel? Couldn’t be worse than how you made me feel.”

“Shorty this is more serious than a gambling saloon and faro dealing!” Drudgery sputtered out, crumpling the scroll up in his hooves.

“Is it? Because those things were real serious to me! I found a place here. A home, a job, friends, even a stake in my own business! Ferrous built something, and right when she let me in on it, you ruined it! All I did was try to speak my piece, but you cast me out!” Shorty shouted back, losing some of the amusement he had before.

“Ferrous,” Drudgery growled, turning fury onto the former saloon owner. “Is this your idea? Go behind my back and hire your whackjob friend to stage a coup against me?”

By the look on Ferrous’ face, it seemed she was equally as bewildered by the news as everypony else. Her mouth rapidly opened and shut as she looked back and forth between the mayor and Shorty.

“I-I didn’t know, Shorty just told me to be here!” She cried, raising her hooves defensively.

“You didn’t know? Your business partner comes back and tries to terrorize my town after you lose an election, and you’re acting like you didn’t know?” Drudgery questioned aggressively.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Ferrous responded with a shrug, “I’m guessing this is all because of ponies much more powerful than me.”

Drudgery’s muscles tensed at the choice of words. How convenient that all this conflict was happening on this particular day. And, while everything was starting to crumble, four faces were missing from the crowd. He had always heard that bad things come in threes. He had met the first in his office, and now the second was in the street taunting him.

What could possibly be the third?

“Shorty, you have no idea what this is,” Drudgery began softly as if he were speaking to a foal. “You came here to play, but you ain’t playing, you’re being played. This game is way bigger than you, and Ferrous knows more than she’ll probably ever tell you.”

Offended by Drudgery’s tone, Shorty shouted impetuously, “Keep her name out yer mouth! Ah ain’t being played, and Ah ain’t no foal! You’re just mad that you ain’t got nopony in the world that’ll stick by you.”

“You’re right, Shorty I don’t have too many friends to lean on,” Drudgery admitted clenching his hoof. “But I care to know the truth and what’s right. Even if I have to stand alone, I’ll hold that standard til the day I die. If you want to argue, we can find a better way to do it.”

Shorty shook his head and spat. “I already tried that. We both know how that went. Noponies leaving till we come to a consensus!”

A murmur broke out over the crowd as Shorty’s gang spread out. They held their weapons in plain view, informing all bystanders that it was best to stay put. Drudgery tried to keep everypony calm and keep a brave face. Against all the ponies around him, he was beginning to look incredibly small. He withered a bit until he heard a whistle from behind him.

All attention turned to the other end of the road as Broom Tail marched down the street with his own small militia. Pinkie could recognize quite a few farmers and ranchers from earlier in the ranks, along with a lot of older folks. Shorty clucked his tongue as the opposing party grouped up behind Drudgery.

“Won’t you look at that,” Shorty mused, pushing up his hat. “I guess you do have friends.”

---

“Cranky?”

“Yeah?”

“Is anything gonna happen?”

In response to Pinkie’s question, Cranky could only slowly blink and look glumly at the two parties having a standoff in the street. It had been hours since the conflict had started, but nothing had happened. Both parties were hesitating to make the first, so they settled into an uneasy stalemate. It was rather anti-climactic.

Each side of the street remained packed, but now the onlookers were sitting and waiting for anything to go down. Looking around, Pinkie could see ponies doing all sorts of activities to pass the time. Some read, others played cards, and a few even napped. It's not like she wanted anypony to fight, but if they did, she would prefer they did it promptly.

She rested her head in her hooves and blew a raspberry. Being held as collateral in a political deadlock was kind of boring, and she was starting to feel a little hungry. Cranky yawned, trying not to enter into his second nap of the day lest he awaken to mayhem if things ever did pick up.

“Hey Cranky, do you have any more of that taffy left?” Pinkie questioned having remembered that Ferrous had given some out earlier.

“Afraid not, kid,” Cranky drawled, smiling fondly at the memory. “I would have saved you a piece, but It was just too good. Made me feel great.”

“Right,” Pinkie mumbled in rejection. “Does anypony else have a piece that they’re willing to share, pretty please?”

All hope of getting in on the taffy craze was dashed as a chorus of no’s and sorry’s arose. It seemed that Ferrous’ saltwater taffy was too good to save, not that Pinkie would know though.

“Aw, don’t sweat it youngin’,” consoled an old mare who had taken to knitting during the standoff. “I wouldn’t take nothing from Ferrous anyway.”

Pinkie cocked her head to the side. “Really, how come? Everypony in town seemed to like her a whole lot!”

“Not everypony, just some. I reckon you ain’t from here, so let Miss Calico give you the rundown. Ferrous is nothing but a low-life cheater, who ran her saloon into the ground with all them crooked faro games,” Calico explained with a grimace.

“Huh? I don’t understand, why shut down her saloon? If her faro games were crooked, she could have just straightened them,” Pinkie offered, troubled that somepony lost their livelihood over such a minuscule transgression.

Another mare, who overheard the conversation, gave Pinkie a pat on the back and a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry about ole Calico here. She’s just mad that she almost lost her house last summer due to her lousy gambling.”

Calico scoffed indignantly, finishing a few stitches as she considered a response. “Oh, hush up Taps, I ain’t no lousy gambler! Ferrous was a lousy dealer. There's a reason why fights broke out at the Long Branch night after night. Thank Celestia Drudgery shut that down.”

“Ain’t no thanking Celestia for that Calico,” Taps disagreed. “Drudgery had no right to do that. First, he robs her of the election, then he shuts down her saloon.”

“It wasn’t a robbery, but you know what was? Think about it, Taps. Ferrous had all that money to hold a big campaign. Now I know that vagrant Shorty was pretty good at dealing, but even he wasn’t enough to support all that. They had to draw from… other means,” Calico proposed with a wild look in her eye.

“‘Other means?’” Pinkie asked, struggling to keep up but invested nonetheless.

“She’s just crazy hunny. Calico isn’t Calico if she ain’t spewing some conspiracy. She says all this, but I promise. If the Long Branch re-opened today, she’d be right back in her usual spot letting Ferrous ruin her night,” Taps explained.

“Well, that’s not gonna happen anytime soon at this rate. It took a bunch of ponies to band together to detain and exile that idiot. Now he’s back and dumber than ever. Forcing us hard-working citizens to sit and watch his revenge plot,” Calico scoffed indignantly.

“Wait! He’s doing all this for revenge? I thought he was trying to fix things, not hurt ponies!” Pinkie added.

“It's just about revenge sweetheart. Simple creatures like him don’t know how to think about anypony but themselves. Do you know how sad you gotta be that even Ferrous stops swindling you out of bits?” Calico grumbled.

“Well, that explains it, I guess,” Cranky muttered. “Hopefully somepony shoots somepony soon so we can get on with our lives.”

“Cranky, don’t say that!” Pinkie shouted.

Taps sighed and agreed. “No, I’m with him. It's getting late, and I haven’t even started dinner up.”

It seemed that other ponies were listening to the conversation as multiple sentiments of agreement were spoken. The crowd grew restless, and the actual participants of the stand-off took notice. They hadn’t done much up to this point other than stare at each other and glare.

Now was the time for decisive action. Drudgery knew that the citizens of Dodge were suffering and that their discontent hadn’t started at that moment. Many of them had been miserable for some time, and now he understood that they felt unheard.

It was time for Drudgery to make his choice, and so he chose to listen.

Drudgery cleared his throat, drawing all attention to himself. He spoke genuinely, “Alright Shorty, I reckon I’m ready and willing to hear you out. What are your demands?”

Taken by surprise, Shorty’s defensive stance weakened. He gawked at Drudgery incredulously before recovering his rugged persona.

Shorty cracked his neck. “Not much of my demands, but Representative Hardlicks. He said your new ordinances ain’t reasonable and that the folks of Dodge Junction deserve more of a say.”

“So, you want me to roll back the rules, and put them up to a vote?” Drudgery asked, relaxing as he did.

“Uh…yeah,” Shorty answered awkwardly.

There was a pause as all eyes fell on Shorty. The world seemed to stand still as every bystander and participant came to the same conclusion.

A single tumbleweed blew down the road as a lone eagle screeched in the distance, as Drudgery mustered the strength to ask, “Now Shorty, why couldn’t you have just asked me that in my office?”

Shorty’s expression suddenly turned blank as his gang turned to stare at him. The cogs in his head went into overtime as they tried to come up with a reasonable explanation.

“Ah-ah’m not too sure,” he admitted, losing confidence as he did. “Ah expected you’d put up more of a fight. Ah was told to come ready and armed in case you started something.”

Drudgery shook his head and sighed. “You were told to come here and start a conflict. I told you, son, you ain’t a player, you’re just getting played. Looks like somepony doesn’t want our little town to prosper.”

Both Drudgery’s and Shorty’s expressions softened as they came to an unspoken understanding. Their respective militias lowered and stowed away their weapons as the bystanders began to disperse.

“Well, shoot. Ah’m sorry for making such a fuss everypony,” Shorty apologized, trying to get through to any of his former hostages that might listen to him.

“No, I’m sorry son. I should have listened and given y’all more of a choice. This is our town after all. I want us all to work together. How about we form a committee and negotiate a peaceful resolution?” insisted Drudgery warmly, placing a hoof on Shorty’s shoulder.

The pair smiled at each other and shook hooves, unofficially ending the not-so-great Dodge Junction not-really-War. Both parties came together to put aside their differences in hopes of a better future.

“Well, looks like the Long Branch is back in business y’all! How about a night of fun at discounted prices! I got a couple of barrels of a special mix brewed in Canterlot!” Ferrous exclaimed, garnering a resounding cheer from everypony.

Ferrous started on her way, and ponies were quick to follow. Even Drudgery seemed up to going along as he spoke with Shorty. Cranky stood up and shook off the dust that had accumulated on him. He watched the horde traveling toward the saloon and figured he deserved a reward.

“Welp, I think I’ve earned myself a drink.”

Pinkie hopped up beside him and opened her mouth to say something but was suddenly rendered mute by the convulsing of her own body. Cranky took a few cautionary steps back as Pinkie trembled and quaked violently. When it finally ended, she fell onto her haunches with a dazed expression.

“Woah there kid. What was that!” Cranky yelled, partially worried that it might be contagious.

Pinkie shook her head and tried to stop her eyes from rolling around in her skull.

“I-I don’t know,” Pinkie mumbled breathlessly. “But, it felt like a doozy.”