Eye of the Storm

by TheDriderPony

Day 1

Derpy's nose itched.

It itched terribly.

It had been itching for nearly two hours and she was running out of ways to distract herself. She'd counted all the pieces that made up the one stained glass window she could see (seven hundred and eighty two), hummed all the songs she knew (or at least three of them before one of Pinkie Pie's ditties got stuck on loop and refused to leave her brain), and made a valiant effort to scratch the itch with her tongue before eventually giving up with nothing to show for it but a strained jaw.

Maybe some kind soul would come and scratch her nose for her, but she was sadly alone and would be for... well, she didn't know. Things had been strange recently (and that was coming from a mare who lived in Ponyville of all places).

With nothing better to do, Derpy reflected back on the roller coaster of ups and downs that had been the last fifty-ish hours of her life.

It had started on a high note. After weeks of begging and pleading she'd finally convinced Deputy Postmaster Dead Letter to give her a few days off (really she was supposed to get national holidays off anyway, but he had a terrible case of forgetfulness and always seemed to schedule her no matter how many times she reminded him she was supposed to be off. Sometimes he'd even reverse-forget and give her too many shifts if she reminded him too often).

With that golden nugget of free time secured, she'd finally been able to redeem the voucher to the Ponyville Day Spa that Dinky had gotten her for Mother's Day. Unfortunately, when she arrived her luck took its first downward turn. Aloe and Lotus had been forced to explain that she'd read the numbers on the expiration date wrong and that the offer had expired just a few days before. It wasn't an uncommon problem for her. Her eyesight had never been the greatest, especially with tiny writing in loopy fonts.

But! It hadn't been all bad. They'd still given her a hefty discount off the standard massage package and even let her try a brand new type of mud mask that they weren't offering to anyone else yet.

It... did leave a weird oiliness on her fur that didn't wash out, but on the plus side they didn't charge for the mask!

The day after that had been much better! She'd woken up Dinky just before dawn and they'd caught the earliest train to Canterlot for the first ever Friendship Festival. There was food! Games! Live music!

...kinda. The Festival didn't actually start till late afternoon, so she'd spent most of the day helping out and volunteering wherever somepony needed help setting things up while Dinky helped the youngest Apple filly run 'quality control' on their family's products.

All in all, a fantastic day!

Right up until the pendulum of her luck swung the other way and Canterlot was invaded by a flotilla of war dirigibles filled with angry yetis who demanded their surrender, stormed the city, enslaved the populace, and generally brought rage and ruin to an otherwise pleasant day.

If she had a gold bit for every time Ponyville was conquered by a crazy magic tyrant, she'd have five bits, which wasn’t a lot but it was weird to see it happen in Canterlot.

Things had moved very fast after that, with the ups and down trading off almost too fast for her to follow.

A unicorn who really looked like she should have been in a hospital for horn trauma instead of doing flipkicks off an airship threw something that exploded and turned the princesses into statues.

That was bad.

But she'd missed the one that she threw at Twilight.

That was good!

But she'd only missed because Derpy had, in her panic to find Dinky, accidentally flown straight into her line of fire.

That was bad... but also good, in a way? Since it meant she'd saved a princess and was maybe a hero now. Heroes probably got more days off, right? Rainbow Dash was a Hero and she only worked a few days a week.

Being stone was a weird experience. She couldn't see or hear or feel and all her thoughts mushed together. Like being trapped in molasses. Or that brief state in the really early morning moments after waking up but before she actually opened her eyes. Time got all fuzzy.

Not that she'd ended up spending all that much time as a statue.

On the upswing, it turned out that whatever experimental magical goop was in her facemask (and still coating her fur) had a bad reaction to the petrification and made the stone crumble right off by the next morning.

Which was good!

...except it only crumbled off her head, leaving the rest of her body still stoned and balanced awkwardly on two legs.

Not so good.

And then her nose started to itch and her recollection of recent events caught up to the present.

Since waking up, she'd been alone. Someone had moved her from the courtyard to the palace throne room (along with the statues of the princesses which she could see if she craned her neck right) but the pretty stained glass windows weren't great for looking out of. She could hear just fine though, and the noises outside didn't sound like ponies who were partying after fending off an invasion.

Parties didn't usually involve so many grunts and screams and rattling chains.

Then a new noise caught her attention. The sound of footsteps coming down the hall. Not hooves, but something with claws. It wasn't long before she could make out a voice overtop.

"Just look at this place! Real classic architecture here! Nice tall ceilings, wide hallways. This'll make a great HQ once we remodel. What's this? Some kind of memorial hall? Boring! Ooh! But it'll be perfect for the Marketing guys once we tear out all these old murals and tapestries. What? Yeah, put up some banners there, there, and there, over all the suns and moons. Won't be needing them anymore, ha!"

It was a powerful voice, with a rich timber that oozed confidence. Even as it said such alarming things, Derpy found herself straining in to listen closer.

She needn't have bothered.

"And here we are! The throne room!" The double doors burst open with a powerful kick, and in walked the most imposing creature Derpy had ever seen.

He wasn't a pony, but some kind of huge yeti creature, taller than even Princess Celestia. Light from the stained glass windows glinted across his dark breastplate and the jagged blue insignia that graced it. Ominous-looking staff in hand, he strode forward like he owned the world and the world merely hadn't been informed of it yet.

He was...

He was...

He was so incredibly hot.

Derpy felt her face flush as she took in the tallest drink of water she'd ever seen.

Rich silver fur. Broad shoulders. Eyes like arctic ice. A commanding aura.

Just like the old gypsy mare had predicted.

...admittedly, Derpy had been expecting to someday meet a pony that fit the description, but clearly her tastes were rather broader than even she had realized.

The tall, dark, and handsome stranger's eyes roved across the room before they locked onto the three-and-a-half statues arranged in the middle. "And would you look at that? Tempest actually did something right for once. Four princesses, gift-wrapped and ready and—" His eyes locked onto Derpy. "And one of them's still moving. Why is one of them still moving?" He launched himself forward and jabbed a claw in her face. "Why are you still moving?!"

"Oh! Um... hi? I think your stone magic thingy wore off."

"Wore off? Wore off?!" He growled and looked like he was about to explode before he turned away and struck his staff against the ground, sending up a shower of sparks. "Lousy, cheap, knock-off goods! Should have known better than to trust anything made in Klugetown, no matter how good a deal they were."

He whirled back around and stared her down like his outburst hadn't just happened. "So! I don't know if you've noticed, but there's been something of a change in management around here. A little hostile corporate takeover. Now," He lowered the business end of his staff in her direction. "Which one of the prissy pony princesses are you supposed to be then, huh? You look too small to be the sun one. Don't look smart enough to be the new one either. Maybe you're the ~love~ princess?"

"I could be, if you want," she blurted without thinking.

"What was that?"

"N-Nevermind! I'm actually not a princess at all." It hurt to admit it, since he seemed so very interested in princesses, but she couldn't bring herself to found their relationship on a lie.

He looked at her, confusion briefly replacing his sneer of command. "Not a princess? Are you even one of those alico-whatsits?"

"Alicorns?"

"Yeah, those."

"Nope. Just a regular pegasus."

"Then why are you here?"

She shrugged. Tried to shrug. It didn't work. She settled for tilting her head. "I just woke up here and I can't really leave."

The handsome devil retracted his staff and groaned, massaging the bridge of his ape-like nose with his free hand. "Typical. Can't trust a pony to get even a simple job done right. 'Capture the princesses' I said, is that so much to ask? Is that so unreasonable? I even gave her half a dozen zeppelins and she still couldn't do it."

Contrary to the gossip she knew certain ponies whispered behind her back, Derpy was not slow or simpleminded. She could put two and two together just as well as anypony else. And all the numbers she had added up to this tall drink of cider being the one in charge of the invasion of Equestria's capitol.

Well, she'd always had a thing for bad boys. Dinky's father was proof enough of that.

But him being a villain also complicated her romantic ambitions. It meant that one of two things was going to happen. The first was that, though she didn't like his chances, he might actually succeed in his evil ambitions, secure the throne, and become the next King of Equestria. If he did, then all kinds of disreputable mares would start climbing over each other to try and become his Queen and secure their place in the new world order.

And not a one would care that she'd seen him first and called dibs.

The other option, and the more likely one, was that Twilight Sparkle and her friends would show up in a few days and dethrone him like they usually did when this sort of thing happened.

Dating would be really hard if he was in Tartarus (not impossible, but she'd been a postmare long enough to see plenty of long-distance relationships crumble).

Either way, she figured she had a week or less to make him fall for her.

Piece of muffin.

"So," she looked up at him and batted her lashes just like the dating advice column in her magazine recommended, "You're Storm King, then?"

"At least brand awareness is on the rise," he said with a roll of his eyes. "What gave it away? The staff? The crown? The iconic and memorable insignia?"

Honestly, it'd been a guess. But the porcupine guy that had asked for their surrender had mentioned a Storm King and the creature before her didn't look like the kind of fellow who would stand for working under anyone else. "The, eh, whole package, really. It's quite a look."

"Naturally," he said, though the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'll give you ponies one thing; if nothing else you're good at recognizing those superior to you."

A lump formed in her throat. "You... don't think much of ponies?"

"Can't stand the lot of you," he agreed. "All namby-pamby happy friendship flowers whatever. Bleh! If I could have done this one takeover remotely, I would have."

He didn't like ponies. Her destined soulmate, her star-crossed lover, bound to her by the red string of fate... didn't like ponies. Of which she was one.

That would certainly be a hurdle in their relationship. But Derpy could be very convincing! She just needed to take it slow. Baby steps.

If he wasn't ready to commit to a relationship, there had to be some other way she could justify staying near him so she could win him over.

Well, if society was going to be rebuilt from the ground up anyway...

"Are you hiring?" She asked with her brightest smile. "I'd love to offer my services."

Storm King blinked. He actually looked a little stunned. "Wow. Just like that? So much for loyalty to the crown."

She gave another headbob shrug. "It's like you said, right? Recognizing a superior. Out with the old royals and in with the new." And if Twilight won out, she'd say she'd cooperated under duress. "I don't have my resume handy, but I'd be happy to fill any openings you may have." ‘Or vice versa’, but she clamped down on that far too forward suggestion before it could escape her traitorous brain. Later. Once he warmed up to her.

"Ha! Now that's the kind of go-getter attitude I wish my underlings had!" He chuckled long and hard before the laughter faded away and his regal sternness returned. "But tough luck for you, I already have a pony under my employ, and one is more than enough."

No! Tragedy! How was she supposed to put the moves on him if he already had a marefriend?

In her frozen shock, she failed to react as he tapped one of her petrified wings, the crystal feathers making a ringing tone against his claw. "Huh. Neat. Add a couple candles and maybe you'll get a job as a chandelier! Haha!" He turned and strutted back towards the double doors. "Enjoy your last few minutes of freedom, pony. I'll send some guards to deal with you sooner or later. Probably later; it's nearly lunch."

Derpy could only watch in impotent, immobile helplessness as her dreamboat sailed away. (Though as much as she hated to see him go, she couldn't help but blush as she appreciated the view of him leaving.)

This... was going to be a challenge.

Comments

[Thought Prism]

If she had a gold bit for every time Ponyville was conquered by a crazy magic tyrant, she'd have five bits, which wasn’t a lot but it was weird to see it happen in Canterlot.

Incredible.

Some of these other lines are also peak comedy.

[Yoshifan30]

...except it only crumbled off her head, leaving the rest of her body still stoned and balanced awkwardly on two legs.

That must be very awkward to wake up

[Yoshifan30]

The other option, and the more likely one, was that Twilight Sparkle and her friends would show up in a few days and dethrone him like they usually did when this sort of thing happened.

Yep and that's pretty much door number two but she's correct Twilight and the others really did save the day long side with the other creatures

[Yoshifan30]

Well this is a very interesting one here so apparently Derpy took the hit when fizzle pop trying to petrified Twilight later it looks like the stone prison that Derpy was in un froze her but only the head so she's still kind of stuck but she saw him the Storm King the one who started this crazy chaos but apparently she's starting to fall for him so she's trying to talk with him to get to know him but unfortunately he's not interested but it looks like Derpy is not giving up