Aria Blaze, Mother of Rainbow Dash

by im a nopony

I Guess?

- age 1

It was an afternoon of fucking about the house like any other when there was a knock on the door. Aria's best guess was that Sonata ordered another pizza. There was never anyone that showed up for her, and Adagio hadn't mentioned anything about a date.

“Sonata the pizza's here!” Aria shouted from her place on the couch. She had been there for three hours now with a leg slung over the back of the couch watching whatever came on TV.

“I didn't order a pizza!” Aria heard Sonata shout. And judging by the fact she didn't say anything else, she wasn't going to get the door. She probably already forgot about it. If Sonata didn't care about something it slipped from her mind as easily as it came in.

There was another knock on the door. With a groan Aria slid from the couch. She grumbled under her breath, she had gotten so comfortable on the couch that she was ready to be a bitch to anyone not worth her time. And with a speech being built in her mind for the poor soul who was knocking she opened the door.

“Oh good you're home!” The lady at the door said before Aria was able to start yelling. The lady shoved a kid no taller than her knee past the doorway. “I know this is sudden but I need someone to watch her and you girls are the only trustworthy neighbors around here.”

“Hey!” Aria shouted after the kid who had dashed into the house with impressive speed with it's little legs.

“Again I'm sorry about this, here.” The woman shoved a handful of bills into Aria's hand. “I'll be back in the morning, again I'm sorry.”

And she was off. Aria was stunned by the interaction that couldn't have lasted even half a minute. She looked at the money that was placed in her hand. It was hundreds in various bills. Aria was fascinated by the money in her hand and how it got there, almost forgetting the lady that had placed it there. A thud alerted Aria's attention away from the money she had started counting. The cry from the toddler made her worried about what her sisters were going to do.

She found the kid just around the corner, kissing the wall of all things. The sight was enough that Aria felt her shoulders grow heavy with a sigh. It wouldn't be a terrible thing if she just dumped it in a dumpster would it?

“What was that?” Sonata yelled down from her room.

“Nothing Idiot!” Aria yelled back. She didn't know how Sonata would react, either she would try to eat the kid or drop it. Aria wasn't about to get them run out of town again on another murder charge, they had finally gotten good cable.

Adagio hadn't yelled at her so the best guess was that she was still out doing whatever it is she did. Aria didn't bother to pry into her sisters life in this town, it was always a different story anyway.

“Alright Brat,” Aria said, pulling the toddler away from the wall. “We're going to watch TV, and be quiet. Until your mom gets home.” Aria felt like that was a lie. She had babysit a few times for spare money, hating every time she had to do it. She had never been given that much money for doing it. Something about the stack of bills in her hand worried her that the mom might have had some more, permanent solution in mind.

Aria was impressed by how easily the kid took to being quiet. She was still irritated by how the kid wouldn't sit still. It took to running around, still being quiet, and on occasion doing squats at the edge of the couch trying to get a laugh out of Aria.

Aria couldn't relax with the little diaper wearing kid running around. She was nervous that at any moment Sonata would come down and see it or Adagio would come home and start yelling. She didn't have a headache and didn't feel one coming on but if Adagio started yelling then she would get one, she was sure of that.

The thought hit Aria with a groan of laziness, they didn't have diapers in the house. She would need to go out and get some. At least that way she could have the excuse that she might be trying to earn money on the side.

“Hey kid.” Aria whispered, getting it's attention. “You got a name?”

“Rinboodsh.” It said, the long syllables coming out slurred.

“Can't even say your own name.” Aria groaned. “Well you aren't going to change yourself either. Let's go.”

Aria picked up her keys and led the kid to the door by the hand. She noticed the tag on the kids shirt flipped and went to fix it. Noticing something, she pulled the shirt up a little more to see inside the fabric. Inside the name “Rainbow Dash” had been written.

“So It's Rainbow Dash.” Aria scoffed. “That's a really stupid name kid.”

- 7 years later, age 8

“Why isn't it working?!” Rainbow dash cried as she slumped in front of the TV.

“Because you aren't believing it strong enough, try again.” Aria goaded from the couch. She was irritated more than anything, and seeing this kid cry and break down over something so stupid was the only good thing she could look forward to seeing today. “Really focus this time.”

Wiping the snot from her face, Rainbow dash got up and got into position again. Holding her hands behind her and covering an invisible ball. Her entire body flexing harder than any of them ever have before. “Ka-” Rainbow dash started. “Me-Ha-Me-” Aria covered her ears. “HAAAAAAAAAAA!” Rainbow thrust her arms forward with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

Aria watched the show as Rainbow opened her eyes, finding the TV in front of her still intact, no energy orbs in her hands, and her hair still rainbow and not floating gold. Rainbow fell to her knees, and started to cry again.

Aria laughed her way into the next room as Rainbow came to the realization that cartoons weren't real. And she was never going to be a Super Saiyan.

• • 1 year later, age 9

“Fuck.” Rainbow Dash repeated.

“Good.” Adagio said. “Now when someone is being mean to you, you just tell them, Fuck you. Got it?” Adagio held a smile on her face as she taught Rainbow the right things to say. She hated Rainbow Dash, she wasn't going to tell Rainbow that though. Hundreds of years taught her that being mean to kids outright could get her jail time and it was so boring doing the whole prison break routine.

“Thanks Aunt Adagio.” Rainbow said.

Adagio also hated being called Aunt, it made her feel old somehow despite her actual age. It also reminded her she wasn't the one responsible for molding this child into a psychopathic murderer she could read about in the papers one day. But this was fun too. All she had to do was wait.

And wait Adagio did, it took a few days, but her seeds bore fruit.

It started with a call on the house phone, Sonata handing the phone to Aria. And then came the sweet siren song of an outraged siren. Adagio laughed to herself as she heard Aria's stomps over to her room.

“Why did you tell Rainbow Dash to say that?” Aria screamed.

“A little swear isn't going to hurt anything. She'll just be in trouble for a little while.” Adagio defended. “You don't like her that much anyway what do you care if she gets in trouble?”

“A little swear?” Aria said through gritted teeth.

Adagio sat up. “Yeah, just a little swear. She did say, Fuck you, right?”

Aria laughed. “I don't think telling her teacher he's only mad because no one wants to fuck his pencil dick is a little swear.”

“What?”

“You didn't tell her that?”

“No, I only told her to say Fuck you.”

Aria and Adagio were quiet just to think. Both in speculation and awe of the gall Rainbow Dash had. After a minute they both shared glances with each other.

Aria turned to leave Adagio's room and called out, “Sonata!”

• • 2 years later, age 11

“So your mom isn't helping you at all?” Fluttershy asked.

“No.” Rainbow Dash answered. “But she's never helped me with anything anyway, she knows I can do things on my own.”

“That doesn't sound,” Fluttershy started to say.

“But that's alright since I'm going to the same High School as you anyway. I just gotta get enough money to pay for it.” Rainbow Dash said.

Rainbow Dash started kicking a ball at her feet, then bouncing it onto her head while she talked. Truth be told, she was a little mad at her mom for not paying for tuition. She was only a kid and couldn't get a real job. Sure she had another two years before it mattered, but that just meant she had to start working on it soon if she wanted to go to high school. And she needed to. Canterlot High was home to the WonderBolts, the best high school soccer team in the state. And the Canterlot University was home to the WonderColts, the best college team in the state. So on and so forth. She was only in the WonderFoals now by sheer luck.

“Yeah, I'm not too sure how I'm going to get the money though. Ten thousand bucks.”

“That's so much.” Fluttershy said, sticking a lollipop in her mouth.

“Someone's gonna think you smoke with how often you eat those you know.” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

“It's just candy.” Fluttershy defended. “Pinkie Pie gives me so much. Um, a lot of it comes from her hair.”

“I've seen.” Rainbow Dash pretended to vomit.

• • 2 years later, age 13

“So do we have a deal?” Celestia said from behind her desk. Her tall frame casting a domineering aura around the rest of the room. In the dark, Rainbow could swear that her hair was waving despite there being no wind.

There was another in the room, off to the side, a smile on his face. Rainbow had a feeling that even thought it was Celestia talking to her, that the guy with white and black hair was the one with the power here.

The deal was simple. She helps the janitor staff over the summer, and during a bit of the school year, she plays for almost every sports team, she keeps her grades up, and she stops getting into fights. And all of this in exchange for her tuition being paid for in full by Celestia. That didn't feel like the truth, but she wasn't going to argue. No matter how sure she was that the man in the corner, pretending to be a janitor, could throw that money at her and never miss it.

“It's a deal.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Good choice.” The man in the corner said, stepping forward and reaching his hand out.

Not thinking, Rainbow went to shake his hand. She was almost blasted out of her seat by the shock she got from the buzzer in his hand.

“Discord.” Celestia groaned.

“It's a classic.” He said, removing the buzzer from his hand.

“You're dismissed Rainbow. I'll be calling your mom and aunts so they know what you need to be doing. Have a good day.” Celestia walked over and opened the door for her.

Turning around after the door was closed she saw her reflection. That buzzer had done more than just shock her, her hair was standing straight up at sharp points. The rainbow in her hair in an almost perfect separation.

Rainbow wasn't too worried about her mom and aunts hearing about her new chores. She could do them no problem, and it wasn't like they were going to pay for high school anyway. Hearing that she had a chance to get in would help them since she wouldn't be home all day. They hadn't even cared enough about it to even take a look at the high school or learn which building it was.

• • 5 years later, age 18

“Maybe we should let her tell us?” Rainbow interrupted Pinkie with a look to Sunset.

“That's just it, I can't put my finger on it, they just acted sort of strange around me.” Sunset said, waving hands for emphasis.

Right as Sunset had finished her explanation the doors to the cafeteria flew open as singing started. Very familiar singing.

No. Rainbow thought to herself as she heard the harmonizing grow louder. There is no fucking way. Rainbow recognized the song, she recognized the voices, if she could just get a better look.

~We've thought of something that is better. Something that changes all the rules.~

Rainbow was out of her seat now, standing with a foot on the table. Her friends were giving her questioning looks now and asking what was wrong but she couldn't focus on them, almost didn't hear them. But her suspicions were correct.

~Why pretend we're all the-

“MOM?!” There was an audible record scratch as the singing stopped and everyone in the cafeteria turned to look at Rainbow dash.

“Dash?!” Aria screamed in shock.

“MOM?!” Rainbow's friends yelled in surprise.

“Aunt Adagio?!” Rainbow screamed.

“Aunt?!” Her friends screamed again.

“Stop repeating me!” Rainbow Dash yelled in her friends faces.

“This is your high school?” Aria yelled as she stomped over to Rainbow Dash.

While many students watched the newcomers, many who could no longer hear the music turned back to eating and chatting like usual. The normal air of the cafeteria returned and they all spoke as normal as they could.

“Everyone, meet my Mom. Mom, Everyone” Rainbow Dash got the introduction out of the way.

“Hi Missus Rainbow Dash's Mom.” Pinkie said.

“Pinkie, please show some class.” Rarity looked Aria up and down, noting her fashion that was punk, stylish, and slim. “She is obviously a lady of style and should be greeted as such.”

“Fuck you too albino.” Aria said to a shocked Rarity. “Fluttershy I know.”

“Moooooom.” Rainbow groaned.

“Want to fill me in on what went wrong?” Adagio asked as she approached the group.

“Turns out my little parasite goes to this high school, and broke a very important rule.” Aria growled. “Never interrupt us while we're singing, It's like the only rule you're actually supposed to follow.”

“I have told you where I go a bajillion times!”

“We are going to leave this cafeteria, and start over. Just pretend you don't know who we are.” Adagio said, grabbing Aria's wrist and walking away. As Aria was dragged away she slit her thumb over her throat, and pointed to Rainbow.

“Well I'm in trouble.” Rainbow said.

“So that was your mom?” Sunset asked. “She looked pretty, young?”

“You can tell me if you found my mom hot Sunset.” Rainbow said, holding her head against the table defeated.

“Well I wasn't going to say anything.” Applejack said. “But I thought the two of them were mighty fine looking.”

“Oh my goddess I was joking!” Rainbow made a retching noise and sat up.

“Is the blue one also you're aunt?” Pinkie asked. “Because she slipped Rarity her phone number while your mom was yelling at you.”

“Oh my goddess.”

“Okay but how old are they?” Sunset asked. “I gave them a tour earlier and they look our age.”

Rainbow groaned. “Ask them and they'll say they're over a thousand years old banished to this world from a land of magical talking ponies. They wont tell me how old they really are.”

Everyone at the table grew quiet. Rainbow felt their eyes on her and started to panic. “What? What?”

“Darling, did you say a land of, talking ponies?”

“Yeah but-” Rainbow's eyes widened. “oh, they were telling the truth.”

“We need to- Rainbow?” Sunset asked.

Rainbow Dash had stood up and had made a ball with her hands, flexing as hard as she could. From everyone's perspective, she looked to be in serious pain.

Author's Note:

Look I'm sorry it's not a real story. I'm really out of practice and I thought it would be funny if Rainbow Dash got up at the start of the battle of the bands song and it turned out one of the sirens was her mom. I don't think I captured the comedy of how I imagined it, but also I'm not used to writing any comedy, ever. I am also sorry that the story is like 90% dialogue and barely has anything not dialogue after the first transition. I'm very tired.

Comments

[Stahlseele]

Work on the your and you're stuff a bit.
Otherwise this was an entertaining read.

[im a nopony]

11593555
thank you for the correction, it's been fixed

[Mockingbirb]

Aria was handed money, a baby, and a whole lot of nothing better to do. So now she gets to watch Rainbow Dash grow up.

I didn't really have an idea for this I just typed for an hour and I got this.

This story is at least as good as the long description seemed to promise!

But seriously, I think it does achieve a certain vibe.

[GRYFFINDOR123456]

This story is great!!!!

[Hey its that Pony]

I love the bit at the end where Rainbow's thought process leads to "If they weren't lying about being magical monsters, then maybe they weren't lying about that other thing!"
Very fun.

I wouldn't mind seeing a continuation of this.