Twilight is in her lab and typing something on her computer as the screen was reflected off her glasses as she worked. She is currently doing research on Canis lupus, or the gray wolf and how they are able to survive in the wild. Thanks to her friend, Fluttershy and her magical ability to talk to animals, she was able to get a wolf hair sample without worry. Twilight placed the hair sample in a mechanism she built herself before the door to her lab opened up and caused her to turn around. She saw Flash Sentry holding a drink tray two drinks and a bag from a fast food place.
It's only the first paragraph and we have a tense swap.
11521892 Switching from one tense to another within the text. Fiction is conventionally written in the past tense, but this story begins in the present (Twilight is in, not Twilight was in). But later on it switches to past (She was able).
"What do you mean?" She asked before she looked at the monitor and suddenly her face went bright red with embarrassment. On her computer was some porn that looked like a animation of herself, Sunset, and Flash. "AAAAAHHH!! IT'S NOTHING, I SWEAR!!" She scrambled to try to remove it and go back to the data when she accidentally knocked over one of the drinks and the soda got on her computer. Sparks flew when it short circuited and a red light started blurring from the mechanism. "That's not good!"
And this is why you don't put drinks anywhere near electronics.
11523366 When you look at the Dazzlings at the camp site, you’re staying in third person just fine, but tenses have “voices.” Past voice is most common:
“Aria shook her head angrily.” It’s already happened.
Present voice is more rare but ok:
“Aria shakes her head angrily.” She’s doing it as we watch.
What I’m seeing you do is bounce back and forth between past and present tense within the same paragraph and scene. You always want to pick one and keep it consistent.
It's only the first paragraph and we have a tense swap.
11521864
"Tense swap"?
11521892
Grammar.
Man, you never disappoint 😝😝😝
11522049
Happy to be obliged
Looking forward for all the mind breaking
11521892
Switching from one tense to another within the text. Fiction is conventionally written in the past tense, but this story begins in the present (Twilight is in, not Twilight was in). But later on it switches to past (She was able).
And this is why you don't put drinks anywhere near electronics.
nice chapter mate keep it up cant wait for the next chapter
This would be enjoyable if it were not for the bad grammar. You really need a editor.
11522922
11522000
Where else is the bad grammar so I can fix it
11522967
First person tense: “I ate the pear.”
Second person tense: “You ate the pear.”
Third person tense: “He/She ate the pear.”
Changing tenses during a scene is a cardinal sin.
11523129
Can you show me where it is?
11523366
When you look at the Dazzlings at the camp site, you’re staying in third person just fine, but tenses have “voices.” Past voice is most common:
“Aria shook her head angrily.” It’s already happened.
Present voice is more rare but ok:
“Aria shakes her head angrily.” She’s doing it as we watch.
What I’m seeing you do is bounce back and forth between past and present tense within the same paragraph and scene. You always want to pick one and keep it consistent.
I hope this helps!
11524046
I guess...
11524049
I’m sorry. I know English is a pain in the butt.
11524052
I was born in Tennessee dude
If you can’t get yourself an editor, just throw your work into Grammarly. It’s what I do and that seems to make things a bit clearer.
11524598
Thanks for that and can someone send me a link of it?
11524640
https://www.grammarly.com/
When approximately we can expect next chapter author?