Warhorse

by Hypnotwist

Struggling to forgive

Apparently I fell asleep and didn't realize it since the sun woke me up by shining directly onto my face, I look around and remember I'm in the hospital. Right. So that wasn't just a bittersweet dream, I really am going to try to rekindle the friendships that were broken during AAM.
Despite having gotten a full night's rest I was still exhausted, something I chalked up to the side effects of coming out of a comatose state, I didn't really know but I figured I'd have time to ask questions to a nurse or doctor when they come check on me.
I look up to the clock on the wall and see that it's around eight thirty, I think that maybe I could go back to sleep for a while when I hear a knock on the door and a few seconds later a nurse comes in to check on me.

"How are you feeling today?" He asks, coming closer to take my vitals and provide comfort care, "Would you like the bed to be adjusted slightly or are you okay as you are?"

"I'm feeling.. Okay? I guess? My whole body is hurting pretty badly and I'm tired as all hell but I'm alive and that's good. And no thank you sir, I'm okay as I am right now."

"Of course, you've been in a comatose state for a while ma'am, and due to the nature of your injuries I'd suppose it'd be natural for your body to ache for a while. I could ask the doctor for some pain medication if you feel like you'd need it."

I shake my head no, even that basic motion hurts a little, "No thank you. I'll live and it's not like I'm going to be moving around and doing jumping jacks for a while."

The nurse laughs for a moment and continues on with his duties, "Now that you're awake, would you like breakfast to be brought to you?"

"Oh- Yes please." I'm genuinely glad he asked since I hadn't had a proper meal in days, wait no, weeks.

He nods, "Of course, are there any dietary restrictions or preferences I should forward to the cafeteria staff?"

"No, though I'd prefer things without meat but if it's required to help me recover quicker then I don't care if I'm served meat or not. I just wanna get outta here and go home and never have to see any of you again, no offense to you."

"Haha, alright. I'll just finish up what I'm doing here and I'll bring you some breakfast shortly."

I nod and lean back, grunting softly as that motion was rather painful. I sometimes wonder why I didn't try another method, but then I quickly come to the conclusion that I'd probably be dead if I'd attempted another method.

The nurse leaves the room to do the fuck knows what, probably heading down to the cafeteria to get me some food which I appreciate greatly.

My eyes close and I rest a little bit, I had a gut feeling that my whole hospital stay would be incredibly boring and I was not looking forward to it one bit. Right now it was okay because I had TV but eventually the limited channels would get very very boring and I'd just stop watching TV altogether.

He does come back maybe ten minutes later with a sad looking salad, some bread, and a juice box, I thank him for the food and dig in. And to be honest it was shit, but it was food and I was hungry. After breakfast I fall asleep, not really surprising but still pretty annoying considering I was fucking my sleep schedule up pretty horridly.

I wake up at around three in the afternoon, I get rather pissed off that I slept for so long because bye bye normal sleep schedule. I don't have a lot of time to sulk about it because Rarity had come to visit me and had brought Fluttershy along with her. I learn about it because Rarity talks incredibly loudly and I heard poor Flutters trying to shut her up.

I hear a knock at my door and I instantly know who it was, "Come in."

Rarity strides in while Fluttershy stands in the doorframe awkwardly, it was clear she was nervous about speaking to me again and I don't exactly blame her. Our last interaction was me getting mad at her and Rarity for showing up at my place at six in the motherfucking morning.

I wave and motion for her to come in, it was upsetting seeing her again and I was struggling to sound and act neutral, "Hey Fluttershy, been a bit huh?"

"Hello Sunset, how have you been?"

Rarity and I both look at her strangely, it was clear how I have been recently but I understand she meant before I took a leap of faith off the roof of our school, I decided to crack a joke instead to hopefully lighten the mood a bit "I've been in the hospital as you can see."

She cringes and visibly turns a little red, "Sorry."

"It's okay darling, Sunset knew what you meant."

I nod and give her a thumbs up, if I can forgive and actively want to rebuild my friendship with Rarity then I'm sure I can do the same for Fluttershy, I mean I know I can but it's not going to be a simple task like I had hoped originally, "Yeah, I did."

They both sense the awkwardness in my voice and Fluttershy looks like she's two seconds away from bursting out into tears. Rarity leaves the room, using the excuse she has to use the ladies room but I think she just wants to give me and Flutters time to talk.

"Sunset?"

I look at her, "Mmh?"

She visibly steels herself for whatever would happen next, "I'm so sorry, I-I just I thought you really had betrayed us a-and I was so blinded by anger t-that I was so so stupid, I'm so sorry Sunset."

I frown, she had started crying and choked out the final words of her sentence, part of me wanted to tell her to fuck off but I forced myself to say the words she likely needed to hear,

"I forgive you, Fluttershy. I'm not going to lie and say that you girls didn't break my heart over and over, but I've had advice from a.. Person who's had a unique experience and I'm willing to fix things. But, Fluttershy, I don't want to have my heart broken five times over again, if it happens again I know I wouldn't survive it like I'd survived it last time. I'm struggling with forgiveness and trusting you girls again." I admitted, I couldn't look her in the eyes while I did so, I continued on "It's going to take a lot of time Fluttershy, but.. I just.. Shit, I.. I want to be friends again but I don't know if it's a good idea, I want you to prove to me that you're not going to hurt me again. I need you to prove that you're not going to abandon me at the first sign of trouble."

I heard her sniffle and hiccup, I felt like such an asshole but I knew I needed to speak my mind and let her know that I wasn't going to put up with any more bullshit.

"Sunset I've learned the hard way, we all have. I really missed you, you're such fun to have around and I had my doubts about the a-account but I didn't think anyone would believe m-me."

Damn my cold, cynical heart, I wanted to believe her, really, but I don't think I did. I took a breath and thought about my next words carefully.

"Fluttershy I believe I need you to prove to me that you're not going to turn your back on me again. It's not just you, I.. I need all of you girls to prove it to me because right now I don't trust that you're not going to abandon me again."

I can feel her heart break, but I needed to say it. I motion for her to come to me and I hold my hand out for her to take, I show that there's no ill will and that I just need her to show me she wants to be friends again, not just tell me. I hold her hand and I look up at her.

"It's going to be alright Fluttershy, I'm going to fight like a warhorse to be friends with you girls again, even if it means fighting myself. It's not going to be easy, and there are going to be a lot of ups and downs, but I'm going to try and all I ask of you is that you also make an effort."

She nods and sniffles, I let go of her hand and she steps back to give me my space.

I give her a small smile and her phone buzzes, "I 'spose that's your parents wanting you to go home?"

She's silent for a while as she checks her messages, "Yeah, sorry. My dad worries a bit too much at times, he wants me to come home."

I chuckle, "He's got your best interests at heart, I find it sweet actually."

"I guess so. Oh! Rarity you're back, I've got to go and I know I'm the one who's car we took so I don't want to rush you, or Sunset but if it's not too much could we go within the next ten minutes?"

I turn to look at Rarity who looks a little disappointed, "Ah, of course Fluttershy, could I have a few minutes to say goodbye to Sunset for the day?"

The pale yellow girl nods and leaves the room, I could tell I made her sad and I feel incredibly conflicted about it. On one hand I'm sort of glad she feels guilty for what she's done, and on the other hand I feel awful for making such a usually sweet girl feel bad about herself. I feel a lot more guilty for making her sad than I am glad however.

"Shit Rarity, I'm struggling." I speak suddenly, causing the pale girl to jump slightly, "With trusting you girls again and.. Forgiveness in general, I say I forgive people but do I really mean it? I sometimes don't know and it's so fucking hard.."

There's an uncomfortable pause, I continue "Please tell Fluttershy I'm sorry for sort of telling her I distrust her completely, that's not entirely true. I just need to know you girls won't abandon me again."

She looks at me sadly, I can tell she's a little hurt but understanding, "I know Sunset, I know it's incredibly difficult for you to deal with right now. Please take your time and don't force yourself to talk to us if you don't want to. I'll visit again whenever I can."

I say nothing in response, I'm looking out the window at the view of the city, why am I so bitter? Why is it so hard to simply forgive them? I feel a sudden surge of sadness and frustration as I try to rationalize why I'm so fucking bitter. It's not fair, I just want my friends back, why am I making it so Celestia damned difficult for myself?!

I curl up as much as I can in my bed and I close my eyes, if I kept my eyes open I'd likely start crying and that was the last thing I needed right now. I wish Twilight were here, she'd know what to do.

Comments

[Convex]

"It's going to be alright Fluttershy, I'm going to fight like a warhorse to be friends with you girls again, even if it means fighting myself. It's not going to be easy, and there are going to be a lot of ups and downs, but I'm going to try and all I ask of you is that you also make an effort."

Ha she said the thing the title WOOHOO

Anyways good chapter

[Hypnotwist]

11550507
Yes I had to sneak it in somewhere and I decided that a convo with Fluttershy was the perfect place to sneak it in.