The Voice in Her Head

by Dreagar

Prologue: ...dusty old books.

It was a Sunday afternoon, also known as the 'Bi-Weekly Reshelving' day. One day was always a Saturday, the other day was whenever Twilight felt like it. She giggled softly to herself as Spike looked in abject horror as Twilight announced that today part two would commence.

"B-but Twilight!" He complained. Had she maybe let him stay up too late and therefore made him cranky? Or was he simply unwilling? It was hard to tell with the baby dragon.

"No 'buts' Spike, you know we have to keep the Library organised!"

"We just re-shelved yesterday!" He moaned. Wow, has it really been only a day? It felt like an eternity for her. She knew this to be a sign of stress, Spike did too, deftly comprehending the subtle deflation of Twilight's façade.

"Stressed?" Twilight merely nodded, Spike shook his head. "You've got to spend some time to relax Twilight. You're going to burn yourself out at this rate."

"But you know I need to compile a new report, and the sooner I find a new subject, the better." She gently shook her head. "And there's nothing here I haven't read."

"Now Twilight, you know that isn't true. You, for one, haven't do much as peeked at those philosophy books!"

"Spike! They're almost fiction with their lack of evidence. No self respective academic would accredit any philosophical work."

"That's not true, and you'd know it. Just give it a try Twilight, I'll be in my cot." With that he turned and left, grabbing a random book from the philosophy pile and placing it on the lobby's table.

'Philosophy, A Reference Guide' stared at her from across the room with it's bold title, and light grey cover. She really was out of options at this point, and if nothing else philosophy could give her time for more scientific reports when a subject appeared. Sighing in defeat, she trudged over to the unassuming tome and opened it to the first page.

Chapter 1: Preface to Philosophical Perceptions
Philosophy, otherwise known as 'love of wisdom', is the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality and existence. With a famous quote for the latter being "I think, therefore I am", originally concieved by the griffin mathematician...

It was going to be a long night.

---

Darkness.

Lights.

Shadows swam through the pervading nothingness that encompassed them. A feeling of pressure, not unlike being breathless, or underwater, pervaded the atmosphere. Forcing Twilight to struggle involuntarily for air as her very being felt crushed under the duress.

She screamed silently.

---

Twilight woke with a start, gasping for the breath that she was convinced she lacked. Beads of sweat matted her coat slightly, confirming her suspicion. What a nightmare, she thought. Normally her dreams were inconsequential, or sometimes non-existent, so why did this one stick out? She shook her head, and directed her lethargic body to the sweet smells of pancake wafting from the kitchen.

She silently thanked Spike and almost crawled into the window seat of the table.

"Nightmare?" He asked; obviously nothing went past her no.1 assistant.

"Yeah." She replied, too tired to add anything more. Soon the pancakes were sitting before her in all their syrupy glory, prompting her previously adrenalin suppressed appetite to abide.

More pancakes than she'd like to admit later, Twilight began to feel mildly better. Spike expecting the rise in morale, prompted her further.

"So, how's the philosophy? Any good?" 'Any good', how was he so apt? The book had been eye opening to say the least for Twilight, introducing the purple mare to a whole new string of thought she never even considered before. Last night she was felling books in minutes, exploring every nook and cranny of this new world of knowledge.

She giggled, forgetting her nightmare. "Yeah, I guess you can say that." Spike adopted a smug grin and returned to savouring his weekly gem.

She was once again anxious to get her hooves on more material, reasoning to herself that her inevitable binge was for the good of science, and most certainly not because she was felt like a giddy filly all over again.

"Spike, can you get me my 'Casual Saddlebag Layout' checklist? I'm going to see if there's any more books at the local store, maybe even get in a debate!" She squealed excitedly. Spike rolled his eyes and fetched the list from the myriad of it's brethren.

"Let's see,
"Checklist: Check.
"Saddlebags Check.
"Planner: Check.
"Spare bits x50: Check.
and... done!"

"Okay then I'll be off, bye Spike!" Just as she was about to leave the Library she added. "Oh, don't forget to clean the Library!" And audible groan followed her as she closed the door with her magic and entered the bright new day.

Celestia's sun shone bright overhead, sharply contrasting the still lingering mental image of her nightmare, the birds were growing and the trees are singing. Everything felt right in the world, just perfect for a stroll into town.

I wonder, if everything we argue is from our perspectives, then does that make deductive arguments only inductive for everything else? What would be an absolute reference frame? Is there even such things as absolutes? It would disprove Anselms's first argument and Renés' on a demiurge, if existence isn't necessarily better than non-existence. What is existence? Where does it begin, and nothingness end?

Her thoughts would have continued if not for what sounded like a voice in the distance.

Hello? Help me, please; I can't see anything!

Startled, Twilight responded. "Hold on, I'll see if I can find you." Throwing caution to the wind as she began searching the sparse urban clearing she found herself in. A few plants, cobblestone roads and some houses. Nothing sinister, just an average Ponyville road.

Please! I'm scared...

Something was off, the voice sounded just as clear as before. Which come to think of it was odd in itself, surely if this pony were hidden somewhere, their voice would be muffled?

If only they'd tell me where they are...

I don't know, it's just darkness.

Somewhere in that sentence it hit her when she noticed a pony was staring at her quizzically. "Excuse me miss, why were you talking to yourself?"

"There was somepony calling for help, I was just telling them to hold on a second."

Yeah, can't she hear me?

"I'm sorry, but from here, all I hear is us. I work at the psychiatric clinic, and I know as a doctor it's not uncommon for ponies to hear voices under stress."

It hadn't been the first time she'd been effectively called crazy. Especially after the 'Smartypants incident'. Noticing her pause the mare continued.

"I'd recommend you rest up a little, call it a day. If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask; we're always willing to help ponies in need."

Twilight mumbled her thanks, retracing her hoofsteps with absent vigour. Was she really going crazy? Or was it the 3 hours of sleep getting to her?

Hey! Wait, are you just going to forget about me? I'm still stuck.

Twilight went out on a limb and decided to think back. She might as well humour it.

You're not stuck, because you're not real. You're obviously a figment of my crumbling sanity. She ended that last note on a slightly hysterical tone.

What? No! You've got to help me, you can't just leave me like that! That mare was obviously trying to trick you.

Logic dictates that If you were still were I first heard you, I'd be so far away now that hearing you should be impossible. Obviously you're a voice. In my head.

A silence filled her mind, soon replaced by something almost like sadness?

She didn't let her thoughts linger as she found the Library to be looming above her, almost disappointed at letting her sanity break again. At least it wasn't as bad as last time.

Opening the door revealed an alabaster unicorn running her hoof over the bookshelves. Turning around her eyes widened in delight as she spotted Twilight.

"Twilight darling, you are just the mare I need. Could you perhaps locate the new book on sewing techniques I heard you got in?" Twilight dejectedly pointed her hoof to a previously overlooked tome. However Rarity didn't pick it up, and instead adopted a concerned frown.

"Twilight, are you ok? Sorry, silly question, what's wrong?" Was Rarity making mistakes to cheer her up, or was she simply unsure? Twilight never had been good at reading ponies.

"I've been so stressed lately, that I seem to be hearing voices now."

Instead of the expected sympathetic look on Rarity, Twilight only saw more concern.

"Twilight. I hate to break this to you darling. But have you maybe considered you have, just a mild case, schizophrenia?"

Schizophrenia. Symptoms include, but are not limited to, auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking, and it is accompanied by significant social or occupational dysfunction. The onset of symptoms typically occurs in young adulthood. Her eyes widened slightly at the revelation. Rarity gravely nodded.

Twilight panicked. As anypony who knew her well should know, when she panics, she throws her normally beloved logic out the window. Also a symptom of schizophrenia, she bitterly noted.

Hiding sounded good in her mind.
Hiding in her room under the sheets of her bed sounded even better.
Locking the recently constructed door behind her iced the cake.

"Twilight! You can't just run away from your problems! You need to see a psychiatrist!" Rarity's muted voice protested from downstairs.

"Watch me!"

Twilight pretended not hear the ensuing complaints and promptly entered the familiarity of her bedspread.

Twilight?

She ignored that too.

Twilight.

Nope still not listening.

Twilight, you need to calm down.

Says the voice inside my head. She replied sardonically.

Funny. But that isn't the issue.

No? Then what is, oh wise advocate of insanity?

You're overreacting. Just because that mare- Her name's Rarity. -Just because Rarity says you might have schizophrenia doesn't mean you do. All I can tell you is that from my perspective, you're jumping to conclusions, and that means a lot because apparently I can hear your thoughts.

How do you know you aren't my thoughts?

I-I don't want to consider that. Just please, get some rest and talk this out.

I guess. But can I ask you a question?

Shoot.

What's it like? I mean, whatever situation you're in.

It's... odd. I can't see anything, I can hear your voice from everywhere at once, which is actually quite loud. I can't seem to taste anything, smell anything or feel anything. Heck, I'm not even hungry.

I'm sorry.

What?

If you really are somepony or something real, I'm sorry for doubting you.

I forgive you, I guess. But, can I ask you a question?

Sure.

What's it like, being in control? I have vague ideas of it, but for some reason I don't remember my life before... this.

It's... How did you even describe something so mundane? Regardless, she felt she owed it at least that much. Normal, I guess. I can see my room, which is begining to turn dark blue as the moon rises. I can feel the bedsheets hugging me. I can hear you... do you, I mean, have a name?

The voice seemed to pause for thought. If I did, I can't remember.

I think you should have one.

Thanks. But why?

Even if you're a voice in my head, at least you're a nice one. You deserve an identity.

Renic. From schizophrenic, so that when this blows over, we can laugh about it together.

That sounds nice. Good night, Renic.

Good Night Twilight.

As night began, Twilight felt her eyes drooping. She yawned, tightened the covers around her and felt sleep tug at her conciousness.

I'm bored.

She snorted, and fell into night's embrace.

Comments

[Dreagar]

INB4 First.

Author's notes: Welp, let's see where this goes. Here's hoping things'll turn out well. Also, please. Please for the love of Luna and Celestia, please comment. I want this story, and I as an author, to improve. I can't do that alone.

I also strongly recommend that you, the reader, look closely at some of my text. There are a few obscure references and multiple-meaning word choices. I leave you to find them out

Random trivia: This story was inspired by my arguments against many well established philosophical concepts in my A-Level philosophy lessons. I cannot in good conscience let anything go as unchallenged fact without bombarding it with doubt. Therefore I have a lot of ammo for this story

[shadowcat009]

Well this certainly looks interesting, Liked and faved. Can't wait to see more.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/293/590/6f6.gif

[Dreagar]

1354418

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lptkmwJXjK1qgeqmoo1_500.jpg

[legionbrony]

1348949 How very INTP of you.

I will certainly favorite this story, and follow it as well!

I have a feeling this is going to hurt my head, because philosophy does that to me. But I can't help it; it's so interesting!

There are a few very minor mechanical errors, but aside from that it's great!

For example:

"B-but Twilight!" He complained, had she maybe let him

Should have a period after 'complained', and a lowercase 'h' on 'he'. As I said, very minor.

Keep writing!

[Dreagar]

1354612

Thanks for the feedback! Nice catch on the first point, however I don't agree with the second point in your corrections; I've been taught that speech counts as part of the sentence. So,

"Lolwut," he said. "That's confusing!" He continued.

Is correct to my understanding, I'll do some research and see if it's true for international standards.

And I will keep writing, I've even got the next chapter already written. I'm just staving off releasing it until the one after it is done, this way you guys'll get content even if I don't feel like writing that day.

[Dreagar]

1354612
1354774

Hmm, I'll have to confront my teacher on that; British and international standards adhear to the particular of punctuation you proposed, which I personally prefer.

Also, I write Twilight so well, I tell tautograms without thinking.

[legionbrony]

1354774 Well, here's how I see it:

"Lolwut," he said. "That's confusing!" He continued.

"Lolwut," he said. is one sentence.

This is where it gets weird:

"That's confusing!" COULD be its own sentence, which would mean that He continued. would be capitalized.

HOWEVER, that would mean He continued. would NOT be referring to his statement of "That's confusing!"

It makes much more sense to have it be one sentence, which would mean it would only have one capital letter unless there was a proper noun in the sentence.

"That's confusing!" he said.

[Dreagar]

1354907

That's why there's a comma, to my knowledge they allow speech in the following fashion.

"My my," she wondered, "what do we have here?"
"I'm not quite sure," the other mused. "maybe it's merely a mystery?"

Gah. I do agree, however, that it would make more sense as a single quote; the example was terrible on my part, having been forced. This second example is more apt, as it helps set the mood before the sentence's end. This gives a more complex and varied structure, as well as allowing the speaker's last words to be the sentence's last too.

Darn punctuation, complicating simplicity.

[legionbrony]

Lol, I hate to be a puntuation nazi, but just bear with me while I get it out of my system.

"My my," she wondered, "what do we have here?"
"I'm not quite sure," the other mused. "maybe it's merely a mystery?"

Dat last sentence; it's incorrect. "I'm not quite sure," and "Maybe it's merely a mystery?" are two different statements. So the period between them is correct, but 'maybe' needs to be capitolized.

There, I'm done. xD

[blackalchemist71]

ooh a fan fiction based around ideological philosophy, I can't wait to see how this turns out.

[techtwotiger]

I'm happy to see that you're using your interest in philosophy to write the story. Subjects such as this are very intriguing if done correctly, and you seem to be accomplishing just that.

[Dreagar]

1357378

Me too, I have one arc planned out, but the future after that is uncertain. Rest assured, the first arc can count off as a story by itself, but allows more day to day shenanigans than a definite ending afterwards.

1358000

This is unbelievably good to hear, I was worried I left philosophy too much on the back-burner! The problem is, in stressful situations, people are not predisposed to philosophy. This can be a problem as the story is a constantly stressful situation for the characters, and therefore finding moments where pondering would be probable is perilous.

[techtwotiger]

1358498 To be fair, I think that Twilight would, in a situation resulting from research, obsess over the subject, in this case being philosophy, despite her general lack of mental reasoning under considerably stressful conditions.

[Dreagar]

1358891

Indeed, the next two chapters feature her attention entirely focussed on Renic.

[Sassaflash99]

I loled when Renic said he was bored as Twilight fell asleep