A Changeling's Heart

by BlueHeartTattoo

Never Been the Same

Things was never the same since that day. In fact, it still exactly where it was.

As anyone could imagine, every changeling was devastated by the loss of our queen and the downfall of our kingdom. Without her giving us an heir to her throne or a permission for someone to rule over us, we were all lost. The General naturally volunteered himself to lead us just like in the beginning, but even he doesn’t have the authoritative, daunting strength that all the Queens in the past were born with. I admire his efforts as I’d always had for his character, but since then hardly anything in our situation was improving.

We had remained hidden in the cavernous village for our safety while the grand castle that casts its shadow over us was left empty and abandoned, as to preserve the memory of our Queen and its greatness. The hunger within us still overrules our willpower, had been tripled in strength considering all the grief and hopelessness we all seem to embody in our daily lives lately. Luckily, The General had announced that the process of collecting love from the outside world would change. Instead of a mere three going off, he would send at least 20 a week and to destinations, some even farther from the country borders. Equestria is of course included, as they are thriving more prosperous which doubles the amount of their love, but we were given strict rules to ensures our safety. First off, we must always stay within a pony disguise and must limit our use of magic so that the ponies won’t feel weak in an instant. But with that rule withstanding, it would mean that our missions would make us stay within the field until the specific quantity of love has been collected and then return to the kingdom. That rule goes for the same for the other kingdoms with different species, though change ‘pony’ to whatever creature they are and wait around 3 months or so.

Well, I couldn’t really say ‘Kingdom’ anymore. I kept on forgetting that what we are living is anything but that.

Anyways, most changelings don’t usually return within a week. Most of our journey now can take up to almost a month. And with the restrictions on those, all the love that we have collected—from countries like Equestria, Griffnstone, Abssysianin, or even the islands across the seas—is hardly enough to satisfy the hunger. Thus, we are always in a state of discomfort and misery.

For me….well I would be lying if I say I was disappointed. I was way beyond that. And why shouldn’t I be? I failed.

I have failed my queen. I have failed on my mission, my pride, my kingdom…. I had failed so hard to a level I never thought I would stoop to. And because of that, I never cared much for anything even more. Not even on love. Perhaps it was better this way since we’re all going to disappear from existence soon enough. Our legacy on fear and conquest would fade into the new centuries, all because of the ponies and their cursed magic jewels that would forever uphold this world.

Most changelings like me all kept themselves away others now. But Nabis had always stood my me since the start. And it was annoying how persistent his kindness has been. Once he noticed that I wasn’t taking care of myself the way I used to, he insisted on moving out of the military quarters and into a new hut within the village. Though I would think moving wouldn’t be our top priority, it was rather nice to have some space away from others, especially since our quarters tends to be overcrowded with fellow changelings in our rankings. Nabis has taken upon himself to be responsible over me like some lost larvae—making sure I was feed, active and still alive. As much as the thought degrades me, I did not care much to go against it. Nabis turned out to be a good company when he wasn’t talking and he is a pretty decent caretaker, despite the fact that all his efforts towards me are going to be ineffective. Still he would never think about abandoning me—he is too soft for that.

He cared enough to give me space whatever I needed to, brought me books from his previous missions to accompany me and try to lift up my spirits sometimes. Even at times where my thoughts had been somewhere dark, he would bring me back by shedding some light-hearted drivel that his sensitive mind can write up. There was always an occasion ‘Things will get better’ or ‘Take one step at a time’ or my favorite, ‘Look at the bright side’. But I remember a few times where he took a different approach.

The other night, I just walked inside the hut from a meeting with the General and several other village soldiers. As it was late, Nabis saw how tired I was and offered me a cup of warm milk he had made. Changelings don’t usually indulge in food as it would leave a bitter aftertaste that would make us sick. But Nabis found earlier that most food don’t cause it as he experienced way before the downfall. So, when he came home from his first mission, a pony he came to know gave him a bottle of milk, bread and cheese for the trip home and he thought about sharing them with me. I’ll give it that, it was mostly useful as it gave us substance from our hunger, though I warned myself not to make it a habit in case other changelings had heard about it. But I do enjoy the warm milk that he steamed for me—it would soothe my thoughts and calm my senses after a tiring day.

Nabis, unfortunately, sensed my gloom expression, “I thought you liked steamed milk?”

“No, I do, Really,” I calmy reassured him.

“So what’s wrong?”

“I’m set to go to Equestria tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? But you just got back.”

“Apparently, Xenus’ trip to the dragonland was more challenging than we thought that it send him back to another month or so. And Millis was able to find the hidden kingdom of Kirins before she realized that they can’t talk while they avoided her. Someone has to take double shift for their mistakes.”

Nabis took a pause, “Where is it in?”

“Canterlot.”

“Canterlot?! That close to the princesses?!”

“It made sense. Right now, those ponies are thrilled about the upcoming event.”

“What event?”

I sigh, as I was about to open a hard wound, “Turns out Nameless and Discord are going to be married soon.”

With all the solidarity living we’ve been doing; it was hard to believe that it has been exactly a year and nine months years since the battle for Equestria happened. We all heard about Nameless’ Coronation that reunited her to her element, but I didn’t hear anything about her impending marriage until that meeting brought it up.

Nabis however took it as happy news, “That’s great. And the General wanted to use the ponies’ anticipation to drain their love?”

I nodded as he was correct, but that was the least of my concerns. “Yes, but Magna was actually the one who suggested I go.”

Nabis finally took the hint with a pause, “You’re not planning to hurt Fluttershy again, are you?”

“I promised I won’t. The General thought of that possibility as well.”

Nabis sits down beside me on the table, trying make himself heard.

“It’s been over a year since we lost. When are you going to let this grudge go?”

“It’s more than that, Nabis. It’s our purpose.”

“A purpose is meaningless when it has no value to it. Gypsum, I am sad about all this just much as you are. But there’s nothing we could do to change that. You need to let this go before you make any damage to yourself.”

I had heard this kind of talk before so many times and from so many changelings. So far I’m just sick of it and the fact that Nabis would be the one to initiate that.

I scoffed, “I said I’m not going to hurt Nameless, so there’s no telling me otherwise. Besides, it’s all past and done now, nobody going to remember it.”

“This isn’t about the kingdom, is it?”

My eyes flinch for a moment, “What exactly gave you the idea that it isn’t?”

“You seem upset when you heard about Fluttershy.”

“Maybe it’s because I wasn’t the one who finished her and made sure she stays dead.”

Nabis took a bold, foolish move to what he says next, “Maybe it’s because you’re upset that she has a happier life than you.”

My focus snapped at this direction, fury building up inside of me, while he stood his ground with composure.

“And you wish you would’ve known about it sooner.”

“Why would I ever want to hear such news about her?!”

“Maybe you still care.”

I froze within an instant. Of all nonsense that I could’ve heard through this entire ordeal, this was something I didn’t need to hear. Of course Nabis would know about my association with Nameless back when we were all foals, but he doesn’t have the right to call out such memories to me! Not when he has no idea what I went through from the time since I ended that silly acquaintance with that small, weak, little….. nobody.

Quickly I regained my consciousness and stood up before him in defiance, making myself look threatening as possible to give the hint that he has crossed a line.

“You, of all changelings, don’t get to talk things like that around me. What was then is the past, and I don’t want to hear any more about her again. Understand?”

Nabis sighs, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think—”

“I’m tired right now. I’m heading to bed.” I slowly trot away from Nabis to put away my cup that had grown cold and to the small room I’ve build for myself on the second floor. But just as I was about to open my wings to fly up, Nabis had the mind to speak again.

“I do believe that I said is true. But just in case…. I’ll always be here if you would like to talk.”

Once again my body froze, and I felt a strange feeling stirring inside. At first it was like a quick flash of heartbreak that instantly follow with melancholy, then nostalgic. And then….warmth. I was most surprise by this reaction, I’d never felt like this before. The warmth usually comes for most changelings when we would feed from our victims, that familiar sense of warmth and joy that would come from its emotions for that specific pony or creature that they’d cared for.

But this was different… I was neither feeding or near a complete stranger related to an enemy. This was coming from someone I’d known my whole life, who had shown me sympathy in a time when I didn’t need it. And still acted upon that to help me. And I wasn’t making an effort of draining him of this emotion.

Could it be from me? From what source?

I shook the thought away, but I still kept silent as I finally up with the space and into my own cot. I didn’t want to think about the small warmth coming from my cheeks.