• Published 17th Jul 2022
  • 1,947 Views, 98 Comments

Sweet Madness - Get Bent



(Topper’s Pizza Full Ver.) A lonely pizza parlor owner is visited by the Princess of the Night. What follows is a relationship full of trials and tribulations. But most importantly, pizza!

  • ...
4
 98
 1,947

And In Waiting For You

Topple wondered if Luna was going to stop by again.

It was nearing 3:00, and it had been exactly a week since her last visit. Those were the usual indicators, if the other times were anything to go by.

…that was strange, wasn’t it.

Either she wanted to be punctual, or the coincidence counter just kept goin’ up.

Who knows, really? Definitely not him. He’s not the elusive night princess. She is.

Man, he was bored.

As usual.

He was currently cleaning out the soda machine, but that wasn’t exactly exciting. It had been a while since it was last used and it had accumulated some grime. It’s not some far-out concept, cleaning a god damn soda machine. It was dirty, it was work, and it had to get done.

It is what it is.

scrub, scrub

…He wondered if Princess Luna was going to try a soda. That’s partly why he was cleaning it, after all; she mentioned soda in their conversation yesterday. Apparently, root beer was the only soda during her time before…

Before, uh, Nightmare Moon.

But, anyway, only root beer. That was it!

Topple didn’t consider himself a soda guy necessarily. But he could enjoy it from time to time. And though he found root beer to be somewhat appetizing, he couldn’t imagine it being the only soda.

“Guess I’m just too used to variety,” he muttered. “‘Spoiled colt’ as Dad used to say.” Topple chuckled quietly.

His… reminiscing, was interrupted by the sound of a door opening. He set down his brush and looked over at the clock.

3:01

He took off his hoof gloves and walked out of the kitchen, smirking. “You’re a minute late, Princess. I thought you were punctual.” He joked, shaking his head.

She looked blankly at him. “Ah, forgive me, Topple. One of my butlers was gravely injured. I had to rush him over to the Canterlot hospital.” She said, her tone indicating seriousness.

Crap. Sh- fu- uh oh.

“A- o-oh,” he started, “shoot, uh, I’m-“ He began to stutter over his words, trying to fumble out an apology.

…She cackled.

Topple was confused…

“I’m just joking! You should see how you look!” She giggled, laughing at his confused and scared stupor.

“O-Oh! Haha,” He chuckled. Sure got him, Princess…

…Their humor seemed to be a little bit different.

He got over it quickly, though. It was a little funny. It’s probably something he would say to mess with a friend.

…Well, if he had any to mess with, that is.

“Ah, it’s good to see you, Topple.” She said, knocking him out of his pity-party.

Entering the restaurant after coming down from her laughing fit, she started again, “I have returned for your pizza and company once more. Are you able to provide?”

He nodded. “A-As always, Luna.”

Despite remaining a little shaken up from her joke, he was still able to give her a smile.

“Then let us waste no time!”


“So, what is this beverage called again?” She poked the straw.

“It’s called Sierra Mist,” he explained. “Named after some stallion, I think. Him and his brother.. uh, Pepsi Cola? Yeah. That was his name. They own the big soda company that I sell here.”

“Are there other soda companies?” Luna inquired, eyeing the drink.

“Not sure. I don’t get out much.” They both chuckled.

“…” She moved her lips, making a face. “And… what is IN this drink?” Luna asked, going back into analyze mode. She slightly moved the cup and watched the liquid move around inside.

“…” Topple tried to think about what she meant.

“The ingredients?” She deadpanned.

“Oh!” Topple looked to the side, blushing, as he tried to remember. That was embarrassing. “I’m pretty sure it’s just lemon and lime.” He said, turning back to Luna.

“Oh, okay.” She said. “That doesn’t sound bad.” She smiled, seemingly excited.

“Of course not. I wouldn’t steer you wrong.” He smiled, and pointed at it. “So go ahead, tell me what you think.”

She hesitated.

“It’s not gonna kill you, Luna.” He snickered.

“I would hope not, Topple. That’s a bad business model,” she joked, and then took a sip.

-She careened back, quickly shooting her head up from the table. “Wow!”

Topple smiled. “Packs a punch, huh?”

“It does!” She looked at the drink in awe. “I want more.”

Topple wasn’t surprised. Soda always got its hooves on any pony that dared to touch it. Caffeine addiction was quite a problem in modern Equestria.

…where was he going with this?

“..Well, uh, go ahead. Drink’s on the house.” He said, pushing it forward. No caffeine in Sierra Mist anyway.

“We will discuss drinks being on houses later.” She said, and magicked the drink off the table. She began to drink it quite slowly.

He chuckled. Drinks being on houses.

…Was he supposed to charge for the drinks? Would they always be on the house? He can’t remember the last time he did that.

…but then again, he also can’t remember the last time he had a real customer.

That would explain it.

After Luna had taken some smaller sips, she then took a very large gulp of it, and Topple’s eyes widened. “Wait, Luna, that’s-“

She swallowed quickly, and coughed almost immediately. “Ack! My throat!” She exclaimed, voice scratchy. Oogh. Ouch.

“Yeah, that’s-“

“You said it wasn’t going to kill me!” She said in an accusatory tone.

“It won’t! But it will hurt if you suck it down too fast,” Topple explained. “But why would you do that? I thought you said you drank root beer back in the day.”

“I said we HAD root beer,” she clarified, “But I never bothered drinking much of it.” She shrugged. “I had no idea soda pop could be that painful…”

Topple raised an imaginary eye brow. “Why not?” He asked. “Why didn’t you drink any root beer, I mean.” He clarified.

She put a hoof to her chin. “…Soda pop was seen as… rather uncouth a thousand years ago. It was a foal’s drink, not one really enjoyed among ‘Canterlot’s Finest’. Which, believe it or not, I was a part of.” She explained, and then, much slower this time, took a sip of the drink.

“No, really? You’re a noble? I had no idea!” He said sarcastically, snickering when she punched him in the shoulder.

“Whatever.” She chuckled.

She then took another sip. “It’s much better to drink this stuff slowly.” She smacked her lips quietly. “It goes down much better.”

“I’ll bet.” He said. “Anyway, do you want that pizza now?”

Great segue.

She hadn’t ordered anything yet, aside from the soda. He didn’t have anything cooking. She had asked him to join her when she tried her first soda of the new age.

…Or, more accurately, her first soda period.

He didn’t have a problem with that, but he can’t exactly cook a pizza when he’s not in the kitchen. That’s how cooking works.

He smiled at his dumb joke.

“It would be appreciated, Topple.” She smiled softly. “Thank you for joining me in this new experience.” She chirped.

“It’s no problem, Luna.” He smiled back, and stood up. He shuffled out from the booth, and began to walk off. “Happy to have been there!” He yelled out behind him.

…He opened the double doors to his kitchen and sighed.

Time to get to work.

Opening a low cupboard, he grabbed out the bread flour, the yeast, sugar, salt, olive oil, and… honey.

…He always got weird looks for the honey. But his parents always told him that ‘a little honey in the dough’ makes it taste way better.

And honestly, they were right. As usual. They really knew their pizza.

“My skills compared to theirs,” he huffed, “It’s practically night and day,” he muttered, grabbing a metal bowl from another cupboard.

…While he was getting much better at making pizza, Topple still didn’t believe himself to match up to their skill. They were the masters, as were their parents before them.

…At times, he did wonder if they went through what he was going through. Struggling to keep the restaurant open. Feeling inferior in every way.

-They probably did.

…It was probably much easier, though.

Dad met mom when they were both sixteen. He had a partner from the start. He was easily able to take over the restaurant when Grandpa died.

Topple, well, he didn’t even KNOW any mares.

He looked through his kitchen window and saw Luna playing with her straw.

He looked down at the table and used his measuring cups to begin putting the materials into the metal bowl.

…Whatever. He can’t be jealous of his parents.

“Even if they did have it so much easier…” he grumbled.

He sighed.

”Just stop.”

He looked back over at Luna.

He paused.

He shook his head.

He needed to make a good pizza.

No, not needed to. He wasn’t going to TRY to make a good pizza. He WOULD make a good pizza. He’d make the BEST pizza.

For her.

-Not so he could get in-between her legs, damn it, but because he needed to up his skill.

He wasn’t going to get customers if his pizza was mediocre.

…He doesn’t know how many times he’s told himself that in these past few days.

Felt like… too much.

Argh.

What the hell.


“Mm!” Princess Luna vocalized. “I must say, Topple,” she covered her mouth with a hoof, so as to seem respectful and not spray food everywhere, “I think this is your best work yet.”

“Thank Celestia,” he muttered, sighing in relief. He knew it. He made a good pizza.

“Thank WHO?” Luna said, giving him a sideways glance.

“Uh, I mean-!”

Luna giggled again.

…She seemed to really enjoy yanking his chain. He sighed in defeat. He needed to get her one of these days. When that day would come, well, he wasn’t sure.

But mark his words, it was gonna happen.

“A-Anyway.” He said, shaking his head. “I had a question for you.”

She nodded, as if to say ‘go on’.

“Why do you always come in so late at night? Or. Early. Why do you always come in at 3:00?” He asked.

It was a question he had been thinking about for a while.

The answer was obvious, though.

She finished her bite of food and raised an eyebrow. “I’m awake during the night, Topple. I’m the Princess of the Night.” She chuckled. “It’s… my thing.”

He facehooved. “You’re right. Stupid question.”

“That’s quite alright.” She muttered. “Though there is a reason I come out to your restaurant, rather than stay at the castle.”

“What’s that?” He asked. Yeah. That’s what he should’ve asked in the first place.

“Well, to put it simply,” She shrugged. “I have nothing to do.”

He raised his own imaginary eyebrow. “You have nothing to do? So you come to me?”

He felt… slightly offended?

“I didn’t mean it like that.” She shook her head. “I meant ‘I come here when I can’ not; ‘I only come here when I’m bored to gain entertainment out of you, subject’.” She explained. “Originally, I came because I was hungry. But I will admit that these last few times haven’t just been for that reason.”

She smiled. He smiled back.

“Thanks.” He said.

“But wait, you’re a Princess.” He realized. “I thought you had court?” He asked.

“I do,” she sighed. “Thing is, nopony ever visits.”

Ouch.

“Of course, I can sit and wait on my flank all day for one of my subjects to bother to show up, but it just doesn’t happen.” She looked down at the table. “I’ve started making my courts on appointment only. It’s how I’ve been able to spend so much time here and… not worry about wasting anypony’s time.” She said, muttering that last part.

“Well, now that it’s appointment based, surely you’ve got some takers. Appointments are a lot more convenient than Princess Celestia’s ‘show up early or get screwed’ business model.” Topple said, shrugging.

“You’d think.” She laughed a pained laugh.

There was a sad silence.

“…I’m sorry, Luna.”

She said nothing.

“Maybe one of these days I’ll make an appointment.” He said, in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood. “I’ll say I have something important to discuss, but really, I’m there just to mess with you.” He smiled.

She smiled back. “I’d like that. It would be nice to have a friend visit the castle.”

…friend?

“Yes, friend.” She said, replying to his. Thought?

Shoot. He didn’t mean to say that out loud.

“I consider you a friend, Topple. Are you… okay with that?” She asked, looking like a kicked puppy.

“O-Of course I’m okay with that.”

He couldn’t say no. Even if he could, though?

…He wouldn’t.

“Yeah, sure. We can be friends.” He smiled.

“Huzzah!” She yelled. Topple could swear his ears began to bleed. The Royal Canterlot voice was louder than he thought it would be. “Our first friend!” She said, much quieter this time, and then coughed upon realizing the volume of her voice originally.

He chuckled at the display.

He personally didn’t think he was that interesting, but who was he to rain on her parade?

“I’m happy to be your friend, Luna.”

“And I am happy to be yours, Topple.”

They smiled at each other, and settled into a nice silence.

Topple gestured to the pizza, and Luna nodded. He then took a slice and brought it to his mouth.

“…It really is good.” He thought.

It was a solid pizza. He had done a good job.

Hm.

The silence reigned for a few minutes. Both just enjoyed the pizza and their respective drinks.

Until Luna spoke up.

“So, Topple,” Luna started after a few more moments of silence. “Have I told you anything about what’s happening in Zebricon?”

“…Zebricon?”

The hell was that?

Luna, on the other hand, was considering her decision.

It wasn’t technically a ‘Royal secret’. Zebricon officials themselves were throwing out the information willy-nilly, and her sister kept confiding in various guards. The entire castle knew by this point. No harm would come from telling Topple about it.

…she hoped.

No.

She knew.

“Yes, Zebricon.” Luna stated. “Do you know what that is?”

“Can’t say I’m familiar.” He said, telling the honest truth. He had never heard of such a place.

“I don’t blame you. It’s a new region, sprouted up only about a hundred years ago.” Topple choked on his drink. “It was formed from a group of zebras that seceded from Farasi and decided to make their own nation. Something about ‘keeping the species pure’ or… something else like that. I honestly believe that to be quite xenophobic, but that’s just my opinion.” She had a look of disgust for a second. “It, despite having started with a small population, is… actually quite large now.” Luna explained. “They have an entire society. Restaurants, hotels, tourist attractions. It’s honestly quite impressive.” She stopped, and looked to make sure he was paying attention.

He picked up on it. “I’m following.”

“Yes, good. Anyway, the reason us Equestrians have business over there is that they tried to declare war on us.” Luna said, casually dropping an information bomb.

His eyes widened. “W-Wait, really?”

Luna nodded. “Obviously, it didn’t go far. Me and Celestia have come to the conclusion that they only did it to try and get our attention. Their ruler is only about twenty-five years old and he’s inexperienced. He has no idea what he’s doing, which, unfortunately, ends up causing us unnecessary suffering.” She looked away and scoffed. ”And wastes our time.”

He nodded. “Yeah; I can see how that would be annoying. But I get the feeling the story doesn’t end there?” He questioned.

“You would be right,” Luna exhaled. “A peace treaty is currently being discussed. Why we even need it, I have no idea, but it’s being discussed. Me and Celestia are fighting about who has to go over there to sign it,” she chuckled. “It’ll probably end up being a game of quartz-parchment-shears, but who knows, really?”

“I would guess you, but I’m far past thinking you’re some omnipotent all-knowing being.”

“Oh? You don’t think I’m all-knowing?” She said, teasing right back.

“Nah. I’d say you’re pretty average.” He smirked, and then snickered. “Especially considering you just said you would play Rock Paper Scissors with Celestia to see who gets to sign a treaty!”

“It’s true! We would!”

They both laughed.


“Have a good night!”

The door closed behind her.

She sighed.

Not out of sadness, but out of… happiness. Contented-ness.

Was that a word?

She was content.

…Topple had agreed to be her friend.

She was still giddy about that, even after a few hours of talking with him.

She was just so happy. She had an actual friend. She took flight towards the castle, giggling to herself. Her first friend in over a thousand years.

…Granted, she could consider her sister’s student a friend, but really; the two were acquaintances at best. They never bothered speaking outside of when they had to. Twilight never sent her any letters.

…But then again, Luna never sent her any either.

…But now?

Now she had an actual friend.

Someone she could say, with confidence, she enjoyed speaking to. Someone she could say she enjoyed spending her time with.

If that wasn’t a friend, then what was it?

After a few more minutes of flying, she softly landed on her balcony.

She opened the sliding glass door and stepped inside her bedroom.

She looked around, before frowning.

As usual, nothing had moved. Nothing had changed. Nopony had torn the room up looking for her.

…She wouldn’t like that if it happened, but it would be nice to know somepony cared.

She shook her head. Enough with the pity-party. She wasn’t five years old.

She was two-thousand and five.

Big difference.

Chuckling softly to herself, she climbed into bed. She would check on the dream realm and then head to sleep. That was her usual routine.

Her eyes slowly closed as she activated the dream-walking spell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She watched as the dream bubbles flew around her. Various ponies of different ages, sizes, genders, all being seen by her spell.

She tried to see if she could sense any nightmares.

Nothing.

The ponies were going to be waking up soon anyway. Most ponies having nightmares had probably already been awoken by them, and then simply fell back asleep for better dreams. 1-3:00 AM were good times to check for nightmares for this reason. 5:30 AM, not so much.

She sighed.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, my subjects.” She spoke to nopony. “But I bet you’ll be happy to know: I was spending time with a new friend.” She smiled.

Nopony could hear what she was saying, but she felt like saying it anyway. It was something she found herself doing on occasion. Talking to the dream realm.

But this time was different.

Despite having visited Topple twice before, she hadn’t considered him a friend until tonight.

-Well, more like, she was worried if he wanted to be friends with her.

But shh!!

“He’s nice, my subjects. Don’t worry for your favorite Princess.” She snickered.

“Ah, forget you.” She muttered, waving a hoof in a dismissive, yet joking, manner.

…She then found herself wondering what Topple was dreaming about.

She always seemed to miss him when he was dreaming.

Well, no more!

She used her spell to try and… ‘feel out’ Topple. It’s like… trying to sense nightmares, but much more concentrated.

The dream-walking spell had been advanced to the point of ultimate convenience. If she knew of somepony having nightmares, she wouldn’t have to sort through thousands of dream bubbles to find them. She could just feel them out. It was useful for repeat offenders.

She kept feeling around. Noo…

Nope…

Wait.

Huh?

Topple wasn’t dreaming.

He was asleep, that she could sense; but he wasn’t dreaming.

“Hm.” She muttered. “Guess I’ll have to check at a later date.”

She shrugged, and then turned off her dream-walking spell.

Her eyes slowly opened to her bedroom. It was dark. Only a few minutes had passed.

She rolled over in her bed, and tried to get actual sleep.

It was way past her bedtime.

Author's Note:

I promise not every chapter is going to be “haha goofing off in pizza restaurant”. Actual stuff will happen. I believe this is the last of the starter chapters, actually.

Let me know of any errors. I’m in a little bit of a hurry rn, considering my shift starts in 2 mins and I’m typing this in the break room lol. Hopefully there’s no errors regarding the story itself… I’m actually liking how it’s all turning out so far

(Don’t get me wrong tho. Chapter itself wasn’t rushed. I just usually like to go through in the “show preview” mode to check for formatting issues. Grammar and pacing should be okay lol)

But uhh, yeah. Thanks for reading! Don’t be afraid to comment! Don’t be a stranger!