Rainbow Dash Goes to School

by Stormin Away

Field Trips

Rainbow Dash was getting the well deserved sleep she needed after escaping near-death and her psychotic algebra teacher, Mr. Higglesworth. Once again, her annoying alarm clock sounded, but Rainbow attempted to sleep through it. After about five beeps, Rainbow finally woke up and tossed her pillow at the alarm clock, knocking it off her nightstand and breaking it. As with every other morning, Rainbow bolted out her front door and started spaztically running to school. However, she accidentally took a wrong turn and ended up on a flying passenger chariot. Kicking the original flier off, Rainbow restrained herself in and very poorly flew the chariot until the restraints broke and sent her tumbling towards the ground.

In Mr. Cool's homeroom, everypony was doing their usual activities. Twidos 6.90 was trying recently acquired spells on herself, Pinkie Pie was sleeping on her desk, and Mr. Cool was just being his plain old self. Coincidentally, Rainbow Dash came smashing through the roof and landed in her seat, right next to Twidos,

"Oh, is Rainbow Dash late again-" Mr. Cool was saying before Pinkie sprung to life,

"WHAT'S THAT MR. COOL? YOU THINK I'M FAT!?" Pinkie yelled out,

"No Pinkie, don't assume-" Mr. Cool tried to say but was cut off once again,

"THAT WASN'T VERY NICE! SAY YOUR SORRY!" Pinkie shouted, "SAY IT!" Pinkie added on after a few moments of silence,

"Anyway, there's a field trip today during 3rd period-" Mr. Cool announced,

"YES! NOW WE WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MISS PONY FOR FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT!" Pinkie obnoxiously stated,

"Just make sure you girls don't-" Mr. Cool stated before being cut off yet again,

"DILLY DALLY! I KNOW MR COOL, I READ MINDS, LIKE RAINBOW DASH IS THINKING SHE WANTS TO BUCK ME TO THE MOON!" Pinkie shouted in Rainbow Dash's ear before Rainbow reared up on her desk and powerfully kicked Pinkie out of the room with her hind legs. Soon, Rainbow just sat back down in her chair,

"Alright, now let's go back to what we were talking about last week, how do you say hoof in Italian?" Mr. Cool asked,

"Come on, I just answered that in the last chapter" Rainbow said back to the teacher,

"RAINBOW DASH! YOU'RE A LESBIAN, SHUT YOUR FACE!" Pinkie yelled to the cyan mare. Just then, Rainbow's entire face swirled around and vanished so her head had nothing but a blank face. Mr. Cool just stared at Twidos who was still experimenting with her body with magic,

"Twidos, stop trying to give yourself new body parts while I'm speaking" Mr. Cool said to the concentrated unicorn, "...Twidos" Mr. Cool said to the lavender unicorn, who now had her horn in an intense flare. Finally, all of the things Twidos had been working with vanished, and Applejack was flung out of the window with an explosion again,

"SORWY I JUST HAD TO GET RID OF MY ARTIFICIAL WINGSH!" Twidos explained,

"ARTIFICIAL PARTS ARE FOR PONIES WHO FAIL AT LIFE!" Pinkie yelled in Twidos's ear,

"WELL ATLEASHED THEIR NOT FOR GAY AND SHTUPID PONIES LIKE YOU!" Twidos yelled back,

"Oh OK" Pinkie said in her normal voice before sitting back in her seat,

"Back to Italian class, now how do you-" Mr. Cool tried to say but Pinkie started laughing extremely loudly again, "Now how do you say hoof?" Mr. Cool asked, getting a little impatient,

"Vodka?" Vinyl Scratch answered from the back of the room,

"No Vinyl, vodka is not the answer" Mr. Cool replied,

"OH! PICK ME! MEMEMEME!" Pinkie shouted to the teacher,

"Yes Pinkie" Mr. Cool said back,

"What's the question? OH YEAH! HOOF!" Pinkie obnoxiously answered,

"The Italian version-"

"HOOF!? WHAT ARE YOU, DEAF!?"

"Pinkie, hoof does not translate to hoof"

"YOU'RE A HOOF!" Pinkie annoyingly yelled then threw a random boot at Mr. Cool's face,

"Hey girls, does anyone know if Applejack is here today?" Rainbow Dash asked,

"I SAW HER GET BLOWN UP BY TWIDOS, OF COURSE SHE'S DEAD!" Pinkie loudly responded. Then, just at that moment, Applejack walked in through the doorway, burn marks all over her body, holding a half eaten piece of apple pie,

"Sorry everybody, had to have a snack before school!" Applejack stated to the class,

"Pie at 8 o' clock in the morning, WHAT ARE YOU!?" Rainbow Dash yelled in response,

"SEE!? I TOLD YOU TWIDOS BLEW HIM UP, THAT'S HER CLUE!" Pinkie yelled out. Rainbow Dash just turned to face her "friend",

"...Was it not obvious?" Rainbow Dash asked,

"SHUT YOUR FACE!" Pinkie yelled out and Rainbow's face did the same swirling motion as the bell rang and dismissed the class.

--

Entering Mr. Higglesworth's room as usual, Rainbow sat down in her seat, and noticed that instead of Mr. Higgs, there was Miss Pony sitting in her office chair with her keyboard at the front of the room. When Pinkie flew in, she turned around abruptly to face Miss Pony,

"WRONG ROOM, MISS PONY! THE RETARD'S CONVENTION'S DOWN THE OTHER WAY!" Pinkie obnoxiously yelled to the mute mare,

"Mr. Higglesworth is absent today, so I will be substituting your math class for today, now sit down" The familiar text-to-speech voice replied. As Pinkie sat down, she noticed a new pony in the class, gnawing on what looked like a plastic doll,

"MY NAME'S... DERPY" The grey pony said quickly,

"Wait until I take the attendance please" Miss Pony said as Derpy grabbed one of the miscellaneous items on the floor and began chewing on it. Miss Pony attempted to read Mr. Higglesworth's poor handwriting on the attendance sheet, "Derpy" The translator called out,

"MY NAME'S... DERPY, DERPY J. HOOVES" Derpy said again,

"Applejack" Miss Pony called out,

"That's my name! Don't wear it out miss P!" the orange mare responded,

"Rainbow Dash" The program continued,

"Whatya talking to me for?" Rainbow stated, lying back in her chair,

"Hulk Pussy" Miss Pony read, making Pinkie Pie laugh hysterically,

"Sorry. It's just that you say it funny" Pinkie said in her normal voice, "NOW SAY IT! AGAIN FOR A GOLD STAR!" Pinkie yelled out,

"Sluttershy" The translator spoke, making the cream pegasus hide behind her mane, "Big Mac, aka Gay harvester" The voice said once again,

"HEY! That is uncalled for!" Big Mac yelled out to the teacher,

"Octavia" She called out again. Outside, Twidos was passing by, until she caught sight of Miss Pony, which was simply love at first sight, "Can I help you?" The translator said to the lovestriken mare,

"SALUTATIONS MISS! CAN WE HAVE MAGICAL SECKSH LATER?" Twidos requested to the teacher,

"What is magic?" Miss Pony replied, crushing Twidos's thoughts as she slowly faded into Mr. Higglesworth, who then laughed maniacally,

"Just kidding fagolas, beat it kid!" Mr. Higglesworth yelled out as he threw a clipboard at Twidos's face,

"I'M GONNA LEETHAX YOU SO HARD! YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO EVEN WALK!" Twidos yelled before she left the area,

"That's what she said" Mr. Higgs replied as Derpy sprung up and stole the clipboard that hit Twidos. Just then, Applejack raised her hoof, "Whatya want dick stain!" Mr. Higgs yelled,

"Have you-" Applejack tried to say before getting cut off,

"NO! Now shut your face!" Mr. Higglesworth quickly said back,

"OH! Irony! I get it because I said it before, you're supposed to shut your face, Applejack!" Pinkie stated in her normal face. Applejack's face did the same swirling motion as Rainbow Dash's only a lot faster,

"Alright, enough shutting faces for once! All of you generic fags of students are all the same, commonly joking, unfunny puns, and most importantly, your big pointy ass horns! Now if you want to learn something I suggest you-" Mr. Higglesworth was cut off by deep, animal-like breathing. He slowly turned around to see a grey mare with crossed eyes and a blonde mane behind him, breathing like an animal. The pony slowly came close to Mr. Higglesworth's ear,

"MY NAME'S... DERPY" Derpy said slowly, then slowly walked away,

"Hey, we learned something! Her name is Derpy!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed in sarcasm,

"See what I mean? You make newfags look like Princess Celestia!" Mr. Higgs yelled out, but then the bell rang and everyone started leaving, "Get out of here you genericfags!" He yelled as they left.

--

Rainbow Dash of course sat down casually, but Pinkie Pie happened to notice Miss Pony lying on the ground, presumably unconscious, so she started laughing loudly. Miss Pony sat back up and grabbed a spare keyboard,

"I thought we were over this laughing business" the text to speech said,

"JUST LIKE OLD TIMES, EH MISS P? HA! P! P AS IN PUSSY!" Pinkie Pie yelled aloud and resumed laughing. Finally, once everypony was in their seats,

"Now, does anyone know what the Elements of Harmony are?" the program requested. A pony in the class wearing a long trench coat stood up on his table,

"Yes, i suppose it would have been more politically correct to kill the mares in the minorities first" the pony responded. Just then, the principle came over the intercom,

"Attention, this is your principle, guess what, I'm still your principle" The principle said over the intercom,

"YOU SAID THAT IN THE LAST CHAPTER! FAAAAAAAAAIL!" Pinkie Pie yelled in the middle of the announcement,

"Everyone must report to your chariots right now. Everyone who is left behind will be knocked out, gutted, and fed to the retarded ponies" The principle finished on the intercom,

"Mmm, smells like chicken" The pony in the trench coat stated,

"Hey Postal pony, you're not funny, you look like a gay version of Neo who's voice actor fails at being cool" Pinkie said in her normal voice,

"Hey, I'm just exercising my second amendment rights here you fucking communist!" The Postal Pony said back,

"WATCH THE LANGUAGE, MISTER!" Pinkie obnoxiously yelled,

"Let's all have a good day except the douche bag wearing a trench coat" The principle randomly said over the intercom,

"Fuck me, I better get going" The postal pony said before whipping off his trench coat, revealing his wings and flying out through the window,

"LANGUAGE!" Pinkie yelled through the window that was now shattered,

"You heard you're unicornfag principle, now get going" The translator said once again, and all the students got up and headed down to the chariot loop.

--

"SO YEAH, HOW DID MISS PONY COME BACK TO LIFE?" Pinkie yelled out to the line of ponies waiting to enter their passenger chariot,

"Sketch!" A dark hued stallion standing in front of the chariot yelled out into the crowd with a gangster-like voice,

"SKETCH? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I'M CRUDELY DRAWN!?" Pinkie exclaimed,

"Yo this kid doesn't even know what a sketch is! What a slicer!" The dark hued stallion said again,

"We're so cool!" Another pony at the dark hued one's side yelled out,

"OH NO! YOU'RE CALLING ME A SLICER! I SLICE THINGS!? SO OFFENSIVE!" Pinkie loudly stated,

"QUIT PISSING AROUND AND GET IN HERE!" One of the pullers yelled to the ponies outside. All of the ponies did said action and the chariot was moving. On a remote country road, the passenger chariot being manned by 4 ponies was moving down the road at a decent speed. Inside the passenger section, Twidos was sitting next to Derpy who gnawed on her own hoof,

"SO HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO MAKE YOURSHELF JISH RAINBOWS?" Twidos asked,

"MY NAME'S DERPY DAMMIT!" The grey mare scolded to the unicorn. Soon, the chariot full of ponies reached its destination, the Equestria History Museum.

--

Inside, all 5 ponies of the group of friends and several other ponies were standing in front of Miss Pony,

"Alright everyone, I will be your guide for the day" Miss Pony said to the group,

"TAKE USH TO THE CANTERLOT ROOM, ITSH MY FAVORITE PLACE" Twidos yelled to Miss Pony,

"Whoever likes Canterlot is a snotty, rich douche!" Applejack stated. Later in the tour, the group was at the exhibit about the origins of Manehattan,

"THIS PLACE SUCKS BIG PUSSY! I'M LEAVING! KAY THANKS BYE!" Pinkie yelled then made a mad dash for the exit,

"Stop it Pinkie, get back here right now" The text to speech said,

"Ugh, that fagola" Applejack said to herself,

"NO, SHUT UP APPLEJACK!" Pinkie yelled back as she threw a boot at Applejack, "EVERYPONY EXCEPT APPLEJACK, FOLLOW ME TO FREEDOM!" Pinkie shouted to the group as the rest of the gang caught up. Just as they were about to charge through the exit, Miss Pony stopped them in their tracks,

"Stop where you are, you are to leave when I tell you to, turn around and follow me" Miss Pony commanded throught the program,

"H-hold on one sec" Pinkie said in her normal voice then flung Miss Pony toward the far wall, "KAY GIRLS, LET'S GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!" Pinkie yelled then commanded everyone to leave the museum. Applejack however, lagged behind, so Pinkie locked to sliding doors, leaving Applejack inside, "HEY! I SAID EVERYPONY EXCEPT APPLEJACK! YOU'RE STAYING IN THERE WITH MISS PONY LICK HER PUSSY OR SOMETHING!" Pinkie yelled to the prisoner. Just then Applejack produced a piece of Apple Pie, complete with whipped cream,

"Open the door I have PIE!" Applejack yelled back,

"HOLY TITS, IS THAT APPLE!?" Pinkie yelled, then smashed her hoof through the glass and snatched the pie, laughing crazily, "YOU FELL FOR IT!" Pinkie yelled in triumph,

"You know I can just open the door now?" Applejack stated, then did just that and left the building,

"SHIT! I FORGOT MY SPELL BOOK!" Twidos yelled in realization. Over at the chariot, one of the pullers was trying to break the voice-activated lock, but since it was set to self-destruct on first wrong guess, the book exploded into tiny pieces. Twidos just stared at the ashes of the book, her eyes wide in disbelief, "MY LIFE... MY CAREER, ITSH, ITSH, ITSH... DESTROYED! NOOOOOOOOO!" Twidos melodramatically yelled,

"HA HA! TWIDOS'S LIFE GOT DESTROYED!" Pinkie yelled jokingly,

"JUST KIDDING! I MEMORIZED EVERY SHPELL, AND CEWESTIA HAS 9000 COPIESH OF IT" Twidos stated,

"MY JOKE... MY PLAN... IT'S, IT'S, IT'S... DESTROYED! NOOOOOOOOO!" Pinkie exclaimed while resting on her hind legs, "Just kidding, I can do this" Pinkie said, then smacked Twidos's chin, laughing hysterically. Twidos immediately started chasing Pinkie out of the area,

"I'M GONNA LEETHAX YOU!" Twidos was screaming as she chased her "friend",

"What an exciting day this was!" Applejack exclaimed to the group,

"Indeed it was" Rainbow Dash agreed,

"MY NAME'S DEEEEEEEEERPYYY!" Derpy yelled in excitement. Off in the distance,

"TWIDOS IS A PIE!" Pinkie yelled in the distance,

"PINKIE'SH GAY!" Twidos yelled back,

"Well it looks like this..." Rainbow Dash said as she produced a pair of sunglasses and put them on her head, "...is a cold case" Rainbow finished then put on the most smug look she could muster,

"Every single FUCKING JOKE RAINBOW DASH! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? GOD!" Derpy yelled at Rainbow's face then left the scene. Rainbow Dash just shrugged and headed in the general direction of her house.

Comments

[bella]

[Decepticon Barricade]