• Published 26th Dec 2011
  • 918 Views, 6 Comments

Books - Author Tempus

A deranged pony is on a killing spree, writing the biography of his victims.

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"Life is like... A comfy sofa! It's amazing, but as time goes on, it wears out..."

Missy Futon awoke excitedly to a brand new day. A brand new day where she got to do her jobs, which she loved. Missy makes furniture. It's her talent, really. She makes some of the best darn furniture in Equestria. And it's all thanks to the local ponies who help make the furniture! By help, of course, I mean they are the furniture. Missy is a reaper, part of an organization sanctioned by an unknown leader to stop criminal activity by permanently disabling the criminals. Every reaper has a different method of doing this, and every reaper has a different definition of criminal activity.

One pony writes a biography of the offender on their own hides. Another, more famous one was Pinkamena, who would bake the victims into cupcakes.

Missy made furniture. And she loved it.

She jumped out of bed, directly into her store. Hers was the only one that was made of normal materials. She may be a homicidal maniac, but she's not sick. I mean, who knows where the ponies who made up the furniture have been?

The little bell on the door to the shop rang. A customer approached. It was show time.

"Hello, and welcome to Futon's Futons and More! What would you be looking for today?" Missy chided in a whiny voice.

An earth pony stallion stood at the entrance. His coat and mane were a light gray and he wore a monocle.

"Yes, I'm looking for a table and I heard you were the finest upholster in the area."

Missy smiled brightly. "Why yes, I am! You heard right! I just happened to have made a table yesterday!"

Using a simple levitation spell, she brought the table into the main shop room. It was made from two ponies, a couple if she remembered correctly. Their bones made to look like wood so as not to arouse suspicion. It was flawless, just like all the other furniture. Truly, Missy would get employee of the month! Well, if GRIMM had employees of the month...

"Hm, yes. That table is exquisite. How much do you want for it?" the pony asked.

Missy mentally rubbed her hooves together. "Well, normally I would charge 500 bits... But you seem to really like it. How about 400 bits?"

"Hm, yes. That seems like a marvelous deal. I'll take it." The pony reached into his saddle bag and pulled out a large gold coin. "I'm sure this should about cover it, yes?"

Missy could hardly contain her excitement. That table was probably worth 100 bits and she was pretty sure it was haunted by the ghost of the pony she used to make it, but she sold it for quadruple the price. "Thank you, sir! I hope you enjoy your new table!" Missy beemed.

"Hm, yes. Quite." the pony replied, taking the table on his back as he left.

As the door was closing, Missy thought she saw a pegasus coming toward the shop at break-neck speeds. Missy ran as fast as she could to keep the door open, but it was too late. The gray pegasus with blond hair crashed through the door.

"Hello, Derpy..." Missy greeted as sarcastically as she could. "Think you could have at least stopped to open the door?"

The pegasus stared at Missy and the floor. "Oh, you know I have to keep a public image. We can't have ponies suspecting me of being a reaper, now, can we?" she said in a very feminine voice.

"Yes, of course, but nopony is around right now..."

"You can never be too careful. I've heard that somepony has started ivestigating us... Anyway, here's your new assignment." Derpy gave a letter to Missy. It had a pink seal on it in the shape of an s. After this, Derpy left, leaving Missy with a new skylight.

"Well, let's see who I got this time!" Missy thought to herself excitedly.

"Life is like... A comfy sofa! It's amazing, but as time goes on, it wears out... But when you look back at it all, it was worth buying."

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