Meet The Ponies

by Pyrotf2

Chapter 1- The Lonly Pyro

Pyro reclined in his office chair, staring at all his expensive stuff, and thinking about all the money he had. Then he snapped out of his daydream. He was sitting in the Intelligence Office of 2Fort, staring at the walls which he would soon be running through, his trusty flamethrower at his side. He had no money to speak of, living off of welfare checks from Team Fortress Industries. And, as usual, he had arrived very early to the battlefield.

In fact, he had arrived last night by express truck. Then he had set up his small bed, and slept fitfully through the night, dreaming his usual dreams: That time he set the orphanage on fire. That time he set his birthday cake on fire. That time he set his neighbors on fire. Pyro kind of wished he didn't dream about the bad parts of his life. Then again, there weren't many good parts. He set about polishing his flamethrower and mask, whistling a small tune he remembered. Today was a good day: Meet the Pyro was soon to be released! Hopefully it would show how cool and nice he was, right? In fact, he thought he had heard that the Medic had previewed it.

Pyro found the desk phone, which was on the desk. In fact, it was nailed to the desk. Pyro picked up the receiver and dialed the Medic's number. The Medic was also one of the few who could understand him through his mask, though why this was was completely unknown to the Pyro. "Ugh… Hello? I am in ze middle of something," the Medic answered.

"(Hi Medic! How was Meet the Pyro?)" Pyro asked.

"Pyro?! Oh dear… Er, maybe it is best I… save ze surprise for… Later," finished Medic, immediately hanging up. Pyro was confused, but thought to himself "I must look really spectacular in the trailer if he can't tell me anything about it!" Pyro often acted childlike, preferring candy and treats to normal food, unless it was hamburgers. He loved hamburgers. In fact, he had once sold the rights to his name and face to a restaurant called "Pyro's Hamburgers", only to find that TF Industries had bought the restaurant. Oh well. He wondered what would have happened if the restaurant was successful? Thinking of the service he had had there, he frowned. Probably a zombie apocalypse or something. He quickly abandoned this unhappy tangent of thought and went back to polishing.

*In a completely different universe*

Twilight Sparkle lifted up a wrench with her horn as she surveyed her work. It was in the shape of a simple door, oval-shaped and large, but made of metal. Behind it was a vast machine, with plenty of technological arrays, gears and pumps. Today was the big day! She would finally see if her work paid off. Spike was fast asleep, and it was the weekend, so the library was closed for the day. She had also invited Pinkie and Rainbow Dash over to see the big experiment (Rainbow was bored that day, and Pinkie was always open for something fun). Speaking of which, where were they? She heard a knock from the door, and zipped down to answer it. Pinkie appeared in the doorway, giggling at some unknown joke. "Hey Twi! Where's that dimensional space-hole thingy? Is that it?" Pinkie stared at a book.

"That's a book, Pinkie." Twilight said. Just then, they heard an "INCOMING!" and Rainbow crashed into the doorway, knocking both of them over.

"Rainbow!" Twilight said, surveying the damage.

"Sorry Twilight, might've overshot the landing," Rainbow replied apologetically. Fortunately, nothing was broken, so they continued over to the next room in the library, which housed Twilight's workshop and the door.

"Wow… You built a door, Twilight!" Pinkie Pie said, evidently impressed. Rainbow smirked.

"You brought us over here for a metal door, Twi? Next time I think I'll sleep in." Twilight groaned.

"This door can access other universes. The universe we go to might be made of candy, or on fire, or invisible." Pinkie Pie thought for a moment about the last one.

"But if it's invisible, how would we know we were there?" Rainbow rolled her eyes.

"You wouldn't be able to see anything, duh," she answered.

Twilight flicked a switch and the door lit up yellow, as the pumps started pumping magic into the device. "Let's see, coordinates 12 23 infinity…" she said.

"Ooh, where are we going?" Pinkie asked.

"A universe just like ours, except Luna is the current monarch. It would be a real educational opportunity." Rainbow rolled her eyes.

"Boring, egghead, let's go to a universe much more cool." To Twilight's horror, she began messing with the coordinate controls, setting them to '16 4 1960' and so on, and then jumped through. "Catch me if you can!" Rainbow yelled as she jumped.

"Ooh, this looks fun!" Pinkie said as she bounced in. Twilight hurriedly scribbled a note and, mustering up her courage, followed them into the dimensional void.

*Back in TF2niverse*

"Gentlemen, I have called you here today to present the final installment of our 'Meet the Team' videos, featuring our beloved arsonist, the Pyro. As part of the effort to convince the poor unfortunates of TeuFort that you are not idiotic mercenaries destroying their buildings and worldly possession with bombs, this has been a tremendous failure, and I blame all of you for not trying hard enough." The Administrator said smugly from her television screen.

"Aye, just skip to the bloody movie!" the Demoman said, slurping a little more of his Scrumpy and burping. "Very well," the Administrator said, then cut to the video. Pyro watched, rapt, as footage of his teammates played.

"I fear no man," the Heavy said. "But that… thing… It scares me." It was then that Pyro began to notice something was very wrong. Weren't they supposed to make him look cool, and likable to the other team members?

"No, I ain't… I ain't talking about that freak," the Scout exclaimed. The real Scout was cringing, almost as if he expected Pyro to attack him. "He's not here, is she?" the Scout in the video questioned, becoming increasingly panicked. The Pyro was almost indignant at this. Scout thought he was a girl? "How do I get this f*ckin thing off?!" The Scout was literally tugging at his microphone, frantically attempting to remove it from his chest. Pyro kicked open a door, flamethrower out and ready. The Pyro gulped. He remembered that day. The video then cut to the Spy, and the Pyro brightened. Surely with the Spy's oratory skill, he would say something good about him, right?

"One shudders to imagine what inhumane thoughts lie behind that mask…" the Spy mused, smoking his traditional cigarette. Pyro was now shooting a stream of fire into the air, while buildings burned around him and dramatic music played. The Pyro practically withered in his seat. Or not, he thought to himself. "What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?"

The camera then cut to an animated sequence zooming into the Pyro's mask, presumably into his thoughts. Then it cut to a pastel world, viewed through two eyeholes, where the Pyro was holding a contraption of brass and balloons, and wherever he placed the rainbow, flowers sprung up. His favorite song 'Do You Believe in Magic' was playing. Inside his mask, the Pyro paled. They told him that they wouldn't mention his medication. They said no one need ever know. They lied.

Pyro couldn't bear watching the rest of the video, but he knew if he looked away it was a sign of weakness. So he stared as he skipped happily, giant lollipop in hand (how did they even know about that?) and inserted it into a cherubic version of the BLU Heavy's mouth. It cut back to reality, and the Pyro was chopping the BLU Heavy apart with his axe. He sprayed a stream of bubbles at the Baby Scout as in real life, he shot him with a Scorch Shot. He saw the Medic inside a present, so he straightened the present's top, while in real life he barred the door to a building, the Medic trapped inside and shouting "No!" as the Pyro set the building alight. The baby Spy and Engineer appeared, and Balloonicorn gave them a ride on his back. How did they know about his imaginary friend, too? Pyro wondered worriedly. The cherubs were all there, the whole team, and they were saluting him as he left 'Pyroland', as he had come to call it. The scene cut to reality, and the whole BLU team was running around and screaming as everything around them was lit on fire. The BLU Sniper crashed out of a second-story window to the ground, and grabbed the shoe of someone, screaming "Help!" at them. Pyro remembered this also, but not in this light. No, he remembered the 'Pyroland' version, where the poor Sniper wanted to be rainbow-colored but just couldn't do it himself somehow. The movie cut to a scene of the Pyro tilting his head as he burned the Sniper to death, and then to the ending credits. Pyro relaxed inside his suit. Finally, it was over. The ending scene then cut again to a scene of Pyro walking towards the sunset in Pyroland, and transitioned to reality as the BLU Soldier fell over, clutching his heart that had just fallen out while the buildings burned around him, and Pyro in the movie whistled softly to 'Do You Believe in Magic'.

The entire team was speechless. "Meeting adjourned," the Announcer said, turning off the television. Everyone but Pyro immediately made muttered excuses and left the room, leaving only Pyro and Medic.

"I am sorry, Pyro, but… I promised zem not to tell you," Medic said as he too left. The Pyro stared at the television screen. How could they have said those things about him? How could the makers of the video show his special place, where he could play forever and not have to worry about how he had no money, no job, no anything… The Pyro put his masked head in his gloved hands. What would he do now?

Back up at the respawn room, a conversation was taking place. "Oh man, we're dead. We are SO FREAKING DEAD," the Scout panicked, practically flying across the room as he got his stuff together.

"If we're lucky, we'll live for about a week," the Spy muttered, loading his revolver and sharpening his knife.

"I had no part in that video," the Engineer muttered. "An' if ya'll didn't want him to come after ya, maybe ya shouldn't have said all that in the first place. You knew she was gonna come after ya eventually." The Medic groaned.

"For ze last time, ze Pyro is male." The Scout looked at him.

"Yeah, like you would know!" Then the Scout thought about what he had just said. Part of Medic's job was to take them apart and put gizmos in them like the UberCharge device, so he probably did know.

"…Nevermind." He said begrudgingly.

"Speaking of which, where is our beloved friend. He's late," the Spy commented.

"Maybe he is resting. We are lucky men if so." The Heavy answered, cleaning his minigun.

Comments

[Pyrotf2]

Hudda hudda hurmf

[Eversong]

11205093
O_O