Harmannoyed

by Tirimsil

Ch. 6 :: Nothing Crazy

Dahlia sighed, keeping her head low as she trudged through the streets of Maretime Bay, trying not to look at Merciful☆'s face.

She'd had a bit of a falling out with her bestie, Mayflower. The mare knew she had issues with Harmonoid, how could she be so inconsiderate? But she hadn't meant to yell at her so fiercely. She'd have to apologize to her later.

She forced herself to smile and wave as Sunny Starscout skated past her, then scowled at her back. Sunny was a good filly, but Dahlia couldn't help but feel a little bit envious. Sunny was an instant celebrity - the mare who brought back the magic. And with her ability to turn into a flaming angel of death at a moment's notice, she never had to worry about protection.

Dahlia sighed again, and with that thought, suddenly found herself enveloped full-body in a really big bag, tumbling and turning, unable to tell which way was up.

"Mmmh?!" she cried in alarm.

"Gotcha!" she heard a chipper female voice cheer. "The Harmonoids' secrets are mine!"

She relaxed. "Nawthibagih," she grumbled in resignation.

---

Izzy Moonbow whistled to herself as she cantered around the room, adjusting lights and fixtures until she felt the mood was right. The right mood was "really dark except at the table".

"Was this necessary," Dahlia droned. "This is my house. You couldn't just wait for me to come home and talk to me? It would've taken like five more minutes."

"I'll ask the questions here, pally!" Izzy yelled, slapping the table.

Dahlia jumped, startled. "H-hey, you're gonna scuff it," she complained. "This's expensive wood!"

"Who are da Har-ma-noids's Twin Souls?!" Izzy demanded, levitating a microwaved taquito over and holding it sideways in her mouth like a cigar. "Yer gonna tell me, see?"

"Or what." Dahlia scoffed.

Izzy blinked and thought it over. Then she gave a big toothy grin and began to wave her hoof in circles over the table.

"You're gonna scuff my table?" Dahlia deadpanned back at her. "I could sue you, you know."

Izzy paled and pulled her hoof back at once. "Well crud, I'm all outta ideas, then..."

"You're the worst fanfilly ever, you know that?" Dahlia rolled her eyes.

"Fanfilly?" Izzy's eyebrows shot up, her taquito going limp. "Fanfilly?!" She repeated, seizing her taquito and devouring it in many vicious bites, causing Dahlia to lean back uncomfortably. "I can't stand Harmonoids!"

"Then why are you bothering me?!" Dahlia whined, her forelegs wrapped around herself in disgust at Izzy's voracious display.

"I need to know who their 'Twin Souls' are!" Izzy insisted, levitating another taquito over. She paused. "You want one?" she offered, levitating it over to her.

"Gee, how nice of you to offer me my own food..." Dahlia grumbled, but she leaned over and bit it out of the air.

"You're not a Twin Soul. Right?"

"Imnah," Dahlia said with her mouth full.

"Do... you know... anyone who is?" Izzy floundered.

Dahlia finished her taquito and took time licking around her teeth. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't," she finally answered.

"You don't wanna get smart with me, pal!" Izzy puffed out her cheeks in mock anger.

"Well one of us has to be..." Dahlia leaned on her table with one elbow, sighing.

"You were kidnapped before, right?" Izzy tried another angle.

"Yeah," Dahlia gave an unamused grin and batted her lashes. "And it was a lot scarier than whatever this is."

"I'm not much of a kidnapper," Izzy admitted in a low voice, clicking her hooves together.

"I'll say," Dahlia agreed.

"But I'm real good at being nosy!" Izzy stamped her hooves.

"Can't argue there," Dahlia wrinkled her nose.

"Okay! I'll... prove it!"

"Prove what?"

Izzy checked the mantle over the fireplace. "Aha!" She picked up a framed photo and brandished it at Dahlia.

"Don't break that, that's sentimental," Dahlia pouted.

"This proves..." Izzy paused and looked at the photo again, her brows furrowed. It showed a younger Dahlia and her father at the nearby dock. Dahlia was holding up a really big fish and looked proud of herself.

"It proves you're fishing," Dahlia shot at her after a beat. Izzy gently set it back on the mantle and, with a very delayed snort, began giggling.

As Izzy kept giggling, Dahlia shuffled uncomfortably and glanced at the exits. "That's a funny joke," Izzy huffed between laughs. "You like jokes?"

"Uh," Dahlia squirmed. She froze as she heard the doors locking without anyone touching them. She jumped at the sound of a heavy thunk and a spotlight shining on Izzy, standing on her table with a tophat and a cane.

"Good afternoon, lady and nocolt, I'm feelin' on top of the world today!" Izzy gestured with the hat, then pouted and looked down. "Or at least on top of this table..." She took a crazed look onto her face. "HehEEheeEheEe!"

"Uh," Dahlia stared, both hooves clasped over her chest.

Izzy waved her legs around wildly while speaking. "Ya might ask, why, Izzy Moonbow, what's got you in such a good mood? Well I'll tell ya." She ran to one side of the table. "I went to the doctah this morning and he tells me, he says, why Izzy, your cutie mark's fallin' off. And I say that can't be right, I want a second opinion, 'n' he says, alright, your laugh makes me sick. HeHEEheHEEEhe!"

"I'm no doctor but I agree," Dahlia said a bit loudly. She moved to get up and froze at the cane pointed at her. Looking up at the friendly, smiling face, Dahlia grimaced and slowly sat back down.

"Turns out stickers don't stick to fur very well..!" Izzy choked up and began laughing at her own joke, setting her cane back on the table and leaning onto it.

"Please shut up," Dahlia pleaded.

"Now I know yer an earth pony so's you might not unda-stand: How many unicorns does it take ta screw in a light bulb?" Izzy gestured to Dahlia with her hat.

"Uh, um," Dahlia tugged at one ear, trying to think of a safe answer. "I don't know," she settled on.

"I was hopin' ya did because what da heck is a light bulb?!" Izzy cried, pretending to swoon. "Somepony asked me earlier and I tell ya, it's enough ta drive a mare ta lick!"

"Drive a mare to what," Dahlia bristled.

"So I went down ta the salt lick," Izzy continued, bouncing around the table, "And to the bartender I asked him, hey bartender -- but then I thought about it, 'cause if I asked him what a light bulb was he mighta told me I'd already had enough," she pouted with a hoof to her chin.

"Uuuuugh," Dahlia put her head down on her table.

"And while I was thinkin' about it, a pony came in," Izzy continued. "And he was a pirate with a steerin' wheel in his --"

"Okay, stop!" Dahlia cried, holding both hooves up. "Okay, alright. I auditioned for the Harmonoids! Is that what you wanted to hear?!"

"Oh yeah?" Izzy chirped, leaning on her cane again, interested. She narrowed her eyes. "Where?"

"It was an impromptu location," she shook her head. "They said they never used the same spot twice."

Izzy scowled. "So this pirate --"

"B-but!" Dahlia hastened to add, raising a hoof, "I smuggled out a copy of my audition tape!"

"Tape..?" Izzy repeated. "What's a tape?"

Dahlia stared in horror.

"That's not a bit, like the lightbulb thing," Izzy blinked, shaking her head. "I honestly don't know what a 'tape' is..."

"It's... it... You can listen to it to hear the audition again, you just stick it in a tape player," Dahlia stammered to explain. "They kept me long enough for me to do a group audition with the other applicants! It's possible one of them was accepted!"

"Really..." Izzy rubbed her chin, then furrowed her brows. "Then shouldn't you know their faces?"

"No," Dahlia shook her head. "We were brought in separately and had screens to keep us apart. That way, the ones who weren't accepted couldn't rat out anyone else's identity."

"That's nuts," Izzy concluded. "... Where's the thingy, the tape?"

"It's in the drawers in my bedside table," Dahlia wrung her hooves. "Take it with you, get out of here, I don't want anything more to do with these stupid Harmonoids."

"You 'n' me both, sister," Izzy nodded. She hopped off the table and headed out a door.

After a few seconds, she came back. "Uh, which way's your bedroom?"

---

Izzy headed upstairs to the restored lighthouse's second floor. She felt a little bad about not being totally honest with Sunny about what she was doing here; Sunny just knew she needed a tape player. Dahlia had booted her out of the house too quick to ask after hers, partially because her act on the table had scuffed the wood.

Izzy carefully looked around the room, gradually realizing that she did not know what a tape player looked like. She looked at the tape and tried to think about what kind of thingy would play it.

It must have had big nasty teeth, since the tape had little holes in it for teeth to go. It must have been kind of square, since the tape was kind of square. It was probably a really big, really square goblin head that made a "aauaummmf" noise when you put the tape in. Like a "omnomnom" noise.

Izzy double-took Sunny's actual tape recorder and moaned in disappointment. "How utilitarian," she critiqued, opening it up and carefully setting the tape in.

It took her five minutes to figure out how to make it play. She was scared of messing up and damaging it. Don't accidentally record over it, Sunny had said.

"Oh no!" Dahlia called. "Loyal☆! Are you alright? That was a nasty fall."

"Shut up, egghead," came a high, childish voice. Not the current Loyal☆.

"O-Okay..." Dahlia responded. Izzy liked her voice better than the one they got.

"Loyal☆, really!" Izzy's entire body perked and her heart skipped; this was definitely the current Generous☆ voice. "Merciful☆ is being very concerned for you!"

"I'm fine," Loyal☆ insisted. "Shut your fancy trap."

"I can't believe you --" Generous☆ started with a voice crack, then the actress cleared her throat. "Oh wow, I totes beefed that, hashtag RIP..." Izzy's heart dropped at the sound of the actress's regular voice. "Don't freak, I got this one, ahem." She inhaled and perfectly nailed the voice. "I can't believe you..!"

Izzy wobbled on the spot, afraid she was going to pass out, and immediately focused on her breathing.

"Look, I'm sorry," Loyal☆ conceded, but with an edge. "I'm just a little bit... miffed, okay?!"

Easy, Izzy, she assured herself. You just got hit with a heartbreaking bombshell, it's okay. It's okay.

"Oh darling," Generous☆ cooed, "It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

Izzy stared at the wall with her heart pounding, breathing slowly and deeply, processing the secret she'd just learned and figuring out what to do with it.

"I'm a pegasus, I'm supposed to be able to fly."

Izzy stopped the tape.

Comments

[Tirimsil]

If you don't know who Dahlia is, don't worry, neither did I until I saw the name assigned to one of the background ponies in Maretime Bay.

EDIT: The article appears to have been deleted, so I've no idea if that's even her proper name! Whatever. She was pink with sea-green hair.

EDIT 2: Hitch greets Mayflower and Dahlia by name while trying to stop Sunny from entering Canterlogic right after "Gonna Be My Day".