Harmannoyed

by Tirimsil

Ch. 13 :: Tolerance

"I-Izzy, no..!" Zipp hissed.

"Relaaax," Izzy waved her off, walking up to the strange door with the bright light casting scary shadows out into the hallway outside and peeking her dumb smile against the window.

She blinked for several seconds before waving Zipp over to come look too, summoning her phone from the abyss.

"What is it..?!" Zipp whispered in awe.

"This, my dear Princess Zippopotamus, is an unravelled conspiracy!" Izzy smirked. Heeeheeheeee, her brain-voice was giggle-neighing, Heehehehe! VIIIIIINDICATION!! Eat it, Sundrop! Wait no, Izzy forgives you, Sunster, you were very upset and didn't know what to get mad at and you feel so bad and Momma Izzy's gonna make it all better.

"What did you just call me."

Maybe Zipp can eat it, Izzy considered with a frown. She's done nothin' but complain.

They were looking at a massive show room for a fully-automated assembly line. There was a huge, clear area to stand in the middle, but the walls hosted dozens of huge, robotic arms plucking metal and plastic pieces, moving them to and from the conveyor belts. Dozens of belts came into and exited the room at odd angles, showing horrific, metallic skeletons in various states of completion. Dozens more measured, produced, and assembled plastic pieces in the vague shape of equine features to serve as a shell for these cores, whose jaws hung slightly open as though eternally mildly surprised. Izzy had to admit it was kind of awesome. Too bad it was evil.

Despite no ponies being present, it was well-lit in white and blue. And yet, an equine presence must have been expected, because it was covered with branding. More than would be necessary even with a team of nerds working the place.

"I-Izzy!" Zipp choked again, her feathers bristling as Izzy confidently slid the door open, strode into the room, and began recording on her phone, which let out a beep-beep! so that everyone would know to stop being so naked all the time, a camera was on. Zipp instinctively stopped talking as soon as the recording began.

Izzy swept her phone across the assembly line, the Secretary@ logo on the computer terminals, the Warhorse Electronics logos all over the walls, and the crates and boxes stamped with Ecru and Hayburger. She resisted the urge to crack some crates open and see if anything was good to eat. She'd heard that some fabrics were even edible.

Izzy cut her phone recording (beep-boop...) before speaking again. "Let's take a look around."

"That's nuts," Zipp trembled. "Izzy, don't you see what's going on here?" She swept a hoof around the room. "This is where the robots live!"

"Yup!" Izzy chirped, looking from corner to corner. "Split up or stick together?"

"You've lost your mind," Zipp exhaled. "Don't you dare leave my sight. C-come back here!" And she zig-zagged fearfully through the air after the giddily cantering unicorn through one of the side doors.

The two walked in silence other than the clink-clink of Izzy's hooves against the plastic-and-metal flooring, until their ears perked at the distinct, tinny sound of a high-passed Linking Lonely Hearts.

Zipp quietly touched down and leaned in to whisper to Izzy. "Headphones."

"You're sure?"

"I definitely know what loud headphones sound like." Zipp insisted, then drew her hoof across her mouth. No more talking, Izzy understood with a nod.

They both walked slowly, making no sound as they followed the noise to an open side room. This time, they approached it together, peeking around simultaneously.

In the otherwise pitch-dark room, there were the headphones, resting on an unattended computer desk, their "GAMURR" lights pulsing in time with the sound. The three monitors were all full of confusing windows and subwindows, showing sound wave patterns, diagnostic logs, and Minesweeper.

Unwisely, they slowly inched further into the room - until the lights flicked on to reveal, hooked up to an operating table like Holstein's Monster, a robotic equine. Izzy's and Zipp's mouths fell open in awe and horror.

She was colossal. Double their height, easily, with the chiseled jaw, strong legs, and proud shoulders of a powerful stallion, yet the soft eyes, flowing mane and tail, and curved body of a mare. Even in this light, her flickering form was dark, especially around the backside. Her wings were large and fluffy, her horn long and dangerous, with hooves like maces.

Izzy and Zipp scampered back to the desk and, trying not to touch anything, looked wildly all over the three monitors for any information on this horrific beast. The right monitor, fortunately, was half-taken up by a project overview. Glossing over it, they learned this monster's name.

Nightmare☆Harmoonoid

"Is that a typo," Zipp whispered.

"She has the moon on her butt," Izzy whispered back. "Must be a pun -- Stop!"

Izzy hissed and slapped Zipp's hoof away as the princess, without thinking, seized upon the computer mouse to investigate further. Unfortunately, this produced a click! followed by alerts immediately appearing on the computer screens.

UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS DETECTED
This terminal has been accessed outside of scheduled operating hours and has been locked down.
You will now be Recalled. Goodbye.

"We gotta go," Izzy yelped, seizing Zipp in her magic and fleeing as steam began to release from the operating table.

As Izzy scampered back down the hallways, she heard the heavy ka-thunkthunkthunk of a four-legged robot getting to her feet, and picked up the pace.

"W-which way did we come in..?" Izzy huffed, glancing every which way at an intersection. "D-daffodil it, this way!" She turned right. "If we go right enough times we'll get out."

"I-Izzy, let go," Zipp squirmed. "Or at least be gentle! I can barely breathe!"

"Can -- ya -- breathe with a -- big freakin' -- robot -- sittin' on you?" Izzy reasoned between breaths, rapidly tip-tapping up the steel stairs. She turned into a side-corridor and skidded to a stumbling halt with a strained screech.

There was a flickering yellow pegasus with long pink hair standing in front of her, more or less blocking the hallway. Even devoid of clothing, both recognized this as Kind☆Harmonoid.

"Please get down!" Kind☆ called, and as Izzy slammed herself and Zipp against the floor ("SQUAWK!"), she ducked down, then leapt over their heads with wings spread and a dagger in her mouth.

She smashed right into the face of Nightmare☆ as she came up the stairs, sending them both tumbling over the railing and back down. Izzy scraped Zipp off of the ground and went back to running.

"Guuuuh-zzuuuhh?" Zipp offered, her eyes rolling. "Hehe robot fight~"

Come on, Izzy pleaded as they neared another intersection. Come on, psychic powers. Help me out here!

And with a sputtering cough and the hum of neon lights switching on, a big blue ghostly arrow appeared on the ground pointing forward. I was totally never gonna pick forward, Izzy thought as she followed the arrows. Forward, right, left, forward, second door on right, forward. I didn't realize we went through all these doors when we came in here! she complained to herself, but her mouth was too busy gasping for air to speak anything aloud.

Finally, she could see the first room, the big showroom with all the conveyor belts and branding. Pressing Zipp against her back, she leaned forward and ran like the elder was coming after her for bringing Parasprites to the village.

Phoomp! Izzy's legs came out from under her and she and Zipp toppled to the ground ("HONK!") and rolled into the showroom along with a tennis ball.

When her head stopped spinning, Izzy looked up to see Nightmare☆ standing over her, sparking from the limbs and neck a bit with her hologram unstable, but looking quite comfortable with herself, and incredibly intimidating, looking down her nose at them. Especially when her hologram glitched and made her head look like a black skull.

One of the nearby vents exploded open. With a feral growl, Kind☆ fell down onto Nightmare☆'s back and jabbed her dagger into her back. There was a distinct click! and a CHOOOO... and Kind☆ tumbled off.

"You are not tolerated," Kind☆ admonished from her prestigious position on the floor.

Nightmare☆ stood in place, frozen, then goat-fainted to the side like a statue. Her hologram glitched out for a bit before turning off, leaving her a creepy, unreasonably-tall robot-skeleton laying on the floor with a dagger sticking out of it.

Kind☆ stood back up and clinically examined herself for injury as Izzy and Zipp stared at her in frozen, confused fear. She turned her military doe-eyed gaze to Izzy and Zipp, who quivered up at her. She tilted her head this way and that. Then she smiled with closed eyes. "Come with me if you don't mind," and she offered them a hoof to help them up.

---

"Didn't I tell you," Dahlia huffed, "That I wanted nothing to do with Harmonoid ever again?"

They were back in the coffee shop, the three of them sitting at a booth away from the window. Dahlia was their waitress and the only one working that shift. She had almost fainted when she saw Kind☆Harmonoid walk through the door.

Having kicked open an Ecru crate before leaving, Kind☆ was now dressed in an elegant, cherry-and-black kimono, with black pins and red ribbons in her hair. The sleeves largely obscured her forelegs, and while leaving the factory, she had retrieved some of the weapons she had taken from Zephyr Heights and stuck them there and other places. Zipp had already arranged for the armor to be returned to Zephyr Heights.

"Please do not worry about Nightmare☆," Kind☆ soothed. "That Recalloid should be disabled for at least several hours."

"You sure," Zipp shivered.

"She has not been properly fitted with a casing as she is still in early testing," Kind☆ answered. "Because of this, I was able to disconnect her main drive. This has corrupted most of her files and forced an emergency shut down. She'll require a reformatting of her main drive and a clean reinstallation of her operating system. She won't remember us when she reactivates."

"Why are you helping us?" Izzy blinked at her. "Aren't you a Recalloid?"

"As I told you earlier," Kind☆ returned, "I am Recalloid unit 83N153. My default hologram is HarmoSync Model 105, so if it's convenient, you may simply think of me as Kind☆Harmonoid. I was scheduled for decommission due to... aberrant behavior..." She blushed and looked away.

"What's that mean." Zipp crossed her forelegs, one eyebrow raised.

"I don't like being mean."

Izzy and Zipp exchanged a glance.

"I soon became aware that the two of you were investigating the Princess's disappearance thanks to social media and suspected you might discover and search the factory, thereby endangering yourselves." Kind☆ smiled. "It seems I was right on time."

"How are you able to talk?" Zipp pouted. "Harmonoids need an actress to perform their voices."

"Technically true," Kind☆ blinked slowly once. "Every satisfactory performance is recorded. HarmoSync helps develop an advanced vocoder AI that, with equine guidance, can process speech samples and build up a database of semantics, emotions, and common speech quirks. As the actresses continue to perform, providing an increasingly larger library of samples, Recalloids' speech becomes rapidly more colorful and natural. Provided the samples are well-chosen, as little as 10 minutes may be sufficient to produce a convincing equine voice. This vocoder AI is known as Deep16."

"Wait," Izzy's ears perked. "There's a mobile app that lets you do that. Wasn't it 15?"

"Version 15 is hosted for limited public use," Kind☆ clarified. "The latest build is available only to certain privileged parties and isn't ready for public release."

"It's not self-aware, is it..?" Zipp conjectured, shaking nervously.

"I don't know," Kind☆ answered. "Am I self-aware?" She tilted her head.

The two shared a very uncomfortable look.

"Do you know where Pipp is?" Zipp requested.

"No," Kind☆ shook her head. "But you were mistaken in presuming she was in the factory."

"Is that why we were there?!" Zipp threw up her hooves in frustration. "I was so confused this whole time, Izzy, you never explain anything." She paused, blinking. "... Uh... Why would Pipp be in the factory..?"

"How do you know she isn't in the factory?" Izzy pouted.

"The security of the factory is lacking. I was able to acquire sufficient clearance to view the entire blueprint and perform a biometric scan of every room, including secret areas. Consequently, I was able to verify that the factory held 102 Recalloids and only 2 equines."

"The two being us," Izzy sighed.

"Why would Pipp be in the factory?" Zipp repeated, slapping the counter.

"She would not," Kind☆ insisted. "It's much more likely she is somewhere in Zephyr Heights."

"You're not gettin' me," Zipp gave a raspy sigh and dropped her head onto her forelegs on the counter.

Izzy, however, gasped and clapped her hooves to her mouth. "I'm so stupid..!"

"Not at all," Kind☆ contradicted, "Your deductive abilities, emotional intelligence, and creativity are rather commendable."

"U-uh, thanks," Izzy blushed, beaming, then looked serious again. "Zipp, why didn't you point out how silly I was being!"

"I did," Zipp mumbled into her forelegs. "But can you explain to me what kind of silly you were being this time."

"Of course Pipp would still be in Zephyr Heights! That's where HarmoSync is headquartered!"

"Hnn?" Zipp grunted.

"Zipp," Izzy scoffed, "HarmoSync kidnapped Pipp!" Kind☆ nodded, unaware that Zipp couldn't see her.

"Wait, what?!" Dahlia suddenly objected. "Hold on. HarmoSync kidnapped their own actress."

"They must've!" Izzy insisted, bouncing her butt in her seat. "No one else could possibly have done it. She had two Recalloids guarding her that sure never brought her back to the castle. They had to have come back and kidnapped her. Right?"

"Hold on," Dahlia was suddenly quivering. She reached up and brushed her hair anxiously. "Is there a way to tell a Recalloid apart from a pony?"

"The most obvious difference is the flickering of our holograms," Kind☆ responded at once. "Or attempting to touch the subject. The hologram isn't solid."

"What about if I can't see clearly and I'm tied up?"

"Please wait a moment," Kind☆ asked, and blinked many times, thinking it over. "Perhaps tongue twisters."

"Huh?"

"Deep16 does not directly emulate the equine vocal apparatus or any aspect of psychology," Kind☆ explained. "Equines are prone to faltering in speech when confronted with difficulty, and will stutter, repeat themselves, or become angry or embarrassed. A Recalloid will produce speech, correct or incorrect, with full confidence and no shame."

Dahlia fidgeted. "I think I was kidnapped by Recalloids."

"What!" Izzy cried in scandal. "I'm not a Recalloid!"

"Not you, idiot!" Dahlia scoffed. "Before! The first time!"

"Ooooooh," Izzy meeped, putting her hooves together and looking at the wall, embarrassed.

"Listen, robot," Dahlia ran a hoof through her hair. "I'm gonna write a... a word down, and I need you to read it out loud for me. Okay?" She quickly skritched something down at the counter and tossed it onto the booth.

"Okay." Kind☆ accepted, and looked at the paper. She paused for a few seconds. "Laaawooillyillykuu~wayyooooa," she delivered sincerely and without slurring. Dahlia's and Izzy's fur stood on end as, at least in one part of that utterance, she made an echoing trilling sound that was not generally available to ponies.

Dahlia paled and stumbled in place, a hoof to her temple. "Oh geez," she mumbled.

Izzy looked at the note.

Lauwiliwilinukunukuʻoiʻoi

Her mouth fell open. "... What the heck is that word? Lawwy.. li... willy..."

"Say it in pieces. Lau, wili-wili, nuku-nuku, 'oi'oi," Dahlia repeated. "Better known as the longnose butterfly-fish."

"You used to go fishing with your dad..!" Izzy remembered.

"And swimming and diving too, so my house has lots of fish memorabilia," Dahlia nodded. "Whenever I invited someone over, they always stopped to ask me about that fish. But when I got kidnapped, they didn't miss a beat. They just... said it. Very wrong, but they said it, like it was totally normal." She breathed in and out. "They must've been robots. No wonder they creeped me out so much, they literally weren't ponies."

"Izzy!" Zipp suddenly leapt up and slapped the counter, making the ponies jump.

"Is there danger?" Kind☆ asked, looking at the windows.

"No," Zipp swallowed and looked abashed. "Izzy, we're getting on the train."

"Huh?!" Izzy squeaked. "Why?!"

"We're going to Zephyr Heights," Zipp rubbed at her eyes, "When we get there, I'm gonna come from the east like Star Swirl on the fifth dawn, and wedgie every single dweeb in HarmoSync HQ, and..." She was yawning again. "... I need a nap before I go do that."

"Will you need my assistance?" Kind☆ fretted. "I would likely draw a crowd, which would endanger bystanders..."

"No, they might reprogram you or something, I want you to stay in Maretime Bay," Zipp instructed. "Find Sunny Starscout and Hitch Trailblazer. The one lives in the lighthouse outside town and the other's the sheriff. Protect them like you'd protect us."

"I am familiar with them," Kind☆ nodded. "Please be safe."

"Star Swirl didn't give out wedgies," Izzy huffed.

Comments

[Tirimsil]

This was probably the hardest chapter to write (EDIT: It seems I said that about two other chapters, no, this was the hardest one by far), which went through like 20 very different ideas and which I continued editing until shortly before publishing it, and may be the weakest chapter in the story.

But I really wanted to have Terminator jokes which led to having a nice Recalloid showing up (retroactively affecting previous chapters) and there was no question it had to be Kind☆Harmonoid.

As a consequence, I worried this might make the story feel like it's building up when it's actually very close to the end. Oh well.