Two souls return to Equestria to aid their friends in retrieving a precious pony once thought lost; a decision that would bear consequences unseen, and dangers unpredicted.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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No don't end now jk I love this story
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Not yet.
Keep reading.
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The YET there scares me even more.
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Well, all chapters were uploaded over like, two weeks? Probably? Bleh.
I feel like very few people actually like this story. Makes me wonder why I wrote it to begin with.
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Most stories here this large have at least months to gain traction, if not years.
I think it's fantastic, wonderfully intriguing, your concept of magic is fresh, and having Celestia as a main player in an adventure? bold and exciting.
This story honestly scratches the same itch that the stories that brought me here did, and I'm glad to have the pleasure of reading it.
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Your comments kinda help make it all worthwhile, thank you. <3
So far I'd say this story is a strong 8/10. The one major thing I noticed that feels weird while reading is the light-hearted bantering in some of the more intense situations. There were some moments while they were on the moon that felt forced/out of place. Other than that I'm really enjoying it, good work.
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Oh, he is! And he is not! Read on my friend, read on, and find out for yourself!
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Legitimate actual spoilers ahead.
No, no, and... never, why would I?
So I binged this story and its prequel in the span of a week or so. I believe you did a fantastic job with both. Some fears I held in the prequel were the gender swapped King Sombra as well as the seemingly shoehorned Anonymous. Both fears turned out unfounded. Queen Umbra quickly rose to be one of my favorite characters and Anonymous, while only being mentioned in the prequel, held important story relevancy. The added homage on the typical Anonymous summoning was icy on the cake.
The Sequel, Verve, I enjoyed even more so. You could feel the tension in the team dynamic in the beginning as well as the budding trust and growth as the adventure progressed. Another fear that came and passed were Vee and Pumpkin. Both being in the prequel, they garnered much more spotlight here. Its expected for the main character to show growth and Arin very much did, but often times authors overlook the other characters. Here, you fleshed out every character. Everyone showed noticeable growth. You expertly hinted at each character's shortcomings as the cast helped one another progressively overcome them.
A small, personal critique. I understand Death's presence at the end, and you did well explaining his appearance. I'm kind of mixed on the "get-out-of-death" free card, but I've come to like Vee, so meh. But Death extending his life then freely distributing it to his friends felt a little heavy handed to me. A 'too' good of an ending.
All in all, only a couple paragraphs in nearly half a million words I felt meh. Even then, it didn't detract from anything. You done a fine job crafting these stories up. I hope any future projects are tackled with the same passion. Thank you for the enjoyable experience and hope to catch your future works.
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Actually, I'm writing a real novel now - nowhere near the pace I could with an established world like in Verve, but it's still ambling along. Bring the Dawn is going to use some of the things I liked and enjoyed from these two fanfics - Vee included! You can't have a story without a lil' bit of purple to fill the pot and keep the coffee boiling, hmhm~
It takes place on a world of my own crafting; a couple familiar names will pop up here and there, as I liked what they were and what they stood for. But all characters are designed to be their own unfolding story. The only problem I have is accurately sharing all of this lore I've written - from the long history to something more frequent, to the new magic system, the land, characters, influences, political and military systems, and languages.
I'm very tempted to craft my own language that's spoken and written, but translates loosely to English relatively well. That's how in-depth its become. I've even crafted a full region map, the highest quality I could do, that's meant to represent trader's routes and exports of each city. It's used in the story, and one of the characters even insults Vee for procuring the wrong kind of map (it's a mercantile map meant for hanging up in an office as decor, not for travelers).
The reason why I wanted to do this, was to pull away from MLP - and maybe, if it receives any attention, create a new, small community that can thrive and grow much the same, without heavy-handed Hasbro strangling the fun, and a focus on a more mature crowd (young adults to adults). There are dozens of races in Bring the Dawn - some unique, some well spoken and known, others bizarre and strange. It's also featuring a more refined planar magic system, with clearly defined laws regarding magic and its purposes. (It's called Runecalling in Bring the Dawn, but also bluntly referred to as magic, snort snort).
The primary race is Gold Tail deer; as to be expected! I toyed with the idea, and I feel like I can really grow what I have into its own thing. Of course, this means that before the book launches, this entire story will be unlisted - along with Inertia. Save it while you can.
And I feel like it's time to really let loose the chains of "characters can't die". Because of this, I actually created D&D character sheets for party characters, and roll appropriately for dozens of situations. Of course, the rules are bent heavily - but they all have their own stats and traits they excel at. This isn't mentioned at all at the story - but makes the dynamic encounters of "oh, this character is legitimately bleeding to death" a serious issue. On top of this, rolls amongst the party is fun.
I'm currently on chapter 10. It's mentally exhausting to write without an established lore or world, because there's just so much to feed the reader. I'm constantly cutting back on the knowledge and science of it all, to make it palletable - but if I could, I'd go on a 200 page tangent of race lore, for nearly every race. And yes, humans are a primary race in Bring the Dawn. Along with some wolfy bois, plant people, silver-blood dragons (considered second compared to real dragons), forest gnomes, and dozens of plane-fairing beings and creatures, with their own religions, casts, sciences, and studies.
The issue is the full scope of Bring the Dawn. Everything I have written in notes has around a 5% chance of falling on the page. It's definitely going to stretch into a full 50+ chapter book on the first novel, and will likely have three parts. Even if it only makes $500 in sales, I'd be happy.
The inspirations for Bring the Dawn comes from a sheer grimoire of ideas, stories, games - so much compiled into one world that the list is simply just extensive. To try and list several is too difficult; I'd have to basically give the culmination of my own life, and dump it on a page. I don't have the years for that.
I just hope I can make it palatable for my readers. If you're at all interested in joining the test audience, I'd love to invite you. Just send me a DM. I've got a ton of kinks to work out, and having someone look over the first few chapters to narrow down the main issues helps.
Well, this was one really lovely story. I admit I liked verve much, much more than inertia :D
I was afraid that the female version of Sombra would be a mistake, but you really made one interesting character out of her, and she definitely fit the whole story magnificently.
It's sad to see this story have such little view count, i'd consider this a really solid piece of work overall, really good for the feathers!
I loved the whole dynamic between the characters you presented here. Even if this is the end of the story I am very satisfied with how this all sorted out.
Great job!!
Welp i finally found the time to finish this and i gotta say i absolutely enjoyed the hell outta this. Vee is by far the best even surpassing Vapor tho he is still up there. Astra and Oarkin aswell as pretty much all the deer were great. I feel the worst for Luna she lost almost everything and all the progress made in the past is gone as with everyone she was with.
also surprisingly no one actuallydied and stayed dead but i guess when you have someonewith a res spell death is only temporary
Question tho what ever happened to Twilight's knight? I dont remember if it was mentioned at the beginning because so much has happend tho.
I did read the comic on that you were writing a proper novel. I would love to read it whenever it is ready. Tho i still hope you do the epilogue but understand if it never happens.
Do post here when novel is done tho.
~Reggie
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The novel is underway, and I'm always looking for pre-readers to simply comment on chapters and tell me how it's coming along.
The novel is intended to be a new world in which a community can grow and thrive. I've been building lore for quite a while to back this up, and it really expands on what I originally started for Verve. I even re-used some of the names here (and Vee has to be a thing, of course).
If you're interested in just looking over what I have, let me know in PMs!
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Thank you so much for the comment, and I'm happy you enjoyed it! It was a good practice run to snoot the bits I needed in the bag. I've moved on to writing a real novel. If you're interested in updates, I intend to occasionally post blogs in my own lil' profile, so follow along for news~
GAAHHHH I READ INERTIA AND LOVED IT AND I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD HAVE A SEQUEL I SHOULD HAVE LOOKED HARDER
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What did you think of Verve? :o
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I fuckin love it dude
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I'm sorry about that, but I kinda just... went with the flow on this. All of it. ^///^;
The entire writing process wasn't set in stone for any of Verve or Inertia. It's all just ad-lib, with random inspirations and lore thrown in at complete random. In fact, the only reason why it works at all is because of the ol' Todd Howard saying, "It just works."
Originally, when I wrote Inertia, I 100% intended it to become a Celestia fic. I also never intended to upload it, use my fimfiction account, or reread it ever again. I just did it on a whim, with the thought process being: "If it has enough negative reviews, I'll just delete it and shrug my shoulders. I wrote it for friends and for me."
A lot of what I learned in life and love kinda boiled down into Verve, last minute. That relationships built on need and not love tend to fall apart. As sappy as it would have been to keep it Celly/Lulu (or herd them,) it wouldn't have worked well in a more realistic love kind of way. (I used to be very Co-Dependent. I wanted to change that, and base love more so on built emotion and close feelings than "I need you to fill a void in my heart for me".)
Umbra was never really intended to be Arin's partner at all. But when I wrote her, and brought her to Erenor, I realized she had the potential for it. And I wanted it to be a relationship built on growth, which is kind of what I made it out to be. Umbra had never been a very emotional character. Unless if you count more beastial emotions like anger and self perseverance as emotion, she's mostly been a blunt "cut to the chase" character who never uses connotations in her speaking. (It's, we're, they're.) And I feel like there was room to grow over that, and it could come from Arin.
But, this is all just... me throwing words at the page. Thinking back on my past writing (especially Inertia) gives me anxiety. I'm writing a real novel now, one I hope can appeal to a slightly larger, more mature audience (featuring - you guessed it - deer similar to the ones in Verve) and I'm absolutely terrified of how badly it can fail.
Thank you for reading so far. It does mean a lot, and comments and criticisms of all sort can be wonderful motivation for writing. Or in this case, long winded replies.