Seems like pretty cool story can't wait to see more! 💛

A solid first attempt, but definitely a lot of room for improvement.

Pro tip: phrases like "vaginal fluids" are probably going to turn readers off. Too clinical.

Oh and get rid of the song lyrics. Including copyrighted material in your story is against site rules. Other than that, it's a good start. You have potential to get good at this.

11012357
If writing in a few song lyrics from a song to set a mood is copyrighted then this website should be shut down because we are breaking copyright laws because we are using ponies created by Hasbro in our fanfictions as we don't own the rights to the ponies and world minus our O.C.s but here we are doing it. As long as the author credits the creators of the songs they use in their stories and tell us they are only using it as a type of mood and story builder then they are safe under the fair use act. Now if they use an entire song and not credit the creator of said song then they can be hit with a copyright claim and be banned from the site. As for the whole "Vaginal fluids" believe or not a lot of readers prefer it over "Mare Cum" as it helps the writer sound like a smart and competent creator.

11012855
From the site rules concerning stories, "don't post" section:

• Stories containing copyrighted song lyrics. Lyrics from MLP songs are allowed.

Regardless of opinion, we have to follow them.

As for the whole "Vaginal fluids" believe or not a lot of readers prefer it over "Mare Cum" as it helps the writer sound like a smart and competent creator.

Well, I've only ever seen it used it mediocre fics. You do you though, I'm not here to tell you how to write your stories.

11012357
Thanks!

11012874
Just made those corrections. Thanks

“You feel like going to the Smoky mountains with me and Twilight for a research trip next month?”

11017751
I just might have to write a second chapter

11012874
Marcum, honey, estrus, all are better than vagina fluids. Or emissions. Bleghk. It's cum from a mare so that makes that it's from a vagina understood already. Plus, yeah, too clinical.

"Continue..."

You intrigue me,
Sincerely,
-Ya Boi Satan

I really wish that this was finished

What why was the second chapter taken down? i was reading it then the 404 error happened. Why?

Un caballo de 1.62 de altura hasta la cruz tiene un pene de 0.90 cm de largo como mínimo, un humano tiene uno de 0.12 cm. Si el llenado de la vagina es completo, una pony de 1.37 cm de altura debería querer llenarse con un pene de 0.76 cm de largo.

11684674
Well, this is pony porn