My Fey Lady

by Wise Cracker

Spa and Sparkle

Fluttershy found herself appearing at the spa, right in front of the reception desk. She’d managed to conjure a spring breeze with her arrival this time, late May by her estimate but still not quite summery enough.

Lotus had been reading a magazine and nearly fell out of her seat. “Oh! Miss Fluttershy, is that you?”

“Umm, yes,” Fluttershy replied. “I’m very sorry to barge in like this. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“It is fine.” Lotus walked over to her, dusting off any smudge from her blue coat. “You are obviously going through an important transition, and we are very understanding here, no questions asked. What is it you need from us?”

Fluttershy felt the correction form in her throat, but she swallowed it. No need to break the illusion and have to explain the whole thing again, after all. “I realise it’s a little bit short-term, but I could really use a beauty treatment.”

“Of course, Miss Fluttershy, the minimalist stress relief, it is no problem at all. Our main masseur is currently giving his weekly weightlifting class for the local children, and our coupon season ended just two days ago, so...” Lotus gestured to the reception hall, and the great emptiness therein. “Business is slow today, we should have no problem giving you our undivided attention.”

“Thank you. And, umm, not the minimalist today, please,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Oh?”

With a deep breath in, Fluttershy puffed up her chest and nodded. “The full treatment today. Sauna, mud, bath, ice… umm, whichever order you think is best.”

Aloe came in, surprised but quickly getting the gist of the situation from the looks of it. “Miss Fluttershy, did I hear correctly? You mean you wish to have a full facial mask today?”

She nodded. “And the hoof filing, and my, umm, you know...”

“Your very pretty and completely natural rack?” Aloe gestured at the antlers.

“Yes. I think that might need some treatment, if that’s an option.” Fluttershy stifled a gulp. “I’m not sure what style would be appropriate, but I am meeting someone tomorrow. Someone very important and very powerful, a close relative to one of my friends, and I need to look well. I’m not sure what that looks like, though, so if you have any ideas?”

“Oh yes, we can arrange that. Those look like reindeer antlers to me, no?” Lotus asked.

Aloe gave her a confident nod. “We have kept up with the fashions of the North since the School of Friendship opened. We have not had any deer customers yet, but we are prepared. We know exactly how to make that sort of presence look regal.”

“Perfect.”

---

The first order of business, now that Fluttershy had deer fur, was a long soak. According to the spa ponies, deer of all varieties tended to struggle most with parasites and bloodsuckers: ticks, mosquitoes, and the like. In modern times, such a nuisance was less of a pressing issue, but the fact remained that as a tribe, deer tended to attract certain things more than ponies did. Besides that, once Fluttershy explained that this change was recent, the pair immediately insisted on a rinse as well.

It was summer, they reasoned, and it simply would not do to go into an important meeting whilst shedding.

“We will shine the antlers with some Flare Bee beeswax after trimming,” Lotus started.

“You mean Flash Bees?” Fluttershy asked.

“No, no: Flare Bees, they are domesticated. Will we require the scissors or filing, do you think?” Aloe asked.

“We will have to consult the literature for that,” Lotus replied. “What about your dew claws, Miss Fluttershy? And those plant growths? Are they synthetic?”

“Oh, umm… they’re wooden, actually. The plants are part of me. I’m not sure if that makes a difference?”

The two exchanged a glance and nodded. “Beeswax,” Aloe said. “Definitely beeswax. But soak in the water first. You will want to be certain the innervation is complete, lest we draw blood from an incomplete rack.”

Fluttershy stifled a gasp. “Blood? You can bleed out of these?”

“Only when they are underdeveloped and covered in velvet, which some sections can be at the bottom, they are harder to shave off alone. I’m surprised you don’t know. You must have seen many fine and great racks in your day.”

“I have, but never one like what I’m wearing.”

Lotus smiled at her. “It is nothing to worry about, the general rules are the same across species. Relax in the warm water, it will help. And do not worry if the plants start to get a little soggy, they can recover. We had symbiotic customers at the resort before we moved to Ponyville, we know what to do.”

She was led to one of the back rooms, where the tubs had double edges and were equipped with extra streams on the bottom to help get rid of any shedding hair.

Fluttershy lay back in one of the tubs, and soon she was soaking in warm water. The pressure below loosened little clumps of fur, while her plant growths seemed completely unaffected by the situation. Still, she kept the leaves and buds in, leaving only the vine threads around her limbs.

“There we go.” Aloe put an extra showerhead over the tub. “You may rinse your mane under there as much as you like, we will prepare a conditioner in the meantime. Lemongrass or lavender?”

“Good question,” Lotus replied before Fluttershy could. “I believe lemongrass is in season in the North now, but lavender has been getting more popular among the moose. We should check the magazines, to be sure. Do call us if you need any help, Miss Fluttershy. We will make sure you get the best treatment.”

“That sounds lovely.” Fluttershy lounged back, well away from the running water above her head. Already the tub overflowed, and the extra water fell over the first edge, along with the loose clumps of fur.

Time passed, and her thoughts drifted off.

This isn’t so bad. I can relax.

She stared at the stream of running water, so close by, and wondered.

It’s only a little stream. And I do need to rinse my mane.

I’m sure Discord would be impressed if I tried it.

He’d say it was brave of me, wouldn’t he? Of course he would.

It can’t be that bad.

With a quick turn and beat from her faerie wings, she settled under the stream to let it wash over her head.

With a shock, her body froze. Her lungs stopped, her heart started pounding, and she went under before she realised what was happening. Unfamiliar hooves slipped over the bottom of the tub, only managing to get her head above water for a second before she went completely submerged again.

I can’t get up under that. I can’t move underwater.

She pushed herself up, and faced the paralysing stream again for a breath of air.

Wait, no. I can’t move under running water. I can still swim and push once I’m under.

She beat her wings to go deeper down, and pushed herself forward against the wall.

Choking, spluttering, she got up. She rubbed her nose, her ears hurt from the water she’d gotten in.

“Oh my goodness, are you okay?” Lotus turned the shower off.

“Yes. I am fine. I, umm, I’m not used to bathing with this new body, that’s all. Still getting used to it. I hope I didn’t scratch your tub with my rack,” Fluttershy replied.

“No, it is designed to withstand that. May I?” The blue mare checked her antlers. “It’s only a short soak, but it will suffice. This new hide of yours is more tender than usual, very prone to pruning. Come, we have already found a style I think you will like. You shouldn’t stay in there after that.”

---

While she was still shaken from her near-drowning, Fluttershy did end up enjoying the rest of the treatment. Her antlers were cut and groomed into a more blunt, unoffensive round shape, while her hooves were sharpened at the bottoms, to better accentuate her legs, according to the spa ponies.

Beeswax was applied liberally to her rack, hooves, and dew claws, while a mud mask worked its magic into her face. Her wings were tended to gently, with a soft brush dipped in an etheric oil Fluttershy couldn’t pronounce the name of, let alone know what was in it.

And, of course, she was brushed and perfumed extensively.

She had none of her anxiety about it now, she was too drained for that.

I could have died.

I could have died because I wasn’t careful enough, just once.

---

Fluttershy flew back home, not wanting to risk another accident. The oils and perfumes applied to her coat needed time to evaporate anyway. She smelled nice, and she had to admit she looked much better than she could remember ever looking.

Still, doubt had crept into her thoughts, and that familiar lump in her throat came and went as she thought about the morning’s events. She opened the door to her cottage and walked in with a sigh, greeted by the scent of bird seed and at least five varieties of fur.

“I’m home!” she called out.

Angel Bunny ran over to greet her, but he was swiftly shoved aside by a star shower.

“Fluttershy!” Discord greeted. “You look magnificent, did you do something with your magic?”

“Umm, no, I uh, I just went to the spa. I thought I should look nice, at least, for tomorrow.”

“Good thinking. I would have just snapped my fingers, of course, but, again, mother would notice.”

She bit her lip.

“Is something wrong?” Discord asked. “Did anything happen? Does anypony need a lesson in manners, by any chance?” He cracked his knuckles eagerly.

“No, nothing like that. B-back at the spa, I… I got the idea that maybe I could impress you and I… stuck my head under the shower. I almost drowned, in a bath. I feel like such a fool.”

His shoulders slumped, but he did manage to give her a smile. “Ah. Idun did warn you: that’s a notorious weakness in creatures like you.”

“It didn’t bother the Kirin. They could walk right into a running river.”

“Yes, a magical river,” Discord argued, straightened up again. “Magical water’s not a problem, that’s all over their natural habitat. No, it’s the non-magical stuff that’ll get you, any fey will tell you that.”

“I nearly drowned,” she repeated. “It happened so quickly. I didn’t even realise I could be so scared.”

“And yet here you stand, looking better than ever.” He sighed. “Do you want to back out? You don’t have to do this, remember?”

“I know, but I want to. And I’ll need to know how to act tomorrow for that to work. I’m just not sure if I really can.”

“Only one way to find out.” He pointed a thumb in a direction that required a degree in quantum mechanics to explain. “I have prepared my home in the meantime, we can work on your magic there. That is, if you’re sure.”

She nodded and rubbed at her sore throat, her voice still croaking. “I’m sure. Maybe I’ll feel better once I can do some more magic.”

“Excellent plan.”

A snap of the fingers, a star shower, and they were in Discord’s abode. He’d spruced up the place, literally: the corners of his main living room were now decorated with miniature spruce and pine trees. In the new dining nook in front of the kitchen, he’d replaced the upside down volcano with Plunder Vines. In fact, all of the gravity had been set to normal, presumably to accommodate the new living things in the house.

She took a deep breath in, and realised she felt home.

Then she heard a creaking on Discord’s table, and realised the smallest pine in the room was waving at her.

She dashed towards it as soon as she noticed. “Oh my. Hi, little guy. Or is that a girl? What is it?” At first glance, it was a bipedal bonsai pine tree, no larger than a cat, with both its tree trunk legs firmly in the flowerpot.

“That? That’s an Ent-Pine.” Discord floated over to her. “I still had one lying around from my old buddy Postumus, I haunted his spellcaster university a few times back in the Pre-Classical era.” He chuckled and looked away. “Ah, so much molten cheese, I really should give him a call sometime. Anyway, do you like it?”

“It’s adorable.”

“It’s yours.”

“Really?”

“Well, yes. I can’t take care of living things, remember? Besides, it might help you in the magical department once all this is over. Its powers are seasonal, and knowledge-based, it’s kind of a teacher’s assistant for wizards, it can be handy to have around if you get more phoenixes or whatnot. I’m pretty sure I saw a stick expert in Ponyville, he could tell you what it can do.”

“Mudbriar?”

“That’s the one, Maud’s boyfriend. So, what do you think?”

She breathed in the atmosphere again and looked around. For a moment, the soreness in her throat and chest faded from the sheer joy. “It looks great, Discord. It’s just what I’d do if I did live here. Except maybe one thing.” With a smile and a flourish, she waved her hoof and caused a flurry of leaves to form in the middle of the room. When it passed, Discord’s chairs and table had been replaced by her own. “I’d probably bring up some of my own furniture. You know, just to put my own little stamp on things.”

“Ah. Good thinking. You really do make a good archfey. Now, teleportation and animation are simple magics for creatures like us, but the fey excel in curses, especially those that change shapes or affect age, or even the mind.”

“Okay. That’s the magic they build their homes with?”

He chuckled. “Oh, no: that’s the magic they fight with. They decree what happens to intruders, what any trespassers become as a punishment. If the archfey happens to be on its own domain, those decrees can become absolute, and sometimes permanent. If they’re not, then it becomes a struggle of will. Mortals, they tend to lose struggles like that. Creatures of chaos, like my mother, will fight dirty and turn such magic against you. Decrees go both ways, and you can get tongue-tied into admitting weakness, or defeat.”

“And I won’t have the home advantage here, either,” she noted.

“No, getting you to extend your power into my home would take far too long, I imagine. I’m not even sure how that would work, now that you mention it. Rule-based magic never sat well with me, anyway. So what we need to work on is strengthening your willpower.” He set an empty flowerpot on the table, next to the Ent-pine. “Fey are fond of transmutation magic above all others, even more so than illusions and enchantment. Try it: turn this flowerpot into a teakettle.”

Fluttershy squinted and concentrated. “Umm, okay… please become a teakettle?”

Nothing happened.

“No, no, no, command it to become a teakettle,” Discord insisted. “I saw you commanding your room to become clean just a few hours ago, you brought the table up, you can do this.”

“Teakettle!” she shouted.

Again, nothing happened.

Discord stuck a finger in his right ear, wincing. “Alright, little tip: shouting doesn’t actually help your magic all that much, it only makes you go a little hoarse. Which, admittedly, wouldn’t make much of a difference for you, but still. Try it again. Maybe do a different form: make a toy train.”

Fluttershy snorted and pushed past the pain in her throat. “Alright: by my decree as archfey: become a train!”

The flowerpot remained as it was, stubbornly refusing to change careers.

“Why isn’t this working? It was working before.”

Discord scratched his head in confusion. “Honestly? I’m not sure. I don’t have the same expertise with fey magic as I do with chaos. It’s because you’re thinking too much, I would imagine. You need to use your voice, your words.”

“But I am using my voice,” she argued, rubbing her neck.

“No, you’re not, you’re using your vocal chords. Any old creature can do that. Oh, but, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Ponies never learned how to use their inner voice, their true will.”

“I really do not understand that, umm, still.”

“Of course you don’t, it’s not your fault. Princess Luna would tell you all about it, she knows the basics. It’s not about you speaking, it’s about your voice, your very soul. And unfortunately, it’s something ponies tend to ignore. You learn to walk, you learn to speak, but you never learn how to think. Mortal thoughts run around like crazy all the time. And unlike me, you ponies don’t have any ways to work with that kind of craziness.”

Fluttershy rubbed her chin. “Okay, I think I understand what you mean. Only Unicorns really learn how to control their thoughts, because they learn magic. And even then, only wizards really do it. That would explain why Starlight and Sunburst are so different in level.”

“Now there’s a thought: what if I got Starlight Glimmer to do the pretending?” The draconequus leaned back and floated off, thinking. “I could even ask some other ponies. Idun might call it a little trivial to spend so many apples, but mother would never suspect a thing.”

“No, Discord. This is something I want to do, as a friend. You shouldn’t have to show that kind of weakness to anypony else.”

He set himself upright and on the floor again. “And I appreciate that more than you can ever know. But we’re still running into the same problem: you never learned magic. You never learned how to control your own thoughts. Even Pegasus magic isn’t something taught in schools these days. You’re less than a novice.”

“Maybe.” She squinted at the flowerpot. “But I can learn. I didn’t get to where I am now by giving up anytime things got hard: I only gave up when I had to and nopony could see me.”

Discord arched an eyebrow.

She grumbled ever so gently under her breath. “Right. Can’t lie, even about that. How do other fey do it?”

“Usually? They don’t share their secrets, not the powerful ones, at least. Even if they told you, they wouldn’t be able to make you do it unless you let them control your thoughts, and that’s a risk you don’t want to take, ever.” He shook his head hard enough to make a rattling sound.

“Then how do wizards do it? They have schools for wizards, there must be something we can use?”

“Wizards are easy to explain, yes. They learn to imagine things as vividly as if it were real life, and then use their mental voice to cast out a command. But that’s the short version of it, the whole thing takes weeks of mental prepwork and a lot of mindbogglingly boring theory. Mortal minds can’t just blitz to that sort of thing.”

“So… maybe a spell would work, then?”

Finally, Discord nodded. “That’s not a bad idea, I guess? A little cliché, but it might work. I mean, fey do tend to rhyme an awful lot, especially when cursing.”

Fluttershy smiled. “Okay. Let’s try… alakazam!”

If the flowerpot heard the command, it did not react. The Ent-pine next to it shook its head.

“Again,” Discord said.

Her nostrils flared, her eyes narrowed. “Higgitis figgitis!”

Still, no luck.

“Again.”

Anger started to build in the archfey. Curse words bubbled up to the surface of her consciousness, fuelled by impotent rage and petty annoyance. “Balderdash!”

The flowerpot did not care.

Fluttershy sighed. A second Fluttershy appeared next to her.

“I think we both know where this is going.”

---

Fluttershy let her head collapse onto the table. It had been hours, or it felt like hours, at least. Her throat felt raw, her tongue dry, her eyes misty.

The flowerpot, by all appearances, felt like a flowerpot, and quite happy to remain so.

“I can’t do it, Discord. It’s not working anymore. I’m losing my powers.”

“No, don’t say that!” Discord quickly picked her up. “You’re a mighty archfey, you just hit a snag, that’s all.”

She managed to sit upright, even with her splitting headache. She reached out a hoof, and Discord gave her some tea. Even her double had vanished.

“I don’t understand,” she said. “I was turning off gravity just a few hours ago.”

“Really? I’m impressed; I wouldn’t have expected that until after two weeks, at least.”

She tried to repeat the motions from before, to get something, anything at this point. “But why can’t I do it now? What’s changed?”

He shrugged. “You can’t be overthinking it at this point, not when you’re this tired. Even mortal minds shut up after that much work. You know what it could be? Maybe your mind has caught up with your magic.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that aside from the random craziness of your own head, even if you get that under control, most mortals have this sort of problem when they’re given a lot of power all at once. Don’t you remember how Cozy Glow fought you when she had the Bell’s power?”

“She was awful.” Fluttershy shivered, her wings spreading faerie dust over the floor. “And tricky.”

“At first, she was. She used a beam, and shields, even a little portal magic, at first. But then as time wore on, why, she couldn’t even use that magic to warm herself up once the Windigos came into play. Why do you suppose that is?”

“She forgot she had that power, maybe?”

“Close enough. When a mortal mind is given a lot of power all at once, it opens them up to new things. New thoughts pour in, new opportunities.” Discord demonstrated the concept with a balloon that became over-inflated. “But the thing is, they’re not used to handling the pressure of all those things. It makes a lot of noise, you might say, more noise than usual. For example, you’re not bothered by the sound of your own heartbeat or the sight of your own shadow, are you?”

“There was that one time I had to care for a colony of Shadowbats. They can make themselves invisible in the shade and, well, they weren’t very nice. That was around the time we had our first dragon incident, too.” She whimpered at the thought.

“Getting a little sidetracked here. My point is: mortals have a way of filtering things out. There’s a whole host of smells your nose picks up but your head doesn’t tell you about. There’s a whole world of background noise you learn to ignore from the moment you’re born.” He deflated the balloon, then popped it with a prick of his claw. “The same is true for magic. After a while, you get used to it, and you start to filter things out. So really, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing: it means you’ll look and feel more genuine.”

“But it means I can’t use my magic anymore. I didn’t learn quickly enough, and now it’s all gone?”

“Not gone: out of reach, for now. Pony babies go through the same thing, especially the ones with powerful parents. You’ll get it in time, I’m sure. You always pull through.”

“That’s not true, Discord,” Fluttershy argued. “You’ve never seen me fail, but I’ve still failed.”

A smile formed on his lips, the sort of genuine smile she didn’t often see on him. “Perhaps. But have you ever seen me fail?”

“Technically, there was that time you had your powers stolen not so long ago,” she blurted out.

“Okay, that’s true, but-”

“And then there was the time you got caught by changelings.”

“Well, they cheated, and-”

“Cozy Glow managed to lock you out of Equestria when she started her plot.”

He rubbed his temples at the thought of it. “Artifact magic can be such a drag, yes, however-”

“I’m pretty sure Starlight said she banished you from the school at one point, but I don’t think that word means the same thing to a pony who doesn’t know magic,” Fluttershy continued.

“It doesn’t. My point is-”

“And then, of course, there was the time you offered to help me assemble my new furniture for the sanctuary.”

“Those Scandineighvians need to work on their instruction manuals, that whole incident is entirely on them!” He cleared his throat, collecting himself after that outburst. “What I’m trying to say is: sure, by your limited mortal understanding, I may possibly, perhaps, from a certain perspective, have had one or two failures around you. But do you think I’m any less of a Lord of Chaos for that? Do you think I’m weak because of that, or stupid?”

“Well...”

He groaned. “Don’t answer that last one until you can lie again, please.”

“I mean of course I don’t.”

“Oh. That’s nice to know. But then why would you assume anyone else does it to you?”

“Umm, because I’m usually the nicest pony in the room?” She held a hoof up to her mouth. “That’s a terrible thing to say.”

“Terrible, but true. The best kind of terrible.” Discord smirked. “Look, Fluttershy, mastering magic isn’t as hard as you might think. The whole mental noise thing? Forget I even said it, it stops mattering beyond a certain level of power, and once you tire yourself out, it stops mattering to a normal pony anyway. With what you’re wielding, what I wield, it all becomes a question of volume and essence, power and purity. Thanks to Idun’s apple, you already have both.”

“Then what am I missing?”

“The will to use it.” He clenched his fists at her, in a pleading gesture of encouragement. “The highest of level of magic is pure willpower. You’re too used to having petty little wants and desires. Think bigger. Try wanting things more deeply, desire something, anything. Don’t let that one little accident in the tub cloud your judgement and make you second-guess everything, you’re stronger than that. It doesn’t matter what’s stopping you from doing it: once you find the way to will something, truly want something, all of that goes away.”

Fluttershy took a deep breath in and closed her eyes. “I’ll try. But how?”

“Think about all those faerie tales about ponies finding spirits or hags and talking stars to make wishes come true. Think of what you would ask if you found something like that. And then realise you don’t have to look, because you are the one fulfilling your wish. When you want something so deeply, so profoundly, the noise will stop on its own, and the magic will flow. So tell me, what is your wish?”

She nodded and started thinking out loud. “More than anything in the world, I wish for my animals to be okay. I wish for-oh my gosh, Priscilla!” Her eyes shot open.

“Who?”

“Priscilla, the phoenix I was telling you about. From the potion seller.”

“Oh, right. You were expecting someone to come by, weren’t you? What time were they arriving?”

“She’s probably waiting. All because I can’t master fey magic.” Fluttershy whipped her head back, wings aglow. “To Sweet Feather Sanctuary!”

---

Discord came teleporting in right behind her. “It’s funny, really, you didn’t have a problem teleporting away when one of your animals was in trouble.” He wrung his hands together with a dark grin. “Perhaps if we had a little talk with Angel Bunny?”

Fluttershy heard him, but didn’t pay him any heed. There was a Kirin friend of hers waiting in the sanctuary. She had been somewhat surprised to learn Kirin had a great knowledge of phoenix care, but given the flammable tendencies of both species, it made some sense. “Autumn Blaze, hi! I hope I didn’t keep you waiting. I was caught up in something and I completely lost track of time.”

“Oh, hi, Fluttershy. It’s no problem, really, I was just getting to know little Priscilla here. Nice new look you got there. And is that…” The Kirin sniffed the air. “Is that fey magic I smell on you?”

“It is. You like it?”

“Yeah, that looks really nice on you, I’ve gotta say.” Autumn inspected her, circling around the archfey. “Discord set you up with that?”

“A friend of a friend did,” Fluttershy replied. “Oh, Discord, this is Autumn Blaze. Autumn Blaze, this is Discord.”

“We met already,” Autumn said. “Back at the place with the thing. You know, the triple rainbow blast?”

“Right, you were there, too. Okay, let’s get it over with.” He made a wiping motion over his chest to bring forth a bullseye, and offered some rotten tomatoes to the Kirin.

She waved the offer away. “Oh, I don’t blame you for that. I’ve had the same sort of thing happen, remember? We’ve made plenty of messes back home that nearly dragged everyone around us down, all with good intentions. I’m sure whatever you were thinking, it made sense to you at the time.”

Discord shrugged and got rid of the tomatoes and paper, tossing the first behind his back and eating the second with a caprine bleet of a burp. “Pardon. Nice to know there’s some creatures around that understand.”

“Mind if I ask what the rack is for, then?” Autumn pointed at the antlers. “Because what I’m smelling is more than a beauty treatment.”

“Is it okay to talk about?” Fluttershy asked.

“It should be. Mother doesn’t know much about the smaller things in life. I don’t think you’ve been around quite long enough to be on her radar yet.”

“Well, umm, I kind of, sort of, turned into an archfey for three days.”

Autumn Blaze whistled, impressed. “Nice. Guess I have to bow, then, since I’m on your property. Or should I go get my village elder for some diplomatic talks?”

“That won’t be necessary. It’s for a favour and, umm, I might not even be able to do it.”

“Don’t talk like that, Fluttershy,” Discord insisted. “You’re just getting used to your new magic, nothing more. You’ll get it.”

“But will I get it in time?”

“Umm, excuse me,” Autumn Blaze said, eyes narrowed. “But am I understanding it correctly that you’re now wielding one of the most powerful types of magic in Equestria and you, err, can’t do anything with it?”

She cringed. “As much as I don’t want to admit it, yes. I was practising my magic, but it’s not working, and I keep getting this lump in my throat. That’s why I’m late. But I’m here to see Priscilla now, so if we could get to that.”

“Ah ah.” Autumn blocked her with a hoof. “A phoenix is a creature of magic, Fluttershy. If you can’t control yours, then it’s not a good idea to go near them. Now what have you tried to get your magic working? Stygian’s Fantastic Palace? Somnanbula’s Deck of Diverse Diversions?”

“Oh, please,” Discord blew a raspberry. “Spare me your modern trifles.”

“Modern? Those things were named over a thousand years ago.”

“Yes, but they were at least two thousand years old at the time. And much more effective back then, too.”

Fluttershy looked back and forth at her friends. “What are those two supposed to be? The palace and the deck, I mean?”

“Mental visualisation techniques,” Autumn Blaze said with a flourish, enunciating like a prim and proper Canterlot mare for effect. “Everyone knows wizards have an off-switch. You can’t stay in the right frame of mind to do magic all the time, no one can.”

“Ahe-hem.” Discord cleared his throat and coughed up some pigeon feathers in the process.

“Well, most folks can’t, so it takes a bit of loosening up to get into it. One way is to picture yourself in a palace, another way is to draw a deck of ghost cards. But that’s wizardly things, I suppose. Wizards speak out their magic, they spell it out and focus on enunciating, declaring with authority.”

“As I tried to explain earlier,” Discord said.

“That would explain why I have trouble with it. I’m not very good at speaking out loud,” she whispered. “Most of my animal friends don’t like noise, either. It’s just so hard to talk sometimes, especially when my throat gets so tight.”

“There’s no shame in that, really. It’s not a problem, either: us fey creatures tend to lean towards a different technique anyway. We have ways around a tight throat, same as we have ways around a stammer. Am I right, Discord?”

“Now that you mention it, I suppose you do, technically.” The apple lightbulb appeared over his head again. “The anti-stammer trick, of course, I can’t believe I forgot about that. Yes, I think you’ve got it. By Clover, I think she’s got it.”

“Got what?”

Autumn Blaze smiled at the draconequus. “Discord, if you please?”

“Pay attention, Fluttershy, this will be very educational.”

“Oh.” She sighed as the air around her grew red, the floor dropped out from under her and a tune started playing with an echo to it.

Discord was doing a song and dance.

She wasn’t sure whether to be worried or proud.

“Behold the secret of the ancients!” a voice called out.

Autumn Blaze rose up from underneath the floor, standing on a rising platform that reminded Fluttershy of an old opera play. The mask the Kirin wore was certainly on theme for it.

“When you cannot talk, just sing!
When you cannot talk, just sing!
Magic is an art, so don’t fret the start
When you cannot talk, just sing!~”

The stage and singer floated off. Fluttershy blinked in confusion, realising her hooves were coated in lemonade all of a sudden. Discord was rowing a boat through the beverage.

“When you cannot talk, just sing!
When you cannot talk, just sing!
Natural, arcane, really is the same
When you cannot talk, just sing!~”

"I don’t understand what you mean!" Fluttershy cried out as more chaos poured into the environment. Cotton candy clouds floated over gingham hills while twenty-sided dice erupted from chocolate volcanoes in the distance.

Discord, for his part, ignored any distress the archfey was voicing, and pranced around on a rainbow, as if he were skating on the surface with his head thrown back to sing at the sky. He clenched a fist as he sang to draw more of the dice towards him, all pointing their ‘20’ at her.

“Listen to this old secret
Spells have been dull for so long
If you want your spells to crit
Just start casting yours in song!~”

Fluttershy’s head spun. She tried to speak up again, to protest, but the words got caught halfway up her chest, that grip on her throat felt like a vice now. Autumn Blaze teleported right in front of her and grabbed her by the cheeks, before wrapping an arm around her neck.

“When you cannot talk, just sing.
Music can beat anything,
Doubting may garrotte, grab you by the throat,
Break on out and sing a note~”

She’d only turned her back on for a second, but now Fluttershy saw Discord pointing a conductor’s baton at a host of piñatas, making them rise and fall in size with every wave of the wand.

“Polymorph or shrink and grow
To a rhythm allegro
Best of bardic minds
Know the spells of many kinds
When you cannot speak just sing~”

The noise of the music was getting to her, the lyrics, the rhyming. “I can’t hear myself think!”

Silence fell. She was in the desert now. Sweet relief washed over thoughts.

I can’t hear myself think when it’s like this.

How does anyone concentrate through a song?

“Oh. I think I get it now.” She closed her eyes and let the song play in her head. The music filled her, empowered her, focused her thoughts, and soothed the pain.

Not pain, she realised now, but pressure. Words had a weight now, they exerted a force. Words from without pushed in. Words from within had to push out.

“Discord, now I understand.
When life gets so out of hand
I can’t hear my thoughts
Ties me up in knots
Then I can’t say anything

I know what you say is true
Whenever I’m feeling blue
Hum a little tune, then so very soon
When I cannot speak, I sing!~”

Green light erupted from her body, suffusing the desert with new life. An oasis burst out of the ground, water and flowers followed by palm trees.

The song took hold, and her magic took over.

“Very good,” Discord remarked. “Now we can cover some more of the basics.” He cleared his throat for the next verse, backed up by dancing dice and what she presumed were cardboard cut-outs from his Ogres and Oubliettes games.

“Any good spell without rhyme
Is like a bird with no wings
It’s like a snail with no slime
Or a guitar with no strings!~”

Autumn Blaze twirled along, dancing with either a cardboard lich or a plastic zombie, it was hard to tell from Fluttershy’s perspective.

“When you cannot talk just sing
When you cannot talk just sing
If it all goes wrong
Focus on a song
When you cannot speak just sing~”

Discord came by to finish the duet and, somehow, they both knew the words, as if both creatures were one and the same mind.

Or perhaps, Fluttershy realised, the song was an entity of its own, and demanded it be sung. The power of fey music made sense now, oddly enough. Notes and rhythms, new ideas for spells and curses ran rampant in her mind. She smiled at both her friends as they wrapped up with a grand finale, slowly dissolving the illusion Discord had conjured for dramatic effect.

“When you cannot talk just sing
When you cannot talk just sing
Power of a song, keeps you going strong
When you cannot speak just sing~

Don’t ever forget, my friend,
Magic is just play pretend
Sing it at the world
Let your will unfurl
When you cannot speak just siiiing!~”

The song died down, and Fluttershy felt like chains had been broken off of her heart and lungs. Her mind was clear now, filled only with a vague tune she could change at her whim.

“Well, that looks like it worked,” Autumn Blaze remarked. “Try something.”

At a quick hum of a command, a bag of feed floated up to Priscilla and filled the bird’s platter, before moving back to its designated spot in the supply closet.

“Yes, that works just fine,” Discord remarked. “Let’s keep trying on your turf first, then we’ll see if you can do it on mine. What do you say?”

“Sounds like a lovely plan,” Fluttershy said. “I-if, umm, Autumn Blaze doesn’t mind helping out a little bit more?”

“Oh, are you kidding? I don’t get to see this sort of thing too often these days. If you need to learn fey magic, I’m more than happy to help. Let me share with you the song of my people!”

---

The afternoon had come and gone. Autumn Blaze was already on her way home, and the outdoor lesson had moved back to Discord’s place.

“Alright, so: duplicate!”

Fluttershy knew how to do this one properly now. The sound in her mind was that of a cello, making two curt strokes. Once she heard it played out in her mind, she had her duplicates out.

“Hello again,” said the one on the left. “Looking delightful, Fluttershy.”

“Much better now that you have your confidence back,” said the one on her right.

“And look: we’re all glittering. Perfect copy.”

“We’ll see,” Discord started. “Left Fluttershy: illusion magic. Right one: transmutation. Middle one: animation.”

The music swelled in her mind, forming an orchestra. One part was doing the Sorcerer’s Apprentice on xylophone, the other a percussion beat that sounded like an elevated heart rate, and another a harp tune that wouldn’t have sounded out of place in a healing fountain.

All three resolved their spells at the same time: little butterflies made of light fluttered across the room, that stubborn flowerpot finally turned into a tea kettle, and a broom started sweeping the living room on its own.

“Perfect,” Discord said. “Just perfect. No one would ever know the difference.”

“Thank you.” With a mere thought, Fluttershy halted all her spells and duplicates. “It’s thanks to your help, you know.”

“Well, mine and Autumn’s. I told you I don’t do fey magic. But on the upside, neither does mother. And you won’t be seeing her on your home turf, so she won’t be intimidated by you or think it’s some trap. She’ll believe it when I say you’re friendly.”

“Good. So, what next?”

“Nothing next,” Discord replied. “You’ve mastered your magic, there’s only tomorrow morning for tea and then that’ll be that. Hopefully it can pass by quickly.”

“Discord,” Fluttershy said, coming closer him. “You know you have to do this, right? You have to face your mother.”

“Yes, yes, I know. But I’m glad I won’t have to do it alone this time.”

“Don’t worry. It won’t be so bad.”

“I hope so. Now, I’ve kept you from your things long enough. You should get back to Ponyville and rest up.”

“I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep after today,” she joked.

“I hope you do. You’re probably going to need it.”

Author's Note:

This one was the hardest to write, because it contained the song. Part of it is having to be cheesy, part of it is not wanting to be too cheesy. Besides that, the original song it's based on was a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment with a lot of crazy visuals, which doesn't translate well to the written word.

But it had to have a song. Originally it was going to be 'Why can't you ponies learn to think' based on the My Fair Lady song, but that ended up too monotonous and presented Discord as an authority on fey magic, which he isn't supposed to be. Fluttershy needs to be able to surprise him; that's where the relationship needs to go. So what do? Add a third character for a single scene. Why is the character there? Sick animal. Why wouldn't Flutters know what to do? It's a magical animal she doesn't know. And from there on, things developed into the current solution: I have a change of scenery, more subtle worldbuilding with Kirin and flaming birds, and Discord gets to play off of another chaotic, showy character.

For those who didn't catch the blog, the tune is 'Quand l'appetit va, tout va,' from the Cleopatra Asterix film. The song itself has sort of the same vibe as what's presented here, and some of the lyrics and rhymes should be very familiar to fans of the film.

Comments

[Ri2]

Of course singing fixes everything. It's My Little Pony.