Wittyhooves Campfire Tales

by Wittyhooves

Carving, Starving, Freezing, Falling

" Hey everypony", said Wittyhooves " did I ever tell you about the time Turbulence broke through Sizzle's fence"?

Some ponies shook their heads and some just continued to roast marshmallows over the open fire.

" Well here is how it happened; Sizzle, Turbo, and I were having a little cookout when...

" Hurry up Sizzle" ,called The grey earth pony.
" Hey Witty if you can't wait I could always stop cookin-"
"Wow wow wow there's no need for that", yelled Wittyhooves almost falling from his seat on the weather beaten picnic table.

" Well then keep it down or I'm gonna end up burning these soy burgers, and they cost me six freaking bits", said the earth brown unicorn with a focused, and slightley smug, expression.

" Aaaahhhggg", Thump!

" Oh buck, Witty go help Turbulence and fix the hammock while your at it, I'm kinda busy over here"

" Uhg fine", said Witty rolling his eyes." Come on Turbo give me your hoof", offering the mare his own hoof.
" Thanks Witts", said the white pegasus as she was heaved up.
" What is this the third time this thing has broken"
" Yeah, I think the hook is to rusty, its just not holding", said the mare examining the blue hammock.

Sizzle turned his head and called to his friends," Well could you figure somthing out, I'm almost done over here".

There was silence as the two ponies on the other side of the lawn thought. Witty finally broke the silence," Hey you got anything sharp I could use real quick"?

" Umm, Oh! I have the cutting knife over in the sink", suggested the pondering stallion.

" Yeah that should work", Witty said as he trotted into the house. He came out with the knife handle in his mouth and walked to the tree were the hammock should have been attached to. He proceeded to carve into the tree with the tip the improvised chisel.

Sizzle heard the grind of the knife, turned, and exclaimed with horror as Wittyhooves carved," What are you doing your gonna dull my good knife"!
" Ah ah cahfen aut ah hohe har fe hooh", said Witty with the knife in his mouth.

"What" said the other two ponies in unison.

Witty spat out the knife and said with impatience," I Was carving out a hole for the hook, and I'm done"!

He then placed the hook in the newly carved hole. The hammock stayed in place.
" Your welcome", said Witty with a smug expression.

The other ponies were unphased. They were used to Witty solving problems with his quick thinking.

" Oh yeah well lets test it", said Turbulence as she flew straight down onto the hammock. She hit it and lost her composition and was launched, like a ball from a slingshot, through the privacy fence in the backyard. The two stallions were rolling on the lawn laughing like madcolts.

Turbulence flew through the newly made hole and looked with shock, and humiliation, as she saw that the hammock was unphased.

" So Turbo", started Witty red faced and gasping for air" You think the hole I carved worked"?!

" Shut up Witty, sorry about the fence Sizz I'l pay for it".

" No its ok we have some extra posts in the shed anyway, besides you already gave us a good laugh", Replied Sizzle " Come on guys the burgers are done".

" The End"

The group of ponies, including Sizzle and Turbulence, laughed in the light of the campfire.

" Oh yeah Witty", said an orange colt" well did you tell them about the time you fell through the ice when we and Gyro were playing hoof hockey last winter"?

" Oh yeah I remember that, no I don't think I told them that one", said Witty" will you do the honors LowK"

" Sure", said the orange colt" it happened when..."

" Pass it pass it", called the heavily coated earth pony.

Witty grunted as he swung at the crooked wooden puck," There you go LowK", said Witty in his usual green jacket" now pass it to Gyro so he can test his spring... thing".

" Ok", yelled Low Kick from across the lake " Here you aaaagh", screamed LowK as he slipped in the frozen ice floor. His hoof found it's mark, as he slipped, and made it to the ash grey earth pony.

" Thanks" called the inventive colt, holding in a chuckle " now lets see if I calibrated it high enough this time". Gyro sat on the icy floor, pulled a twisted contraption from his saddlebag, and placed it in front of his back hooves. He then retrieved the puck and placed it on the curved hole. The device looked like a large, rusty, spring with a large box on the back. The box had a small pressure readout on the top. Gyro place the box on his back hooves, pulled the spring with his front hooves and pulled a little lever. " Ok its locked" began Gyro" now Witty, get between those two ice cylinders and be a goalie".

" Ok Gyro" as Witty slid into position" letter rip"!

Gyro aimed the contraption at the goal, did a final readout check, and pulled the rusted lever.

In a flash the device expanded and launched the puck like an arrow from a bow! Witty, seeing the extreme speed of the puck attempted to flea but could get no traction on the slick surface. The puck missed Witty by a foot but struck the ice cylinder and ricochet off, cracking the ice as it departed! It shot under Witty's hooves and tossed him to the icy floor! It struck the second frozen pillar and jammed into it spreading cracks like wildfire.

Witty saw the incoming fractures and attempted to leap to safety. His efforts were fruitless as his hooves slid out from under him once again. The ice let out a piercing crack and all Witty could utter before being engulfed was a " Holy Luna" before being swallowed by the newly made ice pool.

His friends came to his previous location and tossed a rope from Gyro's saddlebag into the shimmering depths. Witty submerged spluttering and pale blue from the chilling water. His companions hefted him from his icy prison an galloped all the way to Low Kick's house. All Witty could say before passing out was " Hey Gyro", he said shivering.

" Yeah Witty", said the worried colt.

" I ,ACHOO! I think your gadget worked", said the sniffling colt.

" Yeah ", said Witty in the light of the campfire," I woke up at LowK's next to the fireplace. I had a cold for a week", he said chuckling.

" I feel cold just talking about it", said Gyro.

" Well ", said Witty" I'm gonna make all of us some hot cocoa since were so cold", he said as he trotted around the log bench.