I can't believe I've never noticed this story before. I'm a huge Rosa fan (and a necromancer fan in general), and I always love to read about her exploits.
One big issue is the massive blocks of text throughout this chapter. I counted twenty-five sentences in the very first paragraph, which is way too long. A good rule to follow is that paragraphs should be no longer than five or six sentences, as anything longer is an eye-burning chore to read.
There are some minor errors aside, but those paragraphs are the thing I would advise focusing the most on at this time. I absolutely love the premise of this story though, and I'll be following it to the end.
EDIT: I forgot that using single quotes for dialogue is a thing in some countries.
I can't believe I've never noticed this story before. I'm a huge Rosa fan (and a necromancer fan in general), and I always love to read about her exploits.
One big issue is the massive blocks of text throughout this chapter. I counted twenty-five sentences in the very first paragraph, which is way too long. A good rule to follow is that paragraphs should be no longer than five or six sentences, as anything longer is an eye-burning chore to read.
There are some minor errors aside, but those paragraphs are the thing I would advise focusing the most on at this time. I absolutely love the premise of this story though, and I'll be following it to the end.
EDIT: I forgot that using single quotes for dialogue is a thing in some countries.