Twilight looked like she wanted to cry. It was all she could do to not to simply declare the contest over and try to see if she could ravish that beautiful body right then and there. “That was- good.”

At this point I was expecting something more along the lines of her getting overwhelmed with the emotions of kissing all three of them and finally breaking down because she thinks she can't have any of them followed by them realizing that Twilight thinks that they're toying with her followed by an explanation that they're serious leading into the sexual stuff. But that's just me enjoying a bit of drama rather than Cadance suddenly snapping because she's sexually frustrated.

10719728
I came away from this one frustrated more than anything else. I like the buildup more than the payoff.

This was definitely a nice concept.

But that's the concept.

Reading the actual execution, I can really feel the frustration you describe from when you wrote it. Things get very bogged down and blocky and just hard to parse, almost kind of mechanical word salad at some points. Some interactions got multiple paragraphs instead of lines, and some short phrases ended up as entire lines. There was a rare but very real overload of adverbs and adjectives and descriptors, especially since a lot of them were generic and didn't actually help paint the picture or set the scene.

These two chapters were about 25,000 words and probably should have been closer to 10-15k. Just a real dull thudding brick, sorry to say.

10803829
It was more or less forced out, and came at a time I was struggling to write things out. Just an example of blunt-forcing a writer's block.