Stories That Are Fine

by Speccer

Rigged [Comedy]

Author's Note:

Prompt: 'fourth best'
Thank you, Rob, for hosting this Rob PANIC!ᵀᴹ

“Would you like some tea, Cadance?” Celestia asked.

“For the thirty-sixth time, auntie, I don’t like tea.” Cadance glared at her, slowly moving a mug of coffee to her lips.

“Well, I suppose it is an acquired taste.”

“If you can call it a taste.”

“Stop dissing my tea, Luna.”

“Alright, so…” Cadance started, “how’s ruling Equestria, I guess?”

“Fine,” Celestia said. Luna just looked away.

“Alright, I gotta get back to the Crystal Empire, my back is already hurting from carrying this conversation.”

“Wait,” Celestia said slowly, “There was a reason we asked you to meet us here today.”

“I swear if this is another ‘who is best princess’ article, I am going to… fling this tea at you.”

Celestia cautiously lifted her tea with her magic and drowned it all in one mighty slurp.

“I told you to keep me out of this,” Cadance hissed.

“Well this time, we have noticed an anomaly.”

“Yeah, you were ranked first,” Luna said.

There was a pause when everypony’s brain was trying to register what had just been said. Then Luna burst into laughter.

Cadance let out an exasperated sigh, while Celestia looked at Luna disapprovingly, while actually holding back laughter herself.

“I’m kidding, of course,” Luna snorted, once she’d composed herself.

“You were fourth as usual,” Celestia said in a consoling voice.

“Yes, your daughter won.”

“Wait what!” Cadance’s jaw dropped. There was no way this demon spawn was ranked higher than, well, literally anyone else. “I think my brain stopped working.”

“I call hacks,” Luna said simply.

“Who made the survey again,” Cadance asked.

“That’d be Twilight,” Celestia said.

Cadance facehooved. “Flurry obviously bribed her. I should not have taught her how to do that.”

“You what?” Celestia asked, her eyes narrowing.

“Nothing!” Cadance said quickly. “So, what else is going on?”

“The usual stuff. Sent a filly to Tartarus,” Luna said.

Cadance nodded understandingly.