Two Sides of The Same Coin

by Garden Rodent

Chapter 2: Anonymous - Cupcake Blowout

As I step past the glass doors, I close my eyes and breathe deep. The outside air is…nice. It certainly smells clean; better than the rancid office chemicals and the day-old coffee scent that I’m used to from the office.

Opening my eyes, I let them wander around me: a freshly-cut lawn spans the front of the hospital, and to the right, a short stone foundation holds up a wooden sign with a big red cross emblazoned onto it. Various flowers litter the outskirts of the hospital, and I hear a faint buzzing as bees zip between the petals. Even though the sky is free of clouds, the air is cool and the sunlight feels gentle on my face. The entire scene feels so serene it’s almost uncomfortable. Up ahead, I spot Twilight and Anton continue down a dirt path, and I jog down to catch up.

As we reach an intersection, I have to rub my eyes to make sure I'm not hallucinating: the whole place looks like I've traveled back in time. There isn’t a car, plane, or even pavement as far as the eye can see. Tall trees border long dirt roads, snaking between various stone buildings and cottages.

To my left, the sounds of chatter draw my attention to a plaza, host to a sizable marketplace. Colorful vendors fill the stalls, juggling tools, fresh produce, and other goods to passersby. Turning to my right, I see more lines of stone buildings, with a particularly tall, circular building in the distance, small balconies hanging off each level. All around us, more ponies walk by. Many of them steal glances towards me, though they try their best to hide their gazes. Yeah, that’s right, keep walking.

“Crazy, right?” comes a voice to my right. Anton strides up beside me, smiling as he looks down from his completely bullshit, vertically advantaged position. “Nothing like back home, huh?”

I cross my arms in front of my chest. “Yeah I’m gonna have to ask you again, Anton, where the hell are we?”

“Well Anon, you’re not gonna believe this, but they call this place...” my brother spreads his arms apart in a dramatic fashion. “‘Ponyville’.”

“...You’re fucking kidding me.”

“Bro, I wish I was kidding.”

I roll my eyes. “Oookay, and where in bum-fuck America is Ponyville?”

Anton reaches up and scratches the back of his head, turning his gaze away. “Yeah, you see…”

“What’s ‘America’?” asks a female voice to my left. I turn and look down to find that her Royal Purpleness had walked back closer to us. “I’ve never seen a land by that name in any of our maps.”

“Wait, you’ve never heard of America?” I scoff, “Yeah, sure. Aren’t you supposed to be, like, the fucking princess or something?”

Twilight’s mouth twists into a scowl, “Okay, well first: rude. And second, I know Equestria’s geography back and forth, and I can confidently say I’ve never heard of a place called ‘America’.”

“Right,” I scoff. “Like I’m supposed to fucking bel-wait. What did you just say?”

“I said you were being rude. You know with all due respect, Anonymous, I think you need to work on being a little more poli-”

“No, I mean after that.”

“I said,” the pony forces through her teeth, “that I’ve never heard of any land in Equestria called ‘America’”.

“Yeah,” Anton chimes in, “See, that’s what I was gonna say, bro. We’re not just ‘not in Kansas anymore’. As far as I can tell, we’re not even on Earth.”

“That’s fucking hilarious Anton.” I turn to my brother. "That was a joke, right?”

Twilight and Anton exchange a glance.

“Well Anon, look at it this way:" says my brother, waving an arm around us. "Completely unfamiliar geography, multiple races of creatures we never thought could possibly exist in reality, oh and multi-colored talking ponies, at least one of which is royalty. Yeah, I don’t think someone’s hiding all this in the Alps.”

My eyes follow his motion, scraping across the landscape and town around us. “No, but…that’s not possible. Anton, that’s not fucking possible.”

“Yeah, like I said, bro.” laughs Anton, “Still trying to figure out how this happened, myself.”

We walk in silence after that. Twilight and Anton continue chatting, but I can’t listen. I’m too lost trying to wrap my head around interplanetary travel at the speed of a shitty night’s sleep. Jesus, mom’s gonna freak.

Oh fuck, mom. Is she okay? Has she realized we’re missing?

I shake my head, peering up at the others. And then there’s Anton’s attitude. He’s acting so carefree, like he’s hardly bothered by all this. What the hell’s up with that?

Isn’t he worried at all about mom?

“So…care to tell me about Earth?” asks Twilight, her voice drawing me back from my thoughts.

“It’s the name of our Planet,” says Anton. Twilight’s ears perk as Anton continues. “The planet Earth, residing within the Solar System, attached to the Orion arm of the Milky Way Galaxy.”

Anton makes a few boisterous gestures with his hands as he speaks. Fuckin’ drama queen.

“Huh, well I guess that matches u-” Twilight suddenly stops, and turns towards the both of us. “Wait, what did you say was the name of your solar system?”

“‘The Solar System’.”

Twilight raises an eyebrow. “You named your solar system ‘The Solar System’?”.

“This coming from the pony living in a village called ‘Ponyville’,” I chide.

“To be fair,” Anton says, “we also named an arctic island ‘Greenland’, and another island full of hot springs and volcanoes ‘Iceland’.”

Twilight giggles at us. “Well that’s just silly! Why would you do that?”

“There’s actually a pretty funny story behind it.”

The further we walk into town, the more eyes I can feel burning into my back. God I hate this, I feel so exposed. Anton, however, looks completely in his element. He smiles and waves, and acts as annoyingly friendly as usual. I can’t be bothered with that shit and just keep my gaze forward, hands in my pockets. Out of the corner of my eye, I do spot the occasional wave in my direction, but I just pretend not to notice.

I should just ignore them, they're just an unnecessary distraction.

“So Anton, how are you enjoying your time in Ponyville so far?” Twilight asks from over her shoulder.

“So far, your highness? It’s pretty nice. The locals are friendly, and I’m definitely grateful for all the help y’all have given to me and Anon.”

“Please, ‘Twilight’ is fine. And yes, I’ve heard you’ve both been enjoying an extended stay at our hospital.”

Anton inhales through his teeth, turning his head away. “Ooh, heh heh. They told you about that?”

I look up at that. “Wait, what? What happened, did you get hurt?”

“Don’t worry,” Twilight says, turning a smile back at us. “To my knowledge, Anton is completely healthy. However, he has been very adamant about not leaving your side so long as you were unconscious. Gave the kitchen staff quite the workout, but not much more than that.”

Immediately, the mountain of trays back in the hospital room comes to mind, and the corners of my mouth rise.

I give Anton a light smack on the arm. “‘Told ya you’re a fatass.”

“Please, bro, I’m bulking.” Anton motions his hands down his torso as he speaks.”How do you think I maintain this physique?”

“You’re always ‘bulking’.” I huff. “I swear, I have no fucking idea where all that food goes. It’s a miracle you’re not actually obese with how much you eat.”

“And a phenomena I plan to abuse for as long as I can.”

We continue walking until we arrive at, and I shit you not, a giant gingerbread house. Fake, white frosting line the dark-caramel roofing on the building. On one end of the roof, a weather vane in the silhouette of a pony sits atop a jutted wooden beam, while a bird's nest rests on another. A giant cupcake tops the highest point of the building, complete with electric birthday candles. All of the windows and doors are stained in a light pink, complete with a pink mailbox next to the front doors. A hanging sign on the side of the building reads “Sugarcube Corner” along with a picture of-you guessed it-a pink cupcake.

“Alright,” I say, looking the building up and down, “But if we’re walkin’ in there, I’m not the one getting shoved in a cage.”

“Ooh, ‘Hansel and Gretel’? I love that story!” Squeaks a voice from behind.

“Christ!” leaping forward, I nearly fall onto Twilight, landing face down in the dirt.

Picking myself up off the ground, I turn to catch sight of the pinkest pony I’ve ever seen. Like, her fur is so bubble gum pink. Her mane and tail share a slightly darker shade of pink than the rest of her body, with a physical quality I can only describe as “frizzled”. Much like the other ponies I’ve seen, she also has a tattoo on her butt: 3 balloons, 2 blue ones on the bottom with a yellow one in between. Her blue eyes stare deep into mine, and I can't tell if she's looking at or through me.

“Oh, hey Pinkie Pie!” says Anton. Of course that’s her name.

“Hey Anton," Pinkie says, "glad to see you finally out of that hospital!”

“Hahah, glad to be out.”

“Wait, you two know each other!?” I blurt out. Holy fuck, how much have I missed?

“Of course!” says Pinkie, “As Ponyville’s resident party planner, it’s important for me to know everyone!”

“I feel like there are some flaws with that logic.”

“That’s funny, that’s exactly what Anton says too!”

I look at Anton, who shrugs. “To be honest, I have no idea. I just woke up one day and she showed up in our room.”

“So you must be Anonymous,” Pinkie Pie continues, shoving her Hubba-Bubba colored muzzle in my face, “Anton’s told me a whole lot about you! Unfortunately, the hospital doesn’t like it when I host parties for their patients. Something like:”

The pink pony stands up on her hind legs, holds one of her fore-hooves up and brings one behind her back. “‘The patients require adequate rest to recover from their injuries. We cannot a have you gallivanting around making things worse with your incessant party attitude.’”

I snort at the impression, and Twilight hides her mouth behind a hoof.

“But now that you’re awake,” Pinkie continues, bouncing up and down, “we can finally have a welcoming party! Ooh, it’ll be so much fun! We’llhavestreamersandpunchandapinataandIcanmakeyouguysabigwelcomecakeandIcan’twait!”

“Okay Pinkie,” laughs Twilight, “we can do that later, but first I wanted to talk with them a bit.”

“Aww, fine. But we’re so totally doing this ASAP!” As we start to head inside, Twilight and Pinkie enter ahead of us. I lean towards Anton, raising a hand to angle my voice in his direction.

“So is she always like this?” I say, pointing with my other hand towards the pink bundle of joy.

“Yep, isn’t it great?”

I sigh. “Fan-fucking-tastic.”

The first thing that hits me as we enter the bakery is the smell. Holy fuck, the smell. The warm, gentle aroma of freshly baked brownies, cakes, and more send my head into a spiral. I stumble through the doorway, grasping onto Anton before I hit the ground.

“Woah there,” Anton laughs as he hauls me back up. “Careful, bro..”

“I’m fine,” I grunt. I try to take another step, but my knees buckle out from under me. Anton grabs my arm and hauls me backup to my feet.

“Eh, I’m not too sure about that. Relax, bro, I’ll help you to the table.”

I try to wrench myself free, but he grips my wrist like a vice. We make our way to a corner of the bakery, my arm strung around Anton’s shoulder. I look at the ground, but I know the other ponies in the store are staring. My face feels warm. God, I hate it when he does shit like this.

He’s just doing this to embarass me.

We approach a small, pink table, surrounded by four small, pink chairs. A window rests close by, and Anton lets me drop into a chair facing it. As he releases my hand, I make a show of flailing my arms, sliding down the chair until my back reaches the seat. Anton just snorts as he pulls out another chair to my right.

“Looks like you could use a pick-me-up,” offers a voice from behind me, as a pink hoof slides a plate onto the table. On the plate sits a single brown cupcake, topped with pink icing and sprinkles. The strong, sugary scent stings my nose and draws my attention back to the stabbing in my stomach. I don’t remember much of what happened next, but the next thing I knew, the cupcake had disappeared, leaving only the liner on the plate, with a large bite taken out of it.

I gaze longingly at the empty plate, and a green hand places another cupcake onto it. I look up and see Anton resting his elbow on the table, his own plate empty.

“I think you could use this more than me.” He smiles as I descend upon the pastry.

Wasting no time, I reach for the confectionary, mumbling a ‘thank you’ through a mouthful as Twilight walks over and plops down onto the chair opposite me.

“So,” she says, eyeing us. “I understand you must be very confused right now. Sorry for dropping so much information on you in such a short amount of time. Do either of you have any questions before we continue?”

“W’yesh prnshs, ah hve ah phoow ‘uestchuns.” Twilight raises an eyebrow as I force down the mouthful of carbs. Fuck, what did they put in these, crack? “For one, how in the fuck did we get here?”

“Well, we are still trying to figure o-”

“No, I mean how did we end up here. In-what is it-Ponyville?”

Twilight tilts her head back, “Oh, of course! Well, it’s a bit of a long story from what I’m told, but my assistant and a couple fillies found you both in the Everfree Forest. It’s located just outside of town, and a good thing too. That place is extremely dangerous.”

“Oh really, and how so?” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Anton raise a hand to his mouth.

“Well for one, the clouds move by themselves! The plants grow all on their own, and animals don’t need anypony to take care of them.” Anton snorts when Twilight says ‘anypony’. “It’s no wonder no sane pony would think about living in an environment like that. Well, almost no sane pony.”

I rub my chin as she finishes. “So… the clouds, plants, and animals exist and grow completely on their own.”

“Yep.”

"And that's uncommon for you?"

Twilight blinks. "Uhm, yes."

“...Hmm.”

“‘Hm?’”

“Hmm.” I repeat. “Yep, that is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”

Before Twilight can speak, Anton raises a hand. “You’ll have to excuse us, Twilight. Where we’re from, that’s actually completely normal.”

“I…Of course.” Twilight sighs, “I should’ve realized that.”

My brother raises an eyebrow. “What was that?”

“Well, you see, the last time I crossed over into-”

“Hey, Twilight!” The pink pony from before calls, hopping over, a small plate with a croissant balanced on the tip of her nose. “Got your order!”

“Thanks Pinkie,” Twilight says as Pinkie Pie slides the plate off her muzzle and onto the table. Her head-bump glows and she raises the croissant up to her mouth.

Wait. She's a horse with a long bump on her head that she uses to lift shit without touching it. The realization nearly makes me drop the rest of my cupcake.

“You’re a unicorn!” I sputter, small bits of cupcake landing onto the table. Twilight recoils from the spray, raising the croissant high above her head.

“Well, actually I’m an Alicorn.” she says, spreading out her wings. “See?”

“...I don’t get it.”

She looks at Anton and he nods. “Aight bro, so how do I explain this? So, ponies normally come in, like, three different ‘kinds’. They’ve got ‘Earth Ponies’ who are similar to the ponies we’re used to. There are ‘Pegusi’ which are basically normal ponies with wings. And there are ‘Unicorns’ which are ponies with horns that can cast magic spells with their horn. Very rarely, there are ponies with both a horn and wings. They refer to them as ‘Alicorns’.”

He turns to look back at Twilight. “How’s that?”

“Well, there’s a little bit more to it than that, but that’s about the basics of it.”

I hold up a hand. “Wait, but I thought Unicorns could have wings?”

“No, silly!” cries the pink fluff bounding around our table. She jumps onto the seat on my left, nearly knocking it over. “The idea of Winged Unicorns are mostly a product of the ancient Achaemenid Assyrians. W.B Yeats further added to the confusion when in his poem ‘The Unicorn from The Stars’, he reported the Unicorn in the story to have wings. Then again, he does say later that the creature is the same as the one in his “The Second Coming”, but that creature had the body of a Lion, so it’s more like a sphinx. But sphinxes don’t have horns, that’s silly! The etymology for the word ‘Alicorn’ is actually derived from the latin words ‘alati’ which means ‘winged’, and ‘cornus’ which means ‘horn’ to describe the physical features of equines that share the qualities both pegasi and unicorns.”

Twilight frowns. “Pinkie, what are you talking about? Who are those ponies?”

“Oh, nothing! You know me, Twilight. Just the idle chatter of a mad-mare.” Pinkie's eyes revolve in their sockets in opposite directions as she speaks. I lean away from the display.

Twilight turns her gaze to meet mine. “Aaanyway, what Pinkie said was right. I think? I have the wings to fly, as well as the ability to cast magic. Speaking of which, Anton told me you’ve never even seen real magic where you come from, is that correct?”

I nod my head.

Twilight lowers her croissant down onto her plate, and closes her eyes. “Then allow me to demonstrate.”

As she speaks, both her horn and the croissant begin to glow a faint purple, both slowly growing brighter. In a flash, the croissant disappears, a large red apple sitting in its place.

I lower my head to get a closer look at the fruit. I hardly even saw what happened. There was no gradual shift in color, or shape, or anything. One second there was a croissant, and in a flash, there was a fucking apple.

I poke the apple for good measure, and it rolls onto its side, just like a normal apple should.

“There’s no fuckin’ way…” I whisper.

“Right?” Anton says incredulously, “It’s completely crazy. Back home, people could only dream of doing something like this, and here they can just think and turn junk food into fruit. Imagine all the money we could save on fresh produce.”

Twilight giggles into her hoof. “Well again, there’s a bit more to magic than that. But yes, Unicorns, and by extension, Alicorns are capable of casting various forms of spells, ranging anywhere from simple levitation to advanced teleportation and transformations.”

I straighten my back, leaning over the table slightly. “Wait, so you could send us back home, right? Like, click your fucking heels together and ‘no place like home’ us back?”

Twilight squints her eyes, “I’m afraid I’m not familiar with that phrase. But either way, there’s a problem with trying to directly use my magic on you. Anton, would you mind?”

“Not at all,” says Anton, standing up from his seat.

Twilight also stands up, and lowers her head slightly, a faint shimmer surrounding her horn. Almost immediately, my brother's entire body begins to glow in the same purple light. His shirt and pants adopt a brilliant purple allure, but the light fades slightly around his head and exposed arms.

“Alright, now I’m going to try to levitate your brother,” Twilight announces, an edge now present in her voice.

For a few seconds, nothing happens. Then suddenly, Anton’s chest lurches forward, and he swings his arms out to his sides to try and balance himself. Instinctively, I jump up and hold out my arms, ready to catch him, but he never falls.

I stare in utter fucking shock as Anton begins to float off the ground. He makes it a good couple inches, too. However, his face starts to strain, and his head and arms sag down as the fabric of his shirt tries to lift up and away from him. The whole scene reminds me of lifting a kitten by the scruff of its neck. Soon, the light around him fades, and Anton drops back to the ground. To my left, Twilight’s breathing had gone slightly ragged, and she slumps her shoulders forward a bit.

“As you can see,” she says between ragged breaths, “I’m able to lift everything easily except Anton himself. For some reason, my magic doesn’t seem to affect you as well.”

“It’s not just her, too,” adds Anton, “Gave the hospital quite the stir when they couldn’t just instantly magic you awake for four days. Freaked me the hell out too.”

I sit back in my chair and lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. My gaze moves from the apple on the table, up to Anton. “So you’re saying we’re stuck here?”

"I...yeah, bro.” Anton’s smile falls for the first time since we got here, and he turns his head away from me “I’m sorry, but we have no idea how we can get home. I mean, Twilight’s a magical Alicorn Princess and she can hardly lift me off the ground. We’re stuck here. Sorry...”

I take a step back, falling onto my seat. Lowering my head into my hands, I close my eyes. I can feel the cupcake in my stomach crawling its way back up my throat, and I hold my breath to keep it down. This can’t be happening. I’ve gone crazy, or this is some kind of fever dream. I shouldn’t be here. I should be at home right now, sitting on the couch, watching old movies with mom.

Oh god, mom. What is she even doing right now? She’s gotta have called the cops already, but there’s no way they could even begin to imagine what happened. Fuck, she must be so terrifi-

“...Is what I would say if we didn’t totally have a plan to get back home.” I look up to see Anton looking down at me, grinning ear to ear. “Gotcha, bro.”

“...What?”

“Turns out, Twilight’s got this magic portal that can send us back home!” he turns to Twilight, “Ain’t that right?” Twilight quickly nods her head.

“Th-that’s right,” she says, “It’s called the Crystal Mirror. My assistant and I used it before in the past to travel to another world when someone stole a magical artifact from Equestria.”

“See bro? We’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about. Sorry about the scare, I just couldn’t help mys-”

My body moves on its own. Jumping up from my chair, I grab Anton by the collar of his shirt and pull him down.

“Woah, relax bro. It was just a j-”

“Oh, shut the fuck up!” I snarl, “That wasn’t fucking funny.”

“Oh come on, bro.” Anton looks over my shoulder. I can feel the gaze of the whole room on my back, but I couldn't care less.

He stepped out of line.

“Look, I didn’t think-”

“No, no you didn’t. And that’s ‘cus you’re a fucking jackass! Did you even think about how a stunt like that would make me feel? For a second, I thought I was never going to see home again!”

The red starts to clear up, but the edges of my vision stay blurry. “I thought I was never going to see mom again. Did she even cross your mind once since you’ve been here? We’ve already been gone four days, Anton, maybe even more! She’s gotta be worried sick! What, is the idea of mom being all alone again, waiting maybe forever for us to come home, a FUCKING JOKE to you!?”

Anton stares at me, his mouth agape. But I’m not done, not by a longshot.

He had this coming.

“Because,” I choke, “ because she loves you. In fact, she never stops talking about you. On, and on, and on about all of your accomplishments. How you’re so great and how she’s so proud. You’re the fuckin’ son of the year, Anton. Mr. Goddamn Perfect.”

I point towards Twilight and she recoils. “So, why the FUCK would you make a fucking joke about that, huh? Go on, tell me. You’re such a joker, I want to hear why you think our mom being all alone is funny to you.”

He doesn’t deserve her love.

“I…” Anton's mouth opens and closes, a hoarse whisper leaving his lips. "I-"

“Well!? Fucking answer me!” I shove against his shoulder. It’s not enough to push him much, but he doesn’t try to resist.

“I'm sorry,” he says to the ground.

All at once, I feel a weight release from my shoulders. Blinking my vision clear, I loosen my grip and take a step back. The air in the room feels too heavy to breath, and I suddenly realize how silent the bakery’s become.

“Anton, I-”

Just then, the door opens and a tiny fucking purple dragon runs in, parchment scroll in hand. His scales are light purple in color; and his chin, underbelly, and the webbing between his wings are a light green. A pair of green fins jut from his cheeks, and a row of dull spikes run up his tail. The scales grow longer as they reach his head, like a Mohawk. The dragon weaves quickly between idle customers, and nearly toppling a couple tables with the small wings sprouting from his back.

“Twilight!” the dragon shouts.

“Spike?” gasps Twilight, “What are you-”

Before Twilight can finish her sentence, the dragon shoves the scroll towards her face. “Important message from Princess Celestia!”

The scroll glows in a dim purple light as Twilight grabs it with her magic, and unfurls it in front of her.

“Oh, horseapples!” Twilight mutters. “I have to deal with this. Spike, could you show Anon and Anton to the castle? I’ll meet up with you all later.”

Our eyes meet for a moment, and she quickly turns away. Before the dragon can answer, Twilight’s horn glows once again, and she vanishes from the bakery, leaving behind me, Anton, and an entire room of stunned onlookers.

“Ooookay then,” says the purple reptile. He walks to me, smiling, and holds out a hand. Claw. I dunno. I don’t care. “Nice to meet you, my name’s Spike.”

I bend down on one knee and shake his claw. Christ, it’s like half the size of my hand. “I’m, uhm, Anon.”

As I let his claw go, Spike hops to the door and beckons us over, “Well, follow me gents!”