Two Sides of The Same Coin

by Garden Rodent

Chapter 1: Anonymous - Toto, You're Not Gonna Fucking Believe This

Waking up fucking sucks, especially when your body does it on its own. It’s like life’s trying to tell you 'Hey buddy, I know you were having such a peaceful night’s rest, but fuck you actually.' Rolling over, I try desperately to return to my dreams, each second dragging me closer to consciousness. My eyes are still closed, but the red hue of sunlight bleeds through. Great, and I forgot to shut the blinds before I went to bed. Hold on, that doesn’t make sense, I never open them. Wait, why does my room smell so sterile? And come to think of it, even my mattress feels harder than normal.

Begrudgingly, I peel my eyelids apart, blinking away spots. As my vision clears, I furrow my brows. Rather than the off-tan ceiling from my bedroom, large white rectangles cover my ceiling, kinda like what you‘d find in the ceilings of a school classroom. Okay, that’s weird. I don’t remember installing cork ceiling tiles in my room.

Propping myself up on my elbows, my eyes drift around. The walls of the room are painted in a light blue, with a few flower decals added along the bottom. Directly to the left of my bed sits an almost comically small chair. A large window sits further behind the chair on the wall, blinds up, and completely exposing me to the big, yellow, retarded ball of hydrogen in the sky. Weirdly enough, the window looks low enough to reach my knees. Ahead of me, a small CRT television hangs off a wall mount, powered off. On the right corner of the room I spot a closed, windowless door, maybe ¾ the size it should be. Beside me sits a second bed, completely identical to mine, granted with the blanket thrown to the side and a television remote left over the pillow. However, unlike mine, there lay a trashcan next to the other bed, piled high with plastic trays, the scent of food scraps wafting from the bin.

As if on cue, I feel a sharp stab in my gut, and I clench my teeth to keep from gasping. Leaning over the bed, I try to hurl, but my stomach feels too empty and I only gag. Shit, what happened last night?

Sitting up fully, I take a deep breath and try to recall anything that could’ve led to this. However, all I accomplish is a small headache. Lifting the covers of the bed, I step onto the floor.

“JESUS!” I yip as my bare feet come into contact with the ground. Jumping backwards, the bed squeaks back at me in protest. Immediately, the door swings open and in runs a small, white horse, clipboard held in between her teeth. Well, 'horse' is a bit of a stretch. When I say small, I mean small; it barely reaches my chest. Not to mention, its blue eyes nearly take up a third of its head. A light pink mane runs down its neck and a small nurse’s cap with a red cross adorns her head.

“O-oh noh, Enton, izh everyfing ‘lright in hr-” the small horse stammers through the clipboard, almost tripping over herself in her rush to enter. “Oh, yur…”

Our eyes meet and we stare at each other for a couple seconds. Sitting there, I don’t really know how else to respond. Then its eyes begin to drift down, and it quickly turns its head to the right, a hoof coming up to cover its eyes. I look down as well, blinking at my exposed manhood. I quickly slam my thighs together, and make a grab for the bed sheet next to me and throw it over my legs.

“W-woah!” I stammer. “I-I am so sorry. I had n-no idea-”

“Bro, is that you!?” comes a hearty voice outside the ajar door. Oh dear god, I know that voice. I can hear the smile in that voice.

The door opens promptly following the outburst, and slightly crouching under the door’s frame, a very large man enters the room. He boasts a physique easily twice my size, and he stands with a stiff posture. On him, he wears a white t-shirt, a pair of denim pants, and a pair of light tan work boots. His skin is a shade of dark green, similar to mine. A small black question mark, mirrored horizontally adorns his forehead, raised over a pair of amber eyes. Also like me, his head bears no signs of facial hair, save for the black eyebrows and eyelashes. A big, toothy grin shows up where his mouth should be, and he raises his arms up to shoulder-height as he walks forward.

“God, I'm so glad you're awake, bro. I was wondering how long you were planning on sleeping.” says my Anton, running to my bed, and trapping me in a bear hug. “I’ll be honest, you had me pretty worried there for a sec.”

“Anton.” I whisper from beneath his grip. “What the shit.”

He releases me, turning back to the horse, who had begun to stare. He smiles at her and raises an open palm. “Everything’s fine, thank you very much, ma’am. We can take it from here.”

The small equine nods at him and promptly trots out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Shutting my eyes, I raise both my hands and massage my temples. I sit like that for a while, waiting for a hole to open up under my bed and swallow me whole.

“Anton?” I finally croak, opening my eyes when I don’t wake up from this nightmare.

“Yeah?” replies the green giant before me.

“Why am I naked?”

Anton smiles, moving his eyes toward the ceiling. “Well, bro, there’s a perfectly logical explanation for that question.” He looks back at me. “‘Cuz you’re in a hospital.”

“That doesn’t explain shit.” I spit back. I can’t fucking believe this guy. “ And why the fuck am I in a hospital!? And for that matter, what’s with the talking horse dressed up like a nur-”

“Pony.”

“What?”

“They prefer the term Pony. I dunno, I don’t think they like the word ‘horse’.”

“They? Wait, so there’s more of them?” I shake my head. “No, you know what? Doesn’t matter right now. Where are we, and where are my clothes?”

Anton stands up. “Oh yeah.”

He walks over and reaches under my bed, retrieving a set of clothing similar to his, along with some socks and underwear, all wrapped neatly in a clear plastic bag. Some of the clothing seems odd, however, the stitching in slightly awkward places. He places the bag next to me and turns around, “I’m afraid I can’t exactly answer that first question right now, still working out the wires on that bombshell. But, I can tell you we’re definitely not in Kansas anymore. I dunno where our old clothes went, but I got some new ones for ya! You’ll have to excuse the fit, I had to guesstimate a little.”

Standing up, I wince again as my feet meet the floor. Reaching for the bag, I realize just how low to the ground the bed is. It barely even comes up to my knees. Bending over, I reach for a pair of underwear, when I hear a creak from the doorway.

Oh shit oh fuck oh shit.

“Excuse me, Mr. Antonymous, you have a visi-”

Spinning to face whoever entered, I nearly collide into Anton’s back. Craning my neck back, I see Anton had grabbed his bed’s blanket, holding it wide to conceal from his shoulders down. The sheet also completely hides me behind it.

“Oh thank you, nurse.” Anton replies. “Sorry, just wanted to fix the bed before I leave.”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary. By the way, where did Anonymous go?”

“Him? Well, he just went out for a bit. Wanted to stretch his legs. He’ll be back soon.”

“He shouldn’t really be out on his own, you know. Especially given his condition.”

My brother shrugs. “Aw, don't worry about him. I’m sure he’ll be fine. Thanks again.”

As the door closes again, Anton slowly lowers the blanket.

“Whew, that was a close one.” Turning to me, he smiles. “You good back there?”

I roll my eyes. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Well damn, I was expecting something more on the lines of ‘thanks for the help’.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t need your help!” I snap, turning back to the clothes. “I’m not a fucking child.”

My brother doesn’t respond, but I hear him replacing the blanket back onto the bed.

Sighing, I reach for the plastic bag. “So, what’s wrong with me then?”

“Huh?”

Peeling the plastic apart, I reach for the garments. Immediately, I can tell the shirt’s a size or two too big for me. “The ‘condition’ the nurse was talking about. Did something happen?”

“Well, you’ve been asleep for about four days now.”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...Bro?”

“What the fuck!?”

My brother lets out a nervous laugh, “Heh heh, yeah. But hey, you’re awake now, so there’s some good news.”

“Man, what the hell happened?” I mutter, pulling out the shoes and dropping them on the floor.

“Believe me, I wish I could tell ya.” Anton says, striding towards the door. “Well, I better go check out whatever this is. Damn, wish we coulda’ spoken longer. Meet me in the lobby when you’re done, yeah? It’s a straight walk to the left from here and down the stairs, can’t miss it.”

“Wait, so we’re not gonna discuss the strange, talking hors-”

“Pony.”

“Strange, talking pony?”

“You’ll see when you get out,” Anton says with a wave over his shoulder, closing the door behind him.

What the hell does that mean?

I pick up the t-shirt and give it a quick whiff. It doesn’t have a distinct smell to it, but at least that means it doesn’t smell bad. Sure enough, the shirt sleeves are a little too baggy for me, but the rest isn’t too bad. Could use a belt for the pants, though.

Before leaving, I gaze into the hanging television. A thin, green man stares back at me from the dark screen, a question mark on his bald head over a pair of jet black eyes. The eyes themselves are fairly sunken looking, bags clearly visible from under them. My cheeks also look a bit more hollow than usual. Even though I don’t have any hair to make messy, ‘ragged’ wouldn’t be too inaccurate a word to describe me.

Looking good as always, stud.

Turning the door handle, I walk out into the hall. I have to stop myself from walking back inside.

Small, pastel colored horses reach as far as the eye can see. I’m talking four-legged nurses, doctors, and even the patients. Some have a long bump on their head, some have wings, and some are “normal”. I can't help but stand there, staring at them all. Hold up, does that one have a beak and claws? Oh, and that looks like a Minotaur. Wait what.

Suddenly, I become distinctly aware of how many eyes are on me. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I turn left and walk towards what I hope was the direction of the lobby. I accidentally bump into a few ponies on the way, including a gray one with a pink bow tie, who mumbles a quick apology before hurrying past me. Curious, I turn and watch as they run up to another pony, white with a sharp, blue mane. She's wearing sunglasses even though she's inside, and her left hind leg is bandaged up. As the grey one reaches her, she smacks the other across the head before embracing her in a hug.

Oh fuck, I’m staring again like a weirdo.

I hurry down the hall, nearly trampling over a few more ponies on the stairwell. Many awkward steps and fumbled apologies later, I finally reach the main lobby. A large semicircle desk sits by the wall on my side, manned by more miniature horses. Chairs line the walls to my left and right, with various creatures sitting around, mingling. As I enter, many try to hide that they’re looking at me.

On the center of the wall ahead of me stands a large pair of glass doors. To the right of the doors, I see Anton talking with a small purple pony. Her mane and tail are a darker shade of purple, with a single violet streak running along their length. This pony, however, not only has both a forehead-bump and a pair of wings, but what looks like a golden tiara rests on her head. She also has a picture of a large, violet star on either side of her butt.

Okay.

My brother looks up as I walk in and waves me over. I wave back, and hurry across the lobby.

“...nyway, as I was saying: that sounds great as a temporary solution. I’m sure he’ll love it.” Anton motions again to me as I reach them. “Well, well. How it do, sleeping beauty? Enjoy the stroll here?”

“Shove it, Anton. This whole place is fuckin’ weird. Where are all the people at?”

“Well…that’s kinda what I wanted to discuss with you. But first, ” Anon motions to the purple pony beside him. “You wanna start?”

“Oh, of course,” chirps the pony. She turns to me and smiles, “Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

I stare at her. “Your name is…'Twilight Sparkle'?”

“Why yes.”

“And you’re a...princess?”

“I, uhm, yes I am,” replies the small horse. She starts shifting her weight back and forth between her left and right legs. Huh, they do that too.

“Princess Sparkle had been gone out of town for the past couple weeks due to work,” interjects Anton, “She’s only just gotten back yesterday.”

He then turns to Twilight with a grin, “You’ll have to excuse my big bro, he gets a little cranky when he hasn’t eaten in a while.”

"Oh fuck off, Anton." I huff. Twilight takes a step back, mouth slightly agape.

“Wait, you’re younger!?” she exclaims, looking first at my brother, then to me, and back to Anton. “But, you’re-”

Anton waves a hand, laughing slightly. “Yeah, we get that a lot. But I swear, Anon’s older than me by 3 years. He’s 23.” As they speak, I can feel the heat rise up to my face again, and my hands ball up into fists.

“Okay, first.” I cross my arms. “Judging age off of height is retarded. Second, I’ll have you know that Anton is just a freak giant. Seriously, what human being needs to be 6’5 anyway? No one, that’s who.”

The Jolly-Green-Giant rolls his eyes and smiles up at the ceiling, “It’s not a competition, bro. 5’6 is a completely adequate height.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.”

“Uhm, right.” Says Twilight, “Well, Anton has told me a little bit about yourselves, but I’d love to hear your story too!” She turns to doors and walks forward, but cranes her head to face us. “Don’t worry about checking out, we’ve taken the liberty of getting the paperwork out of the way for you. I know this wonderful confectionery my friend runs, I’m sure you’ll love it. We can talk more there.”

As she speaks, she makes no motion to slow her momentum towards the glass. I move to swing the door open, but before I can reach it, the handles begin glowing in a purple light and turn on their own. With her head-bump glowing in the same color, Twilight trots through the door frame, a noticeable pep in her step.

Anton walks ahead, keeping the door open with his left hand, while motioning ahead with his right.

“Yeah, we’ll explain that too.” He says with a chuckle.

I raise an eyebrow before walking forward through the doorway and towards the magical, purple, talking princess pony.

I hate this place already.