Anonymous gets unwillingly dragged from his home to the land of Friendship, Magic, and Ponies. Now, he has to figure out a way back. Thankfully, he's not alone.
Anonymous is nothing like his brother, Antonymous. Where Anonymous has always been lazy, rude, and a loner; Antonymous was hardworking, optimistic, and friendly. However, when an unknown force sends them both to Equestria, the two are forced to work together to return home.
A loud thump jolts Anon from his slumber. Slowly, he blinks his vision clear and looks up.
A round face glares back down at him. Thick hair covers a pair of reddish-pink lips, and a steady line of gray had begun to stain an otherwise copper head of hair. The man looks down at Anon with a hard expression, a hand planted firmly in front of where Anon had been resting his head on the desk.
“Anonymous,” the mustachioed man huffs. He shakes his head at the floor, revealing the light pink of his scalp where his hair had begun thinning.
“Yes, Mr. Barnes?” Anon mumbles, his head still in contact with the particle board table.
“Come see me in my office, please. We have some matters we need to discuss.”
The man turns and leaves, his portly body making it look more like bouncing than walking. Rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, Anon struggles to push himself from his seat.
“Oooh, someone’s in trouble~,” a voice to Anon’s left coos. Anon turns as a tall, middle-aged man slinks into his cubicle's entrance. A white dress shirt and khaki pants hide a lanky frame, and he sports a pair of round spectacles, covering hazel brown eyes. His black hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and he flicks it over his shoulder as he speaks. “So, Green-Bean, think he’ll finally fire your dumbass? I could really use your chair for a footstool.”
Anon flips him the bird. “Stick it where it fits, Earl. Don’t you have someone’s ass you need to sniff?”
“Please,” he scoffs, “it’s not my fault you somehow have both the personality and work-ethic of rotten garbage. Can't wait to see your horrid ass walk outta' here.”
A retort rises in Anon’s chest, but he clenches his fists, turning and walking away.
“Try not to doze off in there, too!” Earl guffaws from behind him.
Fucking prick, it takes notable effort to keep the words from leaving Anon’s lips.
As he passes by rows of empty cubicles, the beating in Anon’s chest starts to quicken. They had been getting a tough season, too few sales and too many expenses. It’s only been luck that’s kept him from getting the sack so far.
Anon swallows hard as he approaches the door at the end of the hall. The window on the top half of the door is translucent, movement visible from the other side. On the right of the door, Anon's eyes dance over the plated inscription: “Mr. Barnes, Manager”. Taking a deep breath, Anon twists the door’s handle and walks inside. As he enters, Anon stops in the doorway. He had never gotten used to how different his boss' office looked from the rest of the building. Large, wooden bookshelves line the walls of the room, with only about half the shelves filled. Unlike the employees’ plastic cubicles and tables, Mr. Barnes sits before a varnished, wooden desk, various decorative paperweights lining the edges of his workspace. Everything from the building’s breakroom, to the bathrooms are lit by pale white, LED ceiling lights. But here, tall lamps stand in the corners of the office, radiating a warm blanket of yellow light across the room. The original carpeted flooring was even removed, replaced with wood planks and topped with a Kashan rug.
“Ah, Anon. Please, come in.” Mr. Barnes says, motioning towards a plastic chair on the opposite side of the desk. His voice is deeper than normal, like someone trying to speak in a lower tone than natural.
Anon pulls the chair back before dropping himself onto it. The chair creaks slightly under his weight. “So, what did you want to talk about, sir?"
“Well, as you know, we’ve been having a rather difficult year. Unfortunately, we’ve already had to let a sizable portion of our staff go. You’re a good man, Anon. I want you to know that I’m not doing this out of spite for you.”
Anon feels a chill run down his spine. “Sir… you’re firing me?”
Mr. Barnes rubs two large hands together. “Oh, goodness no! Think of it more of a ‘vacation from work’. We’ll likely need your help later on in the future, but for now, we just can’t afford to keep you on staff.”
“But sir, why?”
Mr. Barnes leans on his desk and looks hard into Anon’s eyes, his voice returning to its familiar nasal tone. “Anonymous, let’s be honest. Your performance lately has been below our standards. You’ve been having so much trouble staying awake and focusing, it’s become a bigger hassle organizing all of the work you’ve left aside than to just give it to someone else. And besides, you don’t exactly provide your fellow employees with the most productive environment.”
“I-wait. This is about HR? Are you serious!?" Anon jumps to his feet, leaning forward. "Mr. Barnes, please, I need this job. There must be something we can arrange. Half pay, double the hours, sir I’m beg-”
“Come now, Anon, this is hard for me to do, too.” Mr. Barnes says, leaning back and waving two chubby arms out to his sides, “Think about us, the company, for a second. The way things are going, we’re risking absolute financial ruin here. I’m sorry, Anon, but this is all we can do. Go enjoy the weekend, I’ll pay you for today. Come back Monday to pick up your stuff.”
“I...alright.” Anon sighs, lifting himself up off the chair and turning towards the door. His knuckles turn white as he wrestles with the doorknob “Yeah, I understand. Thanks a lot, I guess.”
“So I got another promotion today!” cheers a voice across the dinner table. Anon looks up from his plate, his dinner untouched since he got home. His brother, Anton, leans back in the dining chair, an arm up and around the back-rest. "I'll be moving to a new office tomorrow."
“Oh that’s wonderful, Anton!” exclaims another, feminine voice to Anon’s right. He turns to his mother, her deep green skin contrasting the white shirt she’s wearing. Brunette hair hangs free past behind her shoulders, a few strands of grey interweaving the sea of brown. Though a couple wrinkles show, Anon thinks she could easily pass for years younger than her age. She claps her hands in excitement, and turns her eyes towards Anon, her black irises shining. From this angle, Anon can almost make out the light shade of red running down her left cheek, deliberately hidden behind a curtain of hair. Even after all this time, he has to force himself not to stare. “Did you hear that, Anon? Your brother just got another promotion at his job! Isn’t that exciting?”
Anon grimaces at his plate, “Mhm. Yeah, that’s great.”
“So Anon,” Anton says, “Anything interesting happen at work today for you?”
“Nope,” Anon replies, “It was just a normal day as always. Go in, do work, and get out, y’know?”
The knot in Anon’s stomach grows larger, and even though he hasn’t eaten a bite, he feels slightly sick.
“Hey, tell me about it. You’d think sysadmins would get it off easy, but lemme tell ya, it’s all day with these people. You’d think bigwigs would actually take the time out of their day to figure out how to work a touchscreen. I mean, come on, do I look like a tech wizard? Heh y’know, now that I think about it, sitting at a computer all day does kinda-”
Anon pushes himself up, his chair groaning in protest as it slides across the tile floor. Turning away from the table, he walks toward the living room staircase.
“Anon!” calls his mother, now standing too. “Aren’t you going to-?”
“I’m not hungry!,” Anon growls over his shoulder, stomping up the stairs. As he reaches the top, he reaches for a doorknob and twists, jerking the door forward as he enters his room. Passing by his computer, Anon aims for his bed as he falls forward. The mattress gives into his weight, and he lays still above the covers.
Please, Anon thinks to himself, let this all just be a bad dream.
Letting his eyelids fall, time slows as he nods off to sleep.
A light knocking rouses Anon awake, and he groggily pushes himself up as the door opens.
“Hey Anon,” says his mother, leaning on the door-frame. She crosses her arms with a light smile. “You busy?”
“Does it look like it?” Anon grunts, wiping his eyes, “What’s up?”
“Well, I was just wondering if you’d like to watch a movie with me. I’ve got popcorn in the microwave, and I found this great g-oldie.”
“Can’t you ask Anton to? I’ve had a pretty long day.”
“Oh, he’s gone out with his friends again, and I just want to spend some time with you. Pretty please, Anon?”
“Fine, fine.” Anon yawns, stretching his arms out. He shakes his head, trying to shake off his bed’s tempting allure, and follows his mother downstairs. Dropping himself onto the living room couch, he stares at the still image on the tv screen as his mother walks over to the kitchen and pours out two bowls of popcorn. As she returns, she pulls a blanket out and drapes it over the both of them. Anon sighs again, as he stuffs his hand into his bowl.
It's not long before Anon can't hold his chuckles as a man in the television dances around the protagonist in an ape costume, masquerading as some sort of mutant monkey. To his right, his mother hugs herself in a fit of laughter, nearly toppling their empty bowls onto the ground.
“Oh my goodness, Anon.” She howls. “Doesn't this remind you of Anton? Oh, remember when he dressed up as King Kong on Halloween? Oh my lord that was the absolute cutest thing!”
“Heh… Yeah mom.” Anon tries to swallow the lump in his throat but it won’t go down. “Yeah, that was super cute of him.”
“Oh and remember when the two of you went trick-or-treating together? You got the both of you so lost in the neighborhood I had to drive all the way down to Summersill Lane to pick you up! Oh, the memories.”
“...mom?” Anon whispers.
“How time flies, look at how old you’ve both gotten.”
“Mom.”
“And I’m just a melancholic, old hag, Anon. Promise to not forget me when I-”
“Mom!” Anon notices he'd balled the blanket into his fists, and lets go of them, the wrinkled fabric dropping onto his lap.
“Oh, I’m sorry Anon. What was that?”
“I… can I ask you a question, mom?”
“Why of course you can, sweetie.” laughs his mother. She grabs the popcorn bowls, stacks them, and places them on the ground. Then, she sits cross legged facing Anon, her hands in her lap. “What seems to be the matter?”
Anon digs his fingers into the fabric covering his knee, keeping his head low.
“Well, I just wanted to know how you...feel about Anton and I.”
“I’m sorry sweetie? I didn’t quite catch that.”
“I mean I totally get it. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if you did...”
“Please, honey, you know my hearing-”
“I want to know who you like more, okay!?”
After a few seconds of silence, he continues, “I jus-I just want to know. I mean, won’t be mad if you like Anton more than me. He’s funny, and smart, and doesn’t fuck everything up like I do.” Anon chokes a bit near the end of the sentence.
Anon's mother leans forward from her seat. “Anon, that’s such a silly question. Where did this come from?”
“‘Cuz it’s true!” Anon snaps, twisting toward his mother. “Because all you do is sing praise about him, especially when I’m in the room. Is it because you’re trying to tell me a message? Cuz I get it, okay? Yeah, I’m not as smart, or hardworking, or good looking, or even that good with other people. But before, when dad was still here-”
Anon’s mother reels back as though she had been slapped. She raises up a hand to her cheek, the bright scar now clearly visible under her fingers. Anon pauses, and quickly turns away from her, furiously blinking away whatever was in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he says between shaky breaths, “I told you, you should’ve just asked Anton. Jesus, I told you I just fuck everything up.”
“Anon...”
He hears his mother speak, but he keeps his gaze towards the floor.
“Anon, look at me.”
Something brushes against Anon’s cheek, gently turning his head. As he faces his mother, his eyes widen. His mother’s hair, which she normally lets down over her face, was pulled back and over her ears, fully exposing her features. A large red scar runs from her left eye to her ear, a cascade of crimson dragging down her green cheek and neck. The skin near her mouth, eye, and ear had been pulled taut, stretched from where the wound tried to heal itself. The scar itself forms bumps and ridges across her face, deforming her otherwise gentle traits.
“Anon,” she continues, her dark eyes gazing into his. “I want you to listen to me. The decisions I’ve made in the past, I made because I wanted to rely on someone else to take care of me. My weakness, my hesitation, and my failures have led to so much pain in my life. It led to a broken family, two fatherless children, and a hole in my heart."
Anon lowers his eyes, only for a hand to reach to his chin.
"But I wouldn’t change that for the world," his mother says. "And do you know why? It's because you two are my world. Anon, you and your brother are the greatest gifts life has given me, and I will always love you both equally and with all of my heart. Nothing could ever happen to make me change my mind.”
She releases Anon, drawing her hand back into her lap.
“Now you’re right,” she says with a smile. “I may have mistreated you, and I apologize. It was wrong for me to do so. Tell you what: Tomorrow's a Saturday, right? How about we go on a movie marathon, just the two of us? Anton’s got plans, I’m sure. It’ll just be you and me.”
Anon sniffs hard, wiping away a wet feeling on his cheek. He looks down and smiles. “Yeah, I think I’d like that a lot.”
“Great,” Anon’s mother says, clapping her hands. “Then you better get some rest. We’ve got a big day ahead of us.” She peels the blanket from her lap and stands up. Kneeling down to grab the empty bowls, she walks towards the kitchen sink. “You can go ahead upstairs, I’ll clean up down here.”
“Sure thing mom,” Anon says, as he climbs off the sofa and walks to the stairs.
As Anon reaches the base, he hears his mom call from the kitchen, “And Anon?”
“Yeah mom?”
“I love you. Don’t you ever forget that.”
“Sure, mom.” Anon laughs, “Love you, too.”
Smiling to himself, Anon walks up the stairs and back into his room. As he jumps under his blanket, Anton’s starts to feel his mind drift. He'll need to tell his mom and brother work, but that can wait until tomorrow. He smiles again and yawns, the darkness in his room reaching closer to him, swirling across his vision.
Chapter 1: Anonymous - Toto, You're Not Gonna Fucking Believe This
Waking up fucking sucks, especially when your body does it on its own. It’s like life’s trying to tell you 'Hey buddy, I know you were having such a peaceful night’s rest, but fuck you actually.' Rolling over, I try desperately to return to my dreams, each second dragging me closer to consciousness. My eyes are still closed, but the red hue of sunlight bleeds through. Great, and I forgot to shut the blinds before I went to bed. Hold on, that doesn’t make sense, I never open them. Wait, why does my room smell so sterile? And come to think of it, even my mattress feels harder than normal.
Begrudgingly, I peel my eyelids apart, blinking away spots. As my vision clears, I furrow my brows. Rather than the off-tan ceiling from my bedroom, large white rectangles cover my ceiling, kinda like what you‘d find in the ceilings of a school classroom. Okay, that’s weird. I don’t remember installing cork ceiling tiles in my room.
Propping myself up on my elbows, my eyes drift around. The walls of the room are painted in a light blue, with a few flower decals added along the bottom. Directly to the left of my bed sits an almost comically small chair. A large window sits further behind the chair on the wall, blinds up, and completely exposing me to the big, yellow, retarded ball of hydrogen in the sky. Weirdly enough, the window looks low enough to reach my knees. Ahead of me, a small CRT television hangs off a wall mount, powered off. On the right corner of the room I spot a closed, windowless door, maybe ¾ the size it should be. Beside me sits a second bed, completely identical to mine, granted with the blanket thrown to the side and a television remote left over the pillow. However, unlike mine, there lay a trashcan next to the other bed, piled high with plastic trays, the scent of food scraps wafting from the bin.
As if on cue, I feel a sharp stab in my gut, and I clench my teeth to keep from gasping. Leaning over the bed, I try to hurl, but my stomach feels too empty and I only gag. Shit, what happened last night?
Sitting up fully, I take a deep breath and try to recall anything that could’ve led to this. However, all I accomplish is a small headache. Lifting the covers of the bed, I step onto the floor.
“JESUS!” I yip as my bare feet come into contact with the ground. Jumping backwards, the bed squeaks back at me in protest. Immediately, the door swings open and in runs a small, white horse, clipboard held in between her teeth. Well, 'horse' is a bit of a stretch. When I say small, I mean small; it barely reaches my chest. Not to mention, its blue eyes nearly take up a third of its head. A light pink mane runs down its neck and a small nurse’s cap with a red cross adorns her head.
“O-oh noh, Enton, izh everyfing ‘lright in hr-” the small horse stammers through the clipboard, almost tripping over herself in her rush to enter. “Oh, yur…”
Our eyes meet and we stare at each other for a couple seconds. Sitting there, I don’t really know how else to respond. Then its eyes begin to drift down, and it quickly turns its head to the right, a hoof coming up to cover its eyes. I look down as well, blinking at my exposed manhood. I quickly slam my thighs together, and make a grab for the bed sheet next to me and throw it over my legs.
“W-woah!” I stammer. “I-I am so sorry. I had n-no idea-”
“Bro, is that you!?” comes a hearty voice outside the ajar door. Oh dear god, I know that voice. I can hear the smile in that voice.
The door opens promptly following the outburst, and slightly crouching under the door’s frame, a very large man enters the room. He boasts a physique easily twice my size, and he stands with a stiff posture. On him, he wears a white t-shirt, a pair of denim pants, and a pair of light tan work boots. His skin is a shade of dark green, similar to mine. A small black question mark, mirrored horizontally adorns his forehead, raised over a pair of amber eyes. Also like me, his head bears no signs of facial hair, save for the black eyebrows and eyelashes. A big, toothy grin shows up where his mouth should be, and he raises his arms up to shoulder-height as he walks forward.
“God, I'm so glad you're awake, bro. I was wondering how long you were planning on sleeping.” says my Anton, running to my bed, and trapping me in a bear hug. “I’ll be honest, you had me pretty worried there for a sec.”
“Anton.” I whisper from beneath his grip. “What the shit.”
He releases me, turning back to the horse, who had begun to stare. He smiles at her and raises an open palm. “Everything’s fine, thank you very much, ma’am. We can take it from here.”
The small equine nods at him and promptly trots out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Shutting my eyes, I raise both my hands and massage my temples. I sit like that for a while, waiting for a hole to open up under my bed and swallow me whole.
“Anton?” I finally croak, opening my eyes when I don’t wake up from this nightmare.
“Yeah?” replies the green giant before me.
“Why am I naked?”
Anton smiles, moving his eyes toward the ceiling. “Well, bro, there’s a perfectly logical explanation for that question.” He looks back at me. “‘Cuz you’re in a hospital.”
“That doesn’t explain shit.” I spit back. I can’t fucking believe this guy. “ And why the fuck am I in a hospital!? And for that matter, what’s with the talking horse dressed up like a nur-”
“Pony.”
“What?”
“They prefer the term Pony. I dunno, I don’t think they like the word ‘horse’.”
“They? Wait, so there’s more of them?” I shake my head. “No, you know what? Doesn’t matter right now. Where are we, and where are my clothes?”
Anton stands up. “Oh yeah.”
He walks over and reaches under my bed, retrieving a set of clothing similar to his, along with some socks and underwear, all wrapped neatly in a clear plastic bag. Some of the clothing seems odd, however, the stitching in slightly awkward places. He places the bag next to me and turns around, “I’m afraid I can’t exactly answer that first question right now, still working out the wires on that bombshell. But, I can tell you we’re definitely not in Kansas anymore. I dunno where our old clothes went, but I got some new ones for ya! You’ll have to excuse the fit, I had to guesstimate a little.”
Standing up, I wince again as my feet meet the floor. Reaching for the bag, I realize just how low to the ground the bed is. It barely even comes up to my knees. Bending over, I reach for a pair of underwear, when I hear a creak from the doorway.
Oh shit oh fuck oh shit.
“Excuse me, Mr. Antonymous, you have a visi-”
Spinning to face whoever entered, I nearly collide into Anton’s back. Craning my neck back, I see Anton had grabbed his bed’s blanket, holding it wide to conceal from his shoulders down. The sheet also completely hides me behind it.
“Oh thank you, nurse.” Anton replies. “Sorry, just wanted to fix the bed before I leave.”
“Oh, that won’t be necessary. By the way, where did Anonymous go?”
“Him? Well, he just went out for a bit. Wanted to stretch his legs. He’ll be back soon.”
“He shouldn’t really be out on his own, you know. Especially given his condition.”
My brother shrugs. “Aw, don't worry about him. I’m sure he’ll be fine. Thanks again.”
As the door closes again, Anton slowly lowers the blanket.
“Whew, that was a close one.” Turning to me, he smiles. “You good back there?”
I roll my eyes. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Well damn, I was expecting something more on the lines of ‘thanks for the help’.”
“Yeah, well I didn’t need your help!” I snap, turning back to the clothes. “I’m not a fucking child.”
My brother doesn’t respond, but I hear him replacing the blanket back onto the bed.
Sighing, I reach for the plastic bag. “So, what’s wrong with me then?”
“Huh?”
Peeling the plastic apart, I reach for the garments. Immediately, I can tell the shirt’s a size or two too big for me. “The ‘condition’ the nurse was talking about. Did something happen?”
“Well, you’ve been asleep for about four days now.”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“...Bro?”
“What the fuck!?”
My brother lets out a nervous laugh, “Heh heh, yeah. But hey, you’re awake now, so there’s some good news.”
“Man, what the hell happened?” I mutter, pulling out the shoes and dropping them on the floor.
“Believe me, I wish I could tell ya.” Anton says, striding towards the door. “Well, I better go check out whatever this is. Damn, wish we coulda’ spoken longer. Meet me in the lobby when you’re done, yeah? It’s a straight walk to the left from here and down the stairs, can’t miss it.”
“Wait, so we’re not gonna discuss the strange, talking hors-”
“Pony.”
“Strange, talking pony?”
“You’ll see when you get out,” Anton says with a wave over his shoulder, closing the door behind him.
What the hell does that mean?
I pick up the t-shirt and give it a quick whiff. It doesn’t have a distinct smell to it, but at least that means it doesn’t smell bad. Sure enough, the shirt sleeves are a little too baggy for me, but the rest isn’t too bad. Could use a belt for the pants, though.
Before leaving, I gaze into the hanging television. A thin, green man stares back at me from the dark screen, a question mark on his bald head over a pair of jet black eyes. The eyes themselves are fairly sunken looking, bags clearly visible from under them. My cheeks also look a bit more hollow than usual. Even though I don’t have any hair to make messy, ‘ragged’ wouldn’t be too inaccurate a word to describe me.
Looking good as always, stud.
Turning the door handle, I walk out into the hall. I have to stop myself from walking back inside.
Small, pastel colored horses reach as far as the eye can see. I’m talking four-legged nurses, doctors, and even the patients. Some have a long bump on their head, some have wings, and some are “normal”. I can't help but stand there, staring at them all. Hold up, does that one have a beak and claws? Oh, and that looks like a Minotaur. Wait what.
Suddenly, I become distinctly aware of how many eyes are on me. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I turn left and walk towards what I hope was the direction of the lobby. I accidentally bump into a few ponies on the way, including a gray one with a pink bow tie, who mumbles a quick apology before hurrying past me. Curious, I turn and watch as they run up to another pony, white with a sharp, blue mane. She's wearing sunglasses even though she's inside, and her left hind leg is bandaged up. As the grey one reaches her, she smacks the other across the head before embracing her in a hug.
Oh fuck, I’m staring again like a weirdo.
I hurry down the hall, nearly trampling over a few more ponies on the stairwell. Many awkward steps and fumbled apologies later, I finally reach the main lobby. A large semicircle desk sits by the wall on my side, manned by more miniature horses. Chairs line the walls to my left and right, with various creatures sitting around, mingling. As I enter, many try to hide that they’re looking at me.
On the center of the wall ahead of me stands a large pair of glass doors. To the right of the doors, I see Anton talking with a small purple pony. Her mane and tail are a darker shade of purple, with a single violet streak running along their length. This pony, however, not only has both a forehead-bump and a pair of wings, but what looks like a golden tiara rests on her head. She also has a picture of a large, violet star on either side of her butt.
Okay.
My brother looks up as I walk in and waves me over. I wave back, and hurry across the lobby.
“...nyway, as I was saying: that sounds great as a temporary solution. I’m sure he’ll love it.” Anton motions again to me as I reach them. “Well, well. How it do, sleeping beauty? Enjoy the stroll here?”
“Shove it, Anton. This whole place is fuckin’ weird. Where are all the people at?”
“Well…that’s kinda what I wanted to discuss with you. But first, ” Anon motions to the purple pony beside him. “You wanna start?”
“Oh, of course,” chirps the pony. She turns to me and smiles, “Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
I stare at her. “Your name is…'Twilight Sparkle'?”
“Why yes.”
“And you’re a...princess?”
“I, uhm, yes I am,” replies the small horse. She starts shifting her weight back and forth between her left and right legs. Huh, they do that too.
“Princess Sparkle had been gone out of town for the past couple weeks due to work,” interjects Anton, “She’s only just gotten back yesterday.”
He then turns to Twilight with a grin, “You’ll have to excuse my big bro, he gets a little cranky when he hasn’t eaten in a while.”
"Oh fuck off, Anton." I huff. Twilight takes a step back, mouth slightly agape.
“Wait, you’re younger!?” she exclaims, looking first at my brother, then to me, and back to Anton. “But, you’re-”
Anton waves a hand, laughing slightly. “Yeah, we get that a lot. But I swear, Anon’s older than me by 3 years. He’s 23.” As they speak, I can feel the heat rise up to my face again, and my hands ball up into fists.
“Okay, first.” I cross my arms. “Judging age off of height is retarded. Second, I’ll have you know that Anton is just a freak giant. Seriously, what human being needs to be 6’5 anyway? No one, that’s who.”
The Jolly-Green-Giant rolls his eyes and smiles up at the ceiling, “It’s not a competition, bro. 5’6 is a completely adequate height.”
“Oh, shut the fuck up.”
“Uhm, right.” Says Twilight, “Well, Anton has told me a little bit about yourselves, but I’d love to hear your story too!” She turns to doors and walks forward, but cranes her head to face us. “Don’t worry about checking out, we’ve taken the liberty of getting the paperwork out of the way for you. I know this wonderful confectionery my friend runs, I’m sure you’ll love it. We can talk more there.”
As she speaks, she makes no motion to slow her momentum towards the glass. I move to swing the door open, but before I can reach it, the handles begin glowing in a purple light and turn on their own. With her head-bump glowing in the same color, Twilight trots through the door frame, a noticeable pep in her step.
Anton walks ahead, keeping the door open with his left hand, while motioning ahead with his right.
“Yeah, we’ll explain that too.” He says with a chuckle.
I raise an eyebrow before walking forward through the doorway and towards the magical, purple, talking princess pony.
As I step past the glass doors, I close my eyes and breathe deep. The outside air is…nice. It certainly smells clean; better than the rancid office chemicals and the day-old coffee scent that I’m used to from the office.
Opening my eyes, I let them wander around me: a freshly-cut lawn spans the front of the hospital, and to the right, a short stone foundation holds up a wooden sign with a big red cross emblazoned onto it. Various flowers litter the outskirts of the hospital, and I hear a faint buzzing as bees zip between the petals. Even though the sky is free of clouds, the air is cool and the sunlight feels gentle on my face. The entire scene feels so serene it’s almost uncomfortable. Up ahead, I spot Twilight and Anton continue down a dirt path, and I jog down to catch up.
As we reach an intersection, I have to rub my eyes to make sure I'm not hallucinating: the whole place looks like I've traveled back in time. There isn’t a car, plane, or even pavement as far as the eye can see. Tall trees border long dirt roads, snaking between various stone buildings and cottages.
To my left, the sounds of chatter draw my attention to a plaza, host to a sizable marketplace. Colorful vendors fill the stalls, juggling tools, fresh produce, and other goods to passersby. Turning to my right, I see more lines of stone buildings, with a particularly tall, circular building in the distance, small balconies hanging off each level. All around us, more ponies walk by. Many of them steal glances towards me, though they try their best to hide their gazes. Yeah, that’s right, keep walking.
“Crazy, right?” comes a voice to my right. Anton strides up beside me, smiling as he looks down from his completely bullshit, vertically advantaged position. “Nothing like back home, huh?”
I cross my arms in front of my chest. “Yeah I’m gonna have to ask you again, Anton, where the hell are we?”
“Well Anon, you’re not gonna believe this, but they call this place...” my brother spreads his arms apart in a dramatic fashion. “‘Ponyville’.”
“...You’re fucking kidding me.”
“Bro, I wish I was kidding.”
I roll my eyes. “Oookay, and where in bum-fuck America is Ponyville?”
Anton reaches up and scratches the back of his head, turning his gaze away. “Yeah, you see…”
“What’s ‘America’?” asks a female voice to my left. I turn and look down to find that her Royal Purpleness had walked back closer to us. “I’ve never seen a land by that name in any of our maps.”
“Wait, you’ve never heard of America?” I scoff, “Yeah, sure. Aren’t you supposed to be, like, the fucking princess or something?”
Twilight’s mouth twists into a scowl, “Okay, well first: rude. And second, I know Equestria’s geography back and forth, and I can confidently say I’ve never heard of a place called ‘America’.”
“Right,” I scoff. “Like I’m supposed to fucking bel-wait. What did you just say?”
“I said you were being rude. You know with all due respect, Anonymous, I think you need to work on being a little more poli-”
“No, I mean after that.”
“I said,” the pony forces through her teeth, “that I’ve never heard of any land in Equestria called ‘America’”.
“Yeah,” Anton chimes in, “See, that’s what I was gonna say, bro. We’re not just ‘not in Kansas anymore’. As far as I can tell, we’re not even on Earth.”
“That’s fucking hilarious Anton.” I turn to my brother. "That was a joke, right?”
Twilight and Anton exchange a glance.
“Well Anon, look at it this way:" says my brother, waving an arm around us. "Completely unfamiliar geography, multiple races of creatures we never thought could possibly exist in reality, oh and multi-colored talking ponies, at least one of which is royalty. Yeah, I don’t think someone’s hiding all this in the Alps.”
My eyes follow his motion, scraping across the landscape and town around us. “No, but…that’s not possible. Anton, that’s not fucking possible.”
“Yeah, like I said, bro.” laughs Anton, “Still trying to figure out how this happened, myself.”
We walk in silence after that. Twilight and Anton continue chatting, but I can’t listen. I’m too lost trying to wrap my head around interplanetary travel at the speed of a shitty night’s sleep. Jesus, mom’s gonna freak.
Oh fuck, mom. Is she okay? Has she realized we’re missing?
I shake my head, peering up at the others. And then there’s Anton’s attitude. He’s acting so carefree, like he’s hardly bothered by all this. What the hell’s up with that?
Isn’t he worried at all about mom?
“So…care to tell me about Earth?” asks Twilight, her voice drawing me back from my thoughts.
“It’s the name of our Planet,” says Anton. Twilight’s ears perk as Anton continues. “The planet Earth, residing within the Solar System, attached to the Orion arm of the Milky Way Galaxy.”
Anton makes a few boisterous gestures with his hands as he speaks. Fuckin’ drama queen.
“Huh, well I guess that matches u-” Twilight suddenly stops, and turns towards the both of us. “Wait, what did you say was the name of your solar system?”
“‘The Solar System’.”
Twilight raises an eyebrow. “You named your solar system ‘The Solar System’?”.
“This coming from the pony living in a village called ‘Ponyville’,” I chide.
“To be fair,” Anton says, “we also named an arctic island ‘Greenland’, and another island full of hot springs and volcanoes ‘Iceland’.”
Twilight giggles at us. “Well that’s just silly! Why would you do that?”
“There’s actually a pretty funny story behind it.”
The further we walk into town, the more eyes I can feel burning into my back. God I hate this, I feel so exposed. Anton, however, looks completely in his element. He smiles and waves, and acts as annoyingly friendly as usual. I can’t be bothered with that shit and just keep my gaze forward, hands in my pockets. Out of the corner of my eye, I do spot the occasional wave in my direction, but I just pretend not to notice.
I should just ignore them, they're just an unnecessary distraction.
“So Anton, how are you enjoying your time in Ponyville so far?” Twilight asks from over her shoulder.
“So far, your highness? It’s pretty nice. The locals are friendly, and I’m definitely grateful for all the help y’all have given to me and Anon.”
“Please, ‘Twilight’ is fine. And yes, I’ve heard you’ve both been enjoying an extended stay at our hospital.”
Anton inhales through his teeth, turning his head away. “Ooh, heh heh. They told you about that?”
I look up at that. “Wait, what? What happened, did you get hurt?”
“Don’t worry,” Twilight says, turning a smile back at us. “To my knowledge, Anton is completely healthy. However, he has been very adamant about not leaving your side so long as you were unconscious. Gave the kitchen staff quite the workout, but not much more than that.”
Immediately, the mountain of trays back in the hospital room comes to mind, and the corners of my mouth rise.
I give Anton a light smack on the arm. “‘Told ya you’re a fatass.”
“Please, bro, I’m bulking.” Anton motions his hands down his torso as he speaks.”How do you think I maintain this physique?”
“You’re always ‘bulking’.” I huff. “I swear, I have no fucking idea where all that food goes. It’s a miracle you’re not actually obese with how much you eat.”
“And a phenomena I plan to abuse for as long as I can.”
We continue walking until we arrive at, and I shit you not, a giant gingerbread house. Fake, white frosting line the dark-caramel roofing on the building. On one end of the roof, a weather vane in the silhouette of a pony sits atop a jutted wooden beam, while a bird's nest rests on another. A giant cupcake tops the highest point of the building, complete with electric birthday candles. All of the windows and doors are stained in a light pink, complete with a pink mailbox next to the front doors. A hanging sign on the side of the building reads “Sugarcube Corner” along with a picture of-you guessed it-a pink cupcake.
“Alright,” I say, looking the building up and down, “But if we’re walkin’ in there, I’m not the one getting shoved in a cage.”
“Ooh, ‘Hansel and Gretel’? I love that story!” Squeaks a voice from behind.
“Christ!” leaping forward, I nearly fall onto Twilight, landing face down in the dirt.
Picking myself up off the ground, I turn to catch sight of the pinkest pony I’ve ever seen. Like, her fur is so bubble gum pink. Her mane and tail share a slightly darker shade of pink than the rest of her body, with a physical quality I can only describe as “frizzled”. Much like the other ponies I’ve seen, she also has a tattoo on her butt: 3 balloons, 2 blue ones on the bottom with a yellow one in between. Her blue eyes stare deep into mine, and I can't tell if she's looking at or through me.
“Oh, hey Pinkie Pie!” says Anton. Of course that’s her name.
“Hey Anton," Pinkie says, "glad to see you finally out of that hospital!”
“Hahah, glad to be out.”
“Wait, you two know each other!?” I blurt out. Holy fuck, how much have I missed?
“Of course!” says Pinkie, “As Ponyville’s resident party planner, it’s important for me to know everyone!”
“I feel like there are some flaws with that logic.”
“That’s funny, that’s exactly what Anton says too!”
I look at Anton, who shrugs. “To be honest, I have no idea. I just woke up one day and she showed up in our room.”
“So you must be Anonymous,” Pinkie Pie continues, shoving her Hubba-Bubba colored muzzle in my face, “Anton’s told me a whole lot about you! Unfortunately, the hospital doesn’t like it when I host parties for their patients. Something like:”
The pink pony stands up on her hind legs, holds one of her fore-hooves up and brings one behind her back. “‘The patients require adequate rest to recover from their injuries. We cannot a have you gallivanting around making things worse with your incessant party attitude.’”
I snort at the impression, and Twilight hides her mouth behind a hoof.
“But now that you’re awake,” Pinkie continues, bouncing up and down, “we can finally have a welcoming party! Ooh, it’ll be so much fun! We’llhavestreamersandpunchandapinataandIcanmakeyouguysabigwelcomecakeandIcan’twait!”
“Okay Pinkie,” laughs Twilight, “we can do that later, but first I wanted to talk with them a bit.”
“Aww, fine. But we’re so totally doing this ASAP!” As we start to head inside, Twilight and Pinkie enter ahead of us. I lean towards Anton, raising a hand to angle my voice in his direction.
“So is she always like this?” I say, pointing with my other hand towards the pink bundle of joy.
“Yep, isn’t it great?”
I sigh. “Fan-fucking-tastic.”
The first thing that hits me as we enter the bakery is the smell. Holy fuck, the smell. The warm, gentle aroma of freshly baked brownies, cakes, and more send my head into a spiral. I stumble through the doorway, grasping onto Anton before I hit the ground.
“Woah there,” Anton laughs as he hauls me back up. “Careful, bro..”
“I’m fine,” I grunt. I try to take another step, but my knees buckle out from under me. Anton grabs my arm and hauls me backup to my feet.
“Eh, I’m not too sure about that. Relax, bro, I’ll help you to the table.”
I try to wrench myself free, but he grips my wrist like a vice. We make our way to a corner of the bakery, my arm strung around Anton’s shoulder. I look at the ground, but I know the other ponies in the store are staring. My face feels warm. God, I hate it when he does shit like this.
He’s just doing this to embarass me.
We approach a small, pink table, surrounded by four small, pink chairs. A window rests close by, and Anton lets me drop into a chair facing it. As he releases my hand, I make a show of flailing my arms, sliding down the chair until my back reaches the seat. Anton just snorts as he pulls out another chair to my right.
“Looks like you could use a pick-me-up,” offers a voice from behind me, as a pink hoof slides a plate onto the table. On the plate sits a single brown cupcake, topped with pink icing and sprinkles. The strong, sugary scent stings my nose and draws my attention back to the stabbing in my stomach. I don’t remember much of what happened next, but the next thing I knew, the cupcake had disappeared, leaving only the liner on the plate, with a large bite taken out of it.
I gaze longingly at the empty plate, and a green hand places another cupcake onto it. I look up and see Anton resting his elbow on the table, his own plate empty.
“I think you could use this more than me.” He smiles as I descend upon the pastry.
Wasting no time, I reach for the confectionary, mumbling a ‘thank you’ through a mouthful as Twilight walks over and plops down onto the chair opposite me.
“So,” she says, eyeing us. “I understand you must be very confused right now. Sorry for dropping so much information on you in such a short amount of time. Do either of you have any questions before we continue?”
“W’yesh prnshs, ah hve ah phoow ‘uestchuns.” Twilight raises an eyebrow as I force down the mouthful of carbs. Fuck, what did they put in these, crack? “For one, how in the fuck did we get here?”
“Well, we are still trying to figure o-”
“No, I mean how did we end up here. In-what is it-Ponyville?”
Twilight tilts her head back, “Oh, of course! Well, it’s a bit of a long story from what I’m told, but my assistant and a couple fillies found you both in the Everfree Forest. It’s located just outside of town, and a good thing too. That place is extremely dangerous.”
“Oh really, and how so?” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Anton raise a hand to his mouth.
“Well for one, the clouds move by themselves! The plants grow all on their own, and animals don’t need anypony to take care of them.” Anton snorts when Twilight says ‘anypony’. “It’s no wonder no sane pony would think about living in an environment like that. Well, almost no sane pony.”
I rub my chin as she finishes. “So… the clouds, plants, and animals exist and grow completely on their own.”
“Yep.”
"And that's uncommon for you?"
Twilight blinks. "Uhm, yes."
“...Hmm.”
“‘Hm?’”
“Hmm.” I repeat. “Yep, that is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”
Before Twilight can speak, Anton raises a hand. “You’ll have to excuse us, Twilight. Where we’re from, that’s actually completely normal.”
“Well, you see, the last time I crossed over into-”
“Hey, Twilight!” The pink pony from before calls, hopping over, a small plate with a croissant balanced on the tip of her nose. “Got your order!”
“Thanks Pinkie,” Twilight says as Pinkie Pie slides the plate off her muzzle and onto the table. Her head-bump glows and she raises the croissant up to her mouth.
Wait. She's a horse with a long bump on her head that she uses to lift shit without touching it. The realization nearly makes me drop the rest of my cupcake.
“You’re a unicorn!” I sputter, small bits of cupcake landing onto the table. Twilight recoils from the spray, raising the croissant high above her head.
“Well, actually I’m an Alicorn.” she says, spreading out her wings. “See?”
“...I don’t get it.”
She looks at Anton and he nods. “Aight bro, so how do I explain this? So, ponies normally come in, like, three different ‘kinds’. They’ve got ‘Earth Ponies’ who are similar to the ponies we’re used to. There are ‘Pegusi’ which are basically normal ponies with wings. And there are ‘Unicorns’ which are ponies with horns that can cast magic spells with their horn. Very rarely, there are ponies with both a horn and wings. They refer to them as ‘Alicorns’.”
He turns to look back at Twilight. “How’s that?”
“Well, there’s a little bit more to it than that, but that’s about the basics of it.”
I hold up a hand. “Wait, but I thought Unicorns could have wings?”
“No, silly!” cries the pink fluff bounding around our table. She jumps onto the seat on my left, nearly knocking it over. “The idea of Winged Unicorns are mostly a product of the ancient Achaemenid Assyrians. W.B Yeats further added to the confusion when in his poem ‘The Unicorn from The Stars’, he reported the Unicorn in the story to have wings. Then again, he does say later that the creature is the same as the one in his “The Second Coming”, but that creature had the body of a Lion, so it’s more like a sphinx. But sphinxes don’t have horns, that’s silly! The etymology for the word ‘Alicorn’ is actually derived from the latin words ‘alati’ which means ‘winged’, and ‘cornus’ which means ‘horn’ to describe the physical features of equines that share the qualities both pegasi and unicorns.”
Twilight frowns. “Pinkie, what are you talking about? Who are those ponies?”
“Oh, nothing! You know me, Twilight. Just the idle chatter of a mad-mare.” Pinkie's eyes revolve in their sockets in opposite directions as she speaks. I lean away from the display.
Twilight turns her gaze to meet mine. “Aaanyway, what Pinkie said was right. I think? I have the wings to fly, as well as the ability to cast magic. Speaking of which, Anton told me you’ve never even seen real magic where you come from, is that correct?”
I nod my head.
Twilight lowers her croissant down onto her plate, and closes her eyes. “Then allow me to demonstrate.”
As she speaks, both her horn and the croissant begin to glow a faint purple, both slowly growing brighter. In a flash, the croissant disappears, a large red apple sitting in its place.
I lower my head to get a closer look at the fruit. I hardly even saw what happened. There was no gradual shift in color, or shape, or anything. One second there was a croissant, and in a flash, there was a fucking apple.
I poke the apple for good measure, and it rolls onto its side, just like a normal apple should.
“There’s no fuckin’ way…” I whisper.
“Right?” Anton says incredulously, “It’s completely crazy. Back home, people could only dream of doing something like this, and here they can just think and turn junk food into fruit. Imagine all the money we could save on fresh produce.”
Twilight giggles into her hoof. “Well again, there’s a bit more to magic than that. But yes, Unicorns, and by extension, Alicorns are capable of casting various forms of spells, ranging anywhere from simple levitation to advanced teleportation and transformations.”
I straighten my back, leaning over the table slightly. “Wait, so you could send us back home, right? Like, click your fucking heels together and ‘no place like home’ us back?”
Twilight squints her eyes, “I’m afraid I’m not familiar with that phrase. But either way, there’s a problem with trying to directly use my magic on you. Anton, would you mind?”
“Not at all,” says Anton, standing up from his seat.
Twilight also stands up, and lowers her head slightly, a faint shimmer surrounding her horn. Almost immediately, my brother's entire body begins to glow in the same purple light. His shirt and pants adopt a brilliant purple allure, but the light fades slightly around his head and exposed arms.
“Alright, now I’m going to try to levitate your brother,” Twilight announces, an edge now present in her voice.
For a few seconds, nothing happens. Then suddenly, Anton’s chest lurches forward, and he swings his arms out to his sides to try and balance himself. Instinctively, I jump up and hold out my arms, ready to catch him, but he never falls.
I stare in utter fucking shock as Anton begins to float off the ground. He makes it a good couple inches, too. However, his face starts to strain, and his head and arms sag down as the fabric of his shirt tries to lift up and away from him. The whole scene reminds me of lifting a kitten by the scruff of its neck. Soon, the light around him fades, and Anton drops back to the ground. To my left, Twilight’s breathing had gone slightly ragged, and she slumps her shoulders forward a bit.
“As you can see,” she says between ragged breaths, “I’m able to lift everything easily except Anton himself. For some reason, my magic doesn’t seem to affect you as well.”
“It’s not just her, too,” adds Anton, “Gave the hospital quite the stir when they couldn’t just instantly magic you awake for four days. Freaked me the hell out too.”
I sit back in my chair and lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. My gaze moves from the apple on the table, up to Anton. “So you’re saying we’re stuck here?”
"I...yeah, bro.” Anton’s smile falls for the first time since we got here, and he turns his head away from me “I’m sorry, but we have no idea how we can get home. I mean, Twilight’s a magical Alicorn Princess and she can hardly lift me off the ground. We’re stuck here. Sorry...”
I take a step back, falling onto my seat. Lowering my head into my hands, I close my eyes. I can feel the cupcake in my stomach crawling its way back up my throat, and I hold my breath to keep it down. This can’t be happening. I’ve gone crazy, or this is some kind of fever dream. I shouldn’t be here. I should be at home right now, sitting on the couch, watching old movies with mom.
Oh god, mom. What is she even doing right now? She’s gotta have called the cops already, but there’s no way they could even begin to imagine what happened. Fuck, she must be so terrifi-
“...Is what I would say if we didn’t totally have a plan to get back home.” I look up to see Anton looking down at me, grinning ear to ear. “Gotcha, bro.”
“...What?”
“Turns out, Twilight’s got this magic portal that can send us back home!” he turns to Twilight, “Ain’t that right?” Twilight quickly nods her head.
“Th-that’s right,” she says, “It’s called the Crystal Mirror. My assistant and I used it before in the past to travel to another world when someone stole a magical artifact from Equestria.”
“See bro? We’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about. Sorry about the scare, I just couldn’t help mys-”
My body moves on its own. Jumping up from my chair, I grab Anton by the collar of his shirt and pull him down.
“Woah, relax bro. It was just a j-”
“Oh, shut the fuck up!” I snarl, “That wasn’t fucking funny.”
“Oh come on, bro.” Anton looks over my shoulder. I can feel the gaze of the whole room on my back, but I couldn't care less.
He stepped out of line.
“Look, I didn’t think-”
“No, no you didn’t. And that’s ‘cus you’re a fucking jackass! Did you even think about how a stunt like that would make me feel? For a second, I thought I was never going to see home again!”
The red starts to clear up, but the edges of my vision stay blurry. “I thought I was never going to see mom again. Did she even cross your mind once since you’ve been here? We’ve already been gone four days, Anton, maybe even more! She’s gotta be worried sick! What, is the idea of mom being all alone again, waiting maybe forever for us to come home, a FUCKING JOKE to you!?”
Anton stares at me, his mouth agape. But I’m not done, not by a longshot.
He had this coming.
“Because,” I choke, “ because she loves you. In fact, she never stops talking about you. On, and on, and on about all of your accomplishments. How you’re so great and how she’s so proud. You’re the fuckin’ son of the year, Anton. Mr. Goddamn Perfect.”
I point towards Twilight and she recoils. “So, why the FUCK would you make a fucking joke about that, huh? Go on, tell me. You’re such a joker, I want to hear why you think our mom being all alone is funny to you.”
He doesn’t deserve her love.
“I…” Anton's mouth opens and closes, a hoarse whisper leaving his lips. "I-"
“Well!? Fucking answer me!” I shove against his shoulder. It’s not enough to push him much, but he doesn’t try to resist.
“I'm sorry,” he says to the ground.
All at once, I feel a weight release from my shoulders. Blinking my vision clear, I loosen my grip and take a step back. The air in the room feels too heavy to breath, and I suddenly realize how silent the bakery’s become.
“Anton, I-”
Just then, the door opens and a tiny fucking purple dragon runs in, parchment scroll in hand. His scales are light purple in color; and his chin, underbelly, and the webbing between his wings are a light green. A pair of green fins jut from his cheeks, and a row of dull spikes run up his tail. The scales grow longer as they reach his head, like a Mohawk. The dragon weaves quickly between idle customers, and nearly toppling a couple tables with the small wings sprouting from his back.
“Twilight!” the dragon shouts.
“Spike?” gasps Twilight, “What are you-”
Before Twilight can finish her sentence, the dragon shoves the scroll towards her face. “Important message from Princess Celestia!”
The scroll glows in a dim purple light as Twilight grabs it with her magic, and unfurls it in front of her.
“Oh, horseapples!” Twilight mutters. “I have to deal with this. Spike, could you show Anon and Anton to the castle? I’ll meet up with you all later.”
Our eyes meet for a moment, and she quickly turns away. Before the dragon can answer, Twilight’s horn glows once again, and she vanishes from the bakery, leaving behind me, Anton, and an entire room of stunned onlookers.
“Ooookay then,” says the purple reptile. He walks to me, smiling, and holds out a hand. Claw. I dunno. I don’t care. “Nice to meet you, my name’s Spike.”
I bend down on one knee and shake his claw. Christ, it’s like half the size of my hand. “I’m, uhm, Anon.”
As I let his claw go, Spike hops to the door and beckons us over, “Well, follow me gents!”
It’s already the late afternoon when we step out of the bakery. Anton and Spike walk ahead, talking between themselves. I keep silent behind them, fixing my gaze on the ground between us. They glance back at me when they think I’m not looking, Spike being the more obvious of the two. I don’t care, though. I’m hardly in the mood to talk.
“So, Anon.” Spike asks, craning his neck. “How d’you feel about Ponyville so far?”
“I hate it and I want to go home,” I deadpan. “What’s all this about a Magic Mirror?”
The dragon winces a little. “Well, it’s called the ‘Crystal Mirror’. A while back, Twilight and I used it when somepony stole a really powerful artifact from us. It sent us to a completely different world! It was crazy; I got turned into a dog, Twilight looked like you guys, and she had to go to high school.”
“What.”
“Okay, well long story short, we gathered from Anton that the mirror leads to your world. You guys are ‘humans’ right? Yeah, there were tons of those over there. We’re not completely sure how you guys got here without turning into ponies, but either way the mirror should get you guys back home.”
I sigh. “...Great.”
We continue in silence. Although the streets of the town are alive with ponies, it feels densely quiet. Soon, we approach a large tree in the distance, its leaves reaching up high above all the neighboring buildings. At least, I thought it was a tree. The closer we get, the sharper the details become in the sun’s shadow, and the more defined the jagged shards of its trunk grow. What I had thought were branches snake sharply, like lightning, and the leaves seem to morph into bricks. My jaw drops as I realize that this “tree” is made entirely of crystal, and it supports a huge stone castle atop its branches, like leaves. At its highest point, a large multi-pointed star sits, similar to the design on Twilight’s rump. The sound of rushing water grabs my attention as we walk closer, and I glance at another building adjacent to the castle, built directly into a waterfall.
“Alright, we’re here!” calls Spike as we approach the steps to two large wooden doors.
“What is this place?” I ask.
“Welcome to the Castle of Friendship!” Spike extends his wings while he speaks, shooting into the air and turning to us, spreads his arms wide to exaggerate the title.
I push past him, trudging up the steps. There really is no end to my disappointment today, is there?
The door opens as I approach, and another tiny horse walks out. Her coat, while a similar purple Twilight's, is a bit lighter. Her mane and tail are also a dark purple, with a single aquamarine stripe running down its length. The insignia on her rump shows a purple and white star, with two blue streams running off it up and to the right.
“Oh, excuse me,” she says, purple eyes wide and stepping aside for me.
“Hey Starlight!” cries Spike, swooping over to us. “I’m just showing these two visitors to their rooms.”
“‘Rooms?’” I repeat, “Who said anything about us living here?”
“Well yeah, it’s gonna take a while before the mirror’s ready. Didn’t Twilight or Anton tell you that?”
Anton dodges my eye.
“I…sorry.” He whispers.
“Evidently,” I say, turning back to Spike. “No.”
“Oh, well it’s nothing to worry about. Everything should be in order tomorrow morning. You’ll just be staying here over the night while we finish getting everything ready-”
Blowing air out my nose, I push through the castle doors. Nope, don’t give a shit. Stop giving a shit, Anon. God.
This whole place makes me sick to my stomach.
As I pass through the door frame, I let out a low whistle. Deep blue walls surround the perimeter of the entrance. Attached to the walls, tall pillars, made from some kind of crystal, support the ceiling. Various tall, green-tinted windows and doors easily twice my size, litter the walls in pairs. Small crystals and long banners of artwork hang from the ceiling, and numerous electric lamps hang high over every few doors, casting a yellow, yet gentle light across the expanse. Under me, a large red carpet drags forward, splitting into a four-way intersection, two leading to the halls to my left and right, and forward to another set of steps and doors.
Spike passes by me, back on the ground. He beckons a claw, turning to the left. “This way, please.”
I follow as he leads us down a hall full of unmarked doors. At the end of the hall, we climb up a spiral staircase to a second floor. As Spike enters into the new hallway, he stops in front of us, both arms spread to the side. “Well, gents, this is your stop. I decided rooms next to the staircase would probably be best for convenience. You're welcome.”
Like the floor under us, more unmarked doors clutter the hall. These ones, however, are purple instead of green, and come in groups of one, rather than pairs. I turn to the door on my right, giving the handle a twist. It turns easily, pulling open.
Spike’s voice echoes up the staircase. “I’ll call you guys down when dinner’s ready. You can just rest up until then.”
“Thanks Spike!” I hear Anton call out from behind me before I shut the door behind me.
The room was, for lack of a better word, simple. The entire room was made of marble, much to my dismay. A bed, probably on the small end for me, lay in the back left corner of the room, a large windowsill sits perpendicular to it, just above the right of the headstand. Under the windowsill lay a three-legged nightstand, and a small lamp sits atop it. On the back right corner of the room, a small desk and chair sits, with a large mirror built into the wall. On my right, I see a medium-sized dresser and a bookshelf, also built into the wall. I take a deep breath, and a sharp, sterile scent makes my nose wrinkle. Kicking my shoes off into an open corner of the room, I approach the bed. Sitting on its edge, I peer out the window. The sun had just begun its descent over the horizon, and underneath me various creatures run in and out of the waterfall building. On closer inspection, many of them don’t even look like ponies.
Raising my head toward the setting sun, I close my eyes, breathing deep as the golden rays wash over my face. This place is fucking crazy.
Obnoxious would be a better word. Insufferable, Annoying, Repul-
Okay, now it’s getting a little excessive.
Nonsense. Every minute spent in this place is akin to tortue. After all, I never asked to come here. I just want to go back home.
My hands ball into fists. And what about mom? She’s all alone, probably scared half to death where we went. How the hell am I going to explain where we’ve been this whole time? 'Oh yeah, sorry, we teleported to fucking lala land overnight with magic ponies, and friendship castles, and shit.'
Yes, exactly. And it’s all their fault that I’m here. It must be. I’m the victim here.
Me and Anton.
What about Antonymous? Who cares about that idiot? He obviously isn’t taking any of this seriously.
I scoff. It was a joke. I mean, granted, it was a pretty shit joke, but it was just a joke. I overreacted. I should go apologize-
A knock comes from my door.
“Hey, bro?” comes a familiar voice. “You mind if I come in for a bit?”
Well, speak of the devil.
“Sure Anton,” I call over my shoulder, “it’s cool.”
The door creaks as Anton enters, but I keep myself turned towards the window.
“Yeah, sorry for the bother.” Anton says, his footsteps growing closer. “Just having a bit of trouble falling asleep.”
Yeah, no shit, dude. We’ve been in our rooms for maybe 5 minutes before you decided to barge in.
I bite my tongue before I talk out loud and make things worse.
“You mind if I, uh,” he stammers. “You mind if I sit with you for a bit?”
I sigh, scooting closer to the headrest. Anton bounces onto the bed beside me, turning to the window. I follow his gaze. After a couple minutes of silence, my eyes drift to the floor, then to the twiddling fingers in my lap. I should probably say something.
You have said more than enough, Anonymous. Antonymous is a fool, and clearly holds no remorse for his actions. He's likely here only to further humiliate you. Discard him from your chambers im-
“I did think about her,” Anton finally says. I turn to look at him. Hugging his legs to his chest, he rests his chin on his knees, eyes locked on the window. “Mom, I mean. Every night, actually, if you can believe that. I was just, I dunno. When I saw you woke up, I got really excited, y’know? We never talk anymore, and I just wanted to spend some time with you. We aren’t as close as we used to be.”
“Anton,” I huff, “we talk all the time. And we’re, uh, pretty close.”
“Pfft, no we don’t, and no we aren’t.” He frowns at the floor. “Man, you’re always so distant, bro, and you never want to hang out. I get it, we’ve just grown apart.”
I turn back to the setting sun. What am I supposed to say to that?
It's all his fault. It’s his fault and you shouldn’t feel anything for him.
A knot forms in my stomach, and I suck in a breath to steady the pounding in my chest. No. No, that's not fair. It's not his fault we're here, it's not his fault I lost my temper, and it's not his fault that mom-
“Remember when we were kids?” Anton continues. “We used to do everything together. What happened?”
I sigh. “That was a long time ago. A lot’s changed since then. We’ve changed.”
“Well, some things changed more than others.”
I smack him on the shoulder. “Oy, how about you come down here and say that to my face?”
He chuckles. “Why brother, I have no idea what you may be talking about.”
“Whatever.”
Anton rubs a hand over his head “I mean it, though, the part about mom. Do you...how do you think she’s doing?”
“About as well as she can, I guess. Still, I can only imagine how confused and worried she must be.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“Hey now, that’s my line-”
“No, I mean it.” Anton turns away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset earlier. I was fooling around, and I got carried away, and...I’m sorry.”
I tilt my head. “Oh dear God. You’re not gonna cry, are you?”
“C’mon, bro.” He sniffs. “I’m not a kid anymore.”
“Sure you’re not.” Hooking my arm around his neck, I pull him closer. “You’re a tough guy, shedding adult, manly tears.”
Anton wipes his eyes before smiling back to me. “God, you’re such an ass. And please don’t bring that back up again.”
Suddenly, a dull ringing comes from outside the window. Down below, ponies start pouring out of the waterfall building, mingling between themselves in the courtyard. By the looks of it, there are even a number of non-pony things among them. Further down the main road, a pony walks out of her house to a garden and waters some flowers. Couples walk the streets nuzzling their partners, and I think I even see that dragon from earlier fly out to talk to some random white pony. Everything once again looks so peaceful from up here...
“...It’s almost like we’re in a dream.” I say. “Right, Anton?”
After a couple of seconds of silence, I turn to him. His head’s slumped forward, and the rise of his chest had slowed. He fucking fell asleep on me.
“You really are a fucking child, you know that?” I yawn. “And this is my bed, you actual penis.”
Cradling his shoulders and neck, I slowly lower him onto the bed. His head hangs off the edge, but at this point I could care less. Propping a pillow under my head, I lay down beside him. Settling down over the sheetsI close my eyes, focusing on my breath. Slowly, my thoughts begin to fog as the weight of my chest grows lighter.
I jump as a knock erupts from the door. The fucking timing here.
“Anon?” Spike calls from beyond the entrance. “Is Anton in there? He won’t answer his door and I’m gettin’ kinda worried here.”
“Yeah!” I call back. “We’re both in here, and we’re fine.”
“Great, well dinner’s pretty much ready! I’ll catch you guys downstairs!”
As the light pitters of Spike’s feet slowly disappear, I rub at my eyes. Groggily, Anton rises to his feet, stretching his arms to the ceiling. He takes a deep breath, and rests his hands on his hips.
“So, uh.” He says after a short pause. He turns to look back at me. “We cool?”
“Yeah, whatever.” I roll my eyes. “‘We cool’.”
Anton spins towards the doorway. “Fantastic cuz I’m starving-”
“Hold it there, tough guy.” I grunt, forcing myself to my feet. “You don’t think we’re done just yet, do you?”
“What’re you…” He cringes when I tap my forehead. “No. No way you’re bringing this back.”
“Just this once.”
“Can’t we just hug and say we’re sorry like normal people?”
I shake my head. “Hell nah, it’s practically our tradition. And I think I deserve at least one good shot, all things considered.”
Walking closer, I reach my hands out to Anton’s head. He recoils at first, craning his neck away, but slowly allows me to grasp his cheeks. I keep my grip firm, but light; years of practice with him ensuring I cause as little discomfort as I can.
“Well?” I ask.
Anton rolls his eyes, bending his knees to level himself with me. I slowly bring our heads closer, until only a fraction of an inch separates our mouths, our warm breath licking at each other's lips. I close my eyes and he does the same. Then, I reel my head back as far as I can, slamming the front of my skull directly into my brother’s forehead. A loud crack bounces off the walls as bone collides. In that moment, my vision goes white, and my body turns weightless.
I bite my lower lip, glaring at the half-completed Algebra worksheet on the table in the hopes that it may share with me its dark secrets. Unfortunately, my interrogation methods prove inadequate, and the paper remains unanswered. Man, why does 7th grade math have to suck so hard?
Sighing, I push back my dining room chair, and peek out the window. It’s a gorgeous autumn afternoon; the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and our front lawn looks like it's on fire with all the leaves my brother and I promised to rake up. I mean, we still have a couple hours before mom gets home, I can start on it when Anton gets back.
My eyes drift to the microwave clock. Looks like he’s a bit later than usual. That snake, he’s probably trying to get me to do most of the work again.
Leaping off the chair, I pace to our refrigerator. Pulling back a handle, I grab the freshly chilled chocolate bar from the refrigerator door’s shelf. I pull apart the tab on the back of the bar, and take a large whiff of its intestines.
Okay, putting that thought in the vault.
Feeling the saliva start to pool in my mouth, I swallow hard, slowly bringing the bar closer to my lips. Sorry, bro, but you have no one else to blame but yourself.
As one of the semi-sweet corners enters my mouth, my hand stops. I look down to see my other hand, wrapped tightly around the wrist holding the candy bar hostage. When I try to pull the chocolate bar closer, the other hand pulls in the opposite direction, leaving the bar in place.
“Oh come on,” I whine. “What’s a few bites? He’s not even here. What’s the point of sharing if there’s no one to share with?”
The bar, in response, twitches just a little farther out of reach.
“Okay look.” I plead. “I can just throw your wrapper in the neighbor’s trash. I’ll say it disappeared. No one has to know.”
I try sticking out my tongue, but that just prompts the chocolate bar to move even further away.
“Ugh, fine! I didn’t want to eat you anyway!” Tossing the bar back into the fridge, I slam the door. “Hurry the hell up, Anton. I swear to God when I see you, I’ll-”
Suddenly, I hear the front door open. Whispering a silent prayer of thanks, I run to the entrance..
“Jesus Christ, Anton.” I say as I round the corner. “Do you have any idea what time it...” My jaw drops as he closes the door behind him.
“Hey, Anon.” My brother says, sniffling. His face is covered in bruises, and his eyes are red and puffy. He’s got a cut on his arm and I can see both of his knees bleeding from under his shorts. The right strap of his backpack is completely ripped off and his t-shirt looks stretched to ruin. He’s also missing his left shoe. “Sorry I’m late. I, uh, got into a fight.”
“Oh my God, Anton!” I scream. “What the hell happened!?”
“Well,” Anton smiles weakly. “I got into a fight.”
I slam the palm of my hand into my forehead. “Well no shit, dude. Come on, we gotta get you cleaned up before mom gets home.”
Grabbing his hand, I drag him to the kitchen. I toss Anton some napkins, and after wetting some paper towels, I dab at his knees. He winces at my touch, but doesn’t say anything, reaching instead for a napkin and blowing hard into it.
“So…?”
“So?”
“So you gonna tell me why you thought it was a good idea to act like a dumbass or am I gonna have to beat you up too?”
“Anon, that’s not funny.”
“Great, cuz I’m not joking.”
Anton sniffles again, looking away. “I told you, I got into a fight.”
“Yeah, but why?”
“...'Cuz they made fun of me.”
“And they are…?”
“The guys from Shaker St.” He turns back when I don’t reply. “...Uhm, Anon?”
Balling up the paper towels in my hands, I stare up at my brother. “Anton, let me get this straight: you’re telling me that you, a fourth grader, decided to fight multiple ninth graders, because they made fun of you?”
Anton wipes away a few more tears from his face. “Yeah, I know Anon. I’m a big, dumb, stupid, idiot and all that other stuff you say-”
“No Anton, you’re a fuckin’ badass!” The napkin doesn’t move from Anton’s face.
“You really think so?” asks the napkin. I grab Anton’s wrist and gently pull down, revealing his bruised, confused face.
“Look at me Anton. Yeah you’re young, small, and inexperienced in fighting. But you rushed down a bunch of frickin’ high schoolers because they thought they could push you around! Hell yeah that’s badass! Pretty fuckin’ dumb, but badass.”
“I mean, I still got beat up...” He chokes, wiping furiously at his eyes.
I walk over to the sink, tossing the bloodied paper towels in the trash. Jesus, mom’s gonna freak when she sees this. Then she’ll probably call the schools, and make things worse.
I rub my chin. Yeah, if there’s anything that won’t make bullying stop, it’s crappy faculty that just want to write up less incident reports. Oh God, is he sniffling back there? He's gonna start crying again. Gotta think of something quick.
”Okay. I think I know what to do.” I walk back Anton, his Amber eyes gleaming back at me.
"What do you mean, Anon?" he asks, blowing into another tissue.
A toothy grin spreads across my face. “We’re gonna be tough guys.”
“...Tough guys?”
“Yeah, like Chuck Norris or Bruce Lee! If we get as tough as them, no one’s gonna wanna mess with us!”
My brother raises an eyebrow. “But Anon, how do we even be tough guys?”
“It’s quite simple, my dear little brother.” I strike a pose, planting a fist on my hip and shoving a finger to the sky. “We just have to do tough guy stuff!”
“What do tough guys do?”
“Whatever you can think of! Tough guys practice fighting, eat bowls of nails without milk, anything you imagi-”
“Like headbutts?” Anton asks excitedly.
“Exactly. Hella’ headbutts.”
“Hella’ Headbutts!” Anton roars, fists pumping in the air.
“Hella’ Headbutts!” I bend down to Anton and lower my voice. “Okay Anton, tell you what. We’re gonna be the toughest guys, but don’t tell mom about this.”
“But why not?”
“You know her, she'll just pull some lame excuse about ‘muh friendship’ and ‘turning the other cheek’.” Anton laughs at my impressions and nods vigorously.
“Okay, then.” I say. “Tell you what, we can make a game out of it.”
Anton's eyes brighten and he starts jumping in his seat. “Oh, okay! So what do we do first?”
“Alright, let’s see…” I pace the kitchen floor as I speak, “For our first tough guy rule, how about, whenever you or I feel upset with each other, the only way to make up is with a big, hearty headbutt!”
Anton furrows his brows and looks up to the ceiling. “I dunno, Anon. We get mad at each other a lot. Are our skulls hard enough to handle that?”
“That’s a good point, Anton! Since we get upset at each other so much, this’ll be the perfect way to practice. The pain will make you tougher! Then, nothing those losers throw’ll stop us! Trust me, Muay Thai fighters stuff like that all the time.”
Anton tilts his head. “Is this like how you thought Mrs. Lee was a vampire in disguise because she had a garlic allergy?”
“Okay, first of all, I’m still not convinced that woman’s human. Second, this is different ‘cuz I read this from a reliable source.”
“Where did you read it?”
“I don’t remember.”
“When did you read it?”
“I dunno.”
“Did you see who the author was?”
“You ask a lot of questions for a fourth grader, you know that?” I jab a thumb into my chest. “Just trust me on this one.”
“Oh, okay. If you say so!”
I nod. “Alright, you wanna try it out?”
“Sure!”
“Okay, I’ll kneel down so you can get a better angle.” I place both my hands on my brother’s head and lower my own until our foreheads meet. “Now close your eyes, and think about those ninth graders. Think about their mean words and how it made you feel. Think about their dump, stupid, idiotic faces as they laugh and point at you.”
Slowly, Anton’s hands curl into shaky fists.
“Good,” I say in a hoarse whisper. “Relish in the hatred. Embrace the darkness. Let it consume you.”
“Anon?”
“Yeah?”
“Chill.”
“ok.”
Anton takes a deep breath and slowly reels his head back. As he does, I can’t help but rethink my approach. Is it possible I’m making a terrible mistake here? I mean, I’m not even the one getting bullied here. And getting headbutt would probably hurt a lot. I should probably just tell him to try and talk it out, and let him deal with this on his-
A wave of pain pulls me back from my melancholic episode, the impact causing me to take a few steps back.
“Agh, FUCK!” I scream, cradling my forehead and blinking away black spots.
“Jesus Fucking Christ, bro!” I hear Anton scream, “Our 'tradition' fucking sucks!”
“The pain’ll make you tougher! Work through it, pussy!”
“Goddammit bro, I’m not in Elementary School anymore. Bullies are not an issue!”
“I was talking to MEEEEEeeeeeee,” I wail into the ceiling. My knees buckle and I keel over. Holy shit, I forgot how much this hurts. It feels like someone’s hammering a chisel directly into my head.
I muffle my agony into the marble floor. Out of the corner of my eye, Anton rolls on his back, weaving a colorful tapestry of words of his own. I feel the corners of my lips curl again and my back bounces as I struggle to contain my laughter. Anton looks over to me, a playful look back in his eyes.
“Yeah yeah, laugh it up bro.” He manages before curling up in his own fit. We stay like that for a while, rolling around and laughing like fucking children. When we finally push ourselves off the ground, my abs ache and I feel a little lightheaded.
“Okay, okay. Dinner?” I say, walking to and opening the door.
“Oh, why brother. Dinner sounds absolutely divine~” Anton coos, a large, red welt visible on his makes head. He promptly steps past me, into the hall.
I raise a finger to my own forehead, tapping it. A jabbing pain causes me to wince, and I pull my hand away. Yep, just like old times.
... ... ... Well, this is unfortunate. I see I will have to try more direct measures.
“Nonsense, bro.” Anton cranes his neck back at me. “We’re just taking the scenic route-”
“We’re lost. We’re lost in some magic fantasy castle, owned by an equally magical, talking pony princess.” We turn a corner and walk down another long hall, our footsteps echoing through the corridor. “This is retarded.”
“Yes, thank you for the context.” Anton rolls his eyes. “But yeah, this castle is like a labyrinth. Isn’t this just the first floor? There shouldn’t be this many rooms.”
“Honestly.” Reaching for the handle to Giant Green Door #34, I twist and push. “And how many empty rooms does a castle even need? I haven’t seen a single person here other than us, spike, and that other…”
“Well, well. ” Anton says, peering over my head. “What have we got in here?”
Pushing the door in fully, Anton and I walk through the doorway. Inside, a purple, full-sized mirror stands before us, various tubes attached to its frame. The frame itself is made of some kind of transparent glass, designed in the shape of a horseshoe, with additional smaller horseshoes scattered along its base. At its highest point, yet another horseshoe stands with a small, cartoony horse insignia emblazoned on it. Attached to the frame of the mirror, tubes connect to a large machine behind the mirror. There are also a few tesla coils fitted to the machinery. Why does a mirror need tesla coils?
Behind the mirror, a large bookshelf extends from the wall, filled to the brim in various novels. Anton circles around me and towards the mirror. He flicks the mirror, a light tink ringing as his finger bounces off the reflective surface.
“So” he says, “this is the Crystal Mirror, huh? Neat.”
I follow up behind Anton and peer into the mirror. The skinny, green man from the hospital states back. He raises a hand to his chin, and smirks. Hello again handsome.
“Well this is a surprise,” says a voice from behind. Standing in the open doorway, Twilight nods at the both of us. “I wasn’t expecting you two to find this place on your own. I’m impressed, if not a little disappointed.”
“I was planning on waiting until after dinner to show you.” She approaches us, feigning disappointment at the ceiling. “There goes that grand introduction I planned.”
“Hah, you can thank my bro for that.” says Anton, dropping an open palm onto my head. “It was his idea to open every door in the castle.”
Slapping his hand, I shoot him a sneer. “Oh bullshit. If anything, you wanted to do the snooping.”
“Whaaat?” Anton raises a hand to his chest, resting the other on his hip. “‘Snooping’!? Why brother, what are you insinuating? We’re just looking for the dining hall. Honestly, and in front of our generous host.”
“It’s not insinuation, it's an accusation!”
“Wow, there it is. You did it, bro. You’ve broken my heart. Look, you can see little pieces of it on the floor now.”
“I’m sorry,” Twilight looks between us with a puzzled look, “but did I… miss something?”
“Ah, right.” I turn back to her. “Almost forgot.”
Running a hand over my scalp, I try to look her in the eye. My gaze drifts to the floor anyway. “I’m, uhm, sorry for my behavior earlier. I uh, acted like an idiot back at the bakery, and I made a scene. So like, yeah. I’m an idiot, and like, y’know, I get it if you’re not cool with me, and like-”
“Bro, you’re rambling again.” Anton cuts in.
“Fuck off, Anton. Can’t you see I’m trying to be apologetic?” I gesture to the air around me.
“I’ve heard smoother eloquence from a cactus.”
“Anton, I swear to God if you do not shut up I will kick you so hard in the dick, you’ll coom out your mouth!”
Anton grimaces. “Bro, please never say that word out loud in the presence of other people ever again.”
“Anton, shut the f-”
A loud snort cuts me off, and I turn back to Twilight. She’s brought a hoof up to her mouth and turned her head away from us. Her shoulders seem to bounce, as well.
Yo, she’s fucking laughing.
“You two,” she says between chortles, “are the strangest pair I’ve ever met.”
I drag a hand down my face. “Man, why do I even bother with you people? I try to make a decent apology, and I still get clowned on. I give u-”
“I forgive you.”
“I...sorry?”
“Of course I forgive you,” Twilight says with a smile. She walks to the mirror and lays a hoof on its base, turning her head around to face us. “I understand your frustrations; you’ve been dragged from your home, far from your friends and loved ones, with no knowledge of how or why. It’d be strange if you weren’t at least a little upset.”
Twilight turns back to the mirror. “To be honest, I was in a similar situation too. I didn’t want to leave my home, but had to go out of obligation. The next thing I knew, I was transported to a completely new world; separated from my friends and family, and aside from Spike, I was completely alone. If it wasn’t for all of the friends I made on the other side, we’d likely never have even made it back.”
Twilight sighs, resting a hoof on the surface of the mirror. “I...I do hope the girls are doing well over there...”
She goes quiet, masking her face from us. I turn to Anton and he just shrugs back at me. God-fucking-dammit, fine. I’ll say something then.
“Hey Twilight,” I start, my voice a little shakier than I’d like. “It’s alright, I’m sure they’re, uhm, I’m sure they’re doing just fine. I mean it all worked out in the end, right?”
Twilight turns back, but she looks past us. “Heh, yeah. You’re probably right. I’m sure they’re all busy with each other on their side, too. I’d just be a bother, showing up out of nowhere.”
She trots to the door, stopping at the entrance without looking back. “Come on you two, I’ll show you to the dining hall.”
Anton and I exchange a glance before hurrying after the princess.
We walk in silence, Anton and I tailing behind Twilight. Eventually, we approach another pair of green double doors that look exactly like every other pair of green double doors in this fucking castle. The sound of faint talking and laughter come through the other side. The handles glow purple as Twilight extends her magic, and we follow her into the room.
“Hey bro,” Anton whispers from my side. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Yeah, ‘Dining Hall’ my ass.” I feel a grimace creeping on my face. “This is just disappointing.”
The ‘hall’ is hardly more than a circular, medium-sized room. Red drapes hang from the walls, flanking more green windows. Much like the entrance, tiny crystals dangle from the ceiling, sparkling in the lamplight. A large, wooden round-table sits in the center of the room, surrounded by seven padded stools. Various dishes sit on the table, visible steam wafting into the air. Seated at the left of the table is both Spike and a blue pony I’ve never seen before. On the right, Starlight sits next to an orange pony with a rust-red mane and tail, silver glasses, and the dumbest looking beard I’ve ever-
“Holy crap, that is one magnificent beard!” Exclaims Anton.
The orange unicorn glances towards Starlight for a moment, before turning back to us. “I, uhm...Thanks, I guess?”
“Hey, no problem.” Anton quickly strides to the table. He flashes the ponies a toothy grin, dropping himself onto a stool. He salutes two fingers to his temple before flicking them to the ceiling. “Name’s Antonymous, and that‘s my older brother Anonymous. A pleasure to meet you. I assume Twilight’s already told y’all why we’re here?”
As they speak, Twilight motions me close, leaning in and raising a hoof to hide her mouth.
“Is he,” she points a hoof towards the other human, “always like this?”
“Yeah.” I cross my arms. “Isn’t it great?”
“Actually, it’s quite enjoyable.” She says, trotting toward the opposite side of the table.
“...Fan-fucking-tastic.”
I drag myself forward, pulling up a chair next to Anton, and listen as he finishes his introduction. I wait for a moment as everyone speaks. The orange, bearded pony is called Sunburst. The blue one with the cape refers to herself in the occasional third person as the “Great and Powerful” Trixie, whatever the fuck that means. As everyone speaks, I reach for the table, landing on a platter of weird-looking hot dogs. It’s not until I drop one onto my plate that I notice the green stem sticking out of the end of it.
I peel the mystery stick from its bun, and nibble on the end of it. After a few bites, I hold it up to my eyes. Yep, it's a grilled carrot. They actually grilled a carrot and stuck it in a potato bun.
What is my life right now.
“Oh yeah,” Sunburst says from my right. “We don’t usually have, uhm, many foreigners at the dinner table with us. Hope you don’t mind a vegetarian meal.”
“Huh? Oh, uhm, no it’s fine.” I reach for a burger, tossing it onto my plate. “It’s just a little...different from what I’m used to, is all.”
I raise the burger to my lips, but stop just shy when I catch Spike staring. Sighing, I place the burger and plate back onto the table. Alright, fine, let’s get this shit over with.
“Hey, uh, Starlight and Spike.” I smack my lips. “I’d like to apologize for my attitude earlier today, I was kind of a jackass.”
“Oh it’s no problem, Anon!” Spike pipes up, bits of green falling onto his plate, “I won’t hold it against ya. Don’t see how that makes you a donkey, though.”
Starlight tilts her head, raising an eyebrow at me. “I’m sorry, ‘earlier today’? I don’t believe we’ve met until now.”
I glance at Anton, and he shrugs again, a small baguette poking out of his mouth.
“Whaddaya mean, Starlight?” Spike asks, “We saw you walking out of the castle earlier this afternoon.”
“Spike, I told you this morning that I was going to be out most of the day running errands for the school-”
“So, Antonymous.” A voice erupts from my left.
I turn to the caped pony at my side; her neck’s craned forward and she’s shifted to the edge of her seat. Her coat runs a light shade of blue, with a mane so light blue it almost looks gray. Like Starlight, a spiraled horn juts out of her forehead. However, unlike Starlight, a large cloak wraps around her body, small stars emblazoned on the hem and lower parts of the fabric. A similarly designed, pointed hat sits on the ground next to her stool. Her purple eyes dart between Anton and I.
“You’ve been on your own for nearly four days, correct?” Trixie continues. “I-er, Trixie is curious, why don’t you tell us about your first experiences in Equestria?”
My brother looks around the table before gulping down his roll. Leaning back in his stool, he takes a deep breath.
“Well, let’s see here.” Anton grunts, squinting to the ceiling. “After a night on the town with a couple friends, I came home and hopped into bed. Not really sure what happened after; but next thing I knew, I woke up butt-naked in a crater, surrounded on all sides by trees.”
Starlight tilts her head. “The Everfree Forest?”
“That’s the one.” He nods, leaning into the table. “So there I was, transported in an instant and with no recollection of how I got there. Also, my jammies were gone. My bro was there too, naked and blissfully asleep.”
He grins at me. “You’re a really heavy sleeper, by the way.”
“So I’ve been told.” I grumble. “So what then?”
“Well, after a couple minutes of shaking you around, I just kinda picked you up and started walking around. I swear, I’d probably have wandered for hours if not for the screaming.”
“‘Screaming’?”
“Yeah, I was just as confused. Judging from the sound of the voice, I expected to find a little human girl; but as I reached a clearing, instead I spotted three little ponies and a dragon. Spike, here, was flying frantically around, corralling the ponies together and blasting fire out his mouth around them. Lemme tell ya, it was one hell of a scene, and for a second I thought Spike was trying to hurt ‘em.”
He pauses, taking in a breath. “It took a second, but in the light of the flames, I thought I saw something moving in the dark. Sure enough, a shape lunged toward the small ponies, only to get blasted with green fire and run off. That’s when it hit me: Spike was protecting the ponies. From wolves.”
“‘Wolves’?” Trixie asks.
“I believe you call them ‘Timber Wolves’. Anyway, I did what any sensible person would do in my position: I ran straight for them!”
He looks at me expectantly.
Shaking my head, I reach for another hot-carrot. “Y’know, after all the shit that’s happened, that doesn’t surprise me. You’re still actually retarded, though.”
Anton raises his nose at me. “Oh come on, bro, I didn’t want to just leave them there. Besides, what if there were stragglers lurking around? I figured I’d have better chances in a group than by myself.”
I lean an elbow on the table, shoving one end of the bun into my mouth. The carrot’s surprisingly sweet, likely cooked with some honey or sugar, but the bread helps it from being too overwhelming. “So you just ran in? I’m preeetty sure wolves also tend to rush animals running on their own, especially with their back turned to them.”
“Yeah, that’s just it, bro. They didn’t. In fact, as I got closer, they started backing away.” My brother sits up suddenly, placing his elbows on the table and hiding his mouth behind his hands. His expression goes hard, he glares into the table. “It was almost as if they were scared or something...”
A silence falls onto the dining hall, with everyone’s eyes on my brother. For the longest time no one speaks up.
“Oh well!” Anton chirps, that cheery tone back in his voice. “I’m sure it isn’t important. Anyway, I gave the group a bit of a scare when I sprinted at them, full speed, out of nowhere. Didn’t get a chance to talk to them much, but they were nice enough to show me back to town. As luck would have it, one of the ponies was even the sister of a local seamstress, and convinced her to make us some clothes.”
“Oh yeah.” I pinch the collar of my shirt. “You’ll have to remind me to thank her later.”
“Oh, no problem.” Anton hooks an arm around me, “Trust me, you’ll love Rarity-that’s her name by the way-nicest lady.” He grabs a glass of water from the table, tilting its contents into his mouth and gulping it down with a sigh. “Anyway, that’s enough about here. How about a story or two about me and my bro from back home?”
We spend the rest of dinner listening to Anton recount tales from our past lives: the one time we got in trouble for stapling bread to the trees of our elementary school, the time I accidentally set our neighbor’s pool on fire during their birthday party, and even that time Anton blinded himself with a homemade flashbang. Holy fuck, we were dumb kids.
We have to take turns explaining a lot of things, from the internet, to the concept of automobiles and the comedic genius of tree-bread. Though our colorful audience nod their heads, it feels more like they’re just faking it for our sake. Well, maybe except for Twilight. She leans in for most of the conversations, questioning each meticulous detail. I add very few anecdotes, leaving most of the tale-weaving to my brother. He tends to exaggerate some details; but I can tell he’s having fun, so I bite my tongue.
“...And I couldn’t see jack! I’m telling you, I was practically blind!” shouts Anton, a foot now resting on the edge of his seat. He keeps his arm around my shoulders, leaning more of his weight on me. I don’t bother shaking him off, though. I gave up about a half-hour ago.
“And this guy,” Anton points a finger at me. “This beautiful man, had to sneak out of the house at three in the morning, steal our mom’s car, and come pick my drunk ass up off the side of the road!”
“‘Pick you up’ is a bit of an understatement,” I chortle.
“Oh yeah, you hit me-”
“You walked out onto the road.”
Anton closes his eyes, feigning a pained expression. “Please, bro, I was both blind and inebriated. I can’t be held accountable for my actions.”
“Yeah, and a fuckin’ unaccountable psycho jumped out onto the hood of our mother’s moving car in the middle of the night.” I raise a cup to my lips. “Nearly broke a light, and gave me a fuckin’ heart attack. Remind me to smack the shit out of you the next time you think of trying a stunt like that. Where the hell did you even get Magnesium shavings, anyway?”
I look across the table and spot Twilight, idly rolling on a broccoli stem in her teeth and staring into her plate. “Yo, Twilight, you good?”
“Huh? O-oh yeah, sorry.” She stumbles, dropping the vegetable onto her plate. “I was just thinking about the technology you guys told us about. I’ve seen some of it before when I travelled through the mirror. But still, it’s fascinating. You all lived your whole lives entirely without magic, and yet you’ve cured countless mortal ailments and illnesses, you’ve built civilizations off of nothing but the sweat on your brows, and you’ve managed to travel across thousands of miles of land, air, and sea in days if not hours. Even as far as past the outer atmosphere of your planet.”
Twilight raps a hoof against the table. “Even without casting spells, the magic in our lands should give us a distinct advantage over your societies. And yet, the things you humans come up with are astounding! I’ve only seen similar innovation in places like Manehatten or Applewood. If we could somehow bring some of that knowledge and ingenuity here, I can only imagine the good we could provide for Equestria...”
“Uh,” I start. “Twi-”
“Oh Twilight,” Trixie guffaws. “Always looking towards the next horizon, always thinking about what’s best for everyone. It’s no wonder the others look up to you so much. My, I’m so proud-”
“Uh, Trixie,” Starlight says. “Are you feeling alright? You’re acting a little…different since coming back from your trip."
“Wha-erhm, Starlight, what do you mean?” The blue unicorn stumbles, “I-Trixie is perfectly fine.”
Starlight furrows her brow, but nods. “I...okay, I suppose.”
“Well either way,” Anton says, raising a cup. “we can talk about that stuff later, let’s just continue on with dinner!”
I, in turn, raise my now sufficiently cooled burger to the ceiling. “Hah, I can toast to that one.”
I wrap my arm around my brother’s shoulder, as awkward as it is, and take a big bite into my burger. I spit the contents out almost instantly, a shower of mushy bread and gold strands falling onto my plate.
“Bleck! What the f-is that hay!?”
Soon after, we finish our dinner and clean up the table. Starlight, Sunburst, and Spike exit to their dorms, and Trixie leaves for her wagon. No, really. Her friends live in a fucking castle and she’s content with a “show wagon”. When the door shuts behind them, Twilight, Anton, and I sit around the table in silence.
“Sooo.” I grunt. “Twilight, we got time to waste. Why don’t you tell us a bit more about the mirror?”
“Oh, sure thing.” Twilight says. “Is there something in particular you were interested in?”
“Well, how about a quick rundown on how it works, and why we’re not walking on four legs right now?”
“Oh, no problem.” Twilight closes her eyes, a pale light enveloping her horn. A small flash erupts on the table, and out of nowhere, an apple on a plate and an orange in a bowl appear in front of her.
“So let’s say.” She motions with her hoof. “That the plate with the apple here represents our land of Equestria and its creatures. The bowl with the orange represents your world and species. Aside from these, there exists an infinite number of other dishes and fruits in existence. They all share their similarities at their foundation, but they express themselves differently. For example, the apple is a red pomaceous fruit, while the orange is an orange citrus. The plate is flat, while the bowl is rounded. Each fruit is bound to the laws and nature imposed onto them from their respective dish. An apple can only be an apple on the plate, and an orange can only be an orange in the bowl.”
Anton and I exchange a glance, and Twilight laughs.
“I’m sorry,” she giggles, “I’ll try not to make the metaphor too confusing. Alright, so the plate and apple represent our universe and the equestrian citizens. The bowl and orange represent your universe and humans. However, should one try to cross into the other…”
Twilight raises the apple and orange into the air with her magic, rips off equal portions of each fruit, and swaps them between the produce. She then returns the fruit to their dishes. As she does so, the exposed orange flesh on the apple slowly takes on a red color, morphing into the apple and closing up the seam. The Orange does the opposite, slowly turning the apple flesh into a part of the orange.
“Neat trick, huh?” She says. “The laws of the dish-er-the universes force a change on those who pass through.”
“Oh okay!” Anton says, “So the universe forces a change in order to compensate for the new, foreign objects. Wait, but then…”
“Exactly!” Twilight beams. “When I passed through the mirror, I walked out completely different. I had two legs and arms, I lost my horn, I looked exactly like you. I don’t know why, but for some reason you both maintained your original forms when you came here. It’s an exception to the rule and it’s fascinating!”
The glint in her eyes tells me she’s having way too much fun with this.
Anton rubs his chin. “Yeah, I think I remember Spike mentioning something about that. Wait, he said you attended high school?”
“Oh, heh. He told you guys about that? Well, the only way to get back the stolen artifact was to win it as elected princess in a Fall Formal Dance, so I didn’t really have much of a choice.”
I squint my eyes and tilt my head back. “How...how old are you?”
“19.”
Anton and I glance at each other again.
“You’re a 19 year old princess.”
“Yep.”
“With your own castle.”
“Yep.”
“All on your own.”
“I mean I have Spike, Starlight, Sunb-”
“Holy fucking shit.”
Beside me, Anton struggles to contain another laughing fit.
I bury my face in a hand and sigh. “God, this place is so weird. Please tell me we can leave soon.”
“Oh, yes! Twilight perks, “You’ll be excited to hear that we should be able to get you home by tomorrow. I spoke with an old, well I mean he’s not that old-no I mean he is pretty old, but-ah nevermind. A friend of mine from Canterlot is on his way and should be able to help us out. He knows this mirror even better than I do, and should be able to help set it up and calibrate it correctly.”
I raise an eyebrow. “What? I thought you traveled through it before. Did something happen?”
Twilight doesn’t meet my eye. “Well, I would, but it was already set up before. And besides, there were some...complications.”
“Not a problem, Twilight.” Anton says. He turns to me with a nod. “Well bro, I guess there’s not much else to do now but get some shut-eye.”
“Y’know, Anton.” Stretching back as I stand, I wave a hand back as I stride to the entrance. “That’s gotta be the best thing you’ve said all day. Cya tomorrow Twilight.”
“Goodnight, you two!” Twilight calls as we walk out the door.
As I enter the hall, my shoulders slump as I let the air out of my lungs. Yawning, my legs move on autopilot down the corridor.
What a fuckin’ day.
“Tired?” Anton asks, flanking me.
“If I say yes, are you going to try and wring my arm around your neck again like a fucking towel?”
“Please, bro.” My brother raises a hand to his chest. “You know it’s not fun to embarrass you if there’s no one around to see.”
“Kiss my aaaaasssss.” I moan to the ceiling.
As we reach the staircase, Anton walks ahead, bounding up two steps at a time.
“So, looks like things’ll be back to normal soon.” He says. “You sure you don’t want to stay for a bit? ”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, hell to the no, don’t even start. We're going home if I have to drag your ass, kicking and screaming.”
Anton jumps the last couple steps, twirling to face me. He holds his fists in the air, a playful smile across his face. He swings at the air, as though he’s shadow boxing.
“Joking.” He says, dropping his arms to his sides “But, you gotta admit that’d be a pretty funny scene. Y’know, cuz you’re so short.”
“Actually trip and fall.” I smack him on the arm, turning to my room door and pulling it open. “Don’t talk to me for 8-10 hours.”
“Aye-aye, captain. Have a good night.”
“You too.”
Passing through the doorway, I let the door swing shut behind me. Walking to the window, I place my hands on the sides of its frame. The moon’s risen high into the night sky now; waxing, but just on the cuff of being full.
Cracking my neck, I slowly let my head drop.
“A magic fucking mirror, huh?” I chuckle. “What a-”
What a waste of time.
The noise makes me jump. Turning around, I look left, then right, then left again. Squinting hard, I can hardly make out the silhouettes in the room.
“Is, uh, someone there?” I call into the darkness.
The only response is silence. As my eyes slowly adjust, the corners of the room sharpen, revealing themselves only empty.
Scoffing, I grab a corner of the bed cover and pull, before hopping in.
Twilight’s hoofsteps echo down the hall as she trots down the empty corridor. Although dinner had provided her with much insight regarding the two humans, their arrival continued to plague her. There was only one way of travel she knew of between Equestria and the human realm she visited, and she made sure to close it.
She sighs as she completes her third lap around the castle floor. How long has she been up now?
Something tugs at Twilight’s chest and she hardens her gaze. Stopping, she raises her head to the right to the large double doors. One last check, then bed.
The handles glow in a purple hue as she swings the doors open. Further into the room, a large mirror attached to machinery greets her entrance. Taking a deep breath, Twilight steps through the threshold, closing the doors behind her, and approaches the Crystal Mirror.
Circling the machine, Twilight takes her time examining the various pipes, tubes, and gauges, but she catches herself as she nears the other end, stopping herself before her eyes reach the reflective surface of the mirror. She doesn’t know why, but her hooves suddenly feel much heavier than before. Taking a deep breath, she trots into full view of the glass.
Before her stands an average sized pony, purple in color, with a horn and wings to match. In her scattered examination of the mirror, her golden crown’s shifted to an awkward angle, and a few strands of hair can be seen poking out of her mane. Twilight chuckles as she straightens out her crown and mane with her magic. What’s she so tense about? Even if the mirror was calibrated, it’s not even powered.
She turns to leave when a soft whirring noise perks her ears. As she turns back, her eyes widen.
Before her in the mirror, stands Twilight Sparkle, a smile on her face under a pair of black spectacles. She’s wearing casual attire: A pair of dark blue shoes, sky blue socks, a purple skirt, and a striped t-shirt. She waves as a small purple dog jumps into view from out of frame. The image of a sunny high school courtyard appears behind them, a large white star stained in glass above a large pair of glass doors.
“N-no.” Twilight stammers. She walks closer to the mirror and rests a hoof on the glass. It’s stiff, and the stillness indicates the machinery behind it isn’t running. “No, that’s not possible. This can’t...how?”
In response, another figure walks into view. Her red and yellow hair shines like fire over her amber skin. She’s wearing a black, sleeveless biker jacket over an orange T-shirt, with a violet skirt underneath. Twilight and the dog greet her as she approaches, hugging her tightly before turning their smiling gazes back to Twilight.
“Sunset!?” Twilight gasps. She takes a step back, but trips, landing on her haunches.
Two more people walk in from the background: a blue girl with rainbow hair juggles a soccer ball off her knees, and an orange girl with blonde hair and a stetson bites into an apple as she approaches. The blue one kicks the ball too hard, and it knocks the hat off the other girl. Almost immediately, an argument breaks out between the two.
A faint smile grows on Twilight’s face as she watches the exchange.
“Oh stop it, girls.” she laughs. “Rainbow Dash, Applejack; it was an honest mistake, I’m sure.”
The two turn to Twilight as she speaks, then back to each other and laugh. The blue girl picks up and dusts the stetson, before handing it back to the orange girl. Hooking an arm around each other's shoulders, they approach the others in the mirror.
Another pair walk into the frame: a pale girl with purple hair fussily messes with a pink girl’s vibrant pink mane. The hairy mess seems to resist any change from its natural shapeless mound, much to the pale girl’s dismay, and the pink girl wears a visible frown.
Twilight raises an eyebrow, cocking her head. “Oh quit fussing, Rarity. Pinkie Pie’s hair is pretty just the way it is.”
The pale girl’s eyes go wide as she looks at Twilight, then at the pout on Pinkie’s face. They laugh together and run up to join the others. Then, a small patch of light pink catches Twilight’s eye, scooting in and out of view at the edge of the mirror.
“Fluttershy, we can see you.” Twilight says, rolling her eyes with a chuckle. “It’s okay, come on in. You’re always welcome with us.”
A yellow girl shuffles into view, cloaking her face behind a waterfall of pink hair. She looks around before smiling at Twilight, and joining the cast together.
Twilight stares into the mirror, unsure whether this was all real or if she was just hallucinating. She stops when she feels something wet fall down her cheek. Raising a hoof, Twilight rubs at her face.
“No.” She says. Gritting her teeth, Twilight struggles to her hooves. “No, those days are behind me now. I am a princess of Equestria. I have more responsibilities now, than ever. Princess Celestia and Luna are going to be stepping down soon, Canterlot needs to be rebuilt; there’s so much to be done here. I don’t have time for this.”
“You hear me!?” Twilight braces her legs, raising her voice at the reflection. “I don’t have time for you, so just leave me alone!”
Turning swiftly, she stomps toward the doors. As she reaches them, she grasps the handles with her magic, but stops. Taking in a breath, she casts one last look over her shoulder. The mirror is barren again, reflecting only a single pony in the empty room.
“I...I’m sorry.”
Twilight stumbles out of the room, closing the door behind her and locking it shut with her magic. Her hooves echo louder as she walks down the empty corridor, her shoulder sliding against the wall.
