A.K. Yearling's Heedless Almanac

by Vis-a-Viscera

Entry 2: 1st Visit Home/Equilixir Research, Day 1

Back into the breach then, reader.

After the first of likely many scout reports on just who is at the top echelons of Equestrian society – and the fruits of my first visits to the scene of their biggest impacts, literally and figuratively - I shall now document my efforts to make sense of the chaos both you and I currently find ourselves in. To that end, I show you the Equine Elixir (Equilixir) research and notes from my first visit to my abode near the Tenochtitlan Basin. For security reasons, I shall not list precisely where in the area it is.

First off, reader, an update on one previous matter in the last entry - one the ponies mentioned in those Field Notes is named Dr. Hooves. He has waived all needed censors of his name, and those of his associates, bar four - the graciousness will be reflected from this point forward.

First Visit to The Basin/Time Log

3:30 AM – Arrived at house. Scouted for intruders and traps.

3:33 AM – Wrote and sent notice to publishing house, requesting advance/expansion in research budget for Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny.

-Addendum I: While the location of the Rings is known, further inquiry into the traps around that temple and Ahuizotl is needed, and with the new situation in Equestria, possible interference by wayward guards and/or overzealous Queens will need to be factored into the research budget.

3:40 AM – Went to sleep.

8:22 AM – Awoke. Ate breakfast.

8: 24: Started scouting home for intruders.

8: 27: Went to post office in neighboring city for morning pickup. Mail received is as follows:

- One (1) piece of mail for one (1) parcel with further notes on the book Sightings Strange & Small: A Tale of Awe-Inspiring Artifacts by Trenderhoof.
- One (1) notice from the Canterlot Times with an offer to renew subscription; trashed.
- One (1) paper from the Canterlot Times; trashed, already received this version yesterday and am still trying to forget the front page’s spread.
- One (1) letter from Dr. Hooves, on my collaboration proposal, atop a large parcel mailed with it; and
- One (1) letter from my patron.

(A.K.'s Note (A.N.): The last two letters are transcribed below, in the same order as logged.)

---

Doctor’s Letter

A.K.,

My schedule’s a bit crammed from trying to help the Ponyville admin’s emergency services with the fallout and helping Derpy cope with her loss, but I’m all in arms with helping you. Didn’t think I’d dust off the explorer’s cap of mine once again, but I hold no regrets on helping other ponies who ask, no matter where.

It seems I’m becoming a magnet for all different types of people as of late; apparently the three golden ponies seen from the riots last night are holding out in my abode as well. Apologies, but I must withhold their identities in this letter – Mayor Mare has forwarded me enough on them that I fear for the impact on pony society if their true names are discovered.

On that subject, if you’re going to be in communication with me, you’ll need a way to do so without shuttling back-and-forth to Ponyville. This is a prototype of my newest invention, the ‘handcrank harphone.’ Hook it to your nearest power outlet; any crystal will do, this is quite hardy. The long collapsible metal pole next to it is called a ‘handcrank harpole’ – Miss Heartstrings helped with the names, if you can tell.

You’ve a high incline if the post office number you’ve given me is any indication, but place this on whatever ceiling your home has before you use it. The higher and safer from the elements (including those of Magic and Loyalty), the better. Above all else, be careful; not just on whom you let know of this device, but where you place it. I only have five of them, and one connects right to Mayor Mare. Right now, lack of instant communication is one of vanishingly few advantages we’ve got against this Queen, and it cannot be compromised. The Mayor is a resourceful enough figure to keep hers from prying eyes, and you’re isolated enough that I don’t have to risk ponies reaching you before they do me.

When you’re done, send me a message – just hold one of the horns to your mouth, hollow end first, dial in the number on the pressure plate on the device, and leave a short message, then replace the horn on the stand. Even if I am not on it, the device’s recording power is enough to handle long transmissions. Further instructions are in the box, including the numbers to my and Mayor Mare’s devices. Burn it after reading, we can’t risk records of this getting to the Queen.

Finally, I’ve sent the excerpts of the book you requested. Thank Celestia that Rose had it checked out from the Ponyville Preservation Society Archives weeks before. Apparently, Shroud and that new Royal Guard Knight-Commander Hel were reportedly there last night. If that stone you referenced is connected to the very ponies I’m housing… I don’t dare call it hope, but it tempts my dreams all the same.

Half of me wishes these dreams could sake the former Princess Luna’s torment in Canterlot. The other half is glad that she can no longer see them... knowing who currently holds her leash now.

Good luck,

The Doctor

P.S. One of my new guests brought another pony here through Iron Will. From the same Preservation Society HQ. I will send more details when I know you’re set up, but… I think there may be a family or romantic link. Or perhaps No, both would be patently ridiculous - apologies for the idle speculation, I know how much you hate that.

---

Patron Letter

To A.K. Yearling,

My personal apologies for the oversight, but I’d thought you’d gotten the notice earlier, though I hardly blame the mail-ponies for being wary after hearing Ponyville’s sky situation: I’m sorry, but we’ve cancelling production on Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny.

I understand your concern, and everyone here at V.V. Clearinghouse will compensate you with an advance equal to half of the original projected sales for that book. It is included in the next drop to this same Post Office box at 12 noon tomorrow. Again, we apologize for the inconvenience.

However, we are approving your proposal for a book on the findings you’ve had on the new Canterlot regime, The Heedless Almanac. The editor-at-large Firelight wishes for this book to be ghostwritten before publishing, which we will need your approval on to continue with this work. Due to the contents from your first entry, anonymity will need to be preserved, especially in concern of retaliation over your work.

Arrangements over distribution of The Heedless Almanac are still being discussed with Development Committee head Stellar Flare; expect a response by the end of next workweek.

Your consideration in these troubling times,

The Vignette Valencia Clearinghouse

---

9:25 AM - Finished reading Dr. Hooves’ and my patron’s letter. Returned home.

9:26 AM – Started re-scouting home for any possible intruders.

9:28 AM – Started scouting home for any possible traps.

9:29 - 10:14 AM – Finally looked through logs or any mention of ‘Equilixirs’, or ‘Equilixir Stones’. Narrowed search to phenomena located in Forbidden Jungle. Found no matches in my notes, nor in previous journeys over last five years.

- Addendum II: This is strange. I remember the name, but not where it originated? Must be stress. Yes, me and everypony sane in Equestria, this is no excuse. Continuing.
- Addendum III: While possibly unrelated, there is a mention of golden ponies, plural, in chapter excerpts taken from Sightings Strange & Small – apparently, there is a monument of one in Appleloosa, recovered from a Badlands expedition by Braeburn. Current location is unknown; apparently it was donated to a collector during the recent migration of a significant portion of Appeloosa’s population following the discovery of Braeburn and Apple Fritter.

10:30 AM: Made note to visit Appleloosa after revisit of-/Rarity interview in Ponyville.

10:31 AM: Found first (1^st) mention to the Equilixirs, in one of Caballeron’s journals (donated by Daring): apparently acquiring it is one of his 'bucket list' objectives, though the writing is dated. It seemed progress on the ‘Equilixir Extraction’ was stalled due to, quote unquote, ‘lack of skilled enough lock pickers and skilled navigators to evade initial traps.’ Mentions the Unnamed Temple in the Forbidden Jungle. Also mentions ‘fantastic power’; I do know of this from initial notes on Equilixir folklore (see below.)

- Addendum IV: Was Viscera a part of the Caball? She did mention a betrayal by Cabelleron; I had thought it was her taking advantage of Cabelleron’s pull and trying to pretend otherwise. This cross-reference may lend more credibility to her description of events.

10:35-10:49 PM: Referred to initial notes of Equilixir folklore, to refresh memory. The following is from hieroglyphs transcribed by Prince Hisan, relevant translations below:

• - … the Equilixirs show the first of many attempts by the Old Goddesses to further Life Eternal…”
• - “…they (the Equilixirs) offer resistance against the elements, natural and magical…”
• - “… but are cursed to never lay, or bequeath their gifts upon, purely magical beings…”
• - “…their new home in ThestrEl (mis-capitalization not mine) Dorado, until apocalypse visited it…”

10:50-11:07 AM: Second (2^nd) mention of Equilixirs: there is mention of ‘Equilixir Thestrels’, in the transcribed index of a ledger, titled On Old Equestria: Pre-Moon Exile Creatures. The original book’s last location is in the ‘Princesses’ Regal Ruins’ (currently known as the Palace of the Royal Sisters), the vault it was in too damaged by time and decay to risk retrieving currently.

- Addendum V: The transcribed index is gone, as; following very recent emptying of several crucial parts of the former Canterlot Library of Magic (now the Arcane University) the night following the Ponyville Massacre. Authorizer of this order is unknown, but it coincides with four other such redistribution orders from Canterlot.

11:08 AM: Made note – apparently, former Headmistress Cinch may need to be re-found for further inquiry into a possible location of this index. From my cross-reference of University time logs and the reports on the University books’ vanishings, her disappearance dovetailed almost perfectly with the last known disappearance of artifacts/books from the University.)

11:09 – 11:50 AM: Further leads turned up went cold. Will need more information to continue.

11:51 PM – 1:35 PM: Went for lunch break. Decided to try Rainbow Falls’ Cinnamon Chai tea shop branch. Most of town is still distressed over the dethroning of the Princesses, but is still at work with their stadium for possible Equestria Games locale. Event is somehow! not cancelled. Regardless, got flower tea for enjoying indoors, and a bag of black tea for at-home consumption. Ate shrimp salad and spaghetti. It really was worth the trip! I did get another box of it for returning home as well.

1:36-4:00 PM: Set up the phone given to me by Dr. Hooves. Main hurdle was getting up the antenna on the roof in a way that 1) didn’t immediately attract more attention to my house, and 2) doing so in a way that it wouldn’t fall off. Regardless, the crystal was easy to find. If only all messages were so easy to transmit to other ponies.

4:00-4:03 PM: I have sent a message along to Dr. Hooves informing him of my research – and to expect me in Ponyville in two days, for a minimum of two days each in between my trip to Appleloosa.

4:03-7:30 PM: Personal time. (Apologies, reader, but I assure you it is important to my bookwork as well.)

7:30-8:29 PM: Ate remainder of shrimp pasta for dinner; patched up any injuries; reorganized notes for further work tomorrow.

8:30 PM: Returned to the northern post office for the evening mail drop. There was one (1) letter from “The Ponyville Town Guard”. The other notes were all in one bundle, the contents listed as follows.

- One (1) note from Sapphire Shores
- Two (2) missives from the Night Guard Knight-Commander’s desk were included as a bound-back
- One (1) rolled-up poster for Sapphire Shores’ Shore-Leave relief concert.

(A.N. These notes/missives will be transcribed below in the order listed above. Expletives will be censored as needed, omitted when necessary.) You’ll see why by the time you read Hel’s let

---

Ponyville Town Guard Letter

A.K. Yearling,

Thanks for stopping by Ponyville Hospital before you visited the School. You were right to see the Guard beforehand; It’d be a nightmare to know that anypony had walked into that graveyard unprepared, especially you. My sister loves your books.

But the ask you made of me before you left? The only reason I’m complying with it is because I haven’t been specifically recalled by the Canterlot Royal Guard yet; this was a supposed to be a temporary exchange. And Royal Guards recording Royal Guards is usually a controversial thing in normal times.

You were right, though: this isn’t normal. The two still in this hospital is testament to that fact, Doctor Horse’s disappearance even more so. Nurse Redheart’s almost at her limit, though she’s good enough to not let it show in front of a patient. Snowheart, however…. Well there’s a reason Redheart has to do house calls singlehanded now.

So yeah, this once, I have the minutes you asked for, as much as you’ll get. Anything else, you’ll need the Mayor's approval. I swear, if this is because I told you about that medallion the Prince had when…

(AN: The part above beyond the ellipses was hastily scribbled out.)

The transcript is below.

- Town Guard Commander Spearhead

(AN: The following conversation took place within the Silent Chapel. It takes up both sides of the page.)

KNIGHT-COMM. FLASH SENTRY (CFS)

Look, I can understand, Prince Haze is a bit too intense even for me, but-

KNIGHT-COMM. IRON STANDARD (CIS)

If Mayor Mare refuses to attend, and she has every right not to after what happened in her town, exactly what is it do you think you’ll be containing today?

CFS:

I was told it’d be a public address; Prince Shroud’s apparently well known for being to-the-point. Besides, I can’t slip-up now, I have to prove I can handle this event to get an audience with the Queen.

CIS:

This is my second point of concern. You just got transferred over from the Crystal Empire as a peace envoy, the Prince Haze make you Knight-Commander of the Ceremonial Royal Guard – and your one objective is to get closer to the Queen?

CFS (shaking head):

I… I can’t say directly why. But I think we might be able to eke out a better pony from Twilight if we-

CIS (slams hoof on table):

The Queen arrived with the last ruler’s head on a pole, and her sister carrying her chariot with a broken back! I will spare you the detail of what words were on Luna’s plaque, but you cannot think that this will be all fixed with some song and dance!

CFS:

I’m not suggesting song and dance! But… well, sir. After Blueblood’s death, I was… screwed up. Locked myself in the Crystal Empire’s chambers for a week. When Princess Celestia came to Princess Cadance with talk of clemency, it was all I could do to not throw down my crest and quit! But…

(CFS pauses for a second, and then removes his helmet.)

I remembered when Twilight came from that mirror after Sunset stole her Element. She was blushing when she saw me, in a way she hadn’t before. I don’t know what she saw, or did, for that matter, but apparently it changed something for her. I was a fool not to see it, or even suggest using that to Equestria’s advantage. And now… the Princesses are lost because of it. So much is lost now, sir.

(CFS paces the room.)

Even I know you’re not here to listen to me; you’re here to get away from the Queen! I saw how fast you galloped out of that courtroom today! But if there’s an inkling of a chance I can make her see reason…! I know it’s impossible but… we’ve seen what happened when we tried to sweep this under the rug. We threw out an innocent princess… and got back a guilty monster. I want to believe its something Sunset did – or Trixie, considering that accursed amulet…

CIS:

But…

CFS:

But I owe it to the Sparkle that saved the Crystal Empire to try and bring her back! And whatever happens… I can’t do anything here. So I'll bear it until the storm breaks. Like my ancestor Flash Magnus did. Like… like you did.

CIS:

(Silence pans for a moment.)

You remembered.

CFS:

Shining wrote about it in his upcoming book, I was lucky enough to catch him scribbling a chapter.

CIS:

… Well then. Let us hope you don’t suffer too bad a meet up with reality. I… wish you luck.

(Turns to leave the room.)

Now, if Town Guard Commander Spearhead hasn’t reached this Chapel, he will. I must make sure he is briefed of his duty to enter Everfree, to recover the bodies of Miss Apple Bloom and Miss Zecora.

CFS:

Oh yeah –what’s the situation on that? Just in case.

CIS:

I should hope you are not requested but…

CFS:

I’m here anyway. Might as well show I can multitask if needed.

CIS:

Agreed. Should you find the bodies, you are to have them shipped to me for autopsy by the newly appointed – Coroner Kibitz. Any scavengers… are to be delivered to Knight-Commander Hel.

CFS:

Hel?! Permission to speak freely, sir.

CIS:

Granted, but you likely don’t need to stand on ceremony-

CFS:

I’ll need it for this sir. To Tartarus with that insubordinate hoof-dragger, she’s an embarrassment to the uniform even before what happened with Celaeno last Nightmare Night’s Eve. Nearly sent Prin-uh, Ex-Princess Luna into a relapse on the spot.

(Gulps heavily)

Alright, that should be it sir.

CIS:

I see… Your sentiment, while quite inflammatory, is not…entirely unshared.

CFS:

Thank you, sir.

(Realizes something)

Wait, wasn’t Kibitz a-

CIS (shudders heavily):

An advisor to Luna, yes. As Miss Inkwell was to Celestia. I assure you, Kibitz got the better deal. We shall speak of this no further, Sentry – to your position. I must return to Canterlot soon.

CFS:

Y… yes, sir.

(Leaves through the stage entrance)

My god, is that supposed to be a podium or a torture device?!

CIS:

(Shudders again, then turns to Silent Chapel doorway)

Come in, Commander Spearhead. While Shroud and Haze are preoccupied elsewhere in Ponyville.

(A.N. The conversation script ends here.)

---

Sapphire Shores Letter

To Dearest Yearling,

Apologies, but while your offer is certainly a marvelous opportunity – especially for figuring out just what’s kept those brutes Twilight and Dash from trying to have her way with me as she has Luna – I must decline. Several reasons abound, but since most are personal, I’ll sum up the two most prudent:

1) I’m only in Canterlot for two more days. The Shore-Leave concert waits for no one, and it’ll likely help more ponies than your research (no offense.) Besides, darling, if this doesn’t qualify as reason enough for a relief drive, nothin’ will. That poor dear Rarity can explain further, if you meet her on your next trip to Ponyville.
2) The two of my backup dancers that died to bring you the package attached to this letter. Can’t exactly show them to the Guard for… obvious reasons. Do be a doll and keep them from falling into the Queen’s hooves, not in the least since we BOTH know where they’ve been. It’s got info on what’ll be going down here and in Ponyville over the next week.

Also, thank you for the words of encouragement over my concert; it’s quite heartwarming to hear such a high-up fan of my voice. I’ve been… a bit off since the Queen’s return to Canterlot. Hoof to heart, I saw Upper Crust clopping to that… debauchery with the ex-Princess Luna from my studio. And she’s the nerve to bitch about MY flank; hers should have been peepholes instead of dollar signs!

Excuse me, seems I’ve… well, this situation has been hectic for all of us in Canterlot. Only mare here I’d feel sorrier for than Sassy (goodness, even Perfect Pose doesn’t think her coat will ever look the same again!) is Photo Finish. The sheer amount of thefts she’s suffered for catching photo evidence of Twilight’s proclivities for the Canterlot Times, it’s ghastly! I don't blame Knight-Commander Iron Standard one bit for chauffeuring her next visit to Ponyville.

Do stay safe (as much as anypony in this new Equestria can) and come by a venue if you’re in the neigh-borhood! Tata!

My best,

Sapphire Shores

P.S. Do watch the skies if you plan to visit Ponyville, Yearling my darling. Cinnamon Chai nearly burst a vessel realizing the Guard could shoot down her shipments for sport. I don’t think I’ve seen Cloud Kicker fly that fast.

---

Night Guard Commander Missive #1 (Personal)

Well maybe, partner, if you didn’t spend so much time failing to find Prince Shroud’s stolen carriage, or where that bitch Celestia hid HALF THE ROYAL ARCHIVES, you’d have a better fucking position than ‘Loss Prevention Officer’ today, shit-for-brains. Until you graduate from ‘need both hooves and a compass to find my own gaping plot’, take your damn title and love it like I used to love your (DESCRIPTION OMITTED).

It’s damn clear why our wonderful Queen let me free – besides ‘violating a prisoner’ being an utterly bull charge after what she life-sentenced our NEW Princess for, the fucking hypocritical trash-bag slut – and that’s to make sure Equestria knows its role. First part of that is finding where the other half of this city’s MOST IMPORTANT SOURCE OF KNOWLEDGE fucked off to. Don’t bother me until you do, I already have to heal a wing from fighting those traitorous piss-stain ponies in Ponyville that put me and the Princes Shroud and Haze through buildings.

You’re so hungry for extra credit though, limpdick? Find me where Minuette's hiding: the big Ponyville event is in three days and the blue cunt’s supposed to be a judge. Really wish Queen Twilight would let me pump some sense into the dentist’s eye socket, but she’s apparently a ‘ex-bestie from way back’, so apparently she’s off limits ‘til after the competition. Fine, I’ll always have Cotton.

So to conclude: fuck off 'til you find me some books or lawbreakers, Prince Shroud loves them both when he and Prince Toxic take me and (DESCRIPTION OMITTED). And you don’t have the inches to compare to them. Next time you waste mine, I’m taking my pound of keratin the messy way, you pathetic preener.

- Knight-Commander Hel Gaulle

---

Night Guard Commander Missive #2 (General Notice)

Sooo, mares and gentlecolts of the unit I RUN that signs your checks, since we can’t stop spreading rumors further than Luna’s legs that involve wells and the commanders allegedly knocked into them, check the break room for your two latest chased skirts. Wanna see where the other 90% of them went; crack up at that fucking slander within earshot of me again.

Also: really? Sapphire fucking Shores, that blank-flanked bitch? I’m happy she’s leaving on tour; one more single from her and Canterlot’ll be tonsil-deep in a bullfrog infestation. Buy better standards.

On that note, second on the agenda: Jet Set’s generous donation to the Guard is well appreciated, and well reflected in your bonuses. So is adhering to the new rules about flight travel in and out of Ponyville. But for right now, however, Princess Dash got up my ass about an incident that involved Misty Sky, which despite her liking at the end (shit, I could hear the begging from the train station), apparently risks ‘splitting loyalties between the Night Guard and the Wonderbolts.

So, from now on; anyone in a Wonderbolt costume is now added to the ‘do not approach’ list. Liaisons are still okay, but run ‘em by Princess Dash first.

Also, pains me to do this – especially to promising upstarts so young - but the following are temporarily demoted to ‘[pst- (DESCRIPTION OMITTED) cleanup duty' in the Canterlot Center till further notice: Knight-Private Catchfly, Knight-Private Jessamine, an Knight-Corporal Phlox.

Make sure everypony evacuates that area before sending them in. No fucking insulting these recruits, either, rank and file: they’re green. Don’t give a shit what impression the Queen’s… tactical stunt at the school gave you all – my rule for any Guard initiate willing to try to impress me still stands, so do they.

Finally: Commanders Flash and Spearhead found three bandits in Everfree after those piss-ponies returned and fillynapped the town drunk and that other filly this morning. Any full-ranked mare in here up for a promotion, proceed to the interrogation wing in an hour. Bring nails. Anypony else, bring a healthy libido; the Princes are with our lovely Queen tonight, so it’s ‘make-do’ time for you strapping stallions.

- Knight-Commander Hel Gaulle

---

9:28 – Finished reading assorted notes.

9:29 – Made reminder: make donation to Rhythmus Charity for Homeless Horses out of cancelled book’s proceeds.

9:30 – Turned in early for tonight.

This concludes today’s daily schedule. I will try to learn more of the event and await Dr. Hooves’ inquiry onto this ‘mystery pony’ saved by the golden pon- No. I acquired the possible origin of these Equilixir Stones, they shall be named in accordance with that location.

For the remainder of this almanac’s duration, the golden ponies shall be known as Thestrels, or Thestral-hybrids in the current case Known Thestral-hybrids, as of current, include.

1) Viscera (Earth pony)
2) Rappid Fires (Pegasus)
3) Gympis (Changeling)

Next entry will cover Prince Shroud (may be short enough to need amending later), and further developments in Ponyville and Canterlot.