I See You

by Minty_the_sweet

Fallen Petals

There are few things quite as terrifying as death. It is one of the great mysteries of life - something that constantly lurks in the back of everyone's minds. Death looms like a shadow, ever waiting for a moment to strike when least expected. While many know what causes death - not many know what comes after. That is where the true fear in death lies; the ever-looming fear of the unknown.

It's an old cliche: the fear of the unknown. Such a fear can drive a pony mad, fearing for what lurks in the inky void beyond perception. What could be hiding in that unfathomable place? Why can't we see it? Why do I hear noises underneath the bed? What's that strange shape outside my window? Such questions are all too frequently asked. Some may find their answers to the detriment of their sanity or life, most never do. Ultimately there are questions that should never be answered or asked in the first place.

Some ponies don't think before they leap into the void. They stare down into the darkness, an untapped potential lurking just beyond their reach. All they need to do is jump and they will find their answers. Some don't even need to jump, just a simple step forward and they'll have all the answers they so dearly crave. Despite the ever present need to know, most turn back. They retreat from the void and its terrible contents and continue their life, never knowing what could have been.

So... what happens to the ponies that jump? To those that dare venture into the bottomless pit of answers? Daring to remove the fog that separates the living from the abyss?

To this there is a simple answer: an eye opens that can never be shut.

~***~

Pills. It's always pills. At least the tiny tablets have a variety to them. Take them with water, take them with food, take at night, cut into halves, cut into quarters. They all have a variety of restrictions - a set of rules to follow. Some make me feel higher than Celestia's sun while others mess around with the cogs of my mind till the world is as strange and chaotic as Discord. A long time ago I used to just take whatever pills they thought I needed - now I only take what actually works.

Two in the morning. The hard capsules press against my throat as I choke them down with water. I can feel them travelling down my throat as I gag slightly. I hate my morning tablets. They might be the only thing between me and the thoughts, but that doesn't mean I have to like them. Still better than the liquid medication - at least the taste is only temporary with pills.

Ever since I first got my cutiemark I've had pills. Since I first received treatment for my 'condition'. Well, they thought they were treating me. In truth they were just making it worse. I still remember the days in that cushioned room solving puzzles while I was observed. They had to make sure the corners were rounded - too risky otherwise.

As I pick up my toothbrush, I catch sight of my reflection. The unicorn that stares back at me looks wrong. Purple long mane, purple coat, purple horn, blue eyes. While for the most part she looks like me there is one glaring difference between the real me and that thing staring back. Namely the fact that her skin is peeling off in places, revealing rotting insides infested with long white worms. I sigh and close my eyes for three seconds. "One... two... three"

The abomination that stares back catches me off guard. My toothbrush clatters to the floor as I shut my eyes again to try and remove the image from my head. It isn't real, I know this. When I was a foal I didn't know their games. Several times I'd convince myself that the reflection was real, then everything would get hazy. A short while later I'd wake up in the hospital, my sisters standing by looking tired as they always did.

A few more seconds. This time I don't take chances. It's a simple spell, one that drains the Tartarus out of me, but works better than the nasty pills I used to be on. Breaking into Canterlot's forbidden library had been one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life. I saw plenty of terrible things in the books inside - things ponies weren't meant to see. It was worth it for the spell though - the only thing that blocks them out.

There was a reason why the spell was in the forbidden library. It removes a cutiemark - effectively severing the cord between the self and destiny. What made it particularly dangerous was that any race could perform the spell and in doing so effectively destroy another pony's life. Some medical professionals knew the spell in case a pony had a particularly mentally or physically damaging cutiemark. The reason why it hadn't been cast on me was that the doctors thought I had schizophrenia and that it wasn't linked to my cutiemark. I had to learn it myself to even stay sane.

To describe the sensation of the Severance is surprisingly simple. It's like having something important, something vital cut off from the soul. Having a cutiemark removed is as painful and mentally damaging as removing a pegasus' wings or a unicorn's horn. After so many years of doing it - I've become accustomed to the pain. Accustomed - not used to. The spell is even simple - just finding the tether between the pony and their talent and cutting it. Although even for a decently gifted unicorn such as myself it leaves me feeling drained and weak for the rest of the day.

When I open my eyes again the abomination is gone. The image, while still unpleasant to look at, thankfully won't be seared into my brain to slowly drive me insane. Even without the effects I still don't look particularly pleasant. There's bags underneath my eyes, my ribcage is visible, and my cutiemark-

Well, let's just say my cutiemark was never a pleasant sight to begin with even after my alterations. While the space where it once was is blank beyond a few scar lines, the mark itself still floats beside it. I have a jar prepared - I just need to seal it away while I go about my day. Just for today, any longer than that and it can take a toll on a pony's psyche. As tempting as it would be to remove the foul thing that ruined my life - I'm not interested in going any crazier than I already am.

Still, I have a schedule to keep. Today's flavour of toothpaste is strawberry - I think I deserve a treat after what I just saw. Princess Celestia's sun still shines, Friendship is still elusive, and I'm still insane. What else is new?

~***~

Ponyville market feels brighter today. With the added business the new Friendship School is bringing in - new stalls have cropped up to trade with the foreign students. Gem, spice, pastry, even meat stalls have cropped up since the Friendship School opened. Although the meat stall is legally required to only source meat from consensual donors or carrion, it still gets odds looks from the folks of Ponyville. Thankfully today I only need to go to one stall today - my favourite stall.

The flowerstand is run by three mares of whom I know fairly well. Daisy, Roseluck, and Lily are the only three mares of whom I've tried to socialise with. I've never been one for others - conversation can quite easily derail when they get involved. For some reason though these three never spark the Others interest in the slightest. Even though today is my cheat day, I still prefer to talk with them. They're friendly if a little dramatic and as harmless as a pony could possibly be.

"Good morning Roseluck" I don't have the energy to bounce, but I do perk up slightly as the earth pony comes into view. She doesn't look up from her arrangement, eyes glistening in the sun light. Roseluck still smiles as I approach, that familiar warm smile.

"Good Morning, how have you been?" Roseluck continues to look at her arrangement as she speaks. Out of the three mares, Roseluck is usually the least concerned with perfection. Today seems to be an exception however as she diligently arranges something behind the counter.

"Same as usual. My sisters still haven't responded to my letters, but they did send money through. They're always quite busy though, so I can't blame them" Roseluck hums as she continues arranging her flowers. I don't think I've ever seen the mare so focused on something before - the flower mares aren't usually so precise. Most ponies simply order their flowers as a gift to their significant other to share, they're usually eaten not looked at.

Awkward silence reigns for several seconds as I wait for Roseluck to finish up so we can chat. Roseluck is always up for conversation. The flower mares know all the gossip in Ponyville and usually they can barely contain it for any longer than a femtosecond. I'm not great with social interactions, but I do look forward to hearing about what's going on in Ponyville before I go back home.

The seconds turn into a minute. Two minutes. As it reaches three minutes I awkwardly cough and force a smile. "Can I see what you're arranging?" I don't know much about flower arrangements or aesthetics, but whatever she's doing must be enrapturing.

I put a hoof on the counter and Roseluck jumps, dropping whatever she was doing. Her chartreuse eyes focus on me as if she's only just noticing my presence. I try to smile, to be polite. Roseluck doesn't return my smile. Somehow the pale yellow mare had gone even paler - practically white. Something clatters to the floor, something... heavy? Maybe metallic? Certainly not a bunch of flowers by any means.

I try to peer over the counter, but the second I get close Roseluck takes several steps backwards. "Wh-what... wh-what happened to your... your face" Roseluck's pupils shrink as she stares at my face. Not my eyes, my face.

Immediately my hoof reaches to touch my face to see if there's something wrong with it. What if the things the Others showed me were right? I could never really be sure. "What's wrong? Oh princesses, what's wrong with my face?" my hoof pulls at my face. It feels like fur, whole and normal. That's the one thing that keeps me sane - touch, smell, even sound can be warped by them. Never touch though. Touch can never be fooled.

Roseluck is a dramatic pony, certainly one prone to fainting. I've seen the mare faint over a broken flower stem, which somehow isn't the worst thing she's overreacted to. However, usually she just overreacts with woe or despair. Fear, real true fear isn't something I've ever seen Roseluck express. I know fear though, my own fear and my sister's quite well. The look on Roseluck's face, the emotion that was etched into every fibre of the earth pony's being: that was fear.

And it was directed at me.

"Rose? What's wrong?" I take a step back. Other ponies in the marketplace are starting to notice the flower mare's odd behaviour. They're all staring, eyes fixated on both me and my friend. I thought removing my cutiemark would prevent this from happening, I hate being looked at.

Rose shakes her head and I finally notice her forelegs. I don't like blood. Blood makes me remember the day I got my cutiemark. Scarlet stains Roseluck's forelegs, matted into the fur. Whatever pattern she was cutting in is lost in the tide. Holy shit, the clatter, the focus, Roseluck...

"Somepony! Call Nurse Redheart!" I duck around the cart and try to get close to Roseluck. She cowers against a wall, pupils narrow pinpricks. I stop a few steps away as she begins to whimper and close her eyes. The gravel I'm standing on is wet underneath my hooves - it's probably going to stain.

I open my mouth to try and talk, but Roseluck starts mumbling. I can make out a few words and phrases. "The eyes... no hiding... need to... can't stop... go away" Roseluck mumbles as she buries her face in her bloodied forelegs. A warm breeze blows between us (when did it suddenly get cold?) reminding me that I have a mouth.

"Rose, what's going on?" Roseluck looks up, eyes unfocused for a few seconds before finally narrowing on me. She screams and in a flash something yellow collides with my face. Then everything goes black.