Immersion

by Mark Britton

Adjusting

I've started writing this journal at the request of Twilight. This is me writing, blah blah blah. I dare not move my eyes to see what she's up to on that desk over there, her eyes are glued onto me. She's a control freak. Always making sure everything goes according to her ultimate design. This whole place seems to be about control, really. There's almost no crime. And where there are criminals, they're given a slap on the wrist and forgiven, simple as that. There are prisons but they're mainly used for questioning. The scary reality of incarceration is never really mentioned here. No criminals, no prisoners, no terrorists, nothing. I'm just in a town of ordinary ponies who are happy to continue with their lives. No oppression, no fear, no danger.

Writing about it, it sounds fantastic. But it just doesn't click.

See, I've thought about if I've gone crazy before. In fact, my first day here, it's all I ever thought about. If this place is a dream, it's unlike any dream I've ever been in. It's too complicated. Too real. But not real enough to fool me.

Anyways, my hand is already starting to cramp so I'm just gonna say I'm done today.

---

I set my quill down on the floor. "How was that for ya?"

Twilight kind of rolls her eyes at that. "You're supposed to be writing for yourself, not for me."

"Cause you think it's going to help?"

"Well, I don't see any other way. You talk so fast and so disorganized, I can't keep up with your train of thought."

I smiled a bit at the thought of thinking too fast for the smartest pony I've met so far.

"It's not a compliment." She sneered, "I really think you're carrying some baggage with you. But I can't help you with it if you can't even express it to me."

"And you think if I can express it better to myself then maybe you'll get it?"

"Yes, that's why--"

"Twilight, some of the most basic concepts in my world just don't translate to this world."

"From what you've told me, yes. I don't get a lot of your culture. From what you say, your people are as brutish as Griffons but as kind and generous as ponies. You have complexity to you. And that's not bad."

"I think you're totally in over your head."

"Maybe. But I know you. We may have not known each other for long, but I honestly have a sense that I can trust you. You're not a brute. You have a mind and you have a heart. You just have a lot on your mind aaand a lot weighing down on your heart."

"Hmm."

That last part hit me. They had a way of talking that was unlike any human. We jitter and stumble and mumble our words, they're so fluent and elegant in every aspect of speech. Twilight, especially. She was the literary type, always reading books. It didn't surprise me that she was capable of analogies and metaphors that I really felt, what surprised me was how she could do it so quickly.

"I know you're right, Twi."

"Really?~" She rolled the word with a hint of sass.

"Really. I know who I am inside and out. I have a very good grasp on who I am."

Her ears perked up and her head tilted a bit.

"It's um... people. It's people I don't get."

And that's about as poetic as I get. But with the room draped in silence and the awkward pressure rising, I feel the need to flush my face of emotion and go somewhere else. Somewhere silent.

"I understand. I understand perfectly now."

My eyebrows flew up at her confidence.

"I know you may not believe me, but there was a time I didn't get ponies at all. I was alone and I preferred it that way. I knew who I was. And for the longest time, I was comfortable with it."

"Hmm."

"But then I caught a glimpse of what friendship was like. To really be open and express yourself with people you love and trust? I felt a million times safer than I ever felt alone. Sure, there were some growing pains getting used to it, but it was all worth it. I love my friends, and knowing they love me gives me a sense of security I just didn't have being alone."

I mumbled another hmm trying to hide any expressions.

"You know you're my friend, right?" She asked, "I like who I've seen so far. You're intelligent and thoughtful, a bit paranoid, though."

I chuckled at that bit.

"Alright, alright." I said, "I've been getting the feeling you want to introduce me to your friends for a couple of days now."

"Do you think you can tone your paranoia down just a bit for them? Please?"

"I'll do the best I can, Twi."

"Thank you. I know you'll get along with them. You say your world has cats just like ours? Well, Fluttershy is a total animal lover. You and her could talk about cats for hours. You've already got a lot in common."

"Heh."

"And Rarity? Oh, she's just going to love your figure. She doesn't get to work with bipeds just every day, after all. I bet she's gonna insist on making lots of patterns just for you."

With that thought came some tension. The same kind of tension I got in my chest whenever I saw the townsponies acting like ants on loop.

"Twilight? Can I get a bit paranoid for a moment?"

"Umm, sure."

"Well, you know Rarity really well, right? I mean, you've already guessed what's gonna happen when we meet, right?"

"Yes...?"

"Well, just hypothetically, let's say she's sick. She's got a cold and she doesn't feel like having any customers, right?"

"Okay."

"Well, if she's not having any customers, she won't have any company. Makes sense. Then we couldn't meet."

"Do you not want to meet Rarity?"

"No, I do, I definitely do, it's just that... I notice bad things don't ever happen in this world unless it serves some kind of greater purpose."

"Like what?"

"Okay, well, say Rarity is sick and I really, really want to meet her. I go to her boutique and she's sniffling, working on some experimental fabric for some kind of fashion show. And she'll say, 'It really is a pleasure to meet you, but I just can't handle any company right now.' And I'll be off."

"What's your point?"

"My point is that will always happen nine out of ten times. I will never go to Rarity's boutique while she is sick and come to an empty boutique because Rarity had to be hospitalized."

"Jeez, what kind of cold do you have in your world?"

"Twilight, I'm just saying, all drama that happens in this world is just soft drama. There's no murder, no serious illnesses, no serious crimes, it all just--"

"Hey. Calm down."

She's taught me this one before. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Inhale... exhale.

"Our worlds run on different rules, right? You told me there's no magic where you come from."

"Yeah, that's right."

"Well, our worlds run on different rules. It's just as simple as that. I hate to say it, but your world just sounds worse off than our world. So maybe in your world Rarity could get very sick and not have some company for a while. But you're here now. And she's healthy and waiting for you tomorrow."

"So you think it's all just chance, then? Your world is luckier than mine?"

"Hmm, maybe not chance. Maybe harmony is just stronger in Equestria. The more we learn about our worlds, the closer we'll be to solving this."

She talks so reasonably, it's just unnatural. People aren't so nice all the time. Real or not, I'm starting to buy into it. She's very genuinely... Twilight.

"Thanks, Twilight. For making me feel better."

In a thrust of awkward love, I grab her around her neck and pull her in close for a hug. Her fur is so soft and warm and cuddly. There's nothing about Twilight anyone could ever hate. She hugs me back as much as she can and gives out a bit of a laugh.

"It's kind of what friends do."

With the hug released I step back a bit and smile. Through the window, to her side, I can make out the strangle purple night sky in which a couple of stars glimmer in the moonlight.

"It's probably time for bed for you, right?"

"Yeah, I should be heading off to sleep. Just don't make a lot of noise like you did last night, okay? I know you humans have a different kind of sleep schedule, but I still need my rest."

"Promise, not a peep."

"Goodnight, human."

"Goodnight, Twilight."

---

I never told her my name. I refused to. Names always follow you around, and I think they carry certain baggage with you. Now, adopting a new name would mean taking on a new identity, I guess, but I'm still in the deciding phase. I'm in between two worlds, learning who I am and what I have to do. I might as well not have a name for this bit. I'm anyone. Maybe when I figure out more about me I'll pick one.

I heard her yawn upstairs in her bed and I'm reminded she doesn't look like me at all, but she thinks, she has a heart and a soul. She's truly alive. She may feel like the most stuffed teddy bear in existence but she's real.

This world. It's so different from home. Not that I'm not impressed by the changes, just that... it's so different it's not real. It's one-hundred-percent unreal. In this world, I will never know challenge or struggle or hate. It's all just compassion.

And it only sounds like a bad thing when I'm alone. Twilight's very sweet for easing my mind, but it extends far beyond anything she could ever know or understand. I'm interwoven with mankind. The love, the hate, the bias, the love for the unknown, it's all been instilled into me either through genetics or the conditioning I went through growing up. For better or for worse, I am human. And I make mistakes and I don't know what to say and when I say it, I'll say the wrong thing.

My mind ticks left and right as I sit in the dark, thinking about it all.

I know just because it's unreal to me doesn't mean it's not real. I've seen enough of this place to accept that it is a physical location with cognizant agents roaming around and freely interacting. But it's all just so foreign. It'll take time, for sure. Time to adjust, time to adapt.

I'll sink or I'll float.

Comments

[DizzyChicks]

I'm super excited on how this story will play out. Very rarely are there how with realistic elements such as this. The fact that Equestria is a cartoon and many thing in it doesn't reflect real life would definitely mess someone up. Voice actors who never stumble on their lines, bad things happening only to push forward a plot. This idea is genius!

[FarmFreshAppleTarts]

Seeing that comedy tag, I'm almost hoping it really is just a story-esq world. Nothing sinister, it's just a world that works a certain way.

Hell on a person from a very different reality.

Personally...i'd be paranoid! Everything being so clearly laid out....horribly consistently correct paranoia whenever something is suspicious.

Which is nigh weekly.

Imagine superstition being proven correct crazily often, leading to more and more fears being more considerable as true.