How to be Happy

by Leafdoggy

Chapter 10: Denial and Bargaining

“What, like, all of it?” Rainbow Dash furrowed her brow in a confused expression. “You wanna be blue or something?”

“Rainbow Dash, don’t be ridiculous,” Rarity said. “Obviously she does not want all of her fur dyed.”

“Yeah, I mean, even if I’m not Pinkie, I’m still pink,” Pinkamena said. “I just want a cool design.”

“You can do that?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it,” Rarity said, “what with the circles you spend time in. It’s been getting popular in underground scenes lately.”

“Well… Clearly not the cool ones.” Rainbow Dash huffed. “How do I not know about it if she does?”

“Maud tried it when she was younger,” Pinkamena said. “She used to be a real party animal.”

“Well, do you know what you’re actually asking for, here?” Rarity leaned forward on the desk and looked hard at Pinkamena. “It doesn’t just go away on its own. It’s permanent.”

“Yeah, that’s the point! It’s gotta be something I can’t go back from, and that Pinkie would hate.”

“I’m just worried about you hating it,” Rarity told her. “I don’t think you should do something just because Pinkie wouldn’t.”

“Well, I gotta do something,” Pinkamena said. “I don’t want ponies to look at me and just see Sad Pinkie, I want them to see me, a real, actual pony who’s not Pinkie.”

“It’s just such a big decision,” Rarity replied, “and I’m not sure you’re in the right state of mind to make such a decision.”

“Well, what is the right state of mind? When I’m happy? When it’s too late and I’m just Pinkie again?” Pinkamena leaned forward and put her legs out in a pleading gesture. “I can’t wait that long! C’mon, Rarity, I can’t just be the worse Pinkie.”

Rarity frowned. She reached out and put a hoof gently over the top of one of Pinkamena’s. “I’m not saying no. I just need you to be absolutely positive. I couldn’t forgive myself if I let you go through with this and you wound up getting hurt because of it.”

Pinkamena grabbed Rarity’s hoof with both of hers. “Please. I need to do something. Plus, like I said, I’ve thought about this before.”

Rarity sighed and thought for a moment. She looked down at the table, at Pinkamena’s hooves on hers, and then slowly nodded. “Okay, Pinkamena, I’ll—”

“Thank you!” Pinkamena shot out of her chair and across the desk. She grabbed Rarity in midair with a tight, squeezing hug, and the force of her leap sent them both toppling out of the chair and onto the ground.

“Oof…” Rarity winced and weakly hugged back. “O-Of course, dear, but I do need to be conscious for the procedure.”

Pinkamena laughed and let go of Rarity, and after catching her breath Rarity led the group out of the office they were in.

“So,” she said as they walked through the hallway, “I’m afraid we’ll have to go to the basement for this.”

Rainbow Dash blinked. “We have a basement?”

Rarity rolled her eyes hard enough that Rainbow Dash could practically hear it. “Really, Rainbow, you’re lucky you’re cute.” She opened up an unassuming door and revealed a set of dark wooden stairs leading down into darkness. “You’ve really never seen this?”

“I thought it was a bathroom.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I never bothered to check.”

With a sigh, Rarity flicked on the lights and led them downstairs.

What they walked into felt less like a basement and more like a cabin. It was a wide, uncluttered room with carpeted floors and wood-paneled walls that had been roughly sectioned out into a multipurpose space. On the far wall, shelves lined with drinks sat behind an empty bar. There were comfy chairs and sofas scattered about that half of the room. The closer side was more for utility, with some more specialized furniture filling the space. The walls were lined with sketches of designs and photos Rarity had taken that she especially liked, along with a couple of framed magazine covers featuring her smiling face.

The space right under the stairs held a small workbench, which Rarity went to right away. Pinkamena followed her, while Rainbow Dash drifted with wide eyes towards the back of the room.

“Okay, dear,” Rarity started, “we’ll need to figure out a design.” She pulled out a large scrapbook filled with rough sketches and reference photos. “If you’ve no ideas, I have some suggestions. I, um…” She blushed in embarrassment. “I actually have designs made up for everypony in our little group. It’s… A hobby of mine.”

“I dunno,” Pinkamena said, “I mean, those would be for Pinkie, not me. I do have an idea, though!”

“Oh?” Rarity shut the book and looked at her excitedly. “Do tell.”

“So,” Pinkamena propped her legs up on the workbench to explain, “I was thinking, like, you know candy canes? How they’re all stripey? I want my legs to look like that.”

“The whole leg?” Rarity asked in shock. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather start smaller, just to make sure you like it?”

Pinkamena shook her head. “Nope, all the way.”

“All four legs?”

“Uhh… Nah, just the front ones,” Pinkamena decided. “And make ‘em swirl in different directions.”

Rarity found a notepad and started taking notes. “Alright. Color? Personally, I think the normal red of candy canes would fit perfectly, but there’s always—”

“Black!” Pinkamena tapped her hooves on the workbench as the reality of what she was doing set in and she started to get excited.

Rarity looked at her blank-faced for a second. “Black?”

“Yup!” Pinkamena nodded fervently. “I mean, Pinkie would never ever choose black.”

“True,” Rarity admitted, “and black does make a rather striking pair with pink, but are you sure you would like it? It’s okay for you to dislike some of the same things as Pinkie, and black is… Well, it’ll certainly have an effect on your image.”

“That’s what I want!”

“Yes, but…” Rarity thought for a moment, then dug around for some colored pencils and started sketching. A moment later, she raised up a tentative design for Pinkamena. “How do you feel about these colors? There’s plenty more that Pinkie wouldn’t choose, and I want it to be something you like.”

Pinkamena barely heard her. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw the sketch. “It’s perfect!” She grinned and hopped in place a bit. “I knew you were the right pony to come to. You always make my silly ideas look good.”

“Aw, well, thank you very much,” Rarity said. “I’m happy to help.”

Pinkamena nodded, then turned away. “Hey, Dashie! Come check it out!”

“Hm?” Rainbow Dash pushed herself out of the deep chair she’d settled in and meandered over to them, a half-full drink clutched in her wing. Her eyes widened when she saw the sketch. “Woah, that’s… Wild. You’re actually going through with this?”

Pinkamena nodded. “I mean, Rarity had me a little worried before, but now that I see the sketch I gotta do it.”

Rainbow Dash let out a short laugh. “Yeah, okay, you’re definitely not Pinkie. Doesn’t matter how sad she was, she’d never be into that. It looks good, though! I think so, at least.”

Rarity had been giving Rainbow Dash a dirty look up until that point, and finally decided to snatch the drink away from her. “Okay, yes, thank you for the input. Now shoo, we have work to do.”

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash pouted. “What’s the big deal?”

“The ‘big deal’ is that you didn’t even ask,” Rarity told her, “and we have company.”

“You would’ve said yes! What’s the point in asking?”

“It’s a matter of your manners,” Rarity said.

“Well, you could’ve just said something,” Rainbow Dash said. “You don’t gotta make a whole deal out of it, that’s just… It sucks.”

Rarity regarded her for a moment, then looked away coldly. “Hmph.” She shoved the drink roughly back into Rainbow Dash’s grip. “Not while we have company.”

Rainbow Dash groaned and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever. See ya, Mena.” Without waiting for a reply, she turned and trotted heavily up the stairs and out of the basement.

Pinkamena had watched the exchange in sullen silence, and she looked at Rarity with a severely deepened frown. “Um… Are you two alright?”

“Hm?” Rarity looked at her, then sighed and nodded. “I’m sorry about that. We’re still… Getting used to things.”

“I’m sorry if I made things worse,” Pinkamena said.

“No, dear, you’re perfectly alright,” Rarity told her. “Once we’re cooled down, we’ll both apologize and work everything out. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay…”

Rarity frowned and watched Pinkamena for a moment. Then she nodded and tapped the sketch affirmingly. “So! You’re happy with this design?”

“Huh?” Pinkamena took a moment to remember what they had been doing. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, I like it.”

“No changes to make? Bigger or smaller stripes? A flourish at the ends?”

Pinkamena thought for a moment, then shook her head. “Nope, I like this.”

“Alright, well, hop onto the table then.” Rarity gestured to a strange, segmented table sitting nearby, then started gathering up her tools.

Pinkamena looked the seat over as she walked up to it. It was clear it could be shifted and tilted into all sorts of positions, but as it was it reminded her mostly of a massage table.

“Uhh, face up?” She asked awkwardly.

“However you prefer, darling,” Rarity told her without looking back.

Pinkamena nodded and hopped up. It was a tall table, wide enough for her to lay comfortably, but it also blocked her view of the ground below. She tried lying face up, but it made her feel strangely vulnerable, like she was stranded on a raft out at sea, so she flipped over. The new position still wasn’t perfect, as it made the table’s height feel far more significant, but it was better than the alternative.

A few minutes later, Rarity wheeled a tray full of supplies over and stood beside Pinkamena. The tray had all sorts of things, but the most notable was the strange pen-like object that was hooked up to a large base.

“What’s that thing?” Pinkamena asked.

Rarity wheeled a stool over for herself and sat down where Pinkamena could see her easily. “Well, as you may know, manes and fur are very difficult to safely use magic on. Things backfire easily, and the more significant the change, the greater the risk.”

“Uh-huh.”

“That’s where this helps.” She used her magic to grab the pen and flick it on. It whirred to life, buzzing mechanically as it shaped Rarity’s magic to a razor tip. “It gives me much finer control, although as a downside it is extremely specialized. It’s only really good for this one thing.”

Pinkamena winced at the loud, harsh noise of the machine. “I-Is it safe?”

Rarity flicked it back off and set the pen down. “Oh, completely. The finished model came out, oh, a year or so ago, and it’s basically impossible to make a dire mistake. If I were to mess up with my magic, which I won’t, it would just be shot out the sides before it could reach the tip.”

“Only a year?”

“Yes, well, there were prototypes before that. Honestly, I was shocked to hear that Maud had work done. The tools back then… Well, I could show you mine later if you’d like, but it’s not something I would actually use on a pony.”

Pinkamena swallowed hard. “But this one is fine, right? It won’t hurt me?”

Rarity inhaled sharply through her teeth. “Well, I didn’t say that. It’s not a pleasant experience.”

“I-It’ll hurt?”

“I’m afraid so,” Rarity said. “If you’d like, I could do a quick test without any dye to see if it’s too much for you.”

“Um…” Pinkamena nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Rarity picked the pen back up and flicked on the machine. “Okay,” she said, her voice quickly becoming garbled in the whir of the machine, “hold your leg out for me.”

Pinkamena did as she was told, and Rarity leaned forward and held a hoof gently on Pinkamena’s. Then she pulled the pen up and looked into Pinkamena’s eyes.

“Ready?”

Pinkamena nodded.

Rarity tapped the pen to Pinkamena for just a second before pulling back, but her leg was gone almost before the pen was. Pinkamena yelped loudly as she pulled her leg into herself and rubbed the point where she’d been jabbed.

Rarity frowned and turned the machine off. “I’m sorry, darling. Ponies all have different resistances to magic, so there’s no real way to know how much it’ll hurt without trying. I didn’t think it would be that bad for you.”

Slowly, Rarity put the pen back in its holster and started to wheel the tray away.

As Pinkamena watched the tool roll out of her life, she felt a deep, anxious feeling creep up at the back of her neck. “W-Wait!” She held out a hoof to stop Rarity. “I…”

Rarity looked back at her. “What’s that?”

Pinkamena bit her lip, trying to will the words out of herself, and eventually managed to blurt them out all at once. “I still wanna do it!”

Rarity looked at her with a confused stare. “But… Pinkamena, that pain wouldn’t stop. It would be there for all of both legs.”

“I can handle it,” Pinkamena said, although she completely failed to sound like she believed it.

“Darling, I’m sorry, but you saw how quickly you pulled your leg away. I can’t do the work at all if you can’t sit still.”

“But…” Pinkamena looked around as if she’d find an answer, then turned back to Rarity and clasped her hooves together and begged. “Please, Rarity, I need this. I can’t just be a backup Pinkie! Pinkie’s already enough for everypony, I’ll just get abandoned and forgotten!” She could feel herself tearing up, and struggled to stop them. “Nopony wants two Pinkies. It’s too much! And Pinkie is already friends with everypony. I don’t wanna be alone, Rarity!”

“Pinkamena, dear.” Rarity frowned and walked up to her, then ran a hoof through Pinkamena’s mane, which calmed her down a bit. “I’m so sorry you feel like we’d abandon you. I can swear up and down that I never would, but…” She sighed. “I don’t know what else I can do. You’re asking me to hurt one of my friends for… For hours. I just can’t do it.”

“But what other option do I have?” Pinkamena looked up into Rarity’s eyes pitifully. “I’ll do anything. I can get used to it, I just… I need time to. Do it without dye some more, just for a couple minutes, to see if I can get used to it. Please. Please Rarity, I need this, I—”

Rarity put her hoof over Pinkamena’s lips to shush her. “Darling. This way you’re thinking, feeling like you need this, it’s not healthy, and I want to talk about it later. But… I do understand the value in taking one’s life into their own hooves and making changes like this, so I will try. You have to promise me, though, that if I decide you won’t be able to get used to it, you will find something else. Okay?”

Pinkamena sniffed and nodded. “Mm-hm. I promise.” She reached out and pulled Rarity into an awkward hug. “Thank you so much.”

Rarity took a deep breath and hugged back. “Of course.” When Pinkamena finally let go, she turned and made for the stairs. “I suppose I’ll just… Go find some straps, then.”