I think this has the potential to be an amazing story. I like the character's and your starting chapters where fun to read through. My only critique world be that I wish there was more detail per chapter; maybe I'm nitpicking but I would like to read more about the environment, (like Dusk walking to the train instead of just a skip.) I do know this is the beginning so perhaps as the story progresses skips will happen less often.
I'll be honest this is my first time trying to critique a story, so feel free to ignore this.
10143641 No problem. I'm trying to pick moments to place that I consider relevant. Plus, if you look a bit more carefully, you might notice something about the mc's mind state.
I hope dusk knows that flurry heart won’t be born now . Unless he might have to get involved.
other then i am really looking forward to more, i can say i still enjoy reading this, so cheers.
I think this has the potential to be an amazing story. I like the character's and your starting chapters where fun to read through.
My only critique world be that I wish there was more detail per chapter; maybe I'm nitpicking but I would like to read more about the environment, (like Dusk walking to the train instead of just a skip.)
I do know this is the beginning so perhaps as the story progresses skips will happen less often.
I'll be honest this is my first time trying to critique a story, so feel free to ignore this.
10143641
No problem. I'm trying to pick moments to place that I consider relevant. Plus, if you look a bit more carefully, you might notice something about the mc's mind state.
Hope you find the time in recovery to continue your stories (all of them)