The Princesses' Brother

by Sir_RedFox

Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Morning came, and when Spike woke up, he found Twilight, not in the castle, nor the kitchen, or even the library; he found her in her office, in a panicking state. She flapped her pegasus wings, keeping her in the air while using her magic to have several books swirling around her.

"I'm going on a hunch here and saying you've worked yourself up in a frenzy with the arrival of Prince Thornhill today?"

"It's not just that," said Twilight. "But I had hoped to find some info on the brother of the two sisters. But there is none. All these books and none of them mention him by name. Nothing in 'Explorers of Equestria’, nothing in 'Royalties of Equestria’, nothing, Spike, not even a simple footnote."

”Perhaps he's just one of those ponies that are very modest and prefer not to be in the spotlight?"

"That still doesn't explain why Princess Luna or Celestia never mentioned him," said Twilight as she stopped using her magic, and the swirling books all came to a crash on the floor. She looked over at the clock across the room. "It's already seven o'clock!" she said with panic. "We have less than five hours to prepare for his arrival. The students need to be informed of how they are representing the School of Friendship. Rainbow Dash needs to get the Cheer Squad to do a small performance, nothing too big, just something that shows our appreciation of his arrival. And I need to figure out the best way to tour him through our school. And... and..." Twilight went off in a panicked frenzy, hyperventilating. Spike, recognizing the signs, quickly acted.

"Oh no," Spike said. "Starlight!" he yelled outside the hall. "Or Apple Jack?! Or somepony useful? She's doing it again."

Apple Jack stormed into the room, hearing Spike's cries for help. "Okay, I'm here," she said. "What's the diagnosis?"

"Well..." Spike cringed and presented Twilight's situation to her. The Princess had her muzzle in a brown paper bag and was hyperventilating and flapping her alicorn wings in hysteria.

"I see, a regular Twilight meltdown," Apple Jack said. She approached her in a calm, manner. "Hey, Twilight. How's it going?"

"Bad," she said. "We have less than five hours until Prince Thornhill's arrival, of whom I know nothing about, and prepare the students for his arrival."

"You mean the way Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie are already on top of as we speak? And Starlight, giving guidance to any student that might need a little more help when presented in front of royalty?"

"Yes, and um..." Twilight said, starting to calm down.

"Or, how Rainbow Dash has canceled all her classes to help the Cheer Squad come up with something quick and easy upon his arrival?"

"Yeah," Twilight said in a much calmer tone. "And..."

"Figure out how you're going to give him a tour through the school? The same thing we've done for countless others?"

“Yeah," Twilight said, completely calm. "All that stuff." She took a deep breath and lets it out slowly, giving a relaxed sigh of relief. "Thank you, Apple Jack."

"Nothing to it, Sugar Cube," she said. "Trust me. Come one o'clock, everything will go off without a hinge."

---

It was only a few minutes till the school bell rung one o'clock. All the students and teachers were crowded outside the front of the school, awaiting Prince Thornhill's arrival. Rainbow Dash had the Cheer Squad: Yona, Smolder, Ocellus, and the two lead dance ponies Shimmy Shake and Light Hoof, going over short rehearsals before the arrival. Rarity and her students had helped make a fabulous looking banner. And, though no one had asked her, Pinkie Pie had formed a small band to play at the arrival, with her yovidaphone performing a small solo piece. But thankfully, her class had also baked a cake reading:” Welcome.”

The school clock tower gave one hard strike of the bell, ringing forth one o'clock. Rainbow Dash pointed with a hoof to an enclosed royal pegasus carriage.

As soon as the carriage landed, every-creature cheered and applauded. The Cheer Squad started performing, and Pinkie's band started playing. Twilight moved forward as she saw the cabinet door beginning to open. She stepped forward, eyes closed, and wings spread, and bowed down. "On behalf of the School of Friendship, and as the Princess of Friendship, I welcome you. Prince Thornhill,” she said, smiling with elegance and delight.

"Ugh, hum!"

Twilight looked up, not to see an elegant prince standing before her, but rather one of Princess Celestia's royal advisors, a gray earth pony in a royal red suit. "Ugh, hum!" he loudly cleared his throat again. "I come baring distressing news from Prince Thornhill," the advisor held up a small scroll. He opened and unraveled the scroll to read out loud in front of everypony. "'I have to deal with a few matters before my arrival. Signed, Thornhill.'" Every-creature stared at the royal advisor as if he was supposed to say more. "That is all. Good day."

Before the advisor could retreat into the carriage, Rainbow Dash swooped in and stopped him. "Woah, woah, woah, woah," she said. "That can't be all it says? Let me see it." She grabbed the letter and reads it. "He didn't say how long he was going to be? Or what the urgent matter was, or is?"

"Nope," said the advisor. "You all have a good day." The advisor slammed the carriage door in Rainbow Dash's face. With a hard hoof knock on the ceiling, the royal carriage took flight and flew off, leaving every-creature at the School of Friendship wondering what to do.

"I'm sure everything is fine," said Twilight. "And I'm sure Prince Thornhill's arrival won't be longer than thirty minutes, so let's all just stand by." Every-creature groaned and tried to get comfortable as they waited for the Prince's arrival. Thirty-minutes. That’s not so bad, thought Princess Twilight. An hour at most. I’m sure of it.

---

Three hours passed, and yet every-creature waited and waited. Three hours!?! It is unlike any type of royalty to be so late. Does this Prince Thornhill not know that I am a Princess, or that I am royalty as well? Twilight thought.

Starlight had advised her that it would probably be best if she allowed the students to leave and not wait for somepony that might not even show up. Looking around, it was a disappointing sight. Gallus had his head resting in Silverstream's lap while Silverstream braided Yona's fur. And Yona was braiding Sandbar's hair. Ocellus, Smolder, Shimmer Shake, and Light Hoof sat together in a small group, backs to each other. Smolder was fast asleep, resting her head on Ocellus, who was sighing and watching her pom-pom sway back and forth. Shimmer Shake and Light Hoof occupied their time by painting each other's hooves, looking just as uninterested as every-creature else.

Starlight was right. There was no need to have everypony, creature, suffer waiting for a Prince who did not care about the time of others. So very unorthodox. Twilight gave Starlight the okay.

Starlight, getting every creature's attention, informed them that they were all free to leave. The students got up, stretched, and turned back to enter the School of Friendship. Twilight told her friends that they could go as well. Though it was honorary and respectful to have a large crowd at the arrival of royalty, it would only be Princess Twilight.

Twilight felt a hard tug on one of her wings. Looking down, it was Spike trying to get her attention. He was pointing at something in the distance. She turned to see. Out in the distance, was a Pegasus chariot with a closed cart, heading straight for the School of Friendship. It looked more like a regular taxi cart than anything royal. This could be him, thought Princess Twilight. This could be him.

Twilight turned around, addressing everyone to quickly come back. With loud sighs and groans, the student body and faculty trudged back to their stops. Twilight had a good feeling about this.

The pegasus chariot approached and parked right in front of the School of Friendship. The pegasus that flew the chariot was big and did not look like any kind of royal guard she had ever seen. Looking at the cart he pulled, it was evident that he wasn't with any royal guards, but a simple taxi chariot provider. Twilight approached the large pegasus. Before she could give a nice hello, the taxi driver interrupted her and spoke loudly.

"Is this the School of Friendship?" he asked. Twilight nodded. "Good," he said in a harsh tone. "Then, that means you can take this intoxicated ass off my hands." The pegasus went to the closed chart door and opened it. Inside the chart, a unicorn pony was sleeping against the doorway. Once the door swung open, the unicorn came tumbling out, hitting the ground hard. Along with the unicorn came a stream of empty beer cans pouring out the back. One of the unicorn’s hooves had a plastic ring six-pack with two beers still left, with his hoof through one of the empty plastic circles.

The unicorn looked nothing of royal descent. He was white like Celestia, and his mane was blue like Luna's but cut short and unkempt. He wore a black trench coat that covered most of his body, and a blue baseball cap with his unicorn horn pierced through the front. Twilight could just make out an ugly Hawaiian button-up shirt under his trench coat. The biggest eyesore was a pair of thick black round sunglasses, with attached blinders, to completely shield his eyes from every-creature.

Moans and groans came from the unicorn. "We're here already?" the pony asked in a grave mumble.

"Yeah," the pegasus said. "Now, pay your tab, so I don't have to deal with you anymore."

The unicorn's horn glowed bright white with tiny yellow specs as a stack of bits came flying out of his inner pocket. The pegasus, hoof stretched out, accepted them. "What, no tip?" the driver asked.

The unicorn moaned on the ground. "Sorry, fella," he said. "I already gave the tip to your mother last night. Why don't you write her a letter and she'll write back about how good it was? I'm sure she will tell you it was a mouthful."

The pegasus had fury in his eyes and gave a swift hard kick toward the drunk unicorn on the ground. Twilight ran and took a stand between the two.

"No need to get angry now," she said. "I’ll gladly reward you with more than a good tip for helping escort Prince Thornhill to our school. And besides, the fact that we are at a school, my school to be exact, we try to be a violence-free place."

The driver took Twilight's offering of bits and scratched his head as if feeling a little guilty. "Aww, anything for the Princess of Friendship. Forgive me for my rude manner, your highness, and good luck with that stubborn ass," he said harshly at the pony on the ground, giving one light kick at him. Laying on the ground, Prince Thornhill made a rude gesture at the pegasus driver with his hooves.

"Well," Twilight said, as Starlight helped Prince Thornhill to stand on all four of his hooves. "As the Princess of Friendship, it's an honor to welcome you to The School of Friendship," giving her curtsy bow.

The crowd cheered and applauded at Thornhill. Yona, Smolder, and Ocellus, along with the two lead pony dancers, performed their cheerleading routine, the one they were supposed to demonstrate three hours ago. When Pinkie Pie's band played their music, Thornhill squinted and shook his head. But it was when Pinkie Pie blew hard into her yovidaphone that Thornhill gave a knee jerk reaction at stopping all of this.

"No!" Thornhill cried out, waving his front hoof in the air and firing a bright white beam from his horn. Several magic bubbles encased the cheering crowds. Though they could still be seen cheering, no sound came from within their bubbles. It took every-creature a few seconds before they realized that they had been sealed inside some magic buddle. Every student and teacher began to panic as they frantically tried breaking out of their bubble. Pinkie Pie pounded on the bubble with a scared look on her face. Apple Jack tried her luck at bucking the bubble open. Gallus and Silverstream were stuck in a bubble together and tried clawing their way out the top. The sounds of their cheering, silenced. "I appreciate it, but it is too damn early to start with such a loud racket. Especially when the veins in my head are throbbing like jackhammers against my brain."

With panic, Twilight started blasting the bubbles away with her horn. Starlight joined in, blasting the bubbles away and freeing every creature trapped inside one. They didn't stop until they had blasted every bubble away. Then they leaned on each other, side by side, panting for breath. "What?! What was that?!" Starlight demanded from Thornhill.

"What, that?" he said. "A simple confinement spell. Wears off within an hour. What?! It's not like they were in any real danger. Sure it might scare them at first, being trapped inside, but they weren't going to suffocate."

"Either way, you can't just blast teachers or students with powerful magic because you want to."

"Agree to disagree," Thornhill said.

"How about we move from this instant? Why don't I give you a tour of the school? Just as soon as you get rid of your..." Twilight didn't want to say it but pointed to the two beers attached to the plastic rings.

"Oh, shit," Thornhill said. "Sure, just give me a second." His horn glowed white with magic. One of the beer cans levitated from the plastic rings and above his head. With force, he punctured the bottom of the beer can with his horn and opened the lid of the can, and he began to shotgun the beer down. Once done, he did the same to the last beer. He didn’t even bother removing the can from its plastic ring. After shotgunning down both beers, he tossed the empty cans behind him. "Hey, Mr. Pink and Scaly," Thornhill said to Spike, "Bring my luggage to whichever room I'm staying in!"

"Excuse me," Rarity said, sounding shocked. "But this 'Mr. Pink and Scaly' has a name, which happens to be Spike. And also, his scales are more light lavender than pink."

Prince Thornhill stared at Rarity. Or, was that’s what it looked like he was doing? It was hard to tell with his thick black shades with blinders on. "Hey," he said. "Spike, the lavender-colored who-gives-a-fuck dragon. Mind taking my luggage to the castle? It would be most appreciated." Thornhill pulled a flask from his coat. The container was metallic and had the imprint of the sun and moon colliding together. "For my sister's sake," he says, taking a gulp from the flask after unscrewing the top.

"Moving along," Twilight said, getting behind Thornhill and pushing him forward. "Students," she said. “You are free to go about your day. See you back in class tomorrow." The students dispersed in every direction as Thornhill was pushed inside. The other main five and Starlight followed. Twilight had hoped that once inside, Thornhill would remove his sunglasses but instead he left them on. "This is always one of the best places to stop first, my office, which is open 24/7... most of the time.”

"Neat-o," Thornhill said. From another compartment inside his trench coat, Thornhill pulled out a cigarette and placed it in his mouth. He made a hard strike with his front hoof against his horn, causing sparks to fly. On the second hit, the sparks ignited his whole hoof on fire. He brought the flaming hoof to his mouth and lit the cigarette. With a quick shake from his hoof, the fire blew out. He took in a deep puff from his cigarette and blew the smoke out his nose.

"Uh, excuse me. P-P-Prince Thornhill" came the shy voices. Fluttershy trying so hard not to be shy by speaking up to Prince Thornhill. "We try to stay in a smoke-free zone here at the school. Not just for the health of the students, but for a few primitives we have here at the school as well. So we don't allow smoking."

"Don't worry, sweetheart, "Thornhill said. "If I see anybody doing that, I'll let them know." Everypony gave him a disgruntled look as he continued to smoke. It took a minute before finally giving in to what they wanted. "Fine," he said and extinguished the cigarette in a potted plant.

"You know," pipped in Rainbow Dash. "You never mentioned what the important matter you had to attend to, which kept us three hours waiting for you?"

"My what?" asked Thornhill. "Oh, right right. The urgent matter I had to attend to. See I was on my way here, when I saw a tavern posting a two for one on ale pitchers, I thought 'Hey, I got a few bits to spare. Might as well take advantage of the situation. And before you know it, I've suddenly lost track of time."

"You...!?! You...!?!" Apple Jack was trying her hardest to contain her anger and disbelief. "YOU WERE GETTING DRUNK!" she shouted. "You made us wait for three dang hours so that you can get drunk!?!"

Thornhill stares blankly at her. "Well..." he said, "when you say it that way, you make it seem bad."

Twilight could see Apple Jack losing her anger. She jumped straighten to stop the massacre. "And here is where we've set up your classroom," Twilight said, pushing Thornhill into an empty room. He couldn’t help but chuckle hard as he turned to her.

"That's a good one, Princess," Thornhill said. "You don't honestly expect me to stick around and teach... whatever it is you teach here?"

"Uh... Friendship?" said Pinkie Pie.

"It's engraved on the front of the school," cried Apple Jack.

Thornhill bit the bottom of his lip and shook his head in disappointment. "So, this is why I was sent here. This is why Celestia and Luna couldn't see me when I announced my return. They hoped to pawn me off on you six or seven. Keep me here as long as you can, unbelievable."

"That's not true," Twilight said. "Your sister bragged about you being a great traveler and a very powerful pony." Thornhill gave a big scuff before turning his back on the ponies. "Please, Prince Thornhill. We honestly believed that you could provide our students with great knowledge from your travels and adventures. The type of knowledge that could help our students expand their friendships."

Every pony, and creature was quiet, waiting for some kind of response from Thornhill. "I'll stay," he finally said. "But, I'm making no promises on bettering your students."

Twilight smiled. "We'll take it," she said. "Prince Thornhill, as the Princess of Friendship, I welcome you as a teacher here at the School of Friendship."

"Okay, okay," Thornhill said. "Let's not get too excited. You might come to regret those words later." Letting out a deep sounding sigh, he took a look at the room. "I guess I should try and get comfortable around here." He started shuffling out of his trench coat. Twilight noticed a mark on the back of Thornhill's neck that she did not see before. Branded on the back of his neck, where the shoulders met, were several connected compass arrows pointing in all directions, and inked black to be seen better. Twilight remembered seeing such a symbol, but where?

Now just in his Hawaiian shirt allowing his cutie mark to be seen, the mark on his flank was an image of the light of a star swirling into a black hole.

Thornhill stretched his whole body. Every pony gasped in shock. As Thornhill stretched, two large white pegasus wings popped out and expanded. Everypony gasped at the sight. Twilight herself was jaw dropped.

"You're ah... ah..." Twilight tried saying, but was finding it hard to say the word. Alicorn? But he's a stallion. There had never been a male alicorn before. Especially a stallion that had zero manners, charisma, or royalty. There was zero logic to all of this.

Comments

[jimerjam]

good update, more please!

[Cauchemar]

I can't help but imagine he has the voice of Adam Sandler.

[Sir_RedFox]

10132693
Think more Billy Bob Thornton, close to his Bad Santa roll.

[Cauchemar]

10135028
Fair enough.