Taming Nightmare Moon

by Leafdoggy

Chapter 13

About an hour or so after heading back to bed, Celestia was still awake.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t tired. She was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. She certainly hadn’t slept well on the sun, and she wasn’t even entirely sure the sleep she did manage to get actually did anything for her. It hadn’t made her feel better, that’s for sure.

She felt like she could sleep for a week straight, but her mind just wouldn’t keep still. She kept replaying the events of the past few days in her head, trying to piece together where she had gone wrong.

Obviously, her first misstep was her initial… Overreaction. She saw that now, even though the memory of being helpless before Nightmare Moon still burned with righteousness in the back of her mind. She chose to ignore that, pushing it away and accepting that she had only made things worse by being so rash.

What about after that, though? Luna was still so angry with her. It seemed like she, and even Nightmare Moon, had been getting along with the guards and the staff perfectly well, but her sister would hardly spare her a glance. Having Luna so uniquely angry at her, for reasons she could hardly seem to wrap her mind around, made Celestia feel… Bad. She wasn’t sure what kind of bad, but it felt bad.

All Celestia wanted was to make things better for her sister. Things were so good before Nightmare Moon. They got along, they could talk to each other, neither one of them was scared of the other. Then that wretched mare came along and snatched her sister away, and now, seeing Luna defend her hurt Celestia more than she could have ever imagined.

Celestia wasn’t naive. She knew, or at least she tried to know, that she had played a part in what happened. Nightmare Moon may have spurred things along, but it was Celestia’s comfort and ignorance that laid the groundwork, and in the end it was Celestia who dealt the final blow. She would never let herself forget that.

But, then, how could she allow Nightmare Moon to do just that? To bury away her role in Luna’s unbecoming and paint herself as a martyr? It was she who raised the moon to block the sun, she who claimed rulership over Equestria, she who—

No. Celestia pushed those thoughts away, as far away as she could. This wasn’t about punishing Nightmare Moon, or making her atone for her wrongdoing. She already did that. Her thousand years of imprisonment and the subsequent entrapment in Luna’s psyche were penance enough for the crimes of her past.

This was about helping Luna. She wanted to trust Luna. She wished so badly that she could just take Luna’s word and accept that Nightmare Moon posed no threat, but how could she do that? Nopony knew Nightmare Moon like she did. Nopony else had seen the darkness in her eyes when she chained Celestia to the sun. At the very least, Nightmare Moon’s coarse nature would cost Luna friends, and at the worst…

Celestia just didn’t know how to accept that.

It was quickly dawning on her, though, that she had no choice in the matter. She could do nothing on her own, and everypony else had accepted Nightmare Moon. Even if she did have the power to act, what right did Celestia have to do so? She was a Princess, but that didn’t mean that she was always right. Faced with such an overwhelming majority, she would just have to make herself believe they may be right.

So, that’s what she decided to do.

She knew she could never quash her hatred of Nightmare Moon. It ran too deep, rooted by a thousand years of growth, and its branches spread too far and wide. Anger, righteousness, pride, stems of her hatred tainted every part of her. It was far too late to stop it now.

All she could do was cut it off. She had to make the conscious decision, there and now, to never allow that part of herself to impact the rest. She had to accept wholeheartedly that her hatred had nothing for her, that it could provide no insight or perspective, and then she had to hold herself to that. Never again would her hatred fuel her actions or color her view of the world. She could simply no longer allow it.

It was by no means an easy task to accomplish. The mind is not so malleable as to bend to its owner’s whims. She couldn’t let that stop her, though. This was the only way she saw to fix things. It was the only thing that could stabilize the fraught stature of her relationship with her sister. Letting these feelings run rampant led only to a gulf between the two of them.

She planned it all out. She would have to be constantly vigilant. Every decision she made, every thought she had, she would have to deliberately second guess. She would need to comb her psyche for the tendrils of hatred so vigilantly that it would become second nature to her. She would have to make a conscious effort until it ran so deep she did it subconsciously.

And she would. For Luna, she would.

Still, she could not sleep. Her thoughts weighed too heavily for that. Instead, she pushed herself out of bed, made herself presentable, and straightened her posture as she strode out into the throne room.

“Good morning again, Princess,” Seabeam said as she walked in. “Vim said your schedule was in her cart.”

“Thank you,” Celestia said. She turned to the cart and eyed it cautiously. It was so overpacked, and so shoddily organized, that it felt like just looking at it too hard would make papers spill out everywhere.

“Did she happen to say where?” Celestia asked.

“Nope,” Seabeam said. “Want me to look for you?”

Celestia pursed her lips and hesitantly nodded. “Yes, that would be very kind of you.” Seabeam made his way quickly up to the cart and started digging through it. Celestia winced as scrolls and pencils and notebooks toppled to the floor, but she chose to trust in her guard and let him handle it.

She walked past her throne, instead heading down the long ramp until she reached Amber Dusk. There she stopped and studied the new armor Nightmare Moon had designed.

“Do ponies actually like this armor?” She asked.

Dusk shrugged. “It’s kind of mixed. Some ponies think it’s cool, others think it makes me stand out too much.”

“And you?”

“Oh, I love it,” Dusk said. She stretched out a wing to show Celestia the sleek, leathery cover. “Part of me wants to start wearing these things even when I’m off the clock. They make me look intimidating, you know?”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Do they, now? I’m not sure that’s entirely appropriate for the guard of—” She stopped herself and shook her head. “Do you think having a well-known group of guards look intimidating is a good idea?”

“I mean… We’re guards,” Dusk said. “Having a bunch of ponies walking around in golden armor is already pretty intimidating. That’s kind of the whole point.”

“Found it!” Seabeam suddenly shouted. He ran over and gave Celestia a small scroll. “Geez, that was really in there.”

“I appreciate the help,” Celestia said. She looked over his shoulder at the cart, which had most of its contents lying on the floor around it. “Could you please try to fix Vim’s cart, now?”

Seabeam’s eyes went wide. “Oh, right! Of course, of course.” He bowed politely, then turned and ran back over to the cart.

Celestia watched him for a moment, then opened the scroll. “Oh, well this is… Short,” she commented.

Normally, Celestia’s schedules would have twenty or thirty items for her to do every day. Between important meetings, public appearances, filing paperwork and everything else she had to do, it wasn’t uncommon for lists to be so long she couldn’t finish them in a single day. So she was quite shocked to see this list, with only a few simple tasks to do.

“Shouldn’t there be more?” Celestia flipped the paper over to check the back, but it was blank. “This is all dignitary work, where’s everything with the guards and the castle staff? Or checking on the artifacts, or… Or anything!”

“She probably gave the rest to Princess Luna,” Dusk suggested.

“To—” Celestia blinked. “Oh, right. Luna’s working days now.” She looked back at the page and read it more carefully. “Surely this can’t be even half of everything, though.”

“You did just get back from the sun,” Dusk said. “She probably wanted to give you time to recover.”

“I see…” Celestia rolled the paper back up and tucked it away. “Well, I suppose if I get through it all I’ll track down Luna and help her.” She nodded politely to Dusk. “You two have a good day, now.”

“Will do, Princess,” Dusk said with a smile.

“Thanks,” Seabeam shouted distractedly. At this point he was sitting on the floor trying to sort through papers, and he didn’t even look up as Celestia walked away.

Celestia trotted calmly across the room and out the huge double doors. When they opened, the sound of the bustling castle filled the air, and when they shut behind her again the world was quiet once more.

Then, from in the hallway, they heard Princess Celestia yell. “What in Equestria happened to my window?”

Comments

[Eroraf86]

Finally, some progress! Overcoming one's own biases and prior beliefs is never easy, especially when they are backed up with intense emotions. It's good to see Celestia finally looking at the situation in a more rational light.

[Vaguely Demented]

Kinda egotistical Tia. I’m pretty sure Luna know Nightmare better than you do, and that’s kinda the point.

[Archaon]

Well everything appears to be poised to tumble downhill.

Can't say that I enjoy the amount of willful miscommunication though. When a story's characters refuse to talk with each other on important topics (or when entirely unrealistic 'coincidences' prevent them) it always ends up feeling like I'm watching some budget romantic comedy.