We Present To You A New Quest

by Split Scimitar

Getting the Band Back Together

Next morning, I’m up before anyone else, only because Rosalina and Lockie wake me up by arriving in the observatory. Landing in the backyard of the castle to the sight of the first signs of astronomical twilight overtaking the inky blackness of night, the two siblings greet me with hugs before a swarm of Lumas squeal in delight, “Papa! Papa!”

“Are Annabelle and Junior in town?” I ask both of my in-laws.

“I don’t think so. Last I checked, she was with her brothers-in-law to-be.” Rosalina responds.

“Yay. Did you see the traffic in the city center?“

“I don’t think Toad Harbor was ever built to accommodate this many.”

“How is the city handling it? This is their first day, and they haven’t even hit peak crowds yet. I imagine the entire city will be in gridlock for coronation day.”

“Oh easily. Every restaurant in town will have hourlong waits at mealtimes. I’m surprised Mushroom City wasn’t voted to host the coronation.”

“Oh yeah, I guess they could’ve handled the multitudes. Peach said Toad Harbor was chosen because of its proximity to the Sea and the Koopa border.”

“Mhmm. Thank goodness this castle is still a seat for royalty.”

“Yeah, otherwise you’d be rocketing in and I’d super-commute from Neo Koopa City.“

She responds with a nod before we all head inside.

As the Lumas have swarmed me when we walk inside, I cautiously step in to the sight of Applejack in the foyer, emerging from her bedroom looking a might surprised.

“Hi Applejack. Would you like to meet Rosalina’s star children?” I ask as a few of them pop out from behind my head.

“Aww!!” She responds putting her hands on her cheeks.

“Meet Applejack.” I tell the Lumas. “She’s a very good friend of mine.”

Applejack chuckles as the Lumas squeal and crowd her. The sound I assume coaxes a couple of others out, including Fluttershy, who has quite the cute attack.

To my amusement, she hugs each one so tightly, that the others show a very slight reluctance to being hugged. Despite this, they still oblige to her smothering.

One of the Lumas then flies over to me and then sits on my shoulder.

“Have they never been here before?” Lubba asks with a half-chuckle.

“It’s their first time here. The one who gives smothering hugs loves animals, so seeing something as small and cute as the rest of you was… inevitable. She has smothered me before. I’m a pillow in her words.”

Lubba only chuckles.

“What’s all the noise?” I hear Sunset from upstairs. Before I can respond, she follows in her friends’ footsteps and has a cute attack.

“Sunset, come meet the Lumas. They’re Rosalina’s star children.”

“Awwww!!!” She says as she joins the little circle.

The others slowly make their way out, with the three little sisters marking the last of us awake. If we leave now, we can get into Toad Harbor and find a good place to park.

I pop into the garage and see if it’s worth it to take one of my “native” cars instead of either the Escalade or Rarity’s Lexus. One of the many cars I have here can be used without a problem, but I don’t think anyone else is willing to drive in the traffic. Too bad the castle isn’t in the city center.

Vinyl and Octavia are arriving this afternoon, but because of their equipment, customs might be suspicious. That being said, they can still technically just warp by the foot pipes. Since there is cell phone reception in this world, we can text and call without it seeming like we’re international.

“Hey you two,” I send via group text, “let me know when you’re ready. I’ll get you the warp pipe information then.”

“We’re ready.” Vinyl responds a few minutes later.

“Alright, here’s your address. Let me know when you get there.” “8385 Plumbers Skyway Brooklyn, NY”

“Thanks.”

“Cap?” Peach asks coming into the garage. “Is Pinkie Pie’s DJ on the way?”

“To the pipes. Do I have to drive back to the Shroom Ridge exit?”

“No! No, no. You can warp to customs and meet them there on foot.”

“How about vehicular? I imagine they’ll be hauling some equipment.”

“Do you remember what the vehicular tunnel sign for customs is?”

“Oh! Yeah, I do. I just don’t recall ever seeing one here.”

“I don’t remember where it is here though.”

“Oh well. I’ll just tough out the traffic and find it.”

“Best you get them now then. Bowser’s brigade are arriving tonight.”

“And my friends, I hope you know, are our musical entertainment for the night.”

“Yes, they told me.”

“Ok good, you know. Do they have a space to practice?”

“Yeah. I gave them a room.”

“K cool. I’m gonna head for the customs portal.”

“Okay, but Bowser and family will be here when you get back.”

“Are they staying here?”

“No. There’s another place for them. They’re staying in the heart of the city, being the visitors and all.”

“Of course.” I say as I climb in.

“Drive safe. Good luck with the traffic.”

“It’ll be fine. An hour and a half to go 9 miles is tame compared to Los Angeles Friday rush.”

“Bye.” Peach waves as I head for the city, not in my Escalade. No no, I’ve decided to use one of my many Mercedes 600 Grosser (Großer). The car’s very apt license plate is ‘SCHEIBE’. German car enthusiasts and Sprechers will understand.

As I make my way into the city, I drop all four windows to savor the coastal MK air. Geographically, being situated here creates advantageously constant temperatures, very much a parallel to San Francisco. The average low is 280 K in winter and 290 K in the summer. The average high is 284 K in winter and 294 K in the summer. Not a whole lot of variation both across the year or even diurnally.

Today’s high is not expected to exceed 280 K, which puts it below average, but is sweater weather for many nonetheless. I do not belong to that group, what with my midwestern blood and all. Even so, the outside air chilling the cabin is good for me, as I can take in the sights and sounds of the hustle and bustle of the city of Toad Harbor, hard at work, in high spirits, and operating with the infrastructure built for only about probably a third of what it is right now.

After about 35 minutes navigating through city streets, seeing a couple of ostensible figures around, including who I assume are Prince Peasley of the Beanbean Kingdom and Madame Mayor Pauline of the Metro Kingdom. Of course, I hope to see others in attendance for the big coronation day, running through a mental list, almost missing my turnoff for the pipe portal.

Every major city in the MK has one of these, and I assume (from what I’ve been told) that the same applies to the other kingdoms. There are three pipes in each portal, each bearing a flag of the three real world countries available for warping. Underneath them are a list of cities in each country that are available for warping:

🇺🇸 — 🇮🇹 — 🇯🇵
Brooklyn, NY — Rome — Tokyo
Seattle, WA — Milan — Kyoto

Not a very long list, but it is nice to know that there are multiple ports of entry.

Short of the pipes, I stop the car to gather my thoughts. In fact, I have to put the car in park. Well, actually that’s because I’m answering a text.

“We just got a taxi. We’ll be over there in about 10 minutes.”

“Cool. How much equipment do you have?”

“A few things. My table, Octavia’s cello, 2 monitors, 2 subs, and 3 speakers.”

“Okay. You may have to travel with them uncomfortably.”

“It should be fine.”

A few minutes later, Vinyl texts, “we’re here.”

“Okay. Wait for me. I’ll show you through.”

“👍🏻”

Immediately, I drive through the pipe and keep my eye out for the customs facility. When it rolls up, I drive through the lights, as the car is green lighted, and park in the same area as where we parked when we came through last.

“Hello Cap!” The same Customs Toad as last time greets. “Heading back so soon?”

“No, no. I’m picking up two friends of mine who are helping with the wedding.”

“Okay! Is it their first time?”

“Yes it is.”

“Alright, we’ll be waiting for them.”

“Be back soon.”

With that, I lock the Merc, head for the foot pipes and walk through the one marked Brooklyn, NY, USA.

When I emerge in New York, I’m greeted by a frigid 24° early evening. Scrambling for the door, mostly to avoid keeping them waiting, I turn the key to the vehicle gate and let them in rather than going through the office building.

“Vinyl, how’s it going?”

“Great! You?”

“I’m excited for this wedding. And I think you’ll see why too.

“Ms. Melody I presume?” I ask the lady accompanying her.

“Yes indeed.” She responds with a heavy Belgravia accent.

“A pleasure to meet you. Split Scimitar,” I say extending my hand. “But Max is fine.”

“Mr. Scimitar. Lovely to meet you.” She responds with a shake. “Octavia will be fine as well.”

“Very well. Shall we?”

When the three of us walk through the pipes, I take their bags so the Toads can inspect them while they do their paperwork.

In 15 minutes, they’re ready, so once they’re seated, I fire her up, check the windows are closed, and head back to Toad Harbor.

When we emerge from the car portal, the city is just as hustling as before. Vinyl and Octavia take in the sights as I decide to take a few extra turns along the scenic route to the castle.

Amongst the hustle and bustle of the city, it’s worth noting that emergency services have distinct siren sounds for each different department:

Ambulances sound like this:

Fire brigade sound like this:

Police sound like this:

The reason for differentiation is to force the motorist to check behind them, and counterintuitively for its own sake. Even the rulers of a sovereign state can have some semblance of a sense of humor.

At the castle, Peach is waiting for us along with a slew of big, lifted, dually/DRW trucks. The Koopa have arrived.

When I roll in and stop short of the garage, I put her in park and let the guests out. All of the girls come out to meet them, except Pinkie, who rushes out a few moments later brandishing a baker’s frazzle, evidenced by flour on her cheeks, flour in her hair, and enough of a blush to make her look kind of clown-y.

After their mini-reunion, I return the Grosser to the garage. Then, I greet each of the Koopa royals with a handshake and hug, except for the King himself. We share a very firm handshake, followed by him patting me on the back. Because of his size, his pats don’t feel like pats, but nevertheless I appreciate the gesture.

After I help introduce everyone, each of the Koopa Kids introduces themselves.

Ludwig Von Koopa, a self-taught classically trained pianist, a prodigy before he could even hold a quill, is renowned for his compositions, and will debut one of his new pieces at the wedding.

Iggy Koopa, better known as Iggy Hop, is an amateur inventor, having found successes with machines, specifically Rube Goldberg machines, a reflection of his slightly childish/evil genius personality.

Lemmy Koopa is the prankster of the family, and has earned his place by the avenue of physical comedy. His favorite acts as a comic involve balancing acts, with a particular fondness for bouncy balls, circus style.

Morton Koopa, Jr is the overseer of infrastructure of the Koopa Kingdom. I would argue that much of the car scene is thanks to him, because he oversaw almost all of the road construction used to build the modern day MW.

Wendy O. Koopa is the only girl in the royal family. Though not effeminate in the strict sense of the word, she has a huge affinity for pink, and it shows in not only her life, but the people she’s influenced as well, though that’s speaking from past experience, as it’s not easy to tell now.

Roy Koopa is the second in command of the Koopa armed forces. As such, his specialty is in the ground attack. While he does love using brute force, he also believes that use of such force is only for extreme circumstances. Thus, quite counterintuitively, he enjoys not doing what he does best. Quite a change from the last time I was here.

Larry Koopa, better known as Larry Lights, is the Vinyl Scratch to Ludwig’s Octavia, as it were. Whereas his brother prefers the piano, Larry is all about the turntable. Though they haven’t actually collaborated, both have had quite their share of mashups and mixes.

Of course, we can’t forget the man of the week, the groom-to-be. Bowser, Jr. A turtle after his own father, the best way to frame him (though he very audibly objects to being framed or labeled) is “chaotic neutral.” ‘Nuff said.

With him is his fiancée Annabelle, daughter of Mario and Peach, adopted daughter of Rosalina. Raised in the extraterrestrial realms of the greater Mushroom Galaxy, other nicknames include Bellatrix and Dingdong, the latter coined by her cousin Benito, the son of Luigi and Daisy.

After everyone gets to know everyone, Vinyl and Larry hit it off and start their own conversation in the garage, as do Octavia and Ludwig. Annabelle and Jr. join Rosalina and I inside. Pinkie then heads back into the kitchen, so we follow her in.

The bride and groom have a taste of Pinkie’s desserts, and approve of all of them. I then leave them to sort out other foodstuffs while I head into my bedroom for a nap. Rosalina joins me however just a few moments after I get comfortable.

“You tired already?”

“Not really, but I feel like I need to lay down.”

“Well, you did do a fair bit of driving.”

“Sure, but I woke up with enough energy to at least keep up with Pinkie Pie, which is quite a Rarity.”

“Good one, funny guy.”

“Max?” A voice calls from outside.

I sit up and wait for a second call.

“Max??”

“Who’s calling me?”

I stick my head out the door to find Fluttershy peering around the halls.

“Fluttershy?”

“Oh, there you are. Annabelle wants to see you.”

“Oh great, what’d I do now?”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

“I’m sure, I was kidding.”

I find Annabelle walking barefoot in the garden.

“Annabelle?”

“Hello Cap.”

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes. I want to get to know you. You are my stepfather after all.”

“Okay. What would you like to know?”

“Where would you like to start?”

“Hmm, I was born in Illinois, moved to California at 2 years, went to Uni in Washington, and from there I worked my way up the ranks, meeting many people along the way.”

“That’s an awfully oversimplified description of your life.“

“Did your mother tell you a lot about me?” I shrug.

“She said that you’re very jaded, but still have an air of childlike affection.”

“Jaded, sure. I prefer the term desensitized.”

“From what she’s told me, jaded is way more appropriate. You have a lot of great things to be happy about, and pardon me for saying this, you seem to choose not to be happy about it. Even so, as someone you’ve only known for about a year or two, I think you’re worth my time as a Princess-to-be. I always hoped Mama would find someone. Don’t get me wrong, Mario is a wonderful father and father figure, but to see someone who could fill that position for Mama makes me very happy.”

“Well, I’m honored to be that person for both of you.” I respond as I suppress the urge to not make the last part of my sentence audible, “but not for much longer.” I then continue with, “I’m also floored that you’re actively interested in a relationship with me. I’ve only known Rosalina for such a small portion of my life compared to yours; if anything, I’ve probably taken her away from you.”

“Not at all! We’ve always kept in touch. She made me excited to meet you.“

“I just hope that the time we spend together is worth it. Would hate to fall short of expectations. I’m a staunch perfectionist in that respect.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I’m really enjoying talking to you.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.”

“Mama says you’re quite the car and airplane geek.”

“That’s putting it very lightly. I own two airports, and am vying for a third one. All the airplanes I’ve been acquiring are starting to become too much for what I have now.”

“How big is your fleet?”

“I’ve lost count, actually.”

“Well, I know that many of the airplanes here came through you.”

“Oh, is it because I had a place to park them while arrangements to transport them to this world were made?”

“Yes.”

“I’m a huge fan of jumbo jets like the Boeing 747 and Airbus A380. It broke my heart to see them doomed to a fate of scrap, so I wanted to find a way to send them here. I’m surprised your environmentalists didn’t get on the government’s case. Those jets are quite the pollutant.”

“Yes, but our world’s development of biofuels is well ahead of yours. And the development of plants that turn carbon dioxide into oxygen is a reality here.”

“Is that so?”

“It is. The advent of this technology hasn’t gotten to the payoff period yet, but the net emissions figures have been continuously shrinking.“

“Always nice to hear.”

“How about cars? I’ve seen your garage in NK (Neo Koopa) City. You’re more than a collector it seems.”

“It’s quite large I will admit. I enjoy cars, but I don’t enjoy working on them as much as I should. I like driving.”

“Sure.”

“What do you drive?”

“A diesel Range Rover.”

“Oh wow. Nice. Any particular reason why? I always ask.”

“My Mother (Princess Peach) had one, and I really liked it. Guess I wanted to take after her.”

“That’s sweet.”

“Annabelle, let’s go see the venue. It’s rehearsal time.” Jr calls.

“Okay.” She calls back as she stands up. “Can I get a hug?”

“Of course.”

We wrap each other in arms and then to my complete surprise, she kisses me on the cheek before she leaves.

“She really does like you.” Rosalina says after I watch them climb into Bowser’s truck.

“Did you put me on a pedestal?”

“No. She wanted to get to know you. She always did especially when we started dating.”

“Is that why she was so excited about having a father figure for you with respect to being her adoptive mother?”

“Yes. It was.”

“I am obligated to ask, “if you raised her alone with the Lumas and any other life you encountered in the cosmos, what made her desire a father figure?”

“I believe it was because Jr was the first real biological male she came in contact with. The cognitive dissonance resulting from meeting a male after living exclusively with a female parent probably piqued her curiosity.”

“Well, in any case, I’m glad she’s willing to create a relationship with me, even if I am nothing more than an obligatory father figure, I use that term loosely. It’s rather heartwarming.”

“When are you going to tell her though?”

“About the…”

“Yes. I know it’s at the forefront of your mind. I also know it’s way too early to break that news to her.”

“She’ll gain a husband but lose a stepfather in the process.” I chuckle. “Do we really want to go through with this?”

There is a long pause.

“You know my answer.” I add.

“Yes. I know you want to stay married, and you know neither of us want to go through with it, but let’s face it: you and I live 3,000 miles apart, sometimes farther. Your life and my life simply don’t work well together. Neither of us will get what we want out of this anymore.”

“Okay. That’s all I need to hear. I am more than willing to put up a fight to save this, but if neither of us will get what we want anymore, then maybe this is the best course of action for us to take.” I say with a slight waver.

“You do know this doesn’t change anything between us.” She responds in kind.

“I don’t want to change anything.” I respond poorly hiding tears. “But if this is what you want, and no amount of effort is going to change that, even we both fought for it, then I won’t argue. All I can say is, ‘I’m sorry I wasted your time.’” With that, I let the walls breach, head for the garage, fire up ‘SCHEIBE’, and go for a drive.

In spite of the traffic, I head north for the Koopa border. There are a few exits off the highway before the crossing, one of which is a petrol station.

A quick fuel splash in case of bad traffic and an energy drink are my purchases before I boom across the border, the border checkpoints closed and boarded with the message: “all MK borders open for coronation”.

40 minutes inside the border, another 35 minutes would take me to Neo Koopa City, but instead, I arrive at an otherwise abandoned housing complex. This subdivision was meant to be a 14-home gated community for government officials, but after funding was redirected, the project was scrapped and the lot of whatever was completed became what it is now. Rosalina is technically the owner of the lot because of her connection to Annabelle, but she gave me the lot so I wouldn’t have to fight for garage space in the MK.

Reveling at how each of the house shells (most of the interiors are incomplete) house all my cars here except for those in the MK, I take a stroll around the development, stopping at each structure to admire the smorgasbord of cars parked both in their respective garages or in the driveway.

“Where are you?” A text comes in moments later from Peach.

“I went to my other garage. I’m switching out a car.”

“Oh. The Sarasalanders are here. They’re looking for you.”

“Oh shoot. Sorry. Tell them I’ll try and be back in an hour.”

“Okay. And if you’re over there, bring something fast. Laura’s not impressed with the Escalade, since that’s what she drove while we were living in your world.”

“Of course not. It’s comfortably utilitarian.”

With that, after I give my entire garage two once-overs, I switch to a rare find from my world, and is kept and registered here for that reason, a Jaguar F-Type Project 7, in arguably the only appropriate color, British Racing Green. Thanks to a review by a certain journalist, the car has been registered XR8DHDCR. (X-Rated Hardcore)

Firing the car up and rolling it out, I give a good growl to redline after a cold start gives a slightly throatier purr than the one I know and love. After the engine is warm enough, I head back to the MK, more than happy to be driving a RHD car in RHT.

When the roads cross over at the border, I feel British, as the roads are LHT. With that, I pick up speed and maintain a pace of no less than 100 mph/161 kph, the exhaust note at such high speeds quite euphoric.

The fun doesn’t last very long, as about 30 miles outside the city center, I encounter a sizable crowd of cars holding a steady 62 mph/100 kph. I make good work of passing them, which prompts me to start preparing to slow down.

When I pass the city limits sign, I reduce speed to 70/113 in prep for a massive traffic queue. Sure enough, with only 10 miles to the castle exit, I drop below a mile a minute for the first time since starting the engine. While the traffic yesterday made Los Angeles rush look like a hamlet by comparison, the term “sea of red” would be putting it very lightly.

*Call from Daisy*

“Hello?”

“Hi! Why aren’t you here yet?”

“I just got into the city. I’m moving below a snail’s pace.”

“Why didn’t you plan for that traffic before? You knew it was gonna be bad.”

“Toad Harbor was never designed for this many in town. Plus I’m sure that they’ve already begun closing off streets.”

“Still.”

“Fine, fine. I assume you’ve met everybody else?”

“I met your DJ and cellist. My parents really hit it off with her.”

“Who? Octavia?”

“Yeah. I think they may want to hire her for some castle events.”

“Nice.”

“I’ll tell you more if you hurry up!”

“I’m doing the best I can.”

“That’s all I ask. Bye!”

“Later!”

After 15 minutes of purring through the city, going around three road closures to get to the castle, I roll in just as the Koopa Troupe depart.

“We’ll see you tomorrow!” Bowser calls from his truck.

“Alright, we’ll see ya!”

A slew of loud diesels parades out of the castle driveway, joining the crowd below.

Once I park and climb out, I’m immediately met with a fierce hug from Laura.

“Hey Cap!” She says muffled in our embrace. “Nice Jag!”

“Oh, thanks.” I chuckle.

“Your majesties,” I say bowing to King Richard and Queen Lillian.

“A pleasure to see you again, lad.” King Richard says with a nod and offering of his hand.

“Likewise, sir.” I respond. “How are you doing, ma’am?”

“I’m doing well, thank you.” Queen Lillian smiles back. “What exciting times we’re living in.”

“Indeed.”

Annabelle then finds me and asks me to join her. Leading me back into the kitchen, she directs me to Pinkie, measuring out flour, looking for a little something sweet and sour, then grabs the sea salt grinder and drops two twists’ worth into her mixing bowl.

“Hi Max! Glad Annabelle found you! Can you taste test my desserts?”

“Sure. Didn’t the others do that already?”

“Yeah, but I want your opinion.”

“As do I.” Applejack says emerging with oven mitts and pulling out a fresh batch of apple fritters. “Pinkie wanted to make some slight modifications to my recipe to make it a little more… oven friendly.”

“You’ve never tried baked apple fritters?”

“Big Mac tried once to impress a lady, but it didn’t turn out so good.”

“Burn ‘em?”

“Eyup! Only baked good we’ll do now is apple pie.”

“Fair enough. It’s not like you’re Macca’s.”

“Macca’s?”

“McD’s. It’s Australian.”

“Oh. You’ve been to Australia?”

“I went with the gang sans Daisy’s parents while they were still living in our world. Mario’s kids wanted to go for spring break.”

“Wow. Nice.”

“I’m more than willing to take you too. I know you’re busy, but just let me know when you are. The same applies to any of you, anywhere in my (our) world.”

A few minutes later, after Pinkie and Applejack stuff me with a week’s worth of dessert, I make my compliments with a burp of g-astronomical proportions, unmatched in my years prior to meeting even Rosalina.

“Excuse me. My, that was my biggest burp in recent memory. My compliments to the chefs.”

“Awh! Love ya Max!” Pinkie responds amongst poorly stifled laughter.

“Nice one.” Applejack responds in kind.

The three of us then let all our laughter out.

“Was that you, Cap?” Annabelle asks just a few moments later.

“Did I rattle the foundation?” I ask nodding.

“No, I just heard it from the foyer.”

“I hope Daisy’s parents didn’t hear that. I would just drop dead in embarrassment.”

“I doubt it. They’re in the garden with mother and mama.”

“Alrighty.” “Are these on the menu for the reception?”

“Everything but the kitchen sink!”

“Yay.”

With everyone here, the multitude of us have dinner courtesy of the attendant staff, brought in from Toad Town.