The Thousandth Moon [NaPoWriMo 2019]

by sonofaskywalker

Chapter 3 – Old Friends Part 1

Starlight disappeared in a flash and Twilight was once again alone in the library with just her thoughts. As much as she didn’t want to face Starlight after what she had done, once she had arrived at the library and they had talked, Twilight didn’t want her to go. But she knew that her old friend needed time; this was a huge change for her.

Twilight turned back to the desk covered in books and parchment. She really wanted to get back to researching the spell, but she wasn’t sure that she could right now. She sat down and picked up one of the books she’d been reading when Starlight arrived and began to read. She could tell her mind was elsewhere and found herself turning several pages but having no idea what she’d read. After attempting to read through the same page four times without anything sticking, she decided it was time for a real break.

I need to tell Celestia and Luna what I’ve done. Twilight didn’t like the thought of confessing this act to her old mentor, but she knew it was the right thing to do. With her next step decided, Twilight tidied up the desk and quickly gathered a few items that she wanted to take along with her and teleported to the throne room in Canterlot. “Guard?” She called out, knowing there had to be at least one guard within earshot of the throne room.

A young earth pony guard came through the doors. “Oh, Your Highness, good to see that you’re back! Some of us were beginning to worry about you. Are you alright?” She asked.

“No need to worry about me Autumn” she replied, intentionally not answering her question. “Please inform Captain Stone that I will be leaving for Silver Shoals first thing in the morning and expect to be back within the week. I will let her know if my trip will take any longer.”

“Yes, Princess Twilight. Anything else?”

“Actually, yes.” She smiled at the earth pony before her. “Keep up the good work Autumn. It hasn’t gone unnoticed. We’re lucky to have you.” The earth pony’s cheeks took on a light shade of pink and she smiled back at Twilight. “That will be all, Autumn. Thank you.”

“Thank you, Princess!” Spring replied and left the throne room. A good pony, that Autumn, Twilight thought. Autumn Harvest was new on the guard staff and Twilight always wanted to make her guards as feel welcome and comfortable around her as possible. Many guards were too stiff around her when they joined, and Twilight always had to work to get them to loosen up a bit. She felt she’d done a good job of getting Autumn to open up.

Twilight went to her suite in the castle. There were still several hours of daylight left in the day, but she was so exhausted she was sure that there was no way she would be able to do anything productive for the rest of the day. She cast the spell to ensure the sun and moon would fall and rise at a predetermined time for the next twenty-four hours, then drew a bath and settled in. Her muscles had gotten so tense and stiff spending all that time sitting at the desk in the Canterlot Library. A nice hot bath was just what she needed to loosen up. But while her body was still and relaxing, her mind still raced. She replayed the events of the last few days over and over in her mind. She hadn’t noticed it at the time, but looking back, all she could see was the look of fear in Starlight’s eyes and the magic began to swirl around the room. I will make this right, Twilight thought.

She wasn’t sure how long she stayed in the bath, but eventually she forced herself to leave and crawl into her bed. Despite her exhaustion, sleep did not come easily. And when it did, it wasn’t peaceful. Not at first. Starlight’s transformation played out again and again in her dreams; this time the visions were warped into nightmares. Something was different each time the scene played out. In some of them, she used dark magic on Starlight like that of King Sombra. In others, Starlight never recovered from her transformation. And in others still, it wasn’t Starlight in the dream at all. It was hard to tell how many variations played out, but finally there was a scenario in which Princess Luna had appeared and fought Twilight, stopping her from sparking Starlight’s transformation. It was only after Luna had intervened that the hours of restless sleep subsided, and Twilight could sleep peacefully.

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When Twilight awoke the next morning, she still felt a little groggy and slow. While she did get some hours of good sleep in, the restless ones had prevented her from fully recovering her energy. She peeked out the window to see the sun had only just risen. Although she had been able to use that spell for a while now, it was still a bit odd to her to see the sun behaving as if it had risen on its own.

I guess I should probably get going, Twilight thought. She’d decided to take the train for once; she did that so rarely these days. And even though she knew speaking to Celestia and Luna was the right thing to do, she still wanted to delay the meeting if she could. This was a nice compromise; she wasn’t not going to see them, she just wasn’t doing it as quickly as she could by choosing to take the train rather than teleport.

Twilight made her way down to the Canterlot train station, insisted on buying a ticket when she was told she could ride for free, and boarded the train. As it pulled out of the station, Twilight thought back to her early days as an alicorn. How strange it was in those first few weeks to wake up in the mornings and remember that she had wings. After living so many years without them, it took a while to get used to. Now, after so many years of having them, she’d forgotten what it was like without them.

She wondered how long it would take Starlight to get used to her wings. Twilight imagined it wouldn’t take her very long. Starlight was always so quick to learn and adjust, she wouldn’t be surprised if the new alicorn flew circles around her when they spoke next. Oh Starlight. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I made such a monumental choice in such an emotionally fragile state… I should be better than that. It wasn’t like Twilight had never considered the possibility of Starlight becoming an alicorn before. But when she thought of Celestia, she realized that she had ruled for thousands of years, a thousand by herself, and hadn’t found anypony worthy of becoming a princess. Until me. How can I know if she’s the right choice? Twilight used to ask herself. It didn’t matter now; if Twilight couldn’t reverse the transformation, then Starlight was a princess whether she liked it or not.

Before she knew it, the train had arrived at the station. Almost all of the passengers had already disembarked by the time she had pulled herself back from her thoughts. Twilight stepped off the train and stretched out her wings which had gotten a bit stiff during the journey.

As she began to make her way to the Silver Shoals Retirement Community, she took in the lovely day around her. The late morning sun was shining down on her with a gentle warmth and all around her she could hear the sounds of nature. Canterlot could feel so stuffy sometimes. Even with it’s wide open areas with gardens and the like, it was hard to compete with actual nature. As she approached the center of the community, she heard more and more sounds of creatures of all kinds enjoying their leisure activities.

Twilight walked through the doors to the main office and a small bell rang at the open and close of the door. At the front desk, Twilight saw the receptionist with his muzzle in some paperwork. “I’ll be with you in just a moment, just need to finish this up.” He said without looking up from his work. Twilight waited patiently for him to finish what he was doing. When he finally looked up, the unicorn’s cheeks turned red and he began to stammer, “P-Princess Twilight! I-I’m so sorry for making you wait. I-I had no idea it was you.”

Twilight chuckled lightly, “Oh it’s quite alright. I am just here to see Princesses Celestia and Luna. Do you know where they would be right now?”

“Ah yes, let me take a look and see what they’ve got scheduled for today.” He shuffled some paperwork around on the desk until he found what he was looking for. “Here it is. Princess Celestia appears to have just finished up a painting session and Princess Luna just started a dive off the coast and should be back in about an hour or so. After that she’s free until the evening.”

So they’re separate. Perfect. I was thinking I’d like to speak to them individually anyway. “Thank you for your help” Twilight said with a smile. “Do you know where Princess Celestia goes after painting?”

“Back to her suite I suppose.” He motioned back to the doors behind him. “Feel free to take a look around.”

“Thank you again,” Twilight said as she headed for the back doors. She made her way to the royal sisters’ suites near the edge of the retirement community. She remembered the way from the times she’d visited before, although it had been a while since the last time. Too long, Twilight thought to herself. She really should come visit more often. Every time Twilight approached the suites, she was reminded of Celestia and Luna telling her the story about them when she visited for the first time.

The suites looked out of place here even though they’d been constructed in the same style in an attempt to fit in. Celestia and Luna had told her that when they had said they wanted to move to Silver Shoals, the staff had insisted that they build new royal suites for the sisters. When the two alicorns said that they wanted to live in the same accommodations as everypony else, the staff demanded that they be allowed to do something special for the sisters after all that the two had done for Equestria over the years. These new suites were a compromise, although it was more of a seventy-five/twenty-five compromise in favor of the Silver Shoals staff’s wishes; they may have exceeded the other living areas by a country mile but they weren’t nearly as extravagant as they would have been had Celestia and Luna not stepped in several times to request that they be toned down. The two suites were elevated with a beautiful view of the coastline. None of the living areas here had a bad view, but the sisters’ view was spectacular.

Twilight knocked on the door to Celestia’s suite and a few moments later the door opened. “Twilight! Oh I’m glad you came by.” Celestia wrapped her hooves around Twilight in a hug. “I just want to say again how sorry I am for your loss. I saw the new constellation in sky a few nights ago. They’re perfect together. Please, come in and sit down.” She ushered Twilight into the living room and gestured toward the couch for Twilight to sit. The elder alicorn took a seat on what looked like the most comfortable plush chair in all of Equestria.

“Now, whatever you need, I’m here for you. Go ahead and speak your mind freely. I’ve got all day for you, my dear.” Using her magic, Celestia grabbed a box of tissues from the kitchen and placed them on the table in front of Twilight. After a few moments of silence, Celestia spoke up again. “Would you like some tea or maybe something to eat? There’s plenty here I can–”

“Starlight is an alicorn” Twilight said suddenly, not looking up at Celestia.

Celestia stopped, certain of what she’d heard but still needing to confirm it. “Starlight Glimmer. Is an alicorn?” Celestia hadn’t expected this. She’d expected Twilight to open up about Pinkie Pie and the rest of her fellow element bearers, not this. She thought back to the celebration of Pinkie and she didn’t seem to recall Starlight having wings, but she also hadn’t paid Starlight much attention either. “I must say, I’m a little surprised Twilight. Maybe not with your choice, but perhaps your timing. When did this happen?”

“The day after the party,” Twilight replied. She raised her head to look at Celestia. “And what do you mean by my choice doesn’t surprise you?”

“Well, I think if you were to choose somepony to rule alongside you that Starlight would be an excellent choice. She’s proven herself time and time again and has come so very far since the two of you met. She’d make an excellent fellow ruler and advisor. I’m just surprised that you chose to do it when you did. I had thought that if you were going to choose Starlight, you would have done so years ago. Was this something the two of you had discussed before?”

Twilight winced. “Well… actually…” she paused and took a deep breath, “I was… emotionally unstable following the party. I felt as if everypony I’d loved was slowly slipping away through my hooves. Starlight has always been there for me. And when she came to comfort me, I–” she sniffled as tears began to flow down her cheeks, “I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her too. So I acted out of selfish desperation. And now I’ve permanently changed the life of one of the ponies I hold most dear without thinking it through or even considering what she wanted. Even if she forgives me, I don’t know if I will be able to forgive myself if I don’t make it right.” Not knowing what else to say, Twilight went silent, the only sound in the room were her sniffles.

Celestia stood up, stepped over to Twilight, and gently wrapped a wing around her and spoke softly. “You know, I never asked you what you wanted all those years ago. I set you on a path hoping that it would lead to your destiny. And I hoped that that destiny would be the one I had envisioned; one where you stood by my side as a princess. Luckily for all of us, this ended up being the case. But even after you’d overcome everything on your path and proved that you were worthy, I was still worried about what might happen.”

Twilight looked up at her former mentor. This was the first time she’d ever heard of this. “And why is that?”

“I still had so much self-doubt at the time. I spent so many years on my own, Twilight. When Luna was gone… to say it was difficult to carry on would be the understatement of my life. Knowing that not only had I failed to save my sister from herself but also that I was the one to banish her to the moon was a burden nopony should ever have to bear. I carried on because Equestria needed me to. I hoped to find somepony to either rule with me or take my place, but I felt that I couldn’t trust myself with that decision after what happened with Luna. If I couldn’t see the signs then, I wasn’t so sure I could prevent the same thing from happening again. But I had to try.

“I had already thought once before that I had found a worthy successor; Sunset Shimmer. I had hoped that she would have been worthy of becoming an alicorn before the time of Nightmare Moon’s return. I hoped that she would have stood at my side and aided in her defeat and perhaps her redemption. But you know her story; that wasn’t meant to be. No matter what I said or did, I couldn’t stop Sunset from leaving. And after she abandoned Equestria, abandoned me, my self-doubt worsened. I had looked for centuries for one who could potentially stand with me or take my place and Sunset had been the only one who I thought had come close. When she left, I felt lost once again, with Nightmare Moon’s return just short time away.

“I had no idea what the future would hold. When you came to my school, I recognized the power and heart you possessed. I knew you would do great things, but with the pain of the incident with Sunset still fresh, I found it hard to put too much hope in you as the one destined to stand by my side. The doubt in my mind told me that I was seeing what I wanted to see; that the greatness I saw in you wasn’t real but was only in my imagination because I was desperate to see greatness somewhere. I never brought up the possibility of becoming an alicorn because, after Sunset, I was afraid of what the allure of that kind of power would do to a pony. Even one with a heart such as yours. It sounds so ridiculous in hindsight that I would ever consider that you could react in such a way to the prospect of power, but again, my self-doubt made it hard for me to see clearly. I thank the stars that everything has turned out the way that it has.”

For several moments, Twilight remained silent. This was all new information that she’d never heard from Celestia before. She knew the years without Luna had been difficult for Celestia, but she hadn’t fully realized the magnitude of her loneliness. “I guess my own self-doubts played a pretty big part in all of this as well. I knew that selecting somepony to rule with me would be an important decision. But something felt wrong about the idea of keeping all of the girls around as princesses. We all worked well as a counsel, but I never really saw princess as any of their destinies. And even if I had seen it in one of them, I wouldn’t feel right selecting only one of them out of the five.

“When it came to Starlight, I really believed that she could be the right choice years ago. But it felt too… easy. You ruled alone for centuries, and in all that time you found just two ponies who you believed may have the potential to stand by your side. Finding the right pony within a decade of becoming a princess, and before even becoming ruler, just didn’t seem right.”

“Oh Twilight. Just because a decision seems easy doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong. Yes, some of the most important decisions in life are the most difficult, but that’s not always the case. So you believed Starlight was the right choice back then, has your mind changed?” Celestia asked.

Twilight thought about it for a moment. She did still believe Starlight was a good choice. “No. It hasn’t. But that doesn’t change the fact that what I did was a mistake. And I have to fix it.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow, “Oh? And how exactly do you plan on doing that?”

“By reversing it.” Twilight said, as if it were as simple as that.

“You’re not planning on using time spells, are you?” Celestia asked, worryingly. “This isn’t the kind of thing you can just rewind. This is a major point in Equestrian history now whether you like it or not.”

Twilight shook her head. “No. Not with time spells. I plan on creating a reversal spell. I’ve got a few leads already, albeit longshots. But I think I can create something.”

“The creation of that spell could be dangerous. If you really want to do this, please be careful.” Twilight could hear the genuine concern in Celestia’s voice. “Let’s say that you finish this spell and it works. You already think Starlight is a good choice, would you really want to change her back?”

“Of course not! I want her by my side! But this isn’t about what I want! It’s about giving her a choice!” Twilight took a deep breath and made conscious effort to lower her voice back to a normal after that outburst. “This is something I have to do, or I won’t be able to forgive myself. What kind of Princess of Friendship would I be if I just let this go? I hurt my friend, I need to make it right. It’s as simple as that.” Twilight got up to leave.

“Twilight, some mistakes can’t be fixed. Trust me, I know.”

“Well if this one can’t, at least I will have given it a try.” Twilight stopped at the door, turning to look back at her old mentor. “I’m truly grateful that I’ll always have you. We may not always agree on things, but… you are my constant. And I love you dearly.”

Celestia got up and embraced her at the door. “And I’m eternally grateful to have you, and I love you more than you can know. Best of luck with your spell. I may not think it’s the best way to go about this, but I fully support you. As always, let me know if you need anything.”

“I will. Thank you.” And with that, Twilight walked back out into the sun.

Twilight felt a weight off of her shoulders now that she’d admitted her mistake to Celestia. And getting insight into Celestia’s thoughts during the days leading up to Nightmare Moon’s return was something Twilight was not expecting. Twilight was determined to create that reversal spell and wanted to get back to Canterlot right away to get back to work. But first, she needed to speak to Luna.

She made her way down to the shore where she’d been told Luna’s dive had been scheduled. Twilight sat on a nearby bench to await the return of the divers. Before too long, seaponies began to breach the surface and fly through the air before splashing back down in the water. Twilight was amazing to see that Princess Luna was among them. When she had been told Luna was on a dive, she expected it to be more in a traditional sense with masks or maybe magical bubbles.

The seaponies surfaced once more and transformed back into their normal selves with the necklaces they wore around their necks. Once back to their old selves, they returned the necklaces to the instructor and began to go their separate ways. Twilight waved a hoof to catch Luna’s attention. Luna, as well as half of the divers, noticed and waved back politely.

“Twilight, how lovely to see you!” Luna said as she gave Twilight a hug. Her voice quickly took on a more serious tone, like a doctor asking questions of a patient. “How are you feeling? Still tired from last night? You know, that was the hardest I’ve worked to break a nightmare in ages. It was quite a doozy.”

Twilight stopped for a moment to think. So that was actually Luna herself in my dream last night. Sometimes it can be hard to tell if she’s a character in the dream or actually in the dream herself. “I can still feel the effects of the restless sleep a little, but it’s not nearly as bad as it would have been if you hadn’t stepped in. Thank you for that. I didn’t know that you still entered dreams.”

“You know, sometimes I think I retired too young.” Luna said as she sat down on the bench next to Twilight. “I still feel like I have so much I can offer the ponies of Equestria. Doing work in dreams has allowed me to keep helping ponies while I’m retired. But I haven’t entered one of your dreams in a long time. Mostly because you don’t usually have troubled dreams. But what I saw last night… is that what you’re here to discuss? Did that happen?”

“Yes, that’s why I’m here. And yes, that did happen. Well, kind of. Not exactly.” Twilight corrected herself when she remembered the dreams were warped versions of the events. “There was no dark magic, and Starlight is fine. It didn’t happen the same way it played out in the nightmares. But yes, Starlight is now an alicorn.”

“And why is this troubling you? Do you fear that you have made a poor choice? For what it’s worth, I think Starlight Glimmer will make an excellent princess.” Luna said with a smile, unsure of what part was bothering Twilight.

“Well at the beginning where I was emotionally distraught and made the decision selfishly? That part did happen that way.”

“Oh. I see. And what does Ms. Glimmer think of all this?”

“She was angry and disappointed in me. Justifiably so. I’m angry and disappointed in myself. What I did was nigh unforgivable. To make such a decision that would affect her life forever without a thought about what she wanted. And not only that, but to do so while in such a state…” She trailed off. When she looked up at Luna, she saw that her eyes had begun to tear up. “What’s wrong Luna?”

“You know, I once made a mistake that changed the lives of many ponies forever, including the one I hold most dear. I know what it’s like to feel that what you’ve done is unforgivable. Just as you feel that there may be nothing you can do to fix what you’ve done to Starlight, I too felt that I could never fix what I’d done to my sister and all of Equestria. I can’t take back the thousand years of sadness and loneliness that my sister endured while I was banished. I created the Tantabus to punish myself; to never let myself forget what I’d done. But as you and your friends showed me, that wasn’t the right choice. Only by forgiving myself could I truly move past what I’d done, and part of that process was accepting that there was nothing I could ever do to fix my past actions. Never forget your past mistakes, but don’t dwell on them either. Time spent worrying about things that cannot be changed is time wasted.”

“I understand how you felt Luna, but I think that there is a way to fix what I’ve done.” Luna opened her mouth to speak. “Without using time spells to undo it.” Twilight said before she had a chance to ask. “I think I know how a counter spell might be created that would reverse Starlight’s transformation. I’ve only begun the early stages of researching how this might be possible, but I’m confident that I will find a way. Eventually.”

“Are you sure that is a wise decision? Transformative magic can be difficult to get right in the most basic of cases, but you’re talking about reversing an alicorn transformation. The complexity required will be far beyond anything I’ve ever seen.”

“I have to try.” Twilight said.

“Well, I certainly understand the intense desire one can have for righting a wrong. And I know how you can be once you’ve set your mind to something.” Luna gave her a soft smile. “If this is the path you wish to take, then I wish you luck with the spell. But please Twilight, do be careful. And should you discover this task is not one you are able to accomplish, don’t be afraid to move on. If you ever need to talk again, no matter what it’s about, please come visit.”

“I will, thank you Luna.” Twilight said as she embraced Luna. “I guess I should get back to my research. I’ll visit you both again soon. I promise.”

“Good luck, Twilight Sparkle.”