She fell to the ground, a piercing pain throbbing in her side. She tried to move her hoof and manage a more comfortable position, but she was so weak that not even her power armor helped. Giving up, the regal empress of the sun looked to the side, her sister dead on the floor next to her. Turning back to the figure standing in front of her, she was able to make out the hazy purple form.
“Twilight Sparkle.” A fit of coughing wracked her body. “My most faithful student...”
Empress Celestia’s private bedroom, Shield of Equestria, Widow System, one week and two days later
Celestia, the noble sun-empress and co-ruler of the Imperium, awoke with a start, sweat dripping off of her snout. She looked at the red digital clock on the wall of her bedroom. 00:23. Not her favorite time of the day.
Deciding that she wasn’t going to get to sleep even if she tried, she got up and slipped on her standard dress, consisting of her shoes, crown, and collar. Because of a protection spell, the one hundred percent gold items lasted thousands of years, dating back to the beginning of her rule. Rubbing the blurriness out of her eyes, she opened the door into the corridor.
She walked out of her private quarters of the Shield of Equestria, nodding her greetings to the guard next to the door. What was that? she thought. There’s been no conflicts between us, it doesn’t make any sense! For the first time since the Pony-Eldar War, Celestia was nervous. Heart beating in her chest, it’s pulse too loud to allow her to think, her-
She stopped, took a deep breath, and continued down the corridor. She was fortunate that the only other pony in the area was the guard, and even then would not see her pale, sweaty complexion. They would be worried about her confidence in handling this. And worry leads to doubt, doubt leads to fear, fear to hate... She stopped thinking of the subject. She knew her teachings, the warnings of the goddess Amos, everything the Imperium stood for. She and her sister were, and are, the prophets of it all.
Putting her unease to rest and calming herself, she eventually made it to the bridge. She walked up to the front of the spacious room, adorned with glowing sensor screens and communication lines. “How are we on time, Captain?” she asked to the uniformed mare in front of her. The pony in front of her turned and saluted.
“Just a few minutes, ma’am,” she said. Her tone was the same as usual, not noticing anything out of the ordinary, Celestia’s thousands of years of experience of managing emotions paying off.
Celestia looked out the window, noticing the oppressive purple cloud. It was amazing that, assuming the descriptions were true, it was all waste from the Citadel itself. For a nebula this opaque, she guessed that it must have been going on for hundreds of thousands of years, if not several million. “All ships accounted for?”
“Graced Savior and Heart of Gold reported in ten minutes ago, ma’am,” came the reply.
“Good.” Celestia said. She turned back to the mare. “Captain, please inform Twilight Sparkle that she to report to the transport bay; we’re going to leave soon.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Tayseri Ward, Citadel, Widow System
"Are you sure this is such a good idea, Empress?" Twilight asked as she and Celestia exited the shuttle into the wards of the Citadel.
Celestia turned to regard her. "I do not want to disillusion myself with their words," she answered, watching the native alien citizens meander about. "I have no doubt they left out some details about their 'peaceful' society."
"But wouldn't it be safer? Wouldn’t -”
“- AND STAY OUT!” a two-toned voice yelled, the unmistakable sound of a turian’s vocal cords. Seconds later, the thump of a body hitting the metal floor of the Ward was heard. In front of the two ponies, a small-framed, bodysuited figure got up on its feet and began to hobble away. It did, however, until it saw the new group of visitors.
“Keelah!” the quarian yelled, falling on its backside as it began to scoot away from Celestia, right into Twilight. “W-what are you?” the quarian asked, the higher voice, wide hips, and enlarged breasts causing Twilight to denote the creature as a female of its species. “Wait, you’re that new species everybody’s been talking about! What do you want?”
“Don’t worry, we’re friendly,” Celestia said, trying to calm her down. “We are on our way to the Council chambers.”
Realizing that she was not in danger, the quarian calmed down. “Then why are you here? Couldn’t you get a docking bay closer to the Presidium?” she asked.
“I am simply trying to determine what life is really like for the citizens of the Council,” Celestia said. “What is your name?”
“Lia. Lia’Vael nar Ulnay,” she said, managing to calm down.
“A pleasure to meet you, Miss Vael,” Twilight greeted, remembering something she read about quarian naming tradition. “Why were you thrown out?”
“I’m a quarian. What other reason do they need?” Lia responded sadly, unconsciously clenching her fists.
Celestia spoke up. “I remember being told of your kind, that yours is a race of beggars and thieves.”
Lia quickly responded. “It’s not true!” she yelled, pointing an angry finger at the empress. “We wouldn’t even have a bad reputation if it wasn’t for those bosh’tets on the Council!” Twilight’s translator that she received from the Council a week ago did not translate that word, but she could infer what it meant. “We held the same respect as any other race!”
“Enlighten us, then,” she said. “What happened?”
“Around three hundred years ago, we were similar to the humans, multiple systems, sizable navy, but we had something they didn’t. The geth. We created a race of mechanical servants who performed better as they grouped together and shared information.” Lia took a deep breath and continued, “However, they became more advanced than even we, the most technologically inclined race in the known galaxy, could notice.”
“Eventually, a worker-geth asked its master if it had a soul,” she continued. “They had become so advanced that they were able to think and were quickly approaching sapience if they hadn’t done so already. The ruling party then ordered a complete shutdown of all geth programs to prevent a possible uprising; the geth were essentially slaves and would’ve tried to fight for freedom.”
“They fought back and eventually drove us out of our home systems, killing every man, woman, and child in their way, leaving ninety-nine percent of our population dead. Fortunately, we were able to escape on a fleet of ships, the Migrant Fleet. We could have taken our home system right back then if we had Council support, we had a very sizable fleet. Instead, the Council revoked our embassy, deported many of us who had residence in Council space, and branded us as leeches of society as punishment for ‘unleashing the geth upon the galaxy’.”
Twilight stood dumbfounded, while Celestia seemed to be filled with a new resolve. “Why... how could they do such a thing?” she asked.
“They claimed it was our mistake and we had to deal with it,” Lia answered, hatred filling into her voice. “It’s funny; we had to restrict our fleet, in accordance with Council rules, in return for the ‘protection’ of the Turian Hierarchy.”
“And they left you for dead,” Celestia finished. Her reply was an angry nod from the young quarian. “Well, I must be going now. However, I do believe there may be a possible solution to your problem.”
Council Chambers, Citadel, Widow System
Large. Vast. Immense. Spacious. Boring. Those were the first words to come to Celestia’s mind as she surveyed the Council Chamber. For the “Center of all Galactic Civilization”, there was a lot bark and little bite. Of course she’d seen worse, but she’d also seen better, much better. Her very own throne room, for instance. Elegant pillars, pure white marble, intricate stained glass, not to mention the fact that it’s lasted since before she was even made, thousands of years ago by the original settlers of Equestria. Protection spell spell or no, pony engineering was not to be underestimated.
The smell was pleasant, the fragrance of blossoming trees filling her nostrils, not making her forget how underwhelming the whole room was. She heard many things in the room. The gentle sound of running water from the artificial ponds, the constant chattering of the officials and politicians around her, the silence of those around her as they stared at the delegates from the recently discovered species. The yelling emanating from the end of the room.
“This is not his decision!” one accented, male-sounding voice yelled.
A lighter, female voice spoke next. “Shepard’s induction into the Spectres is not the purpose of this meeting.”
“This meeting has no purpose. The humans are wasting your time, Councilor. And mine,” a third said, in a dismissing tone.
“You can’t hide behind the Council forever!” said a fourth, anger creeping into the owner’s voice.
A fifth spoke up, “There is still one outstanding issue: Commander Shepard’s vision. It may have been triggered by the beacon.”
“Are we allowing dreams into evidence, now? How can I defend my innocence against this type of testimony?” the third sarcastically asked.
“I agree. Our judgement should be faced on facts and evidence, not wild imaginings and reckless speculation,” agreed a sixth voice, similar in sound to the third.
“Do you have anything else to add, Commander Shepard?” the female finished.
“You’ve made your decision. I won’t waste my breath.” answered ‘Shepard’.
A short pause.
She continued, “The Council has found no evidence of any connection between Saren and the geth. Ambassador, your petition to have him disbarred from the Spectres is denied.”
“I’m glad to see justice was served.” replied the third, ‘Saren’.
“This meeting is adjourned.” As the female finished, Celestia reached the last set of stairs.
“Maybe Barla Vo-” Anderson said, before stopping mid-sentence and staring past Shepard’s shoulder. He turned around to see what his friend was looking at and-
“What.”
“... the Hell?” Udina finished.
“Is this a normal human greeting?” the object of the three humans’ confusion joked.
“Um, Udina, you’re the ambassador.” Shepard said, trying to draw the attention away from himself.
“So, I take it you are the representatives of the new species?” Anderson spoke up.
“Yes, I am,” Celestia replied. “Is... something wrong?”
“No, no. Nothing at all.” Udina dismissed. “Just a little... surprised at your species’ appearance.” He earned a quizzical look from the two aliens before him. “Meet us in the human embassy when you have the time, and I can explain.” He quickly led the other two humans away to the elevator, Shepard constantly looking back at the two ponies.
To say Celestia was confused was an understatement. She’d read the summaries of all known species given to her by the Council, but she still had no idea why they were acting so strangely. As far as she knew, this was the first time humans have ever heard of ponies. She knew it wasn’t shock at any exotic physical form; the hanar were much more different. Not thinking of an answer, she simply continued up the stairs to the waiting Councilors.
“Ah, you have arrived.” said the female from the earlier yelling match. “I am Council Tevos, representative to the Council of the Asari Republics.” she greeted. “This is Councilor Sparatus of the Turian Hierarchy,” she said, motioning to the person to her right, “and Councilor Valern of the Salarian Union.”
“The Imperium extends its thanks for wishing to deal with this situation directly.” Celestia replied. “As for a proper peace treaty, we are willing to set up a neutral planet near a Mass Relay at the edge of our border for trade.” she said.
“I may have a better idea.” Tevos said. “What if you were to join us?”
Celestia thought for a second. “Possible, what are your terms?”
Sparatus spoke up. “First, the reduction of your fleet according to the Treaty of Farixen, destroy any and all artificial intelligences, and allow Citadel agents to inspect military ships and vehicles according to Citadel regulations, along with free roam of Spectres.”
Downsize the fleet? Forced infiltration of Citadel agents? Military units given free reign in her territory? Celestia read up on the Council’s history, or at least their version of it. She knew what Spectres were. She also knew how much they were able to get away with.
He continued, “In return, you will have the full protection of the Citadel fleet, free trade with-”
“Councilors,” Celestia interrupted, “I am afraid I do not agree to your terms.”
The three xenos looked at her, almost looking outright stunned. Unknown to the empress, they were. Tevos spoke first. “Sorry, could you repeat that?”
“I said, we will not be joining you. We will remain separate, but open to communications.” Celestia restated.
“No one has ever denied an opportunity to join the Citadel.” Sparatus growled, his fists clenching behind his back.
Celestia gave him a hard glare. “No one has ever demanded that I decommission half my fleet, Councilor.” she almost yelled, only thousands of years of diplomatic practice keeping her anger in check. “Especially with our situation with the Eldar and Chaos!”
“Are you sure this is wise?” asked Valern. “You have enough enemies as it is; it would help to have allies...”
“Allies, Councilor?” Celestia interjected. “Allies do not force others into restrictive terms. Allies do not force others into downsizing their fleet.” She took an angry step forward, her golden shoe clanging on the surface of the platform, reverberating throughout the chamber. “Allies do not abandon others on the brink of extinction, and designate the entire race as thieves and vagrants for the actions of a few!”
“It is not your place to judge us!” Sparatus yelled back, earning a cautionary glare from the asari next to him.
Celestia did not respond. She bowed her head, steadying her breathing. She turned around began the long trek back towards the elevator, Twilight in tow, using the time to think of her next course of action. She ignored the looks of the spectators. She ignored the yells of the councilors behind her. She ignored the sinking feeling in her gut that she made a mistake. She only paid attention to her plan as she exited the Council Chambers.
In the privacy of the elevator, she turned to her companion. “Twilight, I need you to go to the human embassy...”
Visitors’ Airlock, Rayya, Migrant Fleet, Ismar Frontier
“Why am I here, again?” a styled unicorn asked, securing the helmet of her rarely used, but painstakingly maintained power armor. “I’m sure Twilight would be far more interested in this sort of thing.”
Celestia straightened her posture, but assuming a non-threatening and kind stance. “Because, Rarity,” she answered. “I hope to gain allies in this galaxy. A little economic help would go a long way. Besides, Twilight is already in discussion with Alliance representatives.”
“These people have thousands of ships,” Rarity countered. “I doubt that-“ The doors of the quarian airlock opened, stale air coming around the two ponies. Seeing the crowded corridor, the multitude of supply crates stuffed into every possible area, the ship’s envirosuited natives sleeping on cots between said crates, Rarity stopped mid thought.
A quarian male came up to the pair, followed by two armed guards holding assault rifles in a relaxed position. “Greetings, Empress. I am Kar’Danna, captain of the Rayya.”
Celestia nodded her head in acknowledgement. “Greetings to you as well, Captain. I’m glad your admirals and I could start diplomatic talks.”
“As am I,” Kar said. “Follow me; I’ll lead you to them.”
As the three quarians began to walk away with the ponies in tow, the two got a good look around. “These conditions are absolutely deplorable!” Rarity said into a private vox channel, not wanting the hosts in on her conversation. “How can they live like this?” she asked, stepping around a pile of an unidentifiable liquid running down the dark, grimy corridor.
“They do what they must to survive,” the empress answered. “They even need to maintain zero population growth, allowing only one or two kids per family.”
Before Rarity could respond, Kar turned back to them. “Here we are,” he said, stepping aside to allow access into the large room before them. “Good luck, I only hope our species can make a beneficial agreement.”
Celestia and Rarity got a good view of the Admirals’ Chamber, where several dozen quarians were crowded on a series of benches off to the side, forming a semicircle around the large podiums in the center. The area was no more cleaner or less cluttered than the rest of the ship, but more organized. What truly struck the two, though, was the array of plants along the walls, showing that the room was important enough for decoration. As they walked forward, Celestia noticed patches on the floor were a short, mossy plant as well. She wondered if the greenery was more for oxygen production than decoration, seeing as air scrubbers would seem to be harder to maintain.
“Greetings, Empress Celestia, Minister Rarity,” a raspy-voiced quarian said from one of the podiums. “I welcome you to the Rayya on behalf of the Admiralty Board.”
“Greetings to you, as well,” the empress answered, greeting the admiral with a nod. Alongside her, Rarity did as well. “I extend the Imperium’s warmest thanks for this meeting.”
“I am Admiral Shala’Raan vas Tonbay. To my right is Han’Gerrel vas Neema,” the green-clothed admiral nodded in response. “and to my left is Zaal’Koris vas Qwib Qwib,” The mentioned admiral straightened his posture, placing his hands behind his back. “We sincerely hope that our peoples can come to an agreement.”
“Let’s get down to business, shall we?” Celestia said. “In short, my deal is that we form an alliance, and you send us technology and specialists. In return, we can provide space ships, materials, and a safe haven for the fleet.”
“Tempting,” Han’Gerrel said, “but what of the geth? Our homeworld?”
“Excuse me?”
“We cannot live for long without regaining Rannoch.” he said. “It would take generations to adapt to a new environment, assuming we can even find any dextro-amino acid based planets.”
“Which there are, in our possession.” Rarity added.
“It would take generations to adapt,” Han restated. “We can’t just go off to a new planet whenever we want! There needs to be a minimum of foreign contaminates.”
“Like I said, there are such in our possession.” Rarity repeated. “Or rather, there could be. In several years.” she amended.
That tid-bit of information piqued Zaal’s interest. “Several years?” he asked, raising a red, envirosuited hand.
Han glared at him. “Yes. As in, several generations.” he deadpanned.
“Now hold on-” was all Zaal was able to get out before being interrupted by the white armored pony before them.
“Hold on, gentlecolts!” She yelled, but not too loudly. She didn’t want to appear classless in front of possible allies. “When I said years, I meant in time for any newborns to be raised without helmets, and I meant it.” she finished.
Rejoining the conversation, Shala spoke up. “You can do that?” Her tone was high, hopeful and eager that this was not an empty promise.
“Well, I can’t.” she again amended, causing the shoulders of the admirals to slump slightly, even Han. “I shall need to speak with Minister Applejack, head of the Mechanicus for that, as she controls the terraforming process.”
Shala asked, “How exactly would this happen? A free planet, perfectly suited for us, just in time for my grandchildren, no catch?”
“Oh, it will simply take a few samples of native flora and fauna, and a few months for testing to get the ratios of life-type correct... Very little effort and energy on your part, basically.” Rarity answered.
“However,” Celestia interjected, “your suspicions are correct. There is a catch.”
“And that is...?” Han asked.
“We become formal allies. Protection on our part, full cooperation on yours.”
Han only narrowed his eyes. “What kind of cooperation are we talking about here?” he asked suspiciously.
“Mostly information,” the sun-empress answered. “I’m sure your kind knows territory borders, resource deposits, element zero technology,” Her mouth formed a sly smile. “Citadel navy strength and deployments.”
Human Embassy, Presidium, Citadel, Widow System
It was unbelievable. Two completely separate species, from two different parts of the galaxy, just now becoming aware of each other, and yet so similar? Twilight, the Minister of Information, the smartest pony in the entire Imperium, and she could not wrap her head around how it could happen. She was an advocate for convergent evolution, but this?
“Similar language as one from ancient humanity, similar technological asthetics, identical alphabet, and similar units of measurement? Several of our races and species well known about on Earth?” Twilight said more than asked, recieving a nod from the human ambassador in front of her. “Anything else I should know, Mr. Udina?”
“No, I believe we have covered it all.” Udina answered, a thoughtful expression covering his face. He did not want to screw this up. A species new to Citadel space, militarily adept, and perfectly willing to become powerful allies with humanity, this was almost too good to be true. Although a decision to join with them may be seen with disdain by the Councilors, it could also be used as leverage.
“Now then, on to the reason I am here.” Twilight looked back at her saddlebags, magically opening it and pulling out a folder. As she placed it down on the table in front of the humans, she saw their faces. They still hadn’t gotten used to magic after it being explained as different from biotics.
“What’s this?” asked the second human at the table.
Twilight smiled inside, anticipating their reaction to her deal. “This, Captain Anderson, is the dossier of one of our best.” She slid the folder over to him with her hoof.
Picking it up and flipping through the pages, Anderson could only raise an eyebrow. “Adeptus Astartes? One of these Space Marines if I remember correctly?” he asked.
“Tactical Marine Malleus Inflictum of the Blood Ravens chapter, Third Company.” she stated. “Veteran of the Defence of Graia, a battle against a Chaos incursion on a Forge World.”
“What are you suggesting?” Udina asked, already having an idea.
Twilight turned her head to him, clearing her throat before speaking. “You may borrow him in your pursuit against Saren, as a gesture of good faith on our offers.”
Udina nodded his head, already overjoyed at the prospect. “We... graciously accept.”
“Just one?” Anderson asked. “Will he be okay with being separated from his squad?”
“His squadmates were killed in the attack, making him an ideal choice.” she answered. “He will be integrated back into the ranks after this mission.”
“I may have a use for him soon.” Anderson said, hinting to Twilight that something big was going to happen.
“Well, Minister Sparkle,” Udina said, standing up and extending his hand. “I believe we may have a deal.”
She shook it.
Brief overview of the magic and the Immaterium, recorded by Twilight Sparkle, Minister of Information
It is important to note that magic and the Immaterium are not the same, or even similar in “substance”. Magic is a special force used to manipulate the physical and metaphysical world, while the Immaterium is a different plane of existence entirely and not simply some type of energy. To begin, magic is exclusively present in all three pony races, four if the empresses are to be counted. There are certain abilities that are universal, such as “gripping” items with one’s hoof.
While each race uses magic, it is done in very different ways. The most obvious users, unicorns, are the only ones able to directly control their own magic. Whether it is to levitate objects, set something on fire, or anything of the sort, it is done by channeling one’s internal magic through his or her horn. Pegasi also use magic to fly and control the weather. While they do consciously use their magical ability, it is not a direct harnessing. Finally, there are earth ponies. Their magical ability is more to that of life and passive uses, such as strength and speed. Because of this, earth ponies are more suited to civilian jobs such as farming and the “grunt work” in the Imperial Guard. Alicorns, the race of the Empresses, are the three others combined and far more powerful, such as the sheer strength to rotate Holy Equestria to retain a night and day cycle, or move the moon around the planet itself.
The Immaterium is the product of the spiritual impact of emotions from sapient creatures throughout the galaxy. The Chaos gods represent these. Discord is the result of the galaxy’s unwillingness to be in harmony, Amos is love, and Nightmare is the perversion of life itself. It is theorized that well over fifty thousand years ago, there was a species that was the previous ruler of the galaxy. They were faced with extinction, they were quick to blame each other and their hatred and division grew so great that they were unable to stop their own death, leading to the creation of Discord. However, within those isolated pockets of survivors, they grew extremely close and the last thing any of them thought about was their family and friends, their last-minute love creating Amos. It is unknown how Nightmare came about, but one popular idea is that some of the survivors of the previous rulers were turned into near-robotic slaves for their conquerors, twisting their form into something beyond imaginable.
The two are not mutually exclusive, however. In the most obvious case of this, the Empresses Celestia and Luna are (the only, with very rare exceptions) psykers, ones who are mentally bound to the Immaterium. To achieve faster than light travel, specially trained ponies called Navigators use their magic to guide the ship through the Immaterium. The Astronomicon, which was created by the empresses, is similar to a lantern. It is used by Navigators to safely guide their ships. Without it, being lost in the Dark Space between galaxies would be a best case scenario.
I'm not an ME player, so unfortunately I can't really say much about this chapter. I can say you never once lost my interest.
I do have some questions, however. I am assuming that, if they were supposed to have productive talks, then basic information would have been exchanged so as to allow the diplomats to make informed decisions about how to best approach each other. If this is the case, then the Council should be well aware that the Imperium has spent (call it a thousand?) years blowing the crap out of anything and everything that so much as _looked_ at them funny (I'm guessing because their first contact with extre-Equestrian races was with a Chaos tainted race/ Chaos themselves. Either way, a quick lesson in 'kill things or die'). So why are they surprised when their offer gets turned down?
The only races who would take that offer are newcomers to the galactic scene, desperate enough for trade, and weak enough so as to be threatened by the Council should they refuse. The Imperium does _not_ need trade - anything they require, they can obtain within their own borders... or they can expand their borders until they do. It does _not_ need allies - it is sufficiently armed and experienced in defending itself. And it can _not_ be bullied by the Council - the military force of the Council is perhaps equal to that of the Imperium, so they do not have enough of an advantage to play 'force majeure'.
You see, I'm not entirely sure whether the character stupidity here is to be blamed on you or on the characters. An alliance of sovereign states is only entered into willingly when the advantages of joining outweigh both the disadvantages, and the consequences of _not_ joining. With most new members of the Council, I get the impression the choice was 'pay for trade and protection with your sovereignity' or 'be annihilated' - hence the reason no state has ever declined an 'invitation'. With this situation, they are not talking to a new race just off their home planet, nor are they speaking with a race ignorant of the threats of the galaxy (both points evidenced by the ease with which they _captured_ a Turian fleet [considering capturing ships relativel;y intact is usually harder than just blowing them up]). Yet the Councillors do not act as though they recognise this difference.
I apologise for this turning into a rant, and if the Council really is this idiotic in ME, then I also apologise for wasting your time, but these people are supposed to be the chosen representatives for their races. As such, they are supposed to be experts in the fields of politics and diplomacy. Yet here they are utterly failing at practicing statecraft. When supposed experts fail in their field of expertise, I _rage_. And I expect swift and harsh retribution upon them for their failings. Again, if the Council really are this incompetent (Judging from what happned to the Quarians [rather than defend them, the Council _ejected_ them?!], they may well be), then I instead redirect this rant at Bioware.
DUDE!
I've been waiting for this story to update and I say that it was worth the wait!
I may not know all that much about Warhammer or Mass Effect but I do know enough to understand what's happening and stuff. Also common sense allows me to understand most things
But anywho, this is yet another awesome chapter and all I can really say is keep up the awesome work and I've got nothing else really to point out about the story other than it is interesting and awesome.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Sir the cookie cannon is ready to fire.
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.
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FIRE!
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*boom*
First off, your writing is technically sound. The grammar is fine and the prose reads fairly well.
That said, I have some notes:
Clearly, you're a fan of many things, but it's like they're all trying to walk through the same door at the same time. The more franchises you try to cram into one crossover story, the more readers you're going to alienate when they come across one that they aren't familiar with. I recognize Halo, Warhammer and a brief mention of Starcraft, all just in the prologue, with Mass Effect (which I've never played) following soon behind. And the role that the Halo parts serve is purely historical, and doesn't even really have any bearing on the current events of the story. If they weren't there at all, it wouldn't make the slightest difference
(Chapter 3) "vastly out preforming anything that current mass effect technology could accomplish." Is "mass effect" here referring to all technology in the game of Mass Effect? Since I don't know what the term itself means within that game, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but if it does, be more specific. It's poor form to get that meta in a story. That would be like saying "Master Chief picked up the stormbolter, and marveled at how much larger its caliber was than any other gun in Halo," or "the Space Marine remarked on how inferior the Scorpion Tank was to any similar Warhammer vehicle."
The infodumps by Twilight are vaguely interesting, but they're not terribly relevant. I'm a firm believer that background should be woven organically into the action. These are the opposite: interrupting the action to tell me things that I don't really need to know to understand the plot or characters.
Perhaps I'm not qualified to judge the story, as it seems like a 1:1:2 ratio of Pony to Warhammer to Mass Effect, and I am ignorant of the latter. But I'm just having trouble getting enthusiastic about it.
312936
Council=/=Citadel. Citadel are all the allied races, the Council are representatives of the three most powerful races of the Citadel. It's not easy to rank as a Citadel race (some races have become voluntary client races to Citadel races to gain the benefits), and a major plot point of the first Mass Effect game is humanity attempting to earn a seat on the Council.
376954
The name "Mass Effect" comes from an in-universe term. Here's the opening scroll:
In the year 2148, explorers on Mars discovered the remains of an ancient spacefaring civilization.
In the decades that followed, these mysterious artifacts revealed startling new technologies, enabling travel to the furthest stars.
The basis for this incredible technology was a force that controlled the very fabric of space and time.
They called it the greatest discovery in human history.
The civilizations of the galaxy call it...
MASS EFFECT
Also, the Twilight dumps are a common feature of Mass Effect fanfiction (not with Twilight though), due to the in-game Codex, accessible through the pause menu, which explains every goddamn thing in the entire game. It's used as a shorthand for noncritical background.
400295
... That just makes my point even _more_ valid. So, now not only are they expecting this incredibly powerful race to join the Citadel members - they won't even get a position on the ruling Council they are expected to abide by if they do? Seriously, one enters into diplomatic agreements because they are _beneficial_ to one's nation - if there are massive disadvantages, and few advantages, _why are the Council surprised the Equines turn them down_?
400375
I just checked the chapter, and although the offer never specifies that they were invited to join the Council (might want to fix that, boredhooman), the Turian councilor's response to Celestia's rejection makes it clear that the ponies would have joined as a Council race, not just as Citadel members.
The Mass Effect games make do make the Councilors out to be pretty dumb though. It's not until ME3 (after Shepard has saved the galaxy twice) that they listen to anything Shepard says.
376954
>Get comment from Inquisipony Stallius, author of Archives
>Doesn't say it's shit
>
400434
1: Thanks for explaining
2: Did I say Council? I meant Citadel. I guess I have an edit to do for next chapter release...
401985
Yeah, it's Hard Contact.
Unrelated: Anyone willing to help me with the next chapter's infodump? It's about the Imperium's culture. PM me if interested and I'll send an outline with the info. I just need a quick 'sketch' so I know where to start (I suck at starting lines). In return, you will get a cookie. And mention in the A/N.
Why do even bother writing?
1289227
So, I piss you off when I don't like your self insert, and then you insult my story without offering anything useful? Like, attacking it? Like, what Chat accuses everyone of? Instead of being harsh but honest, you're just insulting me?
This is hysterical! And just in case you delete this...
i.imgur.com/HLoXV.png