EQUESTRIA GIRLS: Sunset's Not-Saga

by Soufriere

05 - A Visit From Brad

Sunset Shimmer sat silently on her sofa surveying sparse surroundings when suddenly there was a knock on her door.

Well now who could that be? she thought. “Who is it?” She called out in a friendly tone.

No answer.

“Who iiis iiit?” she called out again in a sarcastic sing-song tone.

Still no answer.

“WHO IS IT!” Snapped Sunset, her patience gone.

They’re not saying anything.

Sunset had not been expecting an unexpected visitor, which makes perfect sense. How could any visitor be unexpected if she was expecting them? Anyway, she debated internally with herself about whether or not to get up. She would have communed with her pet succulent Albert, but he was in the bathroom underneath a tiny fluorescent light. Her guitar, Mayfair, was in her bedroom and was only useful for helping her strum out mournful tunes.

Slowly, deliberately, irritably, she stood up and trumped over to the door and, just as she suspected …No it was not some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-O-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril, but rather her ex-boyfriend Flash Sentry, seeming a tad more two-dimensional than usual.

Sunset grumped, “Flash. Why are you here? I thought we worked through all our issues. Or maybe we didn’t. I’m honestly not sure what timeline I’m in. Too many trips to the Burrito Barn has warped my mind. I blame the chipotle sour cream but it’s too damn good to not splash liberally.”

“The King Of Town has summoned you to his royal chamber,” Flash said in a robotic voice as he moved up and down like a puppet.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Okay, you’re not only referencing the wrong universe, you’re in the entirely wrong series. Do you want us to get sued?”

For a grand total of four seconds, Flash farted. Sunset’s orange skin briefly went green as she grimaced.

“That was both unexpected and gross,” she said. “Is this just gonna be one of those days?”

Flash’s expression, just like the rest of him, remained unchanged as he said, “Cool tapes.”

“Uh-huh,” replied Sunset, by now totally uninterested. “You like cool tapes? What is the definition of ‘cool’ to you in this day and age? You may drive a nice car that your father seized from some pot dealer (who knew illicit terracotta was a thing in this city?) but your taste in music and adhesives has always been pretty lame. I taught you how to play guitar, remember?”

Before Flash could say anything in response, some thing crashed through the roof above the hallway and landed on top him, which would have flattened him had he not already been literally flat. Once the dust cleared, Sunset saw the unmistakeable form of Nicolas “Brad” Cage.

“Brad?” Sunset asked, marginally surprised but more irritated, “Why are you here?”

“BEES!!!” screamed Brad though nothing of his person moved even a millimetre save for a slight bounce up.

Sunset flinched. Despite knowing full well the vital role bees play in the health of the an ecosystem, she was not a fan of them. But there were no bees, nor were there any mosquitoes, wasps, hornets, or horseflies.

She glared at Brad. Brad existed at her. Minutes passed. Somewhere off in the distance, a dog barked. Sunset rolled her eyes and sighed.

“This is stupid,” she groused. “I knew I shouldn’t have opened the door today. With each passing day my life seems ever more insane. I wish someone could tell me why almost everyone I see looks, sounds, and feels so two-dimensional. Is this real life? Or is this a fantasy playing out in my mind.”

Just then, Applejack appeared behind Sunset, who whirled around in surprise once she felt the presence of her friend.

Applejack’s answer to Sunset’s musing may have been profound, though sussing it out requires the mind of someone far beyond Sunset’s own genius. Perhaps a fool would better understand:

“Appul,” AJ concluded.

Sunset’s shoulders drooped as she shut her eyes and face-palmed in mild frustration. “Of course.”

Advice of a sort given, Applejack promptly levitated a foot in the air, the soles of her ever-present boots apparently containing rockets. Then she rotated 90º forward such that her head (with hat) pointed directly towards Sunset’s open front door. As the rockets in AJ’s boots began to rev up for another burst, Sunset calmly walked to her couch and sat down, leaving a clear path to the open door. Applejack blasted off directly into Brad, whereupon both exploded in a massive fireball that somehow managed to leave no damage save for a few scorch marks.

Shaking her head, Sunset stood up, walked to her door, quietly shut it, and engaged every single lock on it, plus moved her coat-rack in front of it.

“Yep. One of those days,” she said wearily.