At one point or another, you will see that all of the character's besides Aster yell to another, It'll be out of shock or protectiveness, but Sparkle does have a temper, she keeps her guard up and it's ever so rarely been bought down, because of certain situations, Nothing bad has happened to her physically though emotionally she's very thick-skin and I hope that it shows.
Still a bit clunky.
Also you might want to ease up on the Cap lock sections.
Made the character come off a bit, well temperamental.
Again oddly enough, I prefer the friend characters to the others.
Also once again spotted a few mistakes.
An ok Chapter.
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At one point or another, you will see that all of the character's besides Aster yell to another, It'll be out of shock or protectiveness, but Sparkle does have a temper, she keeps her guard up and it's ever so rarely been bought down, because of certain situations, Nothing bad has happened to her physically though emotionally she's very thick-skin and I hope that it shows.