Page generated in 0.016 seconds
Total duration
988 users online
313,405 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I like how you do most things but I dont have enough knowledge on wrighting to be able to pinpoint what it is that am a bit unsatisfied with.
Maybe its because I personally would have liked to see how they got to Yharnam. And seeing them interact or how they even find where Astral even was.
Idk, almost everything is great, it just feels like something missing to me specifically. Heck, I could be crazy and everything is fine.
Either way, I'm not done reading this, I'm enjoying this to much to stop. Lol
Edit: oh yeah, Twilight's acclimation went well. I liked the flow. Just didnt see Twi's reaction to what happened. I know she didnt like it but we didnt see it. Does that fall under the "Show and dont tell" thing?
10177328
Trust me, I want them to interact with each other too. Celestia and Astral have a long (as far as average lifespans go) history, and a lot of catching up to do. Though, that can wait for the time being.
The only reason I left out the part where they actually arrive at Yharnam is partly because I felt it would set back the start of the story too far to be reasonable and partly for story reasons. As it stands I still haven't drawn out final maps and regions, and of course back when I wrote chapters 1, 2a and 2b maps were in their absolute infancy. Geography is especially important to me as a storyteller and I've always felt the uncertainty of "where am I" to be particularly distressful, so even if maps had been finalized at that point I might have left a description of Yharnam's location out.
However, I can say they arrived by customary sky-carriage where possible and ground march when the weather became too wild.
Now, I can't tell you what you're feeling is missing, but I can tell you that something is missing. Many things, actually. If it's something to do with my personal writing style or events up until now, sadly I can't change that without further feedback, and I loathe retcons so I probably won't be changing anything in previous chapters unless it's fairly insignificant.
No, really, if you notice any retcons please tell me they're absolutely unintentional. I will retcon the retcon to whatever was stated first. Otherwise, I can promise that pretty much all your questions will be answered, given time...
Also, thank you for the feedback on Twilight's acclimation! That was easily the part I've struggled the most with so far, so it's very gratifying to me to hear that you enjoyed it, and thought it well done. Thank you!
Yes, I suppose it does fall under "show, don't tell". While Twilight's outward reaction is shown, I decided it was probably best to leave her internal dialogue to the reader to imagine. Just a fair warning, the next paragraph is technical and possibly immersion breaking.
It allows the reader to project a small part of themselves into Twilight, hopefully strengthening their sympathetic relationship with her character and deepening their distrust and dislike of Yharnam. Since her reaction is pretty solidly shown externally anyways, there's little room for misinterpretation regardless of the reader's projection.
Anyways, I'm done blabbing. Thank you for taking the time to review, and if you have any other questions don't be afraid to ask! Also, if you do figure out what's bugging you please do tell!