This sentence is a lie.

by Artuynh

Ordinary foalhood

Author's Note:

OK so upfront I intend to have some storyline. And a lot of random.

And spoiler alert!!!
I am writeing this after re-watching Fight Club

...The 10th birthday...Anony Mare A.K.A. Lyra

"Where the buck did I go wrong?" I asked myself as I prepared to sleep on the park bench after having the orphanage literally throw me out at 10 years. Why? Thats what I want to know!

Who would have guessed that my second life would be even worse than my first.Then again I suppose my new name should have given me a hint. And the constant bullshit of the magic didn't help any.

...10 years ago royal hospital of Canterlot castlle...

I was asleap in my bed in France when I suddenly felt like I was drowning. I started to struggle in search for air and my efforts were rewarded but then a searing pain to my but greated me.

Surprised I screamed and try to get away only to realize that something was wrong. I was blind.

A few weeks later I learned I was a foal. I had been reborn in the MLP universe which whille it did give me a fresh start drove me crazzy as I believed I had overdosed on some drug or another and am currently suffocating in my own vomit.

However my foal body that couldn't stay awake more than a few minutes at a time forced me to come to terms with my new life.

It was one year later I learned that I was an orphan my father either dead or missing and my mother havind died during child birth.

Now you might say well at least it can't get any worse right? WRONG!

My mother named me before I was born she named me Anony Mare. It isn't even a good word play and I would of cource get bullied for it but I could accept it. After all my human name was Carl Carlson Carlson the seventh which is to say I was the sevent sad sob to carry that name in a row.It was a familly tradition of taking out your anger on your kids.

But back to the name Anony Mare. As you may have noticed it has Mare in it. Which isn't so bad until you realize that I was a unicorn colt and thanks to some asanine law I can't change it until I turn 18. There was an exception that a blood relative can change it for me but as you might recall I was an orphan and as such had no such relative.

...over the past 10 years

Anyways I learned a few rules over the years:
1.This world works on some bullshit rules and it hates me. Example my name.

2. Regardless of what I do I don't stand out. I thought my math teacher math and got a B at the end of the year I was also the worst at P.E. got a B. In fact if you take any subject of any year I would aways score the middle of the class.

3.I was born 22 years before ep 1 of MLP.(Not really a rule but still good to know.)

4.There are no video games,computers or internet.(And if it's the last thing I do I will change that.)

5.My basic understanding of molecules and other such things like gravity give me a massive advantige in casting magic as magic requires consentration and understanding.(Naturally this was ignored due to rule 2 but it's still usefull.)

6.I will live in the orphanage untill I am 18 as whenever someone comes to adopt I am not noticed due to rule 2.

7.Disregard rule 6 due to rule 1. Example when I turned 10 my documents burned in a mysterious fire and all the orphanage staff somehow forgot who I was and kicked me out without even leting me get my things.(Which were admmitedly only a single rubber ball I found when I was 4 but still its the principal.)

8.Buck everything I will survive, I will get an audiance with Celetia and I will make her create better internet than my old world with better gaming systems and better games.

9.Pony hoves work by magic friction meaning they can essnetialy superglue something to their hoof one moment and drop it like a slipery bar of soap the next.(And yes since it's magic it requires concentration.)

... The next day...

I awoke determined to make some bits so I dont starve to death and maybe in time save enough to pay for an audiance with Celestia or sneak my way in. Once I meet with her I can blow her mind with my knoleadge of basic physics get rich and get a team of ponies who actually know what they are doing to make a computer.(I may have been a bit out of it when I made the plan but I needed a goal to strive for or I would fall in depression.)

...some time later

So remember how I said I was 10. Well funny thing about that nopony wants to hire you on a full salary and when you tell ponies how to improve their sales or calculate and file their taxes for them to prove you are capable they look at you like you don't know what you are doing smille pat you on the head then give you 10 bits and push you out telling you to go drink a milkshake.

Still made 100 bits and a milkshakeand a donut to go .(Pony Joe's chocolate milkshakes are Awesome) But I am being seriously underpaid and I know for a fact that even if I did this for all of Canterlot I won't survive for more than a few months.

Naturally an audiance costs 200 bits so I decided to just sneak in tommorow and hope that the guards are as bad as they were in the show.

...The next next day
I woke up with the sun becouse I sleep on a park bench and the sun is an Evil lazer bent on destroying my eyes and dreams.

Anyways I managed to just walk past the guards and reach the door to the throneroom. Now I only had to time it so I went in with one of the 50 or so ponies that were waiting in line without either the ponie or the 10 or so guards that were collecting admision notice me.

Then suddenly I saw Mayor Mare(A younger version of her anyways) arguing with the guards at the door that she is 50 bits short due to buying more souveniers on her way to the castle but she absolutely had to see Celestia as pony lives were potentialy on the line. And the guard standing oblivious and expecting the remaining 50 bits.(I think the guards are either deaf or haven't had their coffe yet.)

I rush to her bumping into a few ponies all the whille thinking that Rule 1 might not be true after all or at least it apears to have some exceptions.

"Are you even listening to me? I said I need to see the princess. Pony lives are in danger here." Mayor Mare said for the tird time as I got near.

"It costs 200 bits for an audiance Ma'am.If I let you in for 150 I will have to let everpony else in line and then I might get fired for it. now either give me the bits or step away so that other ponies may enter." The guard said in a monotone.

"Mom here are the 100 bits you gave me forsightseeing.I know you said I should go see the waterfalls or the parks but since we are in Canterlot I thought this might be my one chance to see the Princess.I'll hardly make a soud mom I promise so can I go in with you? Can I? Can I? Can I?" I said compleatly ignoring Mayor's shocked expresion from when I called her mom as I took her bit pouch and added the remaining 50 bits from my own. Then before either the guard or Mayor knew what was happening I made my way inside with Mayor following in a daze.