good start but what about your other stories am not saying to create a new story but you need too do the story first please🙂

Is there a chance their will be barb the dragon, eris the god of mischief in this story?. Also great start of the story I like it

i agreed with darkangel864 barb and eris be good in this too 😄

9467786
Thanks for the notice

Definitely a different start compared to other FOE stories. Also you might want to fix the images, can't see any of them.

Those aren’t zombie guards those are Death Knights!

camo.fimfiction.net/7nPMGgHajREGn9Hw-KmhGC3GOBoiW9lFSdttYtWqXyA?url=https%3A%2F%2Flh6.googleusercontent.com%2FwDQ3JUSMiRDtecJjRltYX-TSd32VUkOWceI2LyGmQnwAsCLSrtUxcK8r53IhvQElHGzmRUV0_ssIzipXFF-CJrfhW-kvQwDC1OEI7D0L5sOCqsjFhkyZ3AZOyZ2HS7EwJzwte-Ef

Informative: This picture is not allowed on the site.

9712878
Am I allowed to put it in a link?

Why hasn't everybody else respond to this piece of mess up "tragic story" crap that I ever seen before me!?

I was gonna like this story, honest. But reading this two god awful sentences ruined it for me.

“Where do I start? *Sigh* two years ago when his friends Sora Donald and Goofy were visiting and Jack left to get some to drink for him and his friends but he kidnapped by a group of females. It took three months to find him but by that time it was to late. They rapped him wiped, chained him up and cut into him and then he broke and he unlocked a powerful 'from what Sora said’ keyblade named world's end.” She said as she looked up at the fireplace where said keyblade was hanging.

“He went insane and killed them all. All four hundred of them took turns on him. He went from the fun loving child I used to know. And now he's too scared to even go outside without his god armor.” Suddenly the crystal door started to glow before three came running out as the door closed.

https://y.yarn.co/90439429-eaf4-43ce-bae0-0a1724eaab73_text.gif

Firstly, f******* four hundred!!!??? The f*** do they all even come from!!?? That is impossible for that many to go after one boy!?

That is way too unrealistic, and illogical!? Even for a fanfic like this. This ain't nasty hentai rape or anything. And even they DIDN'T make this ludicrous scenario. Ever!

Plus, this seems totally unnecessary and meaningless. Because in the next two chapters, the girls just frickin ignored or forget about this, and you unintentionally retcon it anyway by erasing his terrible memories from that. And instead, make Jack into a super dense moron like a typical dumbass male harem protagonist.

I'm not personally insulting your character just for kicks. That's just how it looks to me, and it's straight facts that he acts like a unoriginal dense male harem protagonist from many animes.

What's the point of it then? IF it's gonna get erased rather easily, mind you? Personally, I will never made that unnecessary tragic dark story in the first place. When it is already pointless anyway.

Just make him normally shy to girls, or he already knows they all love him. But, he can't really express his own feelings. And those are realistic personality traits. You don't have to come up with a over complicated, over-the-top, and unrealistic raping/torturing fest like this is from a bad wattpad fic.

And second. It's rather f*** up to do that to your own OC anyway. I won't do that to my own characters.

And thirdly, it doesn't make him a "emo badass". No offense, but in reality. That's just making him a depressing and rather weak-ass bitch for letting himself get captured, then horribly get raped and tortured by pathetic and mess up evil whores.

IF I was him. I would have easily defend myself, escaped, and mow down those pathetic and evil thots to bloody bits before the raping/torturing even begin.

That's just my opinion. And no hard feelings.