D.N.A: Damned New Administrator

by Chemtest

Breakfast

Chaogat puts a bite of pancake in his mouth, only to glance around as he feels eyes boring into him. He swallows, and looks around, “Stop looking at me like I’m some sort of freak show. We already have one at the end of this table.” He points to Discord with his fork as he says this.

Discord grins, but Ordirus keeps his face straight, “Right... what was your name, again?”

The colt smiles, “Chaogat, apparently the only civilized pony in this entire forest.”

Ordirus nods, “And how did you come upon us?”

Chaogat leans back, “Well, I was running away from a manticore, and it appears Chem over there heard my shouts for help. He and Luna came running out of the castle, and he blasted the manticore with some magic. Gotta say, he’s pretty powerful, but not very smart. I’d say he’s as smart as a brick, but I think that’d be insulting the brick.”

Luna leans over, whispering and giggling into Chem’s ear, “Cunt.”

Chem grins, “A right and proper one.”

Sombra smirks, “You do not seem to be very smart yourself, niño.”

Chaogat laughs, “I highly doubt that. I seem to be the only one here who’s had an actual education.”

Celestia frowns, “There is no need to be so rude, Chaogat. We’re graciously opening our doors for you, you could at least act nice.”

Chaogat looks over at her, “Oh yes, your generosity is so staggering, I might just fall over. Oh, would you look at that? I’m still standing. Your words are meaningless to me, so please don’t waste more oxygen by speaking them. There are far more valuable beings who need that as well.”

As he finishes, Discord breaks out into hysterical laughter, “Oh, oh, this is rich!”

Chaogat glances at him, “No, actually, I’m quite poor. Still worth more than you though. Money can only do so much if the ones behind it are worthless. In the end, I actually would think your value is negative. So much oxygen, wasted.”

Chem slowly loses his smile, “Alright, now you’re actually going a bit far.”

Chaogat smiles, “Ah yes, going far. I suppose you’ll never feel that in your life. Look, it’s so obvious that there is nary a single brain cell among this little family of yours. Since I’ve got nowhere better to be, I suppose I can help all of you.”

Ordirus raises an eyebrow, “Help us?”

Chaogat nods, “Yep. Chem over there is powerful, but he needs to harness that power. Luna wasn’t half bad either. They need a normal magical education. And none of you look normal, so it falls to me to do that. You are to have my room set up by this afternoon, and I expect to be given anything I might need.”

Ordirus narrows his eyes, “You speak like we have already agreed.”

Chaogat smirks, “Oh, you already have. You just don’t know it yet.”

Sombra looks at Ordirus, “Do you really want him to hang around more?”

Discord smiles, “I actually quite like him.”

Ordirus looks towards Chem and Luna, “His offer is to teach you. Therefore, it is your choice to make.”

Chem looks at Luna, and she shrugs in response. He looks back at Ordirus, “I guess he can.”

Ordirus nods, closing his eyes slightly, “Fine. Welcome to the castle, Chaogat.”

Chaogat takes a bite of pancake, and grins as he swallows, “Ah, so predictable.” He stands up, “Chem, Luna, we begin immediately.”

Chem shakes his head, “We do not begin immediately.”

Chaogat narrows his eyes, “I know you might be illiterate, Chem, but that was not a question. I didn’t know you simpletons can’t listen. I suppose that shall have to be an early on lesson.”

Chem looks at him, “Chaogat, I didn’t stutter for a reason. I’m not stopping my breakfast early just because you are impatient. You might think you’re being clever and funny, but you’re not.”

Chaogat sighs, “Geez, it looks like you don’t understand sarcasm either. Fine, I suppose I-“

Luna rubs her forehead, “Stop being such a fucking cunt, Chaogat.”

The room goes silent immediately, and the faint sound of metal can be heard as Chem drops his fork. He looks at Luna, his eye twitching, “Luna.”

She looks at him, “What? He’s being a fucking asshole and is just constantly bitching about everything. If he would just stop being such a prick, I wouldn't need to say this.”

Celestia looks at her, “Luna, where did you learn such language?”

Discord holds up a talon, but Ordirus raises his hoof in response, “Discord, you and I both know this wasn’t you, don’t even try to take blame.”

Luna looks around, only for her eyes to widen, “Shit, I forgot where I am.”

Chem sighs, putting his head in his hooves, “Fucking hell, Luna.”

Comments

[DreamCatcher-Caster]

Thanks, i hate him. (Chaogat)
I hope he looses his dick or something.

[Chemtest]

10133211
Y’know, your hopes technically aren’t wrong.

[AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]

10133211
Yes. Though I wonder, can his dick stand up to an AH-64 Apache Attack Helicopter?