Lyra and Bon Bon have always been the best of friends. They did almost everything together. They even lived in the same house! They had a special bond those two. Even as little school fillies those two were the best of friends.
"Bon Bon... Hey Bon Bon wake up." Lyra whisperd in Bon Bon's ear as she was fast asleep. Bon Bon opened one eyes to see that Lyra was right in her face. "Happy birthday Bon Bon!" "Aw thank you Lyra... but you didn't have to wake me up at 8 a'clock in the morning did you?" "Of course I did silly! Your my best friend and I wanted to make sure I was the first one to wish you happy birthday!" "Well that was sweet of you Lyra. Thank you." "Come to the kitchen. I thought we could have some birthday cake for breakfast." Bon Bon knew that Lyra made the cake herself. She was like that. The kind of pony who wanted to do everything herself without anypony's help. That's what she like about Lyra. She was what Bon Bon wanted to be like.
Bon Bon tasted the cake and knew what she was in for. Lyra was her friend and all but when it came to cooking, Bon Bon was the better half. "Well? How does it taste?" "Well Lyra I can say it certainly is... new..." "I know! I added some choclate chips for the flavor." Bon Bon could indeed taste some choclate in there but it still tasted uncooked. But she ate it anyway. Bon Bon knew it would make Lyra's day if she ate it.
There wasn't much to do for the rest of the day. Bon Bon decied to clean while Lyra went back to sleep. Lyra had to be at work in a couple of hours. They both agreed that if Bon Bon did the chores, Lyra would work. Lyra worked at a wagon making factory. She made sure that the wheels were attached to the wagon tightly. One of the more boring jobs, but it brought home the money.
When Bon Bon had finshied sweeping, she went to check the mail. It was the same mail they had gotten everyday. Bills, bills, more bills, a small check from the wagon factory, but something caught Bon Bon's eye. She saw a letter with the royal seal. Bon Bon opened it and read it outloud. "Too whom it may concern, Princess Celestia has requested any brave pony to a special meeting at the royal castle in Canterlot. If you are interested, we will gladly pay for your trip. Please met us at the Pony Post Office. Thank you. Signed, A friend." At first, Bon Bon thought it was some sort of scam. But it had the offical royal seal, it had to be real!
After Lyra got off of work, Bon Bon had told her about the odd letter. "Well... are we gonna go?" Lyra asked taking off her uniform. "It sounds fun. I think we should." "It could be a scam Bon Bon." "Maybe, but will never know unless we go." "Well... ok but tommorw. I'm dead tired."
I think you have a good story here, and I wouldn't worry about your spelling so much, they look like typos that you can handle if and when you decide to make any edits to your stories.
The only suggestion I would make would be to make it easier to tell who's talking; for example, instead of doing this:
"Happy birthday Bon Bon!" "Aw thank you Lyra... but you didn't have to wake me up at 8 a'clock in the morning did you?"
Do this:
"Happy birthday, Bon Bon!" Exclaimed Lyra.* Bon Bon gave her a tired smile, "Aw, thank you Lyra... but you didn't have to wake me up at 8 o'clock in the morning, did you?"
*You could throw adverbs or enhancers here, like 'gleefully' or something along those lines.
I hope I was a help to you, and I look forward to reading more of this amazing adventure!
60413 Thank you for your help The next chapter will have more adverbs hope you enjoy it
OMG Robotech crossover *fangirl squeal* xD
But no romance/shipping? *sad face*
60462 I could TRY to add some romance in there. I don't know how it would work out with the story. They are best friends but I'll see what I can do.
Don't add romance just for romance sake, you wouldn't want your story to feel forced would you?
If you meant for them to just be the best of friends keep them that way.
As for the who's talking, you don't have to add an "x said" after each quoted speech, but just make sure that every time someone new is talking, it starts on a new line like:
"How many lumps Lyra?"
"No sugar today, thanks"
And now to read the story!
60786
Yeah, I guess I didn't really word it right, but that's what I should have said, haha.