I need loads of commissions to get me through October!

I wish you the best of luck

soo is twilight dead or naw???

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Find out in the next chapter! :D

The great clop scene is preceded by a somewhat off-putting intro, particularly regarding the guards being useless. Yeah, they are useless, but harping on it so hard makes the setting feel fake.

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I decided to show, not tell. But they were sweating and pale because they were under the hypnotic influence of Luna and had been fed on by her.

They clearly wouldn't have expected this from their princess, so.

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I meant the preceding parts where the narrative repeatedly says they are useless.

Stuff like

constant drills and training that did not help them in the slightest against an attack

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Well. When have all those drills ever helped them repel an attack in the whole of the show? Only in the canon universe.

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My point isn't that it's incorrect, it's that explicitly pointing it out and lingering on it emphasizes the nonserious nature of the setting and makes it difficult to immerse in.

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That's just how I write, lighten the mood, then slam them with the dark stuff.

Her Princess would tell her what to do. She did not need to think, or worry, she just needed to lie there and stare4 into her eyes. Nothing else in the world mattered.

There is a out of place 4 on this line

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Thank you! I have been looking for that 4 for ages, it got out of its cage and I knew it was hiding somewhere.