Guarded Emotions: Old Ties

by Alabenson

On The Road To Annoyance

“This is Hell,” Moonwhisper silently thought to himself. “I died in my sleep and as punishment for the collective sins of the von Umbra family I’ve been sent to Hell. That’s the only possible explanation for this.”

“- and this one is from Flurry Heart’s first Nightmare Night,” Shining Armor said, pointing to yet another photograph of his daughter. “Isn’t she just adorable? We dressed her up as a widdle bear cub and she spent all night roaring at everypony she saw. Oh, here’s a picture of Flurry Heart after she got into her Nightmare Night candy…”

“I take it back,” Moonwhisper thought as he looked at the seemingly endless length of wallet photos Shining Armor had brought. “If Donkey’s Inferno is anything to go by, Hell would be downright tolerable compared to this.” Moonwhisper let out a sigh of resignation and looked out the train window as he leaned back in his seat.

“Hey, are you alright there, Moonwhisper?” Shining Armor asked as he looked up from a photo of Flurry Heart surrounded by mounds of wrapping paper. “Sorry, I sometimes get a little carried away when I start talking about Flurry Heart and it is kind of a long ride to…where are we going again?”
“We’ll be disembarking at Dodge City,” Moonwhisper replied wearily. “As far as I was able to tell that’s the closest train station to our actual destination.” Moonwhisper turned back to stare silently out the train window for several moments, his eye twitching angrily. “I don’t care what that miserable table says, we should be there in Canterlot. All five alicorn princesses, Celestia knows how many other high profile ponies, all in one convenient location. It’s as though we’re ringing a dinner bell for every monster, despot and Celestia knows what else that wants to take over and/or destroy Equestria.”

“Look, Moonwhisper, I get where you’re coming from, believe me. Hay, three of those alicorn princesses are my wife, my daughter and my little sister. But, don’t you think you’re being just a little paranoid?” Shining Armor asked.

“In my experience the difference between paranoia and justifiable concern is mostly a matter of hindsight,” Moonwhisper replied darkly. “Besides which, I can’t say that I have all that much confidence in the ability of the Canterlot garrison to provide adequate protection.”

Shining Armor dejectedly slumped back into his seat. “I really wish I could argue with you about that, the entire Canterlot garrison is a complete joke. The problem is that it was treated as almost completely ceremonial for centuries. I mean, it wasn’t until the changeling invasion that I was able to get the city to scrap the requirements that every guard stationed there have the same mane and coat colors.”

“To this day I’m amazed that you never wound up throttling any of the so-called nobles you were beholden to,” Moonwhisper said. “That’s one of the many reasons that I insisted that you take that posting when we were offered it. Luckily that’s one problem I haven’t run into in Ponyville. Mayor Mare seems content to leave things to me as long as I don’t cause any unnecessary disruptions to the townsponies.”

“Speaking of Ponyville, I heard construction is almost done on Fort Everfree. How soon are you planning on bringing in an actual garrison?”

“Well, I don’t have a set date yet, but barring any major shakeups in Ponyville we should be sending out transfer orders by next Hearth’s Warming. It won’t be terribly many, mind you, just a dozen or so privates. Really I’d just like enough to maintain a consistent patrol along the border of the Everfree Forest.”

“You know you’re going to be to be completely swamped with volunteers, right? Every cadet in the guard is going to be jumping at the change to serve under a living legend like the Warhorse of the Apocalypse himself.”

Moonwhisper grimaced. “You know I loathe that ridiculous nickname.”

“Lighten up, Moonwhisper, it’s tradition for captains of the guard to get over the top nicknames like that. Besides, it’s good for morale,” Shining Armor added.

“The only ponies to have their morale boosted by that particular tradition are the hooffull of guard captains that are sufficiently self-important to actually care about their nicknames. It’s a stupid, juvenile tradition that was carried over from an old pre-Equestrian army with an even more dismal track record than Fillydelphia’s hoofball team.” Moonwhisper let out a snort of irritation as he finished his rant and sank back into his seat.”

Several seconds passed before Shining Armor responded. “I didn’t know you followed hoofball.”

“I don’t, not really. That being said, I’ve…picked up on a few things through socializing with Spike and Big Macintosh. Thus far I’ve drawn the line at joining any of their Ogres and Oubliettes sessions, though.”

Ogres and Oubliettes, huh? Oh man, that brings back memories,” Shining Armor said. “I still say you should have joined the games I ran back at the officer’s academy. Who knows, you might have actually enjoyed yourself for once.”

“I rather doubt that for any number of reasons,” Moonwhisper countered. “To start with, I’ve never had all that much interest in playing pretend. Perhaps more importantly, you do recall what I was like when we were attending the academy, don’t you?”

Shining Armor cringed at the thought. “Ok, so admittedly you were a little…you know, off back then. Alright, you were a lot off. You were still much better than you were back in bootcamp, though.”

“In other words I was better at concealing the fact that I was an emotionally traumatized adolescent whose fight or flight instinct was ready to go off at a moment’s notice,” Moonwhisper replied sardonically.

“Eh, yeah, that. Speaking of fight or flight, I was just thinking about that thing that happened our first day of boot camp.”

“You’re referring to the incident with…what was his name? Lucerne Hammer, I think?” Moonwhisper said. “I honestly don’t think I’ve thought about that idiot in years…”

*********

“You! What’s yer name, geldin’?” Drill Sergeant Crab Apple snarled at the unlucky recruit at the end of the line that had been assembled in the barracks.

“Sir, my name is Shining Armor, sir!”

“Shinin’ Armor, huh? And where the hay are y’all from, ‘Shinin’ Armor’?”

“Sir, I’m from Canterlot, sir,” Shining Armor replied, desperately trying to keep any sort of nervousness from creeping into his voice.

“Canterlot? Ooh lah dee dah, we’ve got ourselves a nice fancy show pony here.” The drill sergeant leaned in until Shining Armor could feel the heat from his breath on his face. “Y’all look like the type of whiny little filly who’ll start bawlin’ if y’ chip a hoof. Do Ah have that right, geldin’?”

“Sir, no I would not, sir!” Shining Armor replied.

“Are y’all disagreein’ with me, geldin’? Ah am goin’ to enjoy draggin’ yer worthless hindquarters through the mud.” With a snort, Crab Apple moved on to the next recruit in line. “And what in Tartarus do we have here? Are y’all lost, cold? Do y’all think this is some kind of Celestia-damned daycare center?”

“Sir no sir,” the young recruit replied in a surprisingly calm voice. The obviously adolescent colt was a full head shorter than the recruits to either side of him, leaving him looking almost comically out of place.

“What’s yer name, geldin’?” the drill sergeant growled as he loomed over the recruit.

“Sir Moonwhisper sir,” came the prompt reply. There was something about the recruit’s tone that caught Crab Apple’s attention, though he couldn’t quite put his hoof on what it was.

“Moonwhisper, eh?” Now, what in Celestia’s name does a snot-nosed little puke like you think yer doin’ in mah boot camp?”

“Sir I am here to do whatever I am instructed to sir.”

“Is that so? Well, drop on the ground and give me twenty,” Crab Apple demanded.

“Sir yes sir,” Moonwhisper said as he promptly dropped to the ground and immediately began performing pushups. As Crab Apple watched, it dawned on him what is was about Moonwhisper that had seemed odd. There had been no fear in the colt’s voice, or any other emotion for that matter. Just the conditioned replies of somepony who had already had discipline and obedience thoroughly beaten into them.

“Heh, stupid little brown-nosing runt,” a voice muttered from further down the line, prompting Crab Apple to immediately storm over in a rage.

“Alright, which of y’all ruttin’ jackasses just said that?” Crab Apple roared. While nopony answered out loud, it wasn’t hard for Crab Apple to pick out the culprit, a particularly bulky drab blue unicorn who was trying to suppress a disgustingly smug grin. “Y’all over there!” Crab Apple snarled as he marched up to the offending unicorn. “What in Princess Celestia’s name did y’all just say?”

“Ok,” the stallion replied with a sneer as he glanced over to Moonwhisper, “I said –“

“Y’ worthless sack of horse apples, y’all did not just address me without sayin’ ‘sir’!” Crab Apple shouted. “Now, drop down and give me fifty! And Ah swear to Celestia that if y’all ever speak to me again and the first and last words out of your mouth are not ‘sir’ I will personally pull yer lungs out through yer eye sockets! Now, what’s yer name, geldin’?”

“Sir, Lucerne Hammer…sir,” the stallion grumbled through clenched teeth.

“What’s that, geldin’? When Ah ask y’all a question Ah expect y’all to speak like y’all actually have a pair. Now Ah’ll ask y’all again, what is yer name?”

“Sir, Lucerne Hammer sir!” Lucerne Hammer replied at the top of his lungs.

“Lucerne Hammer, eh? Let me tell y’all somethin’, Private Hammer; y’all are nothin’. Y’all are a worthless sack of rottin’ garbage. Ah’d call y’all a worm, but unlike y’all worms are actually useful. And that goes fer the rest y’all geldin’s,” Crab Apple added as he turned to address the rest of the recruits. “There is not a single one of y’all that is worth the dirt on the underside of mah horseshoes. It is mah job to take y’ miserable piles of manure and transform y’all into stallions worthy of the Equestrian Royal Guard. Now, trainin’ will begin at zero five hundred hours tomorrow, so get some rest because Ah promise y’ y’all will need it.” With that, Crab Apple started to storm out of the barracks before stopping just before the door. “And y’all had better make sure that Private Hammer finishes those pushups or there will be Tartarus to pay fer all of y’all.” Letting out a final snort to punctuate this last ultimatum Crab Apple turned and exited, slamming the door to the barracks behind him.

“Yeesh, that fella’s got all the charm of a rattler with a toothache,” the recruit to the right of Shining Armor, a navy blue unicorn stallion, commented once the sergeant was safely out of sight. “Ah’m Sharpshooter, by the way.”

“Yeah, well, he is a drill sergeant,” Shining Armor replied. “I’m pretty sure that’s more or less a job requirement. To be honest it’s pretty much what I expected form the stories my uncle used to –“

“Hey! Runt!” Shining Armor found himself interrupted by Lucerne Hammer as the massive stallion stomped towards Moonwhisper. “I just got chewed out because of you!”

“No, you were reprimanded due to your speaking out of turn and failure to properly address our drill sergeant as per regulation,” Moonwhisper replied calmly. “Also, by my count you’ve only completed twenty seven of your mandated pushups. I would recommend you resume them as soon as possible.”

“You miserable little piece of –“ Lucerne Hammer snarled as he lunged at Moonwhisper, only for Shining Armor to interpose himself between the two.

“Knock it off, Lucerne, Moonwhisper’s right. You brought Sergeant Crab Apple down on you yourself, so why don’t you back off and finish your stupid pushups before you get the sergeant angry at the rest of us.”

Lucerne Hammer narrowed his eyes as he assessed Shining Armor. “Why don’t you mind your own business, Canterlot? This is just between me and the runt.”

“I don’t know what your deal is, but if you think I’m just going to sit back while you act like some demented schoolyard bully than you’re out of your mind,” Shining Armor fired back, clearly unintimidated.

“You really think you can take me on, Canterlot? ‘Cause I’d sure as hay enjoy beating your – Hey! Where the rut do you think you’re trotting off to, runt?” Lucerne Hammer suddenly yelled as he noticed that Moonwhisper had lost interest in the proceedings and was already walking away. “Don’t you rutting ignore me, get back here!” Before Shining Armor could intervene, Moonwhisper was engulfed by an orange glow and was roughly levitated until he was eye to eye with Lucerne Hammer.

There was virtually no warning for what happened next, save for the sight of Moonwhisper’s pupils dilating. A split second later a pair of dark blue flashes of light manifested at the tip and base of Lucerne Hammer’s horn, causing him to release Moonwhisper as he howled in agony. The moment Moonwhisper touched the ground he spun around and lashed out with his rear legs, driving his hooves into both of Lucerne Hammer’s knees. As Lucerne Hammer collapsed forward Moonwhisper bucked straight up, smashing Lucerne Hammer in the jaw with enough force to send him tumbling head over hooves onto the floor.

Several seconds of stunned silence ticked by before anypony could gather the presence of mind to react to what had just happened. “Holy Celestia, did y’all just see that? Ah’ve seen ponies pick fights with bison and not end up gettin’ smacked down that quick,” Sharpshooter exclaimed. After minute or two more passed Sharpshooter then turned to Shining Armor. “Say, Shinin’ Armor, do y’ have any idea what that light show was that knocked out Lucerne’s magic?”

“I’m not entirely sure, but I think it might have been a Far Hoof technique called a horn cracker,” Shining Armor replied, causing Sharpshooter in wince in sympathetic pain.

“Oh, that just sounds painful.”

“Yeah, and it’s probably even worse than you think. That technique’s banned in any sort of competition because it can snap somepony’s horn clean off if you’re not careful.” Shining Armor turned to Moonwhisper himself, who had hardly moved after knocking Lucerne Hammer away. “Hey, listen, I’m not saying that that guy didn’t have it coming, but don’t you think you went a little – whoa, are you alright?”

Looking closer, Shining Armor could see that Moonwhisper was hyperventilating while his entire body shook. “What the hay is wrong with him?” Sharpshooter asked as he waved a hoof in front of Moonwhisper’s face. “Hello? Anypony in there?”

“He looks like he’s in shock,” Shining Armor said as he tried to assess the situation. “We’d better get somepony to take him to the infirmary along with Lucerne Hammer. I’m not really sure what’s wrong with him, but I’m pretty sure he needs a professional to check him out.”

*********

“And that’s how we figured out that trying to levitate you was a really bad idea,” Shining Armor said with a laugh.

Moonwhisper grunted in response as he pointed stared out the train window. “I’ve never particularly cared for the sensation, that’s all,” Moonwhisper grumbled.

“And that’s why you freak out like somepony’s trying to kill you every time it happens?” Shining asked. “Look, I get it if you don’t want to talk about it since its probably part of that whole…thing you wen through when you were younger, but -“

“Whatever happened to Lucerne Hammer anyway?” Moonwhisper interjected in an effort to change the subject. “As I recall he essentially vanished a week or two into training.”

“He was given a conduct discharge pretty quickly, and not just because of that incident with you. That guy had some serious issues with authority and he was picking fights with just about everypony,” Shining Armor added. “Heck, one of the first things he did when he got out of the infirmary was to start a fight with Spearhead.”

“Spearhead? Why does that name sound so familiar?” Moonwhisper pondered.

“He had an art show in Ponyville not too long ago. Now that I remember it, I think you might have been out of town then since we didn’t see you when Cadance and I dropped Flurry Heart off with Twily.”

“Ah, that was shortly after the changelings deposed Chrysalis, wasn’t it? If that was the case I most likely would have been in Canterlot helping put together new security protocols in light of the changes to the changeling situation.” Moonwhisper idly tapped his hoof for a few seconds before continuing. “So, Spearhead was the one who had the art show? He never really struck me as the artistic type. Although he always did seem rather fond of that needlepoint of his, I suppose he must have finally made a career out of it.”

“Needlepoint?” Shining Armor asked with a baffled expression. “Oh, wait, no, you’re thinking of Spear Point, not Spearhead.”

“I thought Spear Point was the one with the rather off-color sense of humor,” Moonwhisper replied.

“No, that was Spear Shaft,” Shining Armor replied. “You know, now that I think about it maybe Spike had a point about all of our friend’s names sounding the same.”

“If you think that’s bad, try keeping the names of the Apple family straight,” Moonwhisper said. “I correspond regularly with one of Applejack’s cousins and to be honest whenever he writes about his family members the names just blur together.”

Shining Armor was about to comment on similar issue he had encountered with the crystal ponies, but before he could he was cut off by the high-pitched squeal of the train’s breaks. “Last stop, Dodge City,” the conductor announced as he trotted down the aisle.

“I guess this is our stop,” Shining Armor said. “So, how much further is it to wherever we’re going?”

“Assuming we start walking as soon as we have our canteens filled we should arrive some time around tomorrow afternoon,” Moonwhisper replied as he rose to retrieve their bags.

“Well, I guess if that’s what we have to do then that’s what we have to do.”

*********

The rest of the day passed by largely uneventfully as Shining Armor and Moonwhisper trekked through the Southern Equestrian Wastes. Moonwhisper stayed largely silent throughout the day, partly to keep from losing moisture out of his mouth and partly because he had nothing to say. Much to Moonwhisper’s chagrin, however, the same could not be said for Shining Armor.

“Hey, Moonwhisper, what do you wear to a formal event in the desert?”

“Oh for the love of…” Moonwhisper muttered as he felt his eye twitch in frustration.

“A cacti! Get it? A cac –“

“Shining Armor, I realize that telling terrible jokes is something of a tradition for new fathers but I swear to Celestia if you make one more pun I will force-feed you the next cactus or other appropriately spiny piece of vegetation we encounter.”

“Yeesh, Moonwhisper, I’d have thought you’d have appreciated having a dry wit around while marching through the desert,” Shining Armor replied with a grin. “Come on, Moonwhisper, lighten up a little. What’s got you so agitated?”

“Princess Twilight and Princess Cadance together at a massive festival in Canterlot and I’m capable of at least rudimentary pattern recognition,” Moonwhisper replied acidly.

“You’re not letting go of that, are you?” Shining Armor said.

“I’ll tell you what, if we get back to Canterlot and nothing has happened I will cheerfully admit that I was wrong. In the meantime, I’d appreciate it if you would please cut the…I’d call it a comedy act but that would imply that somepony might actually find you funny.”

“Hey, Flurry Heart thinks I’m funny,” Shining Armor replied defensively.

“And the fact that you’re brining up your toddler as an example instead of, say, Princess Cadance speaks volumes.”

Shining Armor opened his mouth to respond before slowly closing it. “Ok, I’ll admit you’ve got me there. So, not to change the subject or anything, but how close are we to this place anyway? It feels like we’ve been walking all day.”

“That’s likely because we have been walking all day,” Moonwhisper replied. “We’re still a fair distance from our destination, but the good news is that there’s a road nearby, or at least what would pass for one out here, that runs straight to where we’re headed.”

“Well thank Celestia for small favors. With any luck by this time tomorrow we’ll be headed back to Canterlot. If we’re really luck we can get back there in time for Songbird Serenade’s concert. Cadance is a big fan,” Shining Armor added sheepishly.

Moonwhisper, however, simply shrugged. “As much as I’d like to share your optimism I somehow doubt things are gong to be quite that simple.”

*********

As it turned out, Moonwhisper’s estimate as to when they would arrive proved rather accurate and by mid-afternoon the next day Shining Armor and Moonwhisper found themselves staring down at a tiny village nestled at the base of a mountain. “So, we’re supposed to solve a friendship problem here?” Shining Armor asked, incredulousness creeping into his voice. “Well, at least it shouldn’t take us long to find whatever it is we’re supposed to do here, it looks like hardly anypony lives here.”

“Mmhmm,” Moonwhisper muttered as he scanned the area. “If I had to guess I’d say it’s probably a mining town. Something’s odd, though.”

“What is it?” Shining Armor asked.

“It appears that a number of the houses on the outskirts of the town have been abandoned. That wouldn’t necessarily be suspicious by itself given that mining towns tend to start hemorrhaging their population when the mines run dry…”

“But if this place had been around long enough for its mine to go dry then we’d probably have some record of it,” Shining Armor said as Moonwhisper nodded. “Maybe whatever’s making ponies leave is the problem we’re supposed to deal with. By the way, how exactly are we supposed to figure that part out, anyway? Twily didn’t really say too much about it and that’s not really like her.”

“Based on the reports of past missions that Twilight has catalogued, the general approach seems to be to wander about aimlessly until we run into the problem at hoof. And before you say anything, I’d be inclined to agree regarding the ridiculousness of that methodology but it has proven repeatedly effective thus far,” Moonwhisper added.

As the pair drew closer to the settlement they passed by a number of the mysteriously vacated houses. In happier times the houses might have seemed at home in Appleloosa or perhaps Starlight Glimmer’s remote village. Now, however, the empty dwellings were in a horrendous state of disrepair. The doors and windows of most of the houses had been smashed apart or ripped out, leaving only dark holes like gaping wounds. Porch railings and fences lay trampled into pieces in the dirt, only partially obscured by the weeds that started to pop up out of the dirt. A small number of the houses had even apparently been gutted by fire, black scorch marks still visible on the timbers. “Do I even need to say anything?” Moonwhisper asked as the pair passed a home that had practically collapsed in on itself.

“No, it’s pretty obvious something’s been attacking the ponies who live here and whoever it is isn’t even trying to be subtle about it. Normally this is where I’d say to stay alert, but I probably don’t need to tell you that, do I?” Moonwhisper smirked at this comment but said nothing as the two moved towards the heart of the village. Even though the homes and shops here seemed to be intact the streets were completely devoid of ponies.

“We’re being watched,” Moonwhisper finally said as he and Shining Armor came to a stop in the village center.

“Yeah, I figured as much. Any idea how many?” Shining Armor asked as he scanned the windows looking down on them for any signs of movement.

“Hard to tell, they’re being extremely cautious. If I had to guess I’d say they’re most likely concerned that we’re here to attack them. I don’t suppose you have any suggestions as to what she would do?”

Shining Armor thought for a moment. “Well, in every cowpony story I’ve read the first thing hero always does when they come to town is head for the saloon, so maybe we should start there.”

Moonwhisper stared at Shining Armor for almost a full minute as he tried to formulate a response before finally shaking his head in defeat. “As absurd as that reasoning is, I can’t honestly say I have an alternative suggestion. Lead on,” Moonwhisper added without a hint of sarcasm.

“Huh, I kinda figured you were going to make more of an argument about that,” Shining Armor said as he started to head towards what appeared to be the town’s saloon.

“In all fairness, the suggestion in and of itself is reasonable. I might take issue with your inspiration being some dime store pulp novel, but then again we’ve been sent this mission be a magical table so why the hay not?” Moonwhisper paused before continuing. “Do you ever sometimes just step back and reflect on the fact that this is the life we’re living?”

Shining Armor chuckled. “I wake up every morning next to the most beautiful mare in Equestria in our massive crystal palace in the center of an empire that until recently was thought of as an obscure old mare’s tale. And half the time I’m woken up courtesy of my alicorn princess daughter. So, yeah, I can definitely get the whole ‘this is surreal’ thing.” Grinning, Shining Armor pushed the door to the nameless saloon open and trotted inside as Moonwhisper followed close behind. The saloon was a rather dismal example of such an establishment. Its interior was dimly lit by what little light could make it through the unwashed windows. Nopony seemed bothered by this, however, or rather nopony was there to be bothered. The only other pony present was a lone earth pony mare sitting behind the bar. As she watched Shining Armor and Moonwhisper enter her expression seemed to rapidly cycle between elation and terror before finally settling on a sort of manic nervousness.

“Why hello there! Mah name’s Rock Salt and this here’s mah establishment. Ain’t nothin’ fancy like y’all’d find up in Appleloosa but it does our townsponies just fine. ‘Course it’s quiet now what with everypony working the mines. But listen to me ramble on, what brings a pair of handsome stallions like yerselves to this neck of Equestria?”

“Believe it or not, we were sent her to solve a friendship problem,” Shining Armor said as he seated himself at the bar. “I don’t suppose you can think of any problems like that that you’ve noticed recently.”

“Naw, Ah can’t think of any friendship problems ‘round here,” Rock Salt nervously as she glanced at the door to the outside. “Ah don’t suppose Ah could offer either of y’all somethin’ to drink?”

“Tea, if you have any.” Moonwhisper replied simply as he took a seat near Shining Armor.

“Sure, Ah’ll see what Ah get fer y’. Anythin’ else?” Rock Salt asked. As Shining Armor shook his head in reply Rock Salt scurried off to heat up a kettle.

“She’s hiding something,” Shining Armor whispered once he was reasonably certain Rock Salt was out of earshot.

“Truly I’m in awe of your ability to state the obvious,” Moonwhisper grumbled back. “Most likely she’s afraid of retaliation from whatever was responsible for the attacks on the homes we passed earlier.”

“Now who’s stating the obvious?”

Moonwhisper thought for a moment before shrugging. “Fair point. Do you have any preference on how to proceed from here?”

“It’d probably be best if you lest the talking to me for now,” Shining Armor replied as Rock Salt returned with a dented teakettle.

“Ah hope this is alright fer y’,” Rock Salt said as she placed an earthenware cup in front of Moonwhisper and filled it from the kettle. “We ain’t exactly got many tea drinkers ‘round these parts so this is ‘bout all we have.”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Moonwhisper assured her a she took a deep whiff. “It smells lovely,” he added.

“Anyway, we were hoping you could answer a few questions we have about some of the houses we passed on the way into town. Specifically, all the abandoned homes on the outskirts,” Shining Armor said as she fixed Rock Salt with a hard stare.

“Oh, well there ain’t much to tell,” Rock Salt replied nervously. “Lot’s of ponies come to towns like ours thinking they’re gonna strike it rich and then leave after a month or two once they decide workin’ the mines ain’t fer them.”

“So when do you break in and torch their old homes?” Shining Armor asked pointedly. “Do you wait until they’ve already left or is that part of the farewell party?”

“Ah think it’d be best if the two of you left,” Rock Salt replied sharply. “Otherwise, things might – oh no.” As Rock Salt spoke, the sounds of raucous laughter began to drift in from outside. Moments later the door to the saloon slammed open and a pair of stallions swaggered inside.

“Hey Rock Salt! Pour us a couple of ciders and make it quick!” one of the stallions, a scrawny, off-white unicorn snapped before noticing Shining Armor and Moonwhisper at the bar. “Well, what the hay do we have here? You colts takin’ a break from yer jobs? If I were you I’d get my rumps back to the mines, otherwise you know what the boss is liable to do.”

“No, I don’t think I do know,” Shining Armor said with a dangerous edge in his voice. “Why don’t you enlighten me?”

“You…you ain’t from around here,” the scrawny stallion replied nervously. “Just who the hay are you? And what are you doin’ in our village?”

“Hahaha, looks like you bit off a little more than you can chew, Shell Shock,” the other stallion, a large dirt-brown pegasus laughed. “That there is Shining Armor himself, a genuine Captain of the Royal Guard.”

“A-a guard captain?” Shell Shock asked in an increasingly terrified tone as he backed away in fear.

“Relax, Shell Shock, Shining Armor might be a captain, but he’s as useless as feathers on a mule without his little baby sister around to save his rump.”

“Wait a minute,” Shining Armor snapped angrily. “I recognize you. You’re Iron Shield, aren’t you?”

“Heh, I’m surprised you’d remember somepony like me, your highness,” Iron Shield sneered as he plopped down onto the stool between Shining Armor and Moonwhisper, who appeared to be ignoring the events unfolding next to him.

“There haven’t exactly been many guards who’ve received a bad conduct discharge under my command. So, I see you’ve gone from petty crimes to terrorizing civilians.

Iron Shield spat on the floor. “If you’re trying to intimidate me then you’re wasting your breath. Now, if your little sister were here than maybe that’d be a different story. Actually, its too bad she isn’t here, last time I checked she was a pretty cute mare. Y’know what? Maybe, after I’m done running your pampered rump out of town I’ll head out to Ponyville and show her what a real stallion’s like. What do you have to say to that?”

A look of pure rage momentarily crossed Shining Armor’s features before it was replaced by one of calm cheerfulness. “You know, Iron Shield, if you had said that to me on almost any other day I’d probably threaten to break every bone in your miserable body. But today, right now? I’m not going to say a single thing, and do you know why?” Shining Armor gave a particularly vicious grin. “Because there’s nothing I could possibly think of to threaten you with that could even come close to what’s about to happen to you.”

“What the hay are you talk - HRK!” Iron Shield was cut off without warning as he began choking and flailing about in his seat. The only clue as to what was happening was a dark blue band of magic encircling his neck.

“Tell me, have either of you ever heard of a spell called the ‘Seal of Pain’?” Moonwhisper asked without even bothering to look up from his tea. Moonwhisper’s tone was strangely calm, almost friendly, with the only indication that he had anything to do with Iron Shield’s condition being the dark blue glow surrounding his horn. “There’s no need to feel embarrassed if you haven’t for what it’s worth. The seal of pain is a rather obscure spell after all. It was developed by the von Umbra family during the pre-Classical era as a way to enable ponies to achieve the pain threshold necessary to use armored augmentation magic. As much as I hate to admit it, the spell itself is actually a truly remarkable bit of magical engineering. At its core, the spell works by directly stimulating all of your pain receptors simultaneously, resulting in literally the worst pain you can experience. Now, just to be clear, I’m using the term ‘literally’ in the correct manner here, as the resultant sensation is the most severe form of pain one’s nervous system is capable of processing.”

By this time Iron Shield’s face was starting to turn blue as he pounded on the bar with his front hooves in a desperate but futile effort to free himself from Moonwhisper’s grip. If Moonwhisper noticed, however, he didn’t show it, pausing just long enough to take another sip of tea before continuing on. “Now, all of that would make for a rather impressive spell on its own, but the real brilliance of the seal of pain lies in the details. For instance, normally somepony exposed to pain of that magnitude would black out in short order. To counter this, the seal provides an extra bit of stimulation to your brain so that the subject is fully awake and conscious throughout the entire process. You might also expect that somepony could eventually become inured to the sensations of the seal, acclimating to it so to speak. But no, the seal has a particularly clever way of preventing that from occurring. What the seal will do is very gradually shift the precise details of what sort of pain the subject is experiencing, going from burning to stabbing to pounding, for example. The most impressive part of all of this, though, is how the seal accomplishes all of this without inflicting any significant physical harm on the subject, with one admitted caveat.”

A lout clatter briefly interrupted Moonwhisper as Iron Shield’s struggles knocked his stool onto its side. The unfortunate pegasus was forced to start madly flapping his wings to keep the band of magical energy around his neck from turning into a noose. “If a pony is subjected to the seal of pain over an exceptionally long period of time, typically somewhere between six to twelve hours depending on their state of physical fitness, then the pony may simply drop dead. I’ve never witnessed the phenomenon myself, mind you, but from what I’ve read the subject’s nervous system simply shuts off like a candle being blown out. Now, there’s a very specific reason that I’m telling you all this. You see, I want you to understand that, when I tell you that if you ever even think of laying a hoof on Princess Twilight I will execute you in the most horrifically painful manner possible, I am NOT engaging in hyperbole. Am I making myself understood?” Iron Shield barely managed a strangled gargle in response as the other ponies in the saloon looked on in silence. “I’m going to choose to interpret that as a ‘yes’. Very well then, lesson over, you’re dismissed.” Moonwhisper’s horn flared up with a surge of magic as Iron Shield was violently tossed across the room, bouncing off several tables before crashing into the opposite wall.

“Iron, hang on, I’m comin’!” Shell Shock cried out as he rushed over to his fallen comrade.

Shining Armor watched Shell Shock try to rouse his companion for a moment before turning to Moonwhisper. “You know, what’s scary is that you actually went easier on that guy than I expected you would.”

Moonwhisper shrugged as he finished his tea. “I’ve been told my time in Ponyville has mellowed me somewhat. It’s probably for the best, as it is the encounter is going to generate at least a ream’s worth of reports and paperwork. In the meantime, I’d say this situation still warrants a bit of mopping up, don’t you?”

Shining Armor nodded his head in agreement and the two stallions advanced menacingly towards Shell Shock. “Y-you!” Shell Shock stammered as he backed away from the pair. “You can’t do this to us! It’s an…an unethical abuse of power and a violation of our rights as Equestrian citizens!”

Moonwhisper stared at Shell Shock in stunned silence for a moment before responding. “That is quite possible one of the most idiotic statements I have ever heard uttered, and I once spent a half hour listening to Pinkie Pie debate the merits of naming a confection ‘chimi-cherry’ or ‘cherry-changa’. For the record, I advised for cherry-changa as the other option was too phonetically similar to a parsley and garlic sauce.”

“Our boss is gonna get you for this,” Shell Shock continued, Moonwhisper’s casual dismissal of his argument not improving his mood. “Just you wait, when Lucerne Hammer hears about what you’ve done he’ll –“

Whatever hypothetical threat Shell Shock was about to make was cut short as he was enveloped in a magenta aura and roughly yanked up so that he was eyelevel with Shining Armor and Moonwhisper. “Who did you just say you’re working for!” Shining Armor demanded.

“That’s one of many questions we’re going to have for you, Mister Shell Shock,” Moonwhisper added coldly. “And it would be in your best interest to provide us with answers.”

Comments

[zimmerwald1915]

I can't help but worry that you've written yourself into a corner. Banditry is the kind of problem that should be solved by bringing down the hammer of the state. But because this is a map mission, there must be a friendship problem at the root of it. Probably something between Moonwhisper and Hammer.* The latter of whom is probably deserving of execution at this point - banishment (or self-imposed exile, it's not clear) hasn't exactly done wonders for him or protected Equestrian society from him.

* A small, unimportant Swiss town exists in Equestria?

[Alabenson]

9271266
I can't say too much regarding this without spoiling the rest of the story, but rest assured there is a method to the map's madness here.
On a lighter note, Lucerne Hammer's name comes from a type of polearm, essentially a warhammer on a stick. If there is one thing I have learned from years of playing D&D, it is obscure polearm names.

[zimmerwald1915]

9271310
And the polearm is named after the small, unimportant Swiss town, whose mercenaries used it.

[Onyx Quill]

LOL

*Loves Moonwhisper now*

[Alabenson]

9277422
Suffice to say, threatening Twilight within earshot of Moonwhisper is generally not conducive to somepony's health.

Fun fact: I had actually written Moonwhisper's monologue at the end around the same time I wrote the first Guarded Emotions story, this was just the first time I've had an appropriate opportunity to use it.

[Onyx Quill]

9280512
The second I read the threat toward Twilight, I thought: "Oh boy... He's going to regret that..."

[Onyx Quill]

9280512
And I have to say I agree with Shining Armor: Moonwhisper went a lot easier on the idiot than I thought he would.

[Onyx Quill]

"Donkey's" Inferno? Seriously?

Donkey AlleNEIGHri?