A Canterlot Divorce

by democritus

When You Sleep

Twilight had slept strangely peacefully. Perhaps it was just that how much had transpired had worn her out. Perhaps it was the cozy down used in the palace's beds. Just maybe Princess Luna had used some magic to help her sleep well that night.

But all ended when a royal guard ran into the room. "Ms. Sparkle! Are you awake?!"

"I am now," Twilight replied while stifling a yawn. "What is it?"

"We have a situation! Shining Armor's vanished!"

"What?!" Twilight sprang out of bed. "Are you sure?"

"He's never been late for a briefing before, and when we went to his chambers he wasn't there at all! He left a note and... I think you should see for yourself, Ms. Sparkle."

Considering what she saw last time somepony said that, she was already dreading dredging his body from the royal garden's pond.

---

"You think it's serious?"

"Shining Armor sure as hell wouldn't make a joke like this!"

"If it is a joke it's in terrible taste."

"Considering what it says, he certainly has terrible fucking taste."

The voices in the conference room continued, and Twilight felt like not opening the door to join. Too stupid, too goddamn stupid. Everything was just so ridiculous. If yesterday she was told she'd be dragged from a picnic to this mess she'd have dismissed it as too silly. There's nothing left she can do. If Shining Armor had vanished then she was already too late to help, and she'd be left like everyone else worrying and helpless. But curiosity was one of Twilight's weaknesses. Tentatively she stepped in.

"Ms. Sparkle! What the hell did Shining Armor tell you?" a pegasus guard yelled immediately. the only ponies at the table were three higher-ranking guards. Twilight briefly wondered where Celestia was, but before she could get anywhere, the shouting resumed. "Ms. Sparkle, answer me or I will have you jailed for conspiracy to commit treason!"

"Woah, woah, calm down! I don't know exactly what's going on either!" She pleaded.

"Ms. Sparkle," said a pearl-coated unicorn guard, named Perna, sitting calmly. "I suppose you've heard Shining Armor has vanished. We've searched the castle grounds several times, and we cannot locate him. We suspect he slipped out in the middle of the night."

"Dammit, he planned this," a dark gray unicorn added, almost standing in his chair. "I knew our patrols had a hole in the southeast wall, but I never would've guessed someone would use it to get out!"

"Anyway," Perna continued, "Reports place you, Ms. Sparkle, as the last pony to talk to him. I want you to describe your conversation."

"W-well," Twilight said, taking a seat. "He seemed really apologetic and didn't want me involved in the divorce—"

"My apologies for interrupting you," Perna said with a very concerned expression, "but did you say 'divorce', Ms. Sparkle?"

"Shit, here we go..." said the pegasus.

"Oh, right, not many ponies were informed of it. Wait, he didn't even tell you?"

"Ma'am, if I may speak of your brother this way, he's not told us a shitton of things he should have. Either way it brings a lot of context to what he said... I think you should read his note," said the unicorn as he handed a piece of paper to Twilight, "but I warn you, you won't like it."

Twilight began reading.

Dear whomever receives this note:

I've left Equestria. Please do not follow me or try to find me. I tried to leave my old life behind as smoothly as possible but Celestia apparently had other ideas. I wanted to leave no unfinished business, but circumstances have forced me to this.

I sought a divorce with my wife, Princess Cadance, so I could be, free of her, because, honestly, my heart lies elsewhere. I had hoped a divorce would at least allow her to move on, maybe find someone else to nag.

I'm actually in love with the Changeling queen. She demanded the most of me and rewarded me with her utter devotion and support. She didn't spend time with others when she could, only me! She may have done bad things, but if the power of love is capable of so much, maybe my love can change her!

I had felt forced into my relationship with Cadance. Of all the foalsitters for Mom and Dad to hire, it was the princess? And they kept making me stay with her and Twilight. But I see now it was all a ploy to get us together so they could have even more authority. I wouldn't have minded, but Cadance was kind of dull. Shortly after our formal courtship started, she changed. I thought it was her true colors, that when she didn't have to be she was a lot more intense and supportive. But now I know it wasn't Cadance at all, but the Changeling pretending to be her. Cadance had told me how long she spent in that cave and it clicked.

The queen doesn't have to invade to get her love. If she wants mine, I will gladly give it to her. She has my heart. Which is more than Cadance can say. The bitch spreads her love so much I wouldn't be shocked if I've gotten herpes from her. And she has the audacity to accuse me of being unfaithful! What, can't she decide if she wants me or not? Well, I've picked for her.

I can't say I'm doing this without regrets, but if I get away from that bitch and get with my true love, it will be worth it.

Twily, if you're reading this, know that I'll totally support your romantic endeavors, regardless of whatever pony or ponyesque creature you end up falling for. I hope you'll understand how I feel and look past appearances. I'm sorry for whatever problems this will undoubtedly cause, but I couldn't live a lie. If I didn't do this, I'd probably go off with some hooker from Manehatten just to get away from Cadance. I had to leave somehow, but Celestia got you involved and forced me down this road. I'm sorry for hurting you.

Your guard and big brother best friend forever

Shining Armor

Twilight stared at the paper long after having finished it.

"Yoo hoo, you there?" said the darker unicorn, waving his hooves at her.

"Ms. Sparkle?" Perna asked. "Are you okay?"

Twilight responded with but a single word.

"Nuts."

Comments

[Brony420]

I'm stoned years old and what is this

[Razzy]

Welp then, I can get behind this Shining Armour, or glorious queen is what everyone dreams of, whether they like to admit it or not.

Cya
Raziel-chan