I hope this Sole Survivor is an Automatron build. I have a lovely vision of dual gatling-laser and mini-nuke armed sentry bots on the parapets guarding Canterlot, and caribou formations being stalked through the woods by cloaked, skull-faced assaultrons.
Okay the story is good so far, but you do know that Fall of Equestria stories are normally Anthro right, also did you really have to kill of Celestia like that, shouldn't she just be badly wounded instead and kept under Caribou watch?
I love this idea for a story, but I've seen enough of stories with great ideas but crash down in a ball of fire. But I would of tried 2 stop it, but I may of not known now to great an account at the time. So if you want 2 I can give some advice.
Ok 1. Not sure if ur gonna read this bc it's fucking 6 am right now.
2. At the beginning there was about to be a fight. Try to describing it next time, I think I and some other readers would of loved to hear how he fought that out.
3. Its a minor detail but I can't get it out of my head. After the fight u said the the dog had a face that said 'I should of not come'. Try making the dog's head turn sideways and have a questioning look.
4. Not sure if your gonna have romance or make this a long story, but try to follow the 25 rule. Its when a character and another character have a full functional relationship until chapter 25 or higher, and start making hints of the relationship 10 chapters before. If this story going to be shorts than that, the 15 rule also helps, the relationship is functional on chapter 15 or higher, and add hints of a relationship 5 chapters before. This way the romance is not rushed.
And finally 5. One important redeeming quality, the thing that motivates him, his son. If in a fight, try to make him think about his son. If he's fighting to protect helpless mares, have him think of them as his son. If he's having trouble making a choice, what would his son do? You catch my drift?
Ps. Make sure there anthro, all of FoE stories are anthro.
9092849 As far as the fight, I don't believe that it would have added to the story. For the romance part, I never plan out my stories. I've always pretty much put down what popped into my head, but I keep in mind what I had written previous. And as far as the anthro deal. I had replied to another commenter that I've always been one to break the mold, besides I do know of one FOE story that isn't anthro that I know of. I just can't remember the name of it.
9093080 Ok, I just thought it could add 2 the story more. Heads up on the rule 25 or 15, it's useful... if you have any romantic relationships for the story in the future anyway. Make sure your character has 3 redeeming quality's, ex: he's motivated because of his son, he's a bad ass, and at times he's a smart ass... I do love the word ass. I don't mind no anthro, I'm just not used 2 it. Oh, question, does he take his companions with him or is he gonna be sucked in without them, and have an emotional melt down?
9093168 One man army thing and no meltdown. As far as I know on my play through, he never had a meltdown. He just accepts what's happening and goes on. It could lead to something later, but he had already been thrown into a totally different world than his own. For his motivation, it's what is right that he fights for. For his son to have a normal life, for the Commonwealth to be free of another's control, ya know that kind of right. That's why he destroyed both the BOS and the Institute. They wanted to control the fate of everyone in the Commonwealth and hearing of a kingdom being enslaved pisses him off. Oh and he basically is a somewhat smartass, fights for what is right as stated before and is somewhat vulnerable when he meets someone that reminds him of a friend or family member.
New reading material, I shall follow this because I now curious as to how this shall turn out.
ME: *USES THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE* THEY DARE KILL HER!!! HEARSAY I CALL EXTERMINATUS ON THESE HERETICS FOR THE EMPERAH!!
I hope this Sole Survivor is an Automatron build. I have a lovely vision of dual gatling-laser and mini-nuke armed sentry bots on the parapets guarding Canterlot, and caribou formations being stalked through the woods by cloaked, skull-faced assaultrons.
9091502
Nah, just the bare bones. I unfortunately live in a area with limited internet access, so I don't have any of the dlcs.
9091536
Your missing a good game then.
9091553
4 is a lot better game
9091562
Nah, not right now, but if I do I will let you know.
9091594
Thats....yikes
9091609
Vhat?
Okay the story is good so far, but you do know that Fall of Equestria stories are normally Anthro right, also did you really have to kill of Celestia like that, shouldn't she just be badly wounded instead and kept under Caribou watch?
9091826
I've never been one to follow whats been established. Thats what I call boring.
Interesting concept you have here. I believe I'll track this. I do agree with Dusk on the anthro bit, but meh. If it works, it works.
Hun, so theirs 1/4 of free settlements hun. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!!
i.ytimg.com/vi/bQNGpGQuba0/maxresdefault.jpg
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRP81kcs4CBzpHrIU74HGQ-XSHSQWDalxicwhgWziT4CFnfte-pPg
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSMYjyW0mleNZyxwQfgzalUbeJhXIBaRLuaAylSmy8APmn-8FBnFQ
I love this idea for a story, but I've seen enough of stories with great ideas but crash down in a ball of fire. But I would of tried 2 stop it, but I may of not known now to great an account at the time. So if you want 2 I can give some advice.
Ok 1. Not sure if ur gonna read this bc it's fucking 6 am right now.
2. At the beginning there was about to be a fight. Try to describing it next time, I think I and some other readers would of loved to hear how he fought that out.
3. Its a minor detail but I can't get it out of my head. After the fight u said the the dog had a face that said 'I should of not come'. Try making the dog's head turn sideways and have a questioning look.
4. Not sure if your gonna have romance or make this a long story, but try to follow the 25 rule. Its when a character and another character have a full functional relationship until chapter 25 or higher, and start making hints of the relationship 10 chapters before. If this story going to be shorts than that, the 15 rule also helps, the relationship is functional on chapter 15 or higher, and add hints of a relationship 5 chapters before. This way the romance is not rushed.
And finally 5. One important redeeming quality, the thing that motivates him, his son. If in a fight, try to make him think about his son. If he's fighting to protect helpless mares, have him think of them as his son. If he's having trouble making a choice, what would his son do? You catch my drift?
Ps. Make sure there anthro, all of FoE stories are anthro.
9092849
As far as the fight, I don't believe that it would have added to the story. For the romance part, I never plan out my stories. I've always pretty much put down what popped into my head, but I keep in mind what I had written previous. And as far as the anthro deal. I had replied to another commenter that I've always been one to break the mold, besides I do know of one FOE story that isn't anthro that I know of. I just can't remember the name of it.
9093080
Ok, I just thought it could add 2 the story more. Heads up on the rule 25 or 15, it's useful... if you have any romantic relationships for the story in the future anyway. Make sure your character has 3 redeeming quality's, ex: he's motivated because of his son, he's a bad ass, and at times he's a smart ass... I do love the word ass. I don't mind no anthro, I'm just not used 2 it. Oh, question, does he take his companions with him or is he gonna be sucked in without them, and have an emotional melt down?
9093168
One man army thing and no meltdown. As far as I know on my play through, he never had a meltdown. He just accepts what's happening and goes on. It could lead to something later, but he had already been thrown into a totally different world than his own. For his motivation, it's what is right that he fights for. For his son to have a normal life, for the Commonwealth to be free of another's control, ya know that kind of right. That's why he destroyed both the BOS and the Institute. They wanted to control the fate of everyone in the Commonwealth and hearing of a kingdom being enslaved pisses him off. Oh and he basically is a somewhat smartass, fights for what is right as stated before and is somewhat vulnerable when he meets someone that reminds him of a friend or family member.
Ok, I can not wait till the next chapters is done. If u need any editors I'm up 4 the job.
9091534
That is utterly beyond my artistic ability, or I totally would.