Zarram's Nightmare in Equestria

by BrendanandJohn

Ponies? Who said anything about Ponies?

Author's Note:

Hello everyone. I would like to say thank you for choosing my story. I've been working very hard on it between the days I've worked, and I'd appreciate any feedback, questions, concerns, or pretty much anything you have to say to me. I always love to grow as a writer and artist, so I do take constructive criticism heavily into consideration with my next project.

Also, since this is my first time using this website, and if any of the format is odd, just be sure to bring it to my attention. And in case you can't read this because of some odd formatting error <P><BR>TELL ME THIS THING IS BROKEN SO I CAN FIX IT!!!</BR></P>

There is a bit more to this author's note at the end of the chapter, only because I don't like ruining things for the readers.

So with that said, please sit back, relax, and enjoy my idiotic, psycho-babble that I would dare call a fan fiction

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Dreadnorr screamed in anger, flipping a table with some writing utensils on it and flinging ink onto one of his minions that were standing nearby. As the small, imp-like creature began to clean up the mess a booming voice echoed from above. Looking up, it saw the visage of a hulking, pale, blue skinned undead that was his master, with green glowing irises staring back down.

"What am I doing wrong?!" Dreadnorr shouted at the trembling being "Every time, EVERY TIME, he always manages to beat me!"

The minion, still shaking, shrugged in confusion allowing Dreadnorr to see that it was sympathetic towards his anguish while wiping the ink off of the horns that protruded from the sides of it's head.

"Him and that annoying little brat are the bane of my existence! Without them, the Academy would be absolutely nothing. I mean look at it; he's a string-bean, a book worm, and the masked one is a chubby little human boy." He let out a drawn-out sigh "So why is it so difficult?" Letting out another sigh, Dreadnorr placed his butt upon the floor and plopped down next to his minion.

With the long moment of silence, and the burning desire to please his master, the minion opened it's mouth to speak. "W-well.... t-t-they do have magic on their side, while you, my lord, have..." The minion paused as Dreadnorr turned his head looking him right in the eyes, holding it's own mouth shut for fear what he had just said.

He crawled on all fours to be face to face with the dark little creature, pushing the skin where his nose would be up against it's cheek "No, continue, I REALLY AM intrigued to hear what your feedback" with a sarcastic tone.

The minion, now absolutely terrified, continued his sentence slowly while biting at one of it's claws "W-w-well.... you are much stronger than him... and y-y-you have a castle...b-b-but I was gonna say that you have noth-"

Dreadnorr picked the demon up by it's neck before it could even finish it's sentence "YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT ALREADY!?!" Kicking a leg on the table that he had previously thrown, shattering it, sending splinters everywhere. "But even still, I have access to many powerful magic artifacts that should aid me in battle, not to mention my alchemical brilliance."

The creature, now beginning to run out of air, clawed at it's master's hand as Dreadnorr squeezed tighter with his continuing rage. He quickly threw it to the ground, noticing the creature's pain, and changed the topic for a brief moment "You're very lucky you know? Usually you'd be dead, but with all these smelly tree huggers running around nowadays a simple dead minion in the trash is enough to get a flash mob outside your castle. and on top of that, you guys aren't easy to make."

Taking a few deep breaths, the minion had seemed to spring back to life within a few seconds and was already standing at attention in front of Dreadnorr.

Returning to the original topic, Dreadnorr sat back down and looked at his minion "You know, maybe I need some outside help." pondering for a moment he pointed towards his minion "You want a raise, right?"

The minion, confused, nodded his head with a smile on it's face.

"What are some of your ideas for how'd you get rid of someone that beats you at every turn. Now come on, there' no such thing as a stupid idea."

For a moment, the minion looked up scratching it's chin before it's face lit up with excitement "I know, you say he always beats you at every turn right? Well, do something that is not expected. During a battle break out into interpretive dance halfway through"

"Oh, I like it, but what tactical advantage does it serve?"

"Oh... the tactical advantage.... Well, I didn't think that deeply into it, I just intended for him to be dumbstruck for a moment..." The minion continued "Maybe wear a razor tutu?"

Dreadnorr placed his hand over his face and groaned "Any other ideas?"

"Well... Oh, this is a perfect idea to use his own magic against him effectively for a cheap price!"

Dreadnorr jumped to his feet in excitement when he heard these words come out from his minion's mouth, letting out an excited and hopeful "Yes?" he bounced in place like a child walking into a toy store while exposing his pointed teeth in a crooked smile.

"You take a mirror and reflect it back at him."

Having the smile on his face shatter into a frown and his hopeful eyes melt into pure rage, he let out a scream of frustration "He uses fire... FIRE! Do you have any idea how the physics of flames work?"

"I- I was just thin-"

"No! Just no! You were not, and if you truly were, I certainly feel bad for the people who brought a being such as you into this world!"

The minion felt the need to point out that Dreadnorr was indeed the sole person that had brought him into the world. "But you did, sir"

Dreadnorr's face grew emotionless. "Well..." Before anything else was said, Dreadnorr punted his minion out the window, sending glass shards in every direction, and causing the tattered drapes to fall down below it. As it flew out the window Dreadnorr shouted "THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!"

Looking around the now nearly devastated room, Dreadnorr came to a sudden realization. He felt a lot better than he did just moments before, and it wasn't just because he broke several items in the room and became the number one minion football player. Something was missing, something that caused him such agony. Pondering for a moment he came to the conclusion that getting rid of the minion had made him feel much, much better. "Getting rid of that pesky thorn gave me an idea."

Turning his attention to the dusty bookshelf propped up on the wall behind him, he started searching frantically for a specific book. Throwing each book off the shelf as he searched each row he finally came across one that might help him.

Chuckling a bit to himself he murmured the title "Portals for dummies, by Johnson Cave... Excellent." He opened the book with lightning speed and began to read the index, repeating each chapter aloud "Earth Magic, no. Fire Magic, no. Blood Magic, uh, no. Portals without Magic, ah hah! Page 243." Quickly flipping to the page he had found the perfect portal, one that can be made with a lot of the ingredients that he already had. "Eye of newt, essence of rubber, bath salts, the blood of a magic creature, some soda, and grape jelly (for consistency)" Laughing he continued to read the pages in which the portal was described. "Warning, there is absolutely no possible way to know where this portal will take you. As a matter of fact, we don't even know if this portal will allow you to find a way back, we've only tested it on an orange." Raising an eyebrow Dreadnorr smiled "Well, not my problem". Before closing the book however, he noticed the 'notice' on the page stating the incantation required to actually make the portal work. "Oon-ta Wah-noonta Haya-busa"

Darting out of the study, laughing, he barked at some nearby minions to clean up the room as he headed towards the laboratory. Spending most of the night inside that mysterious room, he had created a truly foul liquid, one that would have to be smeared in the right shape with the proper incantation recited to actually work. Inspecting the vial, he held it up to the light "Look at that, enough for two portals, how delicious." He chuckled.

With the remainder of the night he proceeded to set the trap, as he had now thought of the perfect way to lure those two meddlesome magic users into it. He started painting the pattern that was depicted in the book underneath two of the chairs in the dining room, as a minion passed by. Dreadnorr beckoned for it to come over to him while pulling a letter out of his pocket "Take this to the messenger owls, have it sent to Zarram."

The minion grabbed the paper out of his hand and looked a bit nervous "But sir, you discontinued the own messenger program."

"I did?" Dreadnorr asked, confused "Oh Yeah.... Why did I do that again?"

"You got angered when the owls kept asking you "who" when you told them deliver a letter."

Looking down at the floor, the memories of his failure as an owl trainer surged through his mind. "Well if that's the case, you take it there." With a salute the minion proceeded to run out of the castle to deliver his master's message.

Taking a step back to look at his handy work, he took note of one thing. The ghostly, white markings were in plain sight underneath the chairs against the dark stone floor "Oh, gee, that's inconspicuous" he joked to himself "Oh well, I'll go get the shag carpets."

The following day a tall, purple figure who looked somewhat similar to Dreadnorr, in the respect that he had no hair, ears, or nose, approached the castle dressed in grey and red robes holding a blood stained letter in his hands. He inspected the castle, noting many cracks along the wall with moss and vines growing up from the mote before shouting at the gate keeper , politely asking if he could come in.

With this request the gate keeper readied an arrow for Zarram's head before a huge claw picked him up from behind and threw him out of the way, into the wall behind him "I've got the door, you dolt." Dreadnorr waved at Zarram as he opened up the gate for him.

Zarram strolled in passing an arrangement of odd, and somewhat disturbing, statues that populated the castle's main hallway. Of all the ones on display, one stood out to him the most. A poorly put together statue of a man riding a lion with a flag sticking out of his head as his hand hanging on by a thread. Upon close inspection, it was evident the statue was not meant to look like this and was most likely fixed after some accident.

"Admiring my fine taste in home decor I see." Dreadnorr said, walking up behind him. Looking at all of the statues he nodded at them "Yes, they are quite amazing. I certainly enjoy their presence when I'm not gluing them back together after one of our brawls..." He paused as Zarram looked down and kicked some of the dirt that piled up near the door "Which is actually why I have requested your presence here today. I wish to negotiate somewhat of a peace."

Zarram looked down at the smeared note "I figured that might have been the reason you wanted us here." Despite still being uneasy about the whole situation, he smiled.

"Exactly... speaking of 'us' where is that little guy?" Dreadnorr painted a fake smile on his face.

"Oh, James? Yeah, he had to stay and help out at the academy today, something with combustible fruit and such, but I decided to see what you wanted anyway."

Dreadnorr shook his head "Well that's a shame. I'm sure he would have enjoyed it here this evening." He lead Zarram to the dining room "But we mustn't let the lack of his presence deter us from getting to the meat of the matter." Dreadnorr chuckled "And there's more food for us too."

As they entered the dining room, the two approached an obnoxiously long, wooden table with many seats surrounding it, the two on the closeer end having shag carpets under them. Dreadnorr politely stepped in front of Zarram in order to pull a seat out for him.

Zarram took the seat while smiling and giving a nod "Thank you very much". He rubbed his feet on the carpet beneath him "I like the carpet too, they look nice and make me feel fancy."

Smiling back and laughing Dreadnorr patted his shoulder. "Don't mention it." he began walking away, and with a much more serious tone whispered to himself "It's my pleasure."

"Uhh, what?!?" Zarram shouted as he held his hand over where his ear would be. "This table kinda makes it hard to hear you!"

"Oh don't worry!" Dreadnorr Shouted back as he approached his seat like a child would approach theirs for the first day class.

"Pardon!?"

"I said, DON'T WORRY!"

"I still can't understand you!"

"I SAID!" pausing for a moment he mumbled to himself "Forget it" as he got out of the chair he was planted in and took it to the end of the table where Zarram was sitting, proceeding to place it on the table top right in front of Zarram,.

Face to face with Dreadnorr's brown, steel tipped boots, Zarram looked up and smiled "Those boots are quite nice."

With an agitated tone, Dreadnorr's eyes narrowed as he responded "Quite...". Looking back down at Zarram's chrome dome he began to make conversation with his nemesis one last time, almost to subconsciously tease him. "So, now this is just a fun little question Zarry... I can call you that, right?"

Zarram shook his head indicating 'no'.

"Right, any who, fun question time. What would you do if you were sent to, I don't know, an alternate dimension, where reality can range from butter coming out of your tear ducts or ducklings conducting a train full of daggers into an orphanage on a daily basis?"

Pondering the question for a moment, and feeling a bit unnerved, Zarram heavily considered his answer before opening his mouth to speak "Well, I think that I would be miserable... or I'd make a living off of being an undead popcorn salesman." he nervously laughed.

Nodding his head and smiling, Dreadnorr continued the conversation by expanding upon the original question "And what do you think that the world would be like with out you?"

"Well, the Academy would probably get taken over by some horrible force, that's for one. Everyone that I know would probably die as a result as well." Zarram pulled at his collar. "So, where's the food?"

Dreadnorr felt like jumping with joy when he heard those words leave his mouth. {This is it.} Sending the chair flying backwards, Dreadnorr leaped off his butt and onto his feet. Throwing his hands up in the air, he chanted "OON-TA WAH-NOONTA HAYA-BUSA!" three times. Prepared for a spectacular light show, with an amazing vanishing act to tie it all up, he was disappointed to notice that Zarram was still sitting right there. {What... What went wrong?}

Raising an eyebrow, Zarram looked up at Dreadnorr. "What was that?" he asked.

{Think fast} Dreadnorr thought to himself. "It's a new tradition here in the castle. All the minions and I do a dance and sing a song to celebrate, uh... LIFE! Before eating, that is." He said with a suspicious smile and nod.

"How... fun?" Zarram began to get out of his chair before Dreadnorr stopped him.

"Oh no, don't stand, it will break tradition. Only the host must dance."

"But who sits when you do it with the minions?"

"... no one..."

Dreadnorr began to dance about like a fool as he started repeating the chant from before. Beckoning for Zarram to join in, they both started saying it almost in unison. "OON-A WAH-NOONTA HAYA-BUSA!"

As they repeated the chant for a third and final time, a bright light illuminated the room as a vortex formed under Zarram's seat, sucking him into an unknown abyss. Fearing that he too would be sucked in, Dreadnorr dove off the table and crashed onto the stone floor.

The portal began to settle down and eventually dissipate, and Dreadnorr stuck his head up to look around. "Did... Did it work?" He waited for a response." Zarram you're a milk suckling loser who runs around with your student all day because no one likes you!". He ducked under the table in case Zarram was still there and ready to burn his bones to ashes. With a moment of silence Dreadnorr sprung to his feet.

"YIPPIE, I DID IT!" He laughed uncontrollably while he called for one of his minions. An ink stained and bandaged minion walked in and saluted "Oh yes, today is a good day in deed." His smile widened, looking as if it would crack his face in half if his cheeks stretched much further. "Get me my Jolly ole' Dandy Cane, I'm going for one of my happy walks." The minion bowed and proceeded to exit the room as Dreadnorr continued his jig.

As Dreadnorr was celebrating his victory in his dining room, happy as ever, Zarram was having quite the opposite experience, getting thrown about in the fabric of time and space.

After what seemed like an eternity of agonizing pain and torment, he ended up getting spit out of the rift that with only two mementos; the chair he was sitting on, now broke due to impact, and the carpet that was under his seat at the dinner table.

Rubbing his back Zarram arose from what looked like a magic carpet flight gone horribly wrong. He kicked the broken bits of the chair off of the carpet and picked it up, dusting it off. "you know what, these carpets don't look nice, ya jerk!" He shouted, as he shook his fist in the air.

Taking a moment for the severity of the situation to set in, Zarram had now just realized that he was completely and utterly lost, and possibly not even in the same realm that he was accustomed to. Surveying his surrounding, he took note of a few things. For one, he was in a forest, one not unlike the ones back home, but this one looked and felt very differently. The trees somehow looked 'friendlier' and the grass was much greener. The overall feeling, while still feeling like a dangerous and dark forest should, felt a bit more friendly as well. The feeling, however, was far from calming.

Letting out a sigh, Zarram began walking in a straight line in no particular direction. "Well, time to find civilization, that will be good." Remembering the horror stories from back home about the ghouls and cannibals he almost began to regret that statement "Or maybe not finding civilization would be better."

After walking for what could have been hours, Zarram could see what seemed to be the edge of the forest. Going into a prone position and crawling to where the bush seemed to clear, he spotted a single house, one that looked as if it was covered in grass or moss with plenty of bird houses everywhere. Standing outside was a small, yellow horse like creature with a pink mane with a small white bunny standing besides it.

"Hmm." Zarram started talking to himself, as he often did when intrigued by things "This can mean one of two things; the horses here are naturally very deformed and brightly colored, or that is one sick horse" Continuing to inspect the creature, Zarram noted a branding on it's flank "So it's domestic, that's good. The owner must be home in that house."

Getting up out of the bush, Zarram began to walk towards the mysterious house...

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Yes, Zarram did end up in Everfree forest, and If I truly butchered where Fluttershy's house is in relation to the edge of the forest, I'm sorry. I'm still kind of getting in to the show.

I'm also truly sorry if there aren't enough ponies in this chapter, it was kind of the prologue

And by the way, I love comments. I love them so much, especially ones that show interest in my story or ones that want to help me.

So go now my pretties... Comment, love, hate, dance...

Comments

[Agentpony]

Can you link us to the original source of all the stuff in this fic? like the story's they are from etc etc

[Aiovas]

Ok beginning hope to read more

[SouthernmostDogs]

I would like to see where Zarram and Dreadnorr are from. Still, it's a good story.

[Agentpony]

"Portals for dummies by Johnson Cave"
I lol'd

[DezzarTac]

Combustible Lemon Ref.

[BrendanandJohn]

1000008
999983

Sadly, any source of literature I've had with them, and my original universe, is most likely on my other computer which is, for a lack of better words, derpy right now. However, you can check out my DA account . I wouldn't recommend looking too much into it, mainly because a lot of what I have there is old and I've reworked a lot of it recently (And due to possible spoilers). At the very least, you might get a look at what the characters look like if you search for their names in my gallery.

999985

I'm glad to hear that. What made it only okay though as opposed to good or great?

1000122
1000706

Hehehe, references for the win!

[Aiovas]

1001720 well it's kinda like if your putting someone who has done the same thing for a long time that got little experience from the job into a new world without his inventory.

[BrendanandJohn]

1001893

Okay, I think I see where you're coming from.