Rather interesting story. There aren't many good Madness Combat stories out there. Thankfully. I found one right here. Trixie's death seemed kind of irrelevant to the plot of the story, but whatever, This is Madness.
But there seems to be too many elements in this story. Hank and Tricky would've been enough, but you added Trickied Discord, Jesus and his zompony minions. It is probably going to be hard time to write this. And you should get someone to check your grammar. There seems to be some minor mistakes.
1253313 Thank's. Trixie's death was kind of unneeded and a bit much, but its's the closest name to Tricky.... Yeah... iv'e sort of dug myself into a hole thats a bit too deep Chinese swaps: its an Aussie thing, kinda Oh and could you list my mistakes?
“Ah don’t know Twi,*grunt in pain* but it sure aint just some apple thief”
ain't
looking behind her seeing that there is a deep cut with blood pouring out of the deep cut on her flank
"There is a deep cut with blood pouring out of it on her flank"
The Noobs better handle themselves without me he thought.
"...without me, he thought."
it was another horse, this time light blue with wings and a multicolour hairdoo.
hairdo
“You say this place is called Sweet Apple Acres, near a town called ‘Ponyville’ and in a country called ‘Equestria’?” he still dead-panning.
"he still deadpanned"
“so what you’re saying, is that I’m in an entirely new bloody world!?” visibly angry.
You don't need the "what" in there. For example: "...bloody world!?" Hank yelled with anger." would fit pretty well in there.
She was about to reply when suddenly a giant white horse with wings, a horn and a wavy multicolour hair style
the word "mane" would be better.
“DAMNIT! GET BACK IT S A MAG!”
IT'S
swinging his sword behind him only to hear the CLINK of metal on heavy metal armour.
For example: "...only to hear the CLINK of metal when his sword struck against a heavy metal armour."
Twilight teleported the apples to the hospital
Capital A is missing.
Whew! There are most of the grammatical errors of Chapter 2. I think I missed some, but that's all I could find. Also there are some missing capital letters or capital letters in wrong place. Hope this helps!
What da fuq did I just read?
Madness obviously...sigh
Well good chapter.
Can't believe you killed off Trixie tho.
1222214 oh.. you like Trixie?...
She has the closest sounding name to Tricky though :C
1222218
Not really. But I hate it when all the "villains" of the series that weren't given second chances are killed off.
Meh. Just a personal irritation. But otherwise this is coming together nicely....And I thought Jesus retired.
1222226 Oh.. sorry
Jesus did retire, but this isn't a canon story
1222255
True.
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUMMMMMM
that was brutal
1222834 Damn right!
you should go after the changlings
1222852 Hmmm.....
img211.imageshack.us/img211/5996/hankmaybe.png
1222885 CHRISYIS MUST DIEFOR HER ACTIONS
мы. убьет ее.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/45177/1/Sleep-Tight,-My-Love/Saying-Goodbye
1223032img198.imageshack.us/img198/1040/maybelater.png
1240088 Sorry, RPG Cleanie
Get it?
Rather interesting story. There aren't many good Madness Combat stories out there. Thankfully. I found one right here. Trixie's death seemed kind of irrelevant to the plot of the story, but whatever, This is Madness.
But there seems to be too many elements in this story. Hank and Tricky would've been enough, but you added Trickied Discord, Jesus and his zompony minions. It is probably going to be hard time to write this. And you should get someone to check your grammar. There seems to be some minor mistakes.
"Chinese Swaps"? What that means, I don't know.
1253313 Thank's.
Trixie's death was kind of unneeded and a bit much, but its's the closest name to Tricky....
Yeah... iv'e sort of dug myself into a hole thats a bit too deep
Chinese swaps: its an Aussie thing, kinda
Oh and could you list my mistakes?
1254453 Chapter 2 grammatical mistakes:
ain't
"There is a deep cut with blood pouring out of it on her flank"
"...without me, he thought."
hairdo
"he still deadpanned"
You don't need the "what" in there.
For example: "...bloody world!?" Hank yelled with anger." would fit pretty well in there.
the word "mane" would be better.
IT'S
For example: "...only to hear the CLINK of metal when his sword struck against a heavy metal armour."
Capital A is missing.
Whew! There are most of the grammatical errors of Chapter 2. I think I missed some, but that's all I could find. Also there are some missing
capital letters or capital letters in wrong place. Hope this helps!
1258500 WAHEY!
thanks ^_^
1260050 I can check the other chapters as well.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Derpy_Hooves_lolface.png