Party at Bag End
Starlight couldn't believe what was happening, even though it was happening all around her. They had been caught, they had failed to keep the secret, and now they were forced to go on an adventure that they were never supposed to exist in. Starlight had half a mind to just grab her friends and make a run for it. But Gandalf was a wizard, after all, so he could probably stop them from trying, and the fact that she had no magic didn't help.
Stygian and Sunset, on the other hand, were more than happy to join the adventure. Stygian had heard stories of Middle-Earth, mostly the ones about the Elves and such. As a self-respecting scholar, there was no way he was going to pass up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet them.
Sunset, of course, had simpler goals in mind. She had read all about Middle-Earth through Twilight's journal, about all the adventures and treasures there. It was always her dream to go on an adventure in Middle-Earth, and possibly find some treasure of her own as a bonus. She didn't really care that they traveled back in time, really. To her, an adventure was an adventure, regardless of the circumstances.
"They just don't get it!" Starlight thought to herself. She had known a thing or two of the consequences of time-travel, having caused one herself. She knew better than most ponies about what happens to those who mess with time. But it was too late, she had made a rash decision to help Thorin and get involved in the quest. She was determined to stay as uninvolved in the adventure as she could. She could only hope that her friends would behave themselves during it, lest they cause irreversible damage to the space-time continuum.
The next morning went about rather quickly. They had spent the night in the Prancing Pony, and (with some help from Gandalf) paid for their meals last night. After getting all that out of the way, they all took a trip to the local shops and bought the provisions they needed, some cooking kits for the road, as well as three small horses for a decent price. Thorin had left some time before they were ready, leaving them to travel with Gandalf. Soon, after leaving a message for Twilight, they set off from Bree and embarked to the small village of Hobbiton.
If Gandalf had traveled alone, he would've been able to get there in a few days, but due to the extra baggage he had picked up, in the form of three time-traveling children, the journey would take a bit longer than that. They were going to be a bit late, but no matter. Gandalf had a feeling these three would have a role to play, and he couldn't deny that he would like to learn a little more about them.
After a few hours, the road had gotten boring, and everyone had kinda drifted off into their own thing. Stygian was showing Gandalf his Soul Gem, and how he was able to channel magic from it. He didn't mention any names or places, but he managed to tell him a little bit about Equestria and how magic there works. Gandalf just nodded, asking a few questions here and there. He had just assumed that they were from a colony that was either lost to history, or would be founded in the future. Stygian would've told more, but Starlight made him and Sunset swear secrecy about Equestria. They didn't fuss, they knew that it had to be the Princess of Friendship to tell Gandalf about their native country, after all.
Sunset had taken to killing time by reading her journal. Not all of it was missing, and she could still find ways to learn about Middle-Earth with what was still there. Gandalf had asked to read it from time to time, but Starlight had always jumped in to shut down the idea. But that didn't stop Sunset from slipping it into his robes, at the promise that he would return it.
Starlight had distanced herself the most from the group. After making Sunset and Stygian promise to keep Equestria a secret, she would often just hang in the back, thinking to herself. Whenever she was addressed, she spoke in short sentences and never answered any questions that were asked. So eventually, everyone else just left her to her own devices. But she was finding this to be boring beyond belief, and after an hour of silence, she had rode up to talk to Sunset, who was reading the assassination reward letter Gandalf had given her (part of the payment for the journal).
"What does that read?" Starlight asked, letting curiosity get the better of her.
Sunset jumped, not expecting Starlight to sneak up on her like that, "Oh, hey Starlight. It's written in Black Speech. It's a really ugly language spoken by orcs."
"An ugly language, indeed," Gandalf confirmed, having overheard the conversation, "Very few know how to speak it, or have the bravery to. You must be really something to be fully versed in it."
Sunset just shrugged it off, "I just like learning new things, that's all."
"But what does it say?" Starlight asked again, "Why would someone write in a language like that?"
"Well, whoever they are, they must really hate Thorin," Sunset guessed, "They wrote about paying somebody handsomely well for the head of Thorin Oakenshield. Just a head, nothing attached to it."
"Someone wants him dead?" Stygian asked, now joining the conversation "Then is it really safe for him to be travelling on his own? Shouldn't he have come with us?"
Gandalf simply laughed, "Do not be so quick to judge the strength of Thorin Oakenshield, young Stygain. He will be fine on his own, for the time being. Besides, he has his own task to perform, and we have ours."
"What is that task exactly?" Starlight questioned, "I know that we're going to Hobbiton, but what does that have to do with heading to the Lonely Mountain."
Gandalf rode forward a little, taking charge of the group, answering, "We are heading to a party. Thorin has gone to rally the Seven Armies to help him retake Erebor, along with other members of his kin. Our burglar has graciously lent his own house to host the meeting."
"Burglar?" Sunset chipped in, "If you needed a burglar, you could've just asked me. I'm a pretty decent pickpocket, and I know how to get in and out of places quickly."
Gandalf just shook his head, "I'm sure you do. Unfortunately, Smaug has long been used to the smell and taste of Man and Dwarf. We will need the smell of something he isn't used to, like a hobbit, perhaps?"
Starlight, feeling a little daring, asked, "Hobbit, I've heard that word a lot. Our friend often talked to us about them, but the details were vague. What is a hobbit, per say?"
"Doesn't surprise me," Gandalf answered, "Very few know about their existence, and they very well prefer it that way. Hobbits are small creatures, barely three feet tall. They live quiet, peaceful lives and prefer to be left alone if they can help it."
Stygian was puzzled, "If that's the case, what makes you so sure that your burglar will help us?"
"Oh, trust me," Gandalf winked, "He will."
After about a week or so of travel, they had found themselves in the quiet little town of Hobbiton. When they arrived, Sunset thought she would be reaching Pinkie Pie levels of excitement when she saw them. It would be an understatement to say she was sorely disappointed. True to Gandalf's word, hobbits were nothing more than three feet tall men who preferred quiet and comfortable lives, not taking kindly to anything that was out of the ordinary. More than once, she and her friends had received a few dirty looks from some grouchy looking ones while working on their gardens.
"Just ignore them," Gandalf warned the group, "the Sackville-Baggins family are a rather bad-tempered sort. Don't take any of their manners too seriously."
It went without saying that all three friends had wholeheartedly agreed.
Not to say that there weren't a few things that interested her. She found out that they made their homes out of holes in the ground. It was a bit of an amazement how they were able to turn a small dirty hole in the ground into a warm, comfortable living place, all without the help of magic, too. She would've asked them how they did it, but she had a feeling that these simpletons didn't want to talk with her, probably another batch of those "Sackville-Baggins" people Gandalf told them about. No matter, once she met Gandalf's burglar, she would be able to ask them all the questions she could think of.
In time, Gandalf pulled them over by a small set of bushes and told them to wait there, "I'm simply going ahead to inform our burglar that everything is in order, and that he should be expecting a party of thirteen dwarves or so, three children, and myself. You just wait here until I give you the all clear."
Not really wanting to go anywhere without Gandalf, the three friends agreed to stay put. Even Starlight, who would've saw this as a perfect chance to escape, promised to stay where she was, out of fear that she would alter the timeline if she wandered off. With that out of the way, Gandalf went forward to have a chat with his burglar.
Bilbo Baggins was one of the more respectable hobbits in Hobbiton, always on time. He had a nice hobbit hole, filled with good food, a warm fireplace, and all the comforts of home. He would spend his days talking to the neighbors, reading his books, or simply smoking from his wooden pipe on his front porch. He was a normal everyday hobbit, and nothing unexpected ever happened to him.
So you could imagine his surprise when a robed man with a staff came up to his gate and turned his smoke ring into a butterfly, which had landed on his nose before evaporating into thin air. He looked up at the robed man, but didn't know what to make of him. He certainly wasn't from anywhere in Hobbiton, he was sure he wasn't from the Shire altogether. If he wanted to talk to him, he made no sign that he was going to. Not wanting to be impolite, Bilbo was the first to say something,
"Good morning."
"What do you mean?" the robed man asked him, "Do you wish me a good morning, or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning; or are you simply saying that it is a morning to be good on? Hmm?"
Confusion painted Bilbo's face like a canvas. How could someone take something simple like a 'Good Morning' and turn it into all that?
"All of them at once, I suppose?" Bilbo cautiously answered.
The robed man just stared at him at this comment. It looked as if he was studying him, sizing him up for something. Bilbo had no idea what he was doing here, or why he was talking to him. He wasn't the kind of hobbit to associate with his kind of sort. But there was no use in just staring at each other, "Can I help you?"
"That remains to be seen," the robed man simply replied, "I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure."
Now Bilbo's confusion was replaced by surprise. So much surprise in fact, that his pipe had fallen out of his mouth. An adventure, him? Ha, Bilbo could hardly make it past the gates of his own front porch, let alone an adventure. He laughed slightly, "An adventure? No, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things, make you late for dinner."
With those words, Bilbo got up to check his mail. The robed man had his answer now, so he would certainly go away now and ask somebody else. But the robed man didn't budge, in fact it looked like Bilbo's answer hadn't registered to him, or he was simply ignoring it. Bilbo was now a little afraid, and he wanted to get back into his hobbit hole as quick as possible.
"Well, heh, good morning," Bilbo bid the stranger, and walked up the steps to Bag End.
But apparently, the robed man wasn't satisfied with the answer he was given. He stepped forward a little, and spoke in a challenging voice, "To think that I should have lived to be 'good morninged' by Belladonna Took's son as if I were selling buttons at the door."
At these words, Bilbo paused. It wasn't a secret who his parents were, not here in Hobbiton. But this stranger wasn't from Hobbiton, or anywhere in the Shire, was he? Bilbo turned to address him, "Beg your pardon?"
"You've changed, and not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins," the robed man plainly stated.
If he was suspicious at first, now Bilbo was on guard. It was one thing for someone to be familiar with his parents name, of course. But for someone to know his name, and to address him as if they were very old friends, that was highly suspicious, and his reaction was not entirely different than anybody else's if they were in a similar predicament.
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Bilbo asked, almost with a challenging voice himself.
"Well, you know my name," the robed man declared, "although you don't remember I belong to it, I'm Gandalf! And Gandalf means... me!"
Now they were getting somewhere. Bilbo now understood who this man was, "Gandalf? Not Gandalf the Wandering Wizard, who made such excellent fireworks? Old Took used to have them every midsummer's eve!"
Gandalf felt a little bashful. His fireworks were great, of course, but he was sure they weren't all that. Still, it felt good to have someone compliment you on your work.
"No idea you were still in business," Bilbo bluntly added.
Just like that, those bashful feelings were gone, " And where else should I be?"
"Where else..? Ahem," Bilbo blundered. He had just insulted him, but he didn't seem to notice that he had. But Gandalf didn't seem to mind, at least he remembered him for something.
"Well, I'm pleased to find you remember something about me, even if it's only my fireworks," Gandalf said, trying hide his disappointment in Bilbo. He was a bit of a pompous, sure, but that would change soon. His mind was made up, Bilbo was just the person he needed, " Yes. Well, that's decided. It'll be very good for you, and most amusing for me. I will inform the others."
"Inform the who?" Bilbo stuttered, now his guard was replaced with sternness, and a touch of anger, "No, no, no... wait! We do not want any adventures here, thank you! Not today, not... I suggest you try Over the Hill or Across the Water!"
And with one final "Good Morning", Bilbo opened the door, hurried into his hobbit hole, and locked the door behind him. He remained there for some time, hoping beyond hope that Gandalf would just go away. But as he was thinking to himself, he heard a strange noise coming from outside. He pressed his head up to the door to hear a little better. It sounded like someone was etching something on a board, rather loudly too. No, he couldn't be. Bilbo then peaked through the window to confirm his suspicions.
He didn't see much of anything, other than Gandalf's great big eye staring at him through the window. Having the sense to back away, he hid himself on the other side of the wall. He hid there for a few seconds before hearing the sound of footsteps becoming fainter and fainter. Risking it, he peaked through the door once again to find that Gandalf had left, humming to himself on the way out. Finally deciding that the coast was clear, he relaxed a little bit. Hopefully that would be the last time that he would see Gandalf, and he could go back to his comfortable, respectable life.
Unfortunately, that would not be the case. Gandalf had made up his mind about Bilbo, and once it was, there was little a person could do to change it. He would be riding ahead a little bit and informing the other guests about the location of the meeting place and what they could expect. But first, he had to go back to his friends and tell them what would be happening. They were now wrapped up in all this, so they were expected to show up just as much as the others were.
"I'll be back before the evening is done," Gandalf said, once he had told them of what he had planned, though he left out the part about Bilbo's hostility, "In about a quarter day's time, make for the providence of Bag End. It's the hobbit hole on the hill, with the mark on the door. A hobbit named Bilbo Baggins will be there to get you all sorted out for dinner. Be there at around eight, sharp."
And with those words, Gandalf got on his horse, and rode out of Hobbiton, leaving the three ponies turned human to camp in the bushes for a few hours.
In that amount of time, they had gotten to chatting about what they were going to expect on their adventure.
"I've heard fascinating stories about the Elves of Middle-Earth from Twilight," Stygian explained hopefully, "Just imagine, the ability to remain young and fair for eternity. I imagined only an alicorn was capable of such feats. It would be amazing to be able to meet one."
Sunset just shrugged, "I don't really care about all that. I was hoping I would be able to see the Kingdom of Gondor myself. But they won't have a true king until the next sixty or so years. So instead, I'll just settle for an adventure or two and a few nice souvenirs to show my friends back home, if we ever get home."
"Don't talk like that, of course we're going to get home," Stygian replied, "Hey Starlight, what are you hoping from all this?"
But Starlight had remained silent, her policy of not speaking unless spoken to was still in affect, and she certainly didn't want to talk to these two idiots.
Sunset nudged her a bit, "Come on, Starlight. I know you, you aren't this stuck up about everything. Why don't you stop being a worrywart and just talk to us."
Now Starlight was offended. Standing up, she said in a loud voice, "Oh, I'm the worrywart?! Because we're trapped in an alien world that we have no idea about, I'm the worrywart?! Or because we got sent back sixty years into the past, and could alter the future beyond recognition with our actions, I'm the worrywart?! Or the fact that I trapped myself and my friends on an adventure where we could be badly hurt, or worse, I'm the worrywart?! Oh sure, go have fun with your quest, and just buck everything sideways about the timeline! Just blame ol' Worrywart Glimmer for caring about the safety of my friends!!!"
And with those words out in the open, she just sat back down, and put her hands to her face. To say that Sunset and Stygian were shocked at this remark wouldn't begin to cover it. They had no idea Starlight was so worried for them. They wanted to comfort her in some way, but didn't know how exactly to do it. Sunset just settled for putting her hand on her shoulder, "Look, I can't pretend to know anything about what you're talking about, but I do know one thing: You care about your friends, and that's admirable of you to do. Just know that as long as we stick together, we'll be fine. We're all going to get through this in one piece, we just need to stop worrying about the future, and think about what we do in the moment."
This wasn't as comforting as Sunset would've hoped, because Starlight just brushed her hand off and coldly said, "You have no idea, either of you. You have no idea about the consequences of time travel."
Sunset wanted to help her in some way, make it all feel better. But before she could, she heard a call for their names, and saw that Gandalf had returned, and he was not alone.
Dwarves. Sunset had heard about them, but had never actually seen what they looked like. They were much like hobbits, except they were a bit taller, had a stockier build, and most noticeably, they had big and scruffy looking beards.
One of them came up to Gandalf, "Oy, what are these three doing here?! You never told us there was going to be children attending!"
This comment was followed by a flurry of comments of agreement. Gandalf tried his best to calm them down, but was finding it hard. Once he did, he explained to them, "Please, please, calm yourselves. These are my associates, they may look like children, but I assure you, they will be most beneficial to your quest. Why don't you introduce yourselves?"
Sunset, realizing that he was talking about them, bowed low and introduced herself, "Hello, I'm Sunset Shimmer. Pleased to meet you."
"Starlight Glimmer," Starlight whispered reluctantly.
Stygian bowed low and said, "Stygian, Magical Researcher and fifth member of the White Council, at your service."
It was a lie, and Gandalf knew it. The fifth member was actually Cirdan, and while Stygian was skilled in magic, he was nowhere near as powerful as himself or anyone else in the Council. He had often wondered why he had told him about the Council in the first place. Nevertheless, the dwarves seemed to buy it, believing that another wizard within their ranks would be helpful.
When it was their turn to introduce themselves, they took turns in kind. The one who had questioned their presence was a dwarf named Gloin. The youngest looking one was called Ori. There was a partially deaf one there too, who had to press a small horn up to his ear, his name was Oin. The next one wore a funny fur hat, he went by Bofur. Next in line was a particularly fat dwarf with a small bald spot on the top of his head, Bombur was his name. Next to him was a dwarf with a white beard who didn't speak any English (Bofur said his name was Bifur). And after them were the two dwarves Nori and Dori.
After everyone was properly acquainted, they all set out to Bag End, they only had a few minutes before the required meeting time, after all. The dwarves chatted among themselves, talking about what kind of food would be at the party, what they had been up to since the last time they met, what powers Gandalf and Stygian might hold, etc. They mostly didn't pay attention to the three otherworldly friends, except for young Ori, of course.
"So, how exactly do you know Gandalf?" asked Ori in a rather innocent voice, he reminded both Sunset and Starlight of Fluttershy.
Sunset bent down to his level, "Well, a while ago, he was being hunted by a group of assassins. If it wasn't for us, Gandalf most likely wouldn't be here right now."
"Oh, I doubt that," Ori said confidently, "He's a wizard, after all. Wizards are one of the most powerful beings there is, he probably could've dealt with them on his own. But still, it was nice of you to help him."
Sunset was a little baffled by Ori's comment, but agreed with him all the same. The way Twilight described him, he probably had more magic up his sleeve than any of the Alicorn Princesses, or at least, he would.
They continued walking and talking for about five minutes before they made it to Bag End. It was like all the other hobbit holes Sunset had seen, but was different from them at the same time. It was a small hole in the hill with a door, like all the other ones. But it gave off a homely and comfortable charm that the other hobbit holes just couldn't compare with. She was anxious to get in and see what it looked like on the inside. Apparently, the dwarves were also anxious to get in, as they all began to crowd to the door as soon as the bell was rung. From inside, they heard a rather angry and unfriendly voice calling out to them,
"There's nobody home, go away and bother somebody else! There's too many dwarves in my dining room as it is! If this is some clot-head's idea of a joke, I can only say it is in very poor taste!"
The door suddenly swung open, and all the dwarves who crowded the door suddenly toppled over like dominoes. Luckily, Gandalf, Sunset and the others stayed a bit in the back, as they did not go tumbling with them. As the dwarves struggled to get themselves back up again, Gandalf peaked his head through the door, a sheepish grin spread over his face.
If they weren't so sure of the fact that they traveled back in time before, there was no denying it now. Bilbo was nothing like Twilight had described him. He was younger looking, much younger looking. His white, messy hair was replaced by dark blondish, less messy hair, and he seemed more of a pompous than an adventurer to Sunset.
"Gandalf," he accused coldly, "And who are those behind you, huh? More uninvited guests, I presume? Well, at least they're not dwarves, I've had it up to here with dwarves!"
As he stormed off to attend to the other "guests", with the dwarves, now up from their domino tumble, close behind, the three equestrians gave Gandalf a suspicious look, "Wait a minute, you said that Bilbo knew that we were coming."
All Gandalf could do was give them the same sheepish grin he gave Bilbo.
Sunset was right, the inside had the same homely charm as on the outside, though the roof was obviously built for someone much smaller than her, like smaller then her waist. Stygian almost got a concussion because of the many times he hit his head on the chandelier. And it was hard to admire a model home when said home was crowded with hungry dwarves.
There were four other dwarves here other than the ones she had arrived with. The first was Dwalin, who had a bald head and a long black beard. Next was an old dwarf named Balin, when he spoke, he gave off a similar presence to Twilight, in the sense that they were both very wise and knowledgeable. Then there were the two brothers, Fili and Kili. Those two were like Rainbow Dash, if she was a guy, and was split into two people. They were rather fun to hang around, Sunset could not deny. She hoped that she would be able to sit next to them when dinner was served.
Bilbo, on the other hand, was not enjoying his time at all. He was trying in vain to get the dwarves to behave themselves, but they kept taking food from the pantry, picking up chairs and plates and other priceless family heirlooms to use at the dining table. He reminded Sunset of Rarity, if Rarity wasn't interested in clothing and was three feet tall. It was every self-proclaimed high-class pony's worst nightmare! Starlight was also trying to help Bilbo get the dwarves under control, seemingly forgetting her fear of the space-time continuum for basic table manners.
Meanwhile, Gandalf had taken to counting off the dwarves, making sure that everyone was here, "Okay, there's Stygian, Sunset, and Starlight, they came with me, of course. Uh, Fili, Kili, uh... Oin, Gloin. Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bomber... Dori, Nori, Ori!"
At that moment Bifur came up to Gandalf and said something in Dwarvish or something, "Yes, you're quite right, Bifur. We appear to be one dwarf short."
"You mean Thorin?" Sunset asked, "Where is he if he's not here?"
"He is late, is all" Dwalin clarified, a big wooden flagon in his hand, "He traveled north to a meeting with our kin. He will come."
At this moment, Dori came up to Gandalf with two glasses full of red substance on a serving plate, "Mr. Gandalf? A little glass of red wine, as requested. Oh, and here's one for you too, Miss Shimmer. Figured you could use a little something as well. It's got a fruity bouquet."
Even though Sunset never asked for the drink, she graciously accepted it. She had never tried alcohol before, to be honest. She was but a filly when she abandoned Celestia, and in the Human Realm, she wouldn't be allowed to drink until she was twenty-one human years, and ol' Butterbur swore on his life that the stuff she and Stygian were drinking was non-alcoholic. This was a new experience, and she wasn't going to turn it down, plus it was polite. And with a small clink both Gandalf and Sunset took a shot of their red wine, looking sorrowfully at their small cups.
Soon after, the chairs were all in, the food was laid out, and everyone was hungry and ready for dinner. Sunset got her wish, as she managed to secure a spot between Kili and Nori. Stygian was sitting next to Gandalf, he was still disoriented from his bash in the head, and Gandalf was the only one tall enough for him to lean on. Starlight had just decided to sit outside with Bilbo. They were both tired from trying to get the dwarves under control, and had just opted to sit it out until they were done with dinner. To everyone else, dinner was fantastic! Bilbo really knew his stuff when it came to cooking. Sunset's favorite, in particular, was the sausages. She had really loved meats like sausages and bacon, partially the reason why everybody called her Bacon Hair, after all. Upon hearing that little story, every dwarf in the room laughed with delight. Bofur and Bombur had made a little game with themselves, Bofur would throw a handful of food at him, and Bombur would catch it in his mouth, this also earned a few cheers and laughs from the dwarves. Fili was serving ales to everybody, trying hard not to step on anybody's hands or plates.
"Who wants an ale?! Here you go!" he called to the other dwarves, giving them out as he went. His brother Kili, had requested an ale from him, and Sunset did as well. Dwalin asked for one too, but as soon as he got it, he poured it down Oin's hearing horn, who proceeded to blow it out like a trumpet, causing ale to splash everywhere. A soon as he was done serving everybody, Fili got off the table, and secured a spot next to his brother.
"Ale on the count of three!" Bofur yelled. Everyone all agreed, but decided to down their ales on "two" instead of waiting for "three". For the first time that night, everyone was silent, as they had lifted their flagons high, and poured the tasty beverage down their throats. After a few seconds, the room had become a chorus of burping. Nori had been the first to burp, follwed by Ori (who had burped the longest) and then...
"BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRP!!!!!!!"
At this the room fell silent, and all eyes frantically searched for the one who had caused that earthquake of a burp. Soon, they managed to trace it to the unlikeliest of people.
Sunset, had burped so loud and long, that the table and plates shook a little bit. All eyes were on her, never before had they heard a burp so loud or long. Sunset began to feel uncomfortable, like she had said a very offensive curse word.
"Um, excuse me?" Sunset said meekly.
What happened next, was unexpected, but very expected at the same time. For every dwarf in the room had erupted into a series of cheers, the ones closest to her giving her pats on the back and "congratulations". It was from then on, that Sunset was known to the dwarves of Durin Folk as Bacon Hair, the Queen of the Banquet Hall, or simply Sunset, at her request.
Starlight buried her head in her face, already they were altering the timeline beyond repair. Bilbo, not knowing what she was upset about, but wanting to help, simply put his hand on her lower back (he was aiming for her shoulder) and just gave it a few pats.
After dinner was done, all the dwarves had gone to work cleaning up after themselves. But they were doing it all wrong, the plates weren't supposed to go there, that wasn't how you used the soap, and that was a doily, not a dishcloth!
"But it's full of holes," Bofur pointed out, a little confused.
Bilbo showed it to him stating, "It's supposed to look like that, it's crochet."
"Oh and a wonderful game it is too," Bofur joked, "If you've got the balls for it."
This earned a few laughs from the other dwarves, but Bilbo was not amused. In fact he was angry beyond belief,
"Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!"
Gandalf, who had witnessed Bilbo's rather inappropriate choice of words, come up to see him, "My dear Bilbo, what on Earth is the matter?"
"What's the matter?" Bilbo sassed him, as if these dwarves would be here without him, "I'm surrounded by dwarves. What are they doing here?"
Gandalf just smiled, witnessing Nori and Bofur playing tug-of-war with a string of sausages, "Oh, they're quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them."
"I don't want to get used to them!" Bilbo hissed, "Look at the state of my kitchen! There's mud trod into the carpet, they pillaged the pantry, I'm not even going to tell you what they've done to the bathroom; they've all but destroyed the plumbing. I don't understand what they're doing in my house!"
At this moment, Ori came in with his plate in hand, a rather innocent look on his face, "Excuse me? I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?"
"Here ya go, Ori. Give it to me," Fili said as he walked in, taking the plate from Ori's hands. He then threw it to Kili, who then threw it to Bifur, who then started to wash it in the sink.
Starlight, who had walked in at the time, was freaking out, "Excuse me, is that any way to treat your host's belongings?!"
Bilbo had quite agreed with her,"Be careful with that, that's my mother's West Farthing Pottery, it's over a hundred years old!"
But they had either not heard Bilbo, or didn't care, as they continued to throw the plates around like they were basketballs. Starlight and Bilbo tried desperately to stop them, but they were too nimble and too quick for them. Starlight, feeling rather like she was going to explode, grabbed Stygian's Soul Gem (who was resting nearby) and tried to use it to channel her magic so she could catch the plates in midair; nothing happened.
"Why isn't it working?!" Starlight shouted.
"Locked... on... genetic code," Stygian muttered, holding his ice pack closer to his forehead, "Won't... work... for... except... me."
Starlight grunted loudly and tossed the Soul Gem into his lap, before storming off.
Meanwhile, everyone was playing with the forks and knives. Sharpening them, playing swords with them, making rhythmic bumps on the table and the floor. Bilbo was just not amused, half-heartingly accepting that they would not listen to anything he said, "And can you not do that, you'll blunt them!"
"Oh, ya hear that, lads?" Bofur spoke, feigning concern, "He says we'll blunt the knives."
Kili then got a song going, followed by Fili, and soon every dwarf was singing along to it as they cleaned up, even Sunset managed to join in on it, once she got the gist of it. And it went a little something like this:
Blunt the knives, bend the forks
Smash the bottles and burn the corks
Chip the glasses and crack the plates
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Cut the cloth, tread on the fat
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat
Pour the milk on the pantry floor
Splash the wine on every door!
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl
Pound them up with a thumping pole
When you're finished, if they are whole
Send them down the hall to roll
They had a real rhythm going. They sang in tune with their work, the plates were all thrown to each other, Bombur cleaned the plates by eating the leftovers, Balin simply catapulted the plates with his own, doing it in time. Sunset caught the ones that they didn't, tossed them to the nearest dwarf to get them back into the flow of things, and little Ori was in charge of putting them away when they were cleaned. This lasted for a few minutes, and when it was all done, they finished their song with one last big:
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
When both Bilbo and Starlight walked into the room, what they found was unexpected to say the least. The table was clean, the trash was either thrown away or eaten by Bombur, the plates and silverware were all stacked and ready to be put away, and everyone was just chilling about, laughing at the look of their faces.
Starlight was impressed, they may have been terrible house-guests, but they definitely knew how to clean up after themselves, Bilbo happened to be thinking the exact same thing.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Suddenly, there was a huge knock at the door, not acknowledging the presence of the doorbell. All the merriment stopped, all the laughing had come to a halt. The tone had become serious and somber.
Gandalf, turned his head towards the company and gravely said, "He is here."
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9938557
No one expects you do that. Just work at your own pace and take it one at a time. Rushing leads to problems with the narrative and leaves unwanted plot holes within the story.
Fanfics are no exception to this, especially when it come to crossover stories and believe me, I have read my share of bad fics. Displaced stories are notorious of this as well.
9938575
While I admire your concern for me, I assure you that I'm fine. I miscalculated a little bit, and the things I were worried about IRL took shorter to handle than I originally thought. But I think I will take your advice and try to balance out my work on it from now on. Thanks for looking out for me.
GOD that "Burp" game!!! Are those guys nuts?? LOL
10169585
Sorry