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Published
1st May 2018
506
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3
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Rarity and Rainbow goes camping
-
sonadam9
Equestria Girls
Fetish
Human
Rainbow Dash (EqG)
Rarity (EqG)
Rarity and Rainbow go on a camping trip
Rarity and Rainbow goes camping
written by sonadam9
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chapter one
5,859 words
chapter two
5,370 words
Comments ( 1 )
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The Dark Wolf
The Dark Wolf
#1
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May 9th, 2018
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Not bad.
Suggestions on how to improve:
I'd put "Rarity thinks for a moment or so" either before her line or as a separate paragraph
"Rarity walks away laughing to find a seat" should have begun a new paragraph.
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Not bad.
Suggestions on how to improve: