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Rarity and Rainbow goes camping

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Comments ( 3 )

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The Dark Wolf #1 · May 9th, 2018 · · 1 · chapter one ·

Not bad.

Suggestions on how to improve:

I'd put "Rarity thinks for a moment or so" either before her line or as a separate paragraph
"Rarity walks away laughing to find a seat" should have begun a new paragraph.

The Dark Wolf #2 · Oct 30th, 2018 · · · chapter two ·

I think the part about Rainbow Dash's interest in trains is kind of cute.

sonadam9

sonadam9 #3 · Oct 31st, 2018 · · · chapter two ·

Thanks

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