Rarity has Dyed

by Unwhole Hole

Chapter 10: Another Intermediate Chapter

“I can’t believe this,” muttered Starlight. The sun was just coming up, and she felt incredibly tired. “Why in the name of Luna in a pile of thestrals did I just have to spend the whole night in the hospital?” she turned suddenly. “Apart from YOU eating things you’re not supposed to!”

Trixie waved her hoof dismissively. “The answer is you love me and wanted to be supportive. Besides. It’s better than sleeping in that draughty old castle.”

“It’s not that old- -wait. Did you just say ‘draughty’? As in, instead of ‘drafty’?”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie can be fancy too!” snapped Trixie.

Starlight was about to respond when the pair of them crested a hill and in the distance saw a short line of ponies standing in front of the castle. Others were already departing the end of it, and Starlight immediately grew concerned.

“What’s going on there?”

“How am I supposed to know? Trixie has left her glasses at home…”

Starlight reached out and stopped one of the ponies apparently leaving the end of the line. “Hey, Thunderlane!” she said. “What’s going on down there?”

Thunderlane smiled. “Oh, mane, Starlight, I’m surprised you missed it! Yeah, Twilight totally got convicted of necromancy. So we had a full-blown witch burning! Torches and everything!”

He laughed and took flight. Starlight felt her heart skip. “W…witch burning?” She turned suddenly, and bumped into yet another pony- -or, as she quickly realized, a zebra.

“Zecora!” she cried. “What’s happening? Is there really a witch burning? Did Twilight really- -”

Zecora smiled. “Indeed, though the punishment may be great for such a simple crime, I am very much glad that I was not the witch this time!”

“Celestia’s rainbow beard…” Starlight started running. Trixie did as well, being careful to stay behind Starlight for the best view.

Zecora called from behind her. “Be careful, little unicorn lasses! If you’re not careful, the next thing to be burning will be YOUR as- -”

Starlight did not hear the end of her couplet. Instead, she started running toward the castle at as close to a full sprint as her relatively weak unicorn legs could carry her. “They didn’t- -they couldn’t- -”

“Oh please,” said Trixie, rolling her eyes. “It’s like you’ve never been burned as a witch before.”

“Of course I haven’t- -wait a minute, you have?!”

“Uh, duh. In, like, five out of every eight villages Trixie stops in. If I had a bit for every time I’d been burned at the stake…well, I wouldn’t live in a stupid hobo cart. I’d have a shack. With NO wheels on it!”

Starlight did not know what Trixie meant, but in her haste she engaged a teleportation spell and vanished with a pop. She reappeared near where a wooden stake had been erected in the center of the castle courtyard. Twilight was chained to it, and sobbing uncontrollably in a pool of her own tears. The line that had been in front of her had finally reached its last pony. He approached Twilight.

“Your mother is so ugly, she gave birth to YOU!” he cried, laughing. “And then you were STILL so ugly that she gave you to Celestia because she couldn’t stand to look at you!”

The pony then stepped aside, putting his pitchfork into a labeled cart. Several other ponies began to take the carts of pitchforks and torches away, and Mayor Mare stepped forward past where Twilight was a sobbing, weeping heap.

“By the power vested in me, I hereby declare that this witch has been adequately roasted! She may be released!”

Several earth ponies removed the bindings that held Twilight to the post, and another removed the dimeritium shackle from her horn. Twilight collapsed, and Spike was finally released to run to her side.

“Twilight!” cried Starlight, also running to her. As she did, a pop occurred next to her and Trixie emerged from her own teleportation spell- -five feet off the ground and upside down.

“Oof!” cried Trixie as she thumped to the ground. “Ugh…I think that spell needs a little more practice.” She started to stand up. “The first time I think I went to Princess Cadence’s bedroom. It was all pink and crystally.” She brushed herself off. “Oh. And Flash Sentry says ‘hi’.”

“Spike!” cried Starlight, ignoring Trixie as usual. “What happened!”

“I don’t know! They came and took her out of the castle, and they said she made Rarity into a zombie- -but she didn’t! She wouldn’t! And then they…they tied her to a post and said mean things…”

“Uh, yeah,” said Trixie, as if that were obvious. “How else are you supposed to burn a witch?” She stepped forward and kicked Twilight lightly. “Suck it up, Sparkle. Trixie once had to do three of those in one day and still managed to get to her job at the rock farm…”

Spike pushed her away. “She’s been through enough! Leave her alone!”

“I’m sorry,” said Starlight. “I should have been here!”

“Yeah. Especially since you, well, you know, ACTUALLY conduct necromancy.”

Starlight stiffened. “Trixie! That was supposed to be a secret!”

Spike suddenly became angry. “So- -so it really happened! YOU brought Rarity back to life! You- -you monster!”

“What? No! Spike, Rarity’s not dead! It was a misprint in the paper, it’s her mane- -”

Twilight suddenly began shivering, and Spike glowered at Starlight. “I don’t have time for this. I have to get her inside. She’s a mess. You, just stay away from her. It’s bad enough she got burned at the stake, and now you’re talking about Rarity too?” He picked up Twilight and helped her stumble toward the castle door. “Why is it that I have to be the only responsible one here?” he grumbled to himself.

Starlight watched her go, as did Trixie. “Darn,” said Trixie. “We should have left earlier. I totally had some really good burns for her. Like, how her magic is so much weaker than that of the Great and Powerful- -”

“Yeah. No. This isn’t going to end well. We should probably get out of here.”

“Why?”

“Trust me. I’m an expert in grudges. Besides, we have stuff to do.”

“But I already got my stomach pumped…”

“Not that. Spike’s right. Twilight’s out of commission. So we need to do this ourselves.”

Trixie groaned. “Do we have to?”

“You can stay here if you want.” Starlight pushed past Trixie. “We need to find whoever made this ad. Figure out what happened.”

Trixie paused as Starlight walked away, and looked up at the castle. “Fine!” she moaned, turning to follow Starlight. “I can’t stay here. Twilight’s just going to make me depressed with all that stupid crying. Sweet Celestia, you think the Princess of Friendship wouldn’t be so selfish!”

Comments

[Ri2]

Trixie, go die in a fire.